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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Mar192009

They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha Haa!

Ho ho, heehee, haha, they're coming to take me away!!!

I'm not sure what these things are supposed to be, but they've been popping up at bakeries all across the U.S. lately. Could the carrot jockeys have some competition on their hands?

"Soon, your race of sugar-craving giant sloths shall be OURS. Thaaat's right, we're cute, aren't we? You want to take us hooome, and show us all your financial staaaatements."

These guys are going less for "cute" and more for "mortal terror":

"The claaaaaw! The claw will choose who will go, who will stay, and who will have his or her face rearranged."

Look, they even have a naval division:

"We're Popped-Eyes, the sailor blobs,
We're Popped-Eyes, the sailor blobs,
You won't want to finish,
'Cuz we taste like spinach,
We're Popped-Eyes the sailor blobs!"

Nancy H., Bridget D., Siiri L. & Heather K., I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats. Really.

(Now we get to find out which of you were around in the 60s. Let the age-determining comments begin!)

UPDATE: The general consensus seems to be these are "frog cakes". More info here.

UPDATE UPDATE: No, they're not supposed to be Bob from Monsters vs Aliens. What, you think I would miss a kids' movie tie-in? Give me a little credit, eh?

« First Impressions | Main | Carrot Jockeys Make Excellent Ground Troops »

Reader Comments (268)

Shrek turds?

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpoonamelesscat

I hate to admit this, but the sailor blobs cracked me up so much that snot came out of my nose. Maybe they should make a cake about THAT! Anyway, that is the ultimate compliment, I laughed so hard, my nose ran. Thanks for the laughs!

Oh yeah, I was born in '73 and i know all about the nice young men in their clean white coats..

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlabdogs42

oh wow. i thought i was one of only four people who knew that song existed. i was sorta starting to think it was a figment of my imagination from childhood, but this proves it.

oh, the memories of mom singing in her demonically looney voice:

they're coming to take me away, haa ha, hee hee, hoo hoo,
to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time,
and i'll be so happy to see those men in white suits...

or something like that.

and that popeye parody was genius.

-kate

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterk8lynr

Haha HoHo HaHa HeeHee to the funny farm!

What ARE those?! They don't look like anything I want to actually EAT!

In Munich they make something that looks like those, but they're super-soft marshmallows, covered in dark chocolate. Mmmmm...now THAT I want to eat.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am a child of the 80's but I know that song!

As for what is inside...if they are like the penguins in "Hello Cupcake" (which are very cute not creepy) then they are a cupcake with a half of a mini doughnut with a donut hole on top. Then covered with some frosting to fill in the holes and then dipped in melted frosting.

Now the green blobs made in mass...not cute but creepy, but that is always the case with lower end bakeries!

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersprauncey1

The second one looks or a little too phallic for my taste. Or maybe not.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

They are most definitely deformed second cousins twice removed to South Australian 'frog cakes'

http://www.balfours.com.au/html/frog_cake.html

or from our friends over at WIkipedia...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frog_cake

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterambiguous.miss

It's obvious -- they're Bunchies. (Google it. The horror...)

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEmi

"...where life is beautiful ALL the time..."
Oh Rhino Records :)

Zealots.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChickenBetty

Oh my gross. Who in the world could possibly find those things appetizing? (Pre-teen boys, I'm guessing... Them, and no-one else.)

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichael

HAHA!! I think the jockeys do have competition now!

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Moffitt

To the funny farm!! Love that song!

I cant help but think that maybe they are trying to tie these little guys into the new movie Monsters vs. Aliens... there is a cute little blob guy on there

ROYALTY

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterROYALTY

I could not bite that thing's head off if you paid me...well, depending on how MUCH exactly, but you know what I mean.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Reminds me of the characters that used to emerge from the trapdoor - an ace childrens program from the 80's: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Trap_Door

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterClothcat

Soylent green cupcakes!

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTruly Hideous Gifts

um...which song is everybody referring to? popeye? from the comments, i get the feeling there's an inside joke here i'm missing....

the ones in the second picture look a lot like Grimace (of Ronald McDonald and friends) but in different colors. Aaaaand your "popped-eye the sailor blobs" song made me giggle.

yeah...what are these things?

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

I love the sailor hats, they are mega cute....but what's wearing them, not so much. :)

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn J

I loved that song when I was a kid... What does that say about me that other people are creeped out by it?

WV: dessees--oddly conincidental, considering I am have been studying diseases for the past 24 hours. ooooEEEEooooo

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

Hahahaha. I know that song cuz my mother sang it for me as a child, and she grew up in the '50s and '60s. :)

Those things are disturbing. The colorful ones kinda remind me of the sea-worm things that Ursula turned the mermaids into in The Little Mermaid.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScraps

Yike! Why would they sell such ugly things? Third photo is worst.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterI Love Baby Quilts!

It's also a check on who owns the Dr Demento collection :)
Those are truly bizarre cake critters!

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZil

At first I thought some of them looked like characters from Monster vs. Aliens, but they'd need just one eye to be Bob.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterslycreations

"They're coming to take me away to the funny farm where birds sing and flowers grow..."

I love that song!

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin

um, ok, I will bite (not those blobs though!) I remember listening to that song by Napoleon XIV on 8 track.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjayce04

@MaryJack--the do look like the singing sewer slugs!! The second ones, anyway. The rest of them are just.... yech.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBuffy

They're phallic... or their like LGM's from Toy Story.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

the first ones look like cake versions of Peeps, the second and third are just a big ole' messy, and i think the last one is definitely supposed to be Bob from monsters vs aliens.

i don't believe i would eat any of them. ick.


also, in my experience, more people DO know "they're coming to take me away" than DON'T. perhaps i hang with a particularly crazy crowd?

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMia

Ah, these are Sugardudes from the La Delice Bakery on 3rd Ave & 25th St in NYC...I think they're more meant for decoration than eating.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGoggla

I guessing the idea came from the chocolate dipped cones at Dairy Queen!

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I cooked your food, I cleaned your house and this his how you pay me back for all my kind, unselfish, loving deeds??!! HA!
Well, you just wait, I'll make you eat some of those odd, peculiar, strange and bad, bad blobs of cake!
And... They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa......

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

You guys are giving the bakery near me way too much credit. I submitted the last one in the photo and it was taken over a week ago with the sign of St. Patty's Traditional Little Green Guys

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Another Dr. D fan here; this was our geek anthem in HS...I just quoted that song not to long ago

We have similar cupcakes in our bakeries but they usually are a better representation of Cookie Monster or Elmo

wv - apster...a non-drowsy music sharing site?

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterphillygirl64

I think they're the Slurms from Eureeka's Castle.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMing Tea

I'm not sure about the others, but the ones in the second picture must be "NERDS," they look a lot like the cartoony little critters on the Nerds candy box!

And I'm sure they'd turn your mouth colors just like the Nerds candy too!

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie

I wasn't around in the 60s, but my dad likes to sing that song on occasion. Knowing him, he probably gets most of the lyrics wrong, but I did recognize it in this post. (Never knew that it was an actual hit song though. Thanks for the Wiki link!)

The green ones might be failed attempts at frogs. My family's favorite local bakery does frog petit fours on occasion. They have kind of a similar shape, but they're actually recognizable as cute froggies. (Tasty froggies, if you like frosting. Which I do.)

I have no idea about the technicolor ones.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElectrogirl

Are only oldsters supposed to know the song? I was born in '90, but I know the song (you mangy mutt).

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMisty

I kinda like the last ones. They are cute in an ugly sorta way.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoeaddict

lol (with not at) Teresa "Maybe I'm sick, but something about the first set reminds me of male genitals."

If this is the case I don't think you are the one that is sick, I think some guy you know really needs to see a doctor.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGossip Bunny

http://www.monstersvsaliens.com/

It's from a new movie coming out in a week.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJ. Barrack Schofield

Those are just weird.
~Amy B.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I LOVE the third one!! The first thing I thought of was Toy Story...and then you made the exact same comment that I was thinking in my head!! Too funny!

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelli

I think they look lie they adipose from Dr. Who.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Doctor_Who_monsters_and_aliens#Adipose

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTameson

I have to admit, if they had one eye, and were blue, they'd make much more sense.

But then again, if they had one eye and one horn, and were purple, that would make them funnier.

Some of the photos look like they're circle brownies with a marshmallow on top, dipped in colored chocolate... but WHY green? Could we pick a more appetizing color, please?

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterManda

@not a sixties kid...
Get on iTunes and do a search for "Napoleon's Ghost". The song is called "They're Coming to Take Me Away Ha! Haa!"

I'm an 80's kid, but I'll never forget my dad gleefully singing this at the top of his lungs at random moments.

I think that's why I need therapy now.

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRedd

Oh, and I thought the first ones were giant green noses. Yes, it is allergy season for me, why do you ask?

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRedd

I am definitely a product of the '80s and have never heard of this song but I found it on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzHtm1jhL4

It kind of freaks me out.....

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I immediately thought of the "smooze" from the My Little Pony Movie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iefF9SS5yM

What can I say, 80s kid. :P

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSophie

When I was a kid, the local bakery made "frogs" for St. Patrick's day - which are pretty much what the green blobs looked like, only better. My birthday is March 15th, so my aunt would buy "frogs" for the family. My older brother never ate his, we just thought it was because he wasn't much of a sweets person. Last year, he reavealed it was because of the brains in the frog. The base was yellow cupcake, topped with pink cream (later pink marshmallow), then covered with green fondant, with the face piped on. He said they gave him nightmares, and my aunt bought these for like, 15 years. I thought they were the best things ever!!

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwenzday18@hotmail.com

They can't be Monsters vs Aliens because I saw some of these on a trip to NYC several years ago. It's got to be from a cookbook that all bakeries secretly have but pretend they made it up themselves. like the clip-art of cupcakes?

March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteraquabun

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