Santa Auditions
"Thank you all for coming to the Punxsutawney Mall Santa Auditions! We're here to find a special Santa 'stand-in' [winkwink] to take pictures with the kids this weekend. So, let's bring you in one by one, and have you give us your very best Santa greeting! Ok? Ok!
"First contestant, you're up!"
"ARR! Marrrrry Christmas, ye landlubbers!"
"Um...sorry, but I think we're looking for someone just a little more traditional. Next, please!"
"Bark! Bark bark bark bark!!"
"I'm confused. Are you a dog or a seal?"
"Not really sure, love, but look! I can throw things in the air!"
"Next!"
"Merry frickin' Christmas."
"Oh, my, is that really a proper Santa attitude?"
"Lady, quit screaming. Santa's head is KILLING him."
"NEXT!!"
"How much for the women?"
"NEXT!!"
[growling]
"Ohhh kaaaay. I'm going to back away slowly now.
"Well, that's everyone, so I guess we'll just have to go with Mrs. Claus again this year. That ok with you, Mrs. Claus?
"Mrs. Claus?"
[ .... ]
"Look, I know you're great with the kids, but maybe you could consider, you know, talking once in a while."
[ .... ]
"Or blinking."
Thanks to Nick K., Michelle C., Laura C., Kim P., Sarah M., & Katie C. for the Silent Fright.
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P.S. See this weird looking gizmo?
Ever since I bought one 2 years ago every friend who's tried it has turned into a puddle of goo, and refused to move 'til it shut off. Its biggest fans are our Disney puppeteer friends; people using and wrecking muscles most of us don't even know we have. I keep buying more of these as gifts!
This massager can actually bruise if you're not careful; it's got serious power for even rock-hard knots, and with a little contorting you can reach your entire back. (I hold it diagonally to get below the shoulder blades, and around my waist for the lower back.) So hey, if December's left you beat up this year, give this baby a try!
******
And from my other blog, Epbot:
