My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Santa Shockers

What, the angry Santas on Monday didn't scare your kids straight? Ok, new game plan: we'll show them how disappointed the big guy is when they shove Crayons up little Austin's nose.

"They did what?!?"

That's right, children: kids who misbehave turn Santa's smile upside down.

Kind of like Wreckerators.
(Although Wreckerators do it more literally.)

In fact, boys and girls, your naughty antics could cause dear Old Saint Nick's mascara to run:

And do you really want to be responsible for that? Huh? Do you?

Here's another reaction you don't want from Santa come gift-giving time:

And you thought no one knew about the hamster incident.

So to sum up, remember, kids: Santa works on the reward system. Minor offenses = mild dismay:

Whereas major offenses, on the other hand...

[wincing] Oooh, not good.

Yes, Santa's cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding:

you are SO not getting another flame thrower this year.

Careful now, Perry, Lacey M., Ray D., Heather I., Tara B., & Erica L.; I hear wallpaper is flammable. Not that I would know, of course; that's just what I hear.

- Related Wreckage: Totally Cheating

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Reader Comments (113)

That last one is really scary. He looks dead.

Who could possibly eat that much green icing on the CCC? That's gross. Imagine the poo...

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Good Morning Jen. Just wanted to thank you for helping me to get out of bed this morning. =)Knowing your posts will be up at 9:30 (6:30 my time) every day makes you a fantastic alarm clock. =)


December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKirstie Rulka

You don't want to see Santa when he gets angry (The Hulk Santa anyone?

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Santa #5 appears to have eaten WAY too many of the reindeers' carrots...

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNYCGirl

I've totally forgotten what Santa really looks like...guess i'm ready to start decorating!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPaulina C

The "mild dismay" one kinda looks like a Veggie Tales minor character.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

One major guffaw for quoting The Haunted Mansion ride from Disney World!

WV: hisabox: it contains your junk. nuff said.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The second one looks more like the Grinch.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie of Blue Gables

Poor Ghost Santa. And the hideous green-cupcake monstrosity is... wow. It even has flesh-coloured bits surrounding the edges of the plastic parts, but the decorator couldn't match 'em so didn't even try.

At least the upside-down-heart-shaped cake isn't too offensively drowned in frosting. It just looks like Santa's got a major butt-chin.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOphelia

Santa #2 looks a little green around the gills.

Maybe he ate too much yellow snow man cake yesterday.

WV: enslib. I walked out the door enslib on the ice.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Second Santa's either deathly ill, or else auditioning for Wicked, standing against a backdrop of the Emerald City. No one ever asks Santa if he really likes his job, you know.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Love the reference to Disney's Haunted Mansion! ;)

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Who knew that subpar decorators could be so emotive with frosting?

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

They are all scary, but the green one is hideous! Since when is Santa green? His terrible expression may be due to the fact that he has realized that the baker put the nose/mouth/mustache combo upside down.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKim

I want the camouflage Santa - I always wondered how he watched without being seen!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

I LOVE that they put that santa's nose and mouth on upside down! Really people! So simple and you still mess it up!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLucky Larson's

During the holidays it is just too time consuming to change/clean decorating tips. tip on (beard), star tip off (poo nose), star tip on (scary whites of eyes), star tip off (frightening irises), star tip on (large zits or are they checks) star tip off (schmear mouth) etc. Ah yes, that'll do!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterReceptionist Row

The second one must be the Grinch.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last one looks like Mr. Bill....oh noooooo...

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

BWAH HAHAHAHAHA...the last one. Bahahaha, somebody hired a goth in the bakery. One who has had it with the whole holiday thing and is feeling disgruntled. One who decided "Grar! They want another Santa? I'll give 'em another freakin Santa! Here, have some whiteface, eyeliner from hell, and black lipstick! Rar!"

You know, this could have easily been one of my friends, except when she actually worked in the grocery deli/bakery it was like...4 years ago, I think.

wv: enowe. "That's enowe whiteface, you are gonna look like a clown!"

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

God these put in the holiday mood! Your next book has to be all holiday wrecks!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

Haunted Mansion reference for the win! I check this site out daily not only for the cakes, but to see my inner geekdom rewarded...

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

The CCC wreck, second on the list, made me think of the Harry Potter movie Goblet of Fire—when Harry and the others are in the big maze at the end and the hedges begin creeping around you, sucking you in and sucking your soul. I think that's what's happening to this Santa!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

I think Santa #5's dismay has as much to do with his orange spray tan as with little Bobby's misbehavior.

WV: eversori - what you'll be if you scare a child with one of these cakes.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Luxuries

Hamster-incident Santa looks like that big pink Santa a few posts back...

Like they took a Valentines-day leftover heart-shaped cookie/cake and wreckorated it into a Santa.
(The other mental image is not really suitable for children)

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTaross

That last Santa looked like he just stepped off "Mr. Bill's Christmas Special"! TOO FUNNY!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenniffer

What is with using the upside down heart pans to make a face? It doesn't even *almost* work. It just looks terrible, and it looks like a big butt. Just go with the round pans, please. Pretty, please.

And I'm confused by the frown on #2. It's obviously put on right b/c of the nose. So, under what circumstances would that have been an appropriate face to use? I'm very confused by that particular set of plastic bits. If you cover the mouth, the eyes could look cheerful when paired with a big smile. But with the frown? He looks DEVASTATED. Is this the mormon santa catching someone playing with his little factory?

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Wow...Thanks for the funnies this morning! Just the thing to pick me up before I head into my o-chem final this morning. :D

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLindz

Well, now we know what the love child of Santa, the grinch, and Sponge Bob would look like.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Maybe the last one is trying to be Jack Skellington Santa. Still a wreck, IMHO, but at least that would account for the skin color and skull-like appearance.

and hamster incident = just wrong. Funny. But just...wrong.

WV: scaling. No fair, I got a real word!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

That last santa kinda resembles my expression right now as I'm looking at these critters and my coffee still dripping out the filter.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

The second one - why can't any of those bakers put Santa's nose-beard-mouth on the correct way? Is it that hard to figure out?

The last one scared me. Yikes!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlbatross

That Santa on the green CCC looks like he's very dismayed that he's being sucked into a puddle of slime.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Is the orange one a leftover football cake? The last one sure looks like a leftover ghost or skull cake from Halloween.

And what's with all the upside down hearts? Though I guess if the alternative is a CCC, I will stop complaining.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeftWingLock

You know, nothing screams "Santa" like an upside-down heart-shaped cake pan.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne :-)

I think the Dia de los Muertos Santa was supposed to be a snowman dressed as Santa, but it really needs a carrot nose for that effect. Preferably not with a mohawked baby.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

The last one reminds me of the reaction to the lyrics for the filk* song "Murderous Little Toy" (lyrics can be found here -

*Not a typo. At least anymore -

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLady QKat

Took me a minute, but the upside down smile kills me!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

Calvin and Hobbes references? Awesome!!!!!!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I particularly love the orange easter egg Santa. Way to combine holidays! And how about the last one? I assume it's Santa as a bloated poodle? Or perhaps Humpty Dumpty posing as Santa?

But what in the name of all things unholy is that green cupcake monstrosity doing? It looks like retroactive slime that spawned a Santa face. Watch out kids, Santa causes cancer!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterandygirl

Kudos to the creator of the last Santa cake for trying to make him look livelier-- by putting on the tiniest hint of pink cheeks. Bravo!

If it turns out that Santa, er, didn't make it through the year, I would think the North Pole cold would act as a better preservative than this.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJimmy

LOL. The green santa... hmm a little scary. I don't know if a child would pick up on it, since it's a fun green color! Funny post. Thanks.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLevinson Axelrod

You seem to be still doing a tour of sorts, Jen.

Is there any chance you'd get up cozy with TN?

W.V.: Stroppe! v. (strahp or strohp) slang Usually command. 1. A stuttered call of a wreck watcher to the designing of a wreckreator. 2. A mispronounced though still effective call of grief that something atrocious in nature should be halted immediately.

On encountering another wrecked cake Green let out a strangled cry, "Stroppe! I can't take any more!"

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterE.M. Green

awwww, the mascara santa is SO cute!!! ... which is kind of weird.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDawn

I always enjoy your posts. However, are rows of cupcakes linked together by icing really to be considered a cake?

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRichard Lindberg

Toxic green and orange frosting just SCREAMS Christmas to me.

Well, actually, I'm the one doing the screaming. "RUN AWAY!!"

The last one looks like an attempt at Jack from 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'. If that's what they were going for, it's fair to middling. If not, yeeeeesh.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

Oh, missed a primo chance at a Calvin & Hobbes reference.

The noodle incident.

WV "docke." As in "I docke you geek points for passing up a righteous Calvin & Hobbes reference."

Kidding, of course. I don't know how you manage to consistently bring the funny every day. You often bring me to tears of laughter.

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarolyn

On the green cupcakes, what's with the stupid bows? And why are there only three on each side even though there are four rows of cupcakes? Were they afraid of overdoing the decorating?

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Poor Santa! What did he do to deserve such treatment?

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPam Walter

The 5th and 6th ones look like they could be rough drafts of VeggieTales santas!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJanelle

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