Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Mar202009

First Impressions

My issues with baby shower cakes are well-documented. And while I don't plan to have kids myself, I know that the whole if/when/how many thing on the kid-front is a huge, life-changing decision.

So on behalf of myself and childless women everywhere, I'd just like to say the following.

Attention Baby Shower Cake Creators:
You're SO Not Helping.

Seriously, would YOU want to give birth after seeing this cake?


Helen S., I can't tell if that's mom's front or backside, but either way I think I'd be shoving the sucker back in.

Not that showing the (anatomically) correct egress is any better, though:


Egads! I've heard of childbirth making your legs feel all rubbery, Greg C., but this is just ridiculous. Plus, I thought that the First Censored Cake Wreck would dissuade this kind of thing. Well hellooo, backfire!

I mean it, ladies: stop with the fondant genitalia on shower cakes already! Yeesh, it's bad enough seeing it in all of your "Check Out this Hi-LAR-ious Wreck from Master Bakers!" e-mails. [shudder] Nightmares, folks: I have them*.

Now, if you really want to give me a little pick-me-up (IF ya know whadda mean) why not send over some Trekkie goodness of the Vulcan variety? Or heck, I'll even take McCoy - or Sheppard or McKay, while we're on the geek streak. Just make sure they're tastefully done. So, you know, in lots of chocolate. [eyebrow waggle]

*Speaking of which, if you're not subscribed to my Twitter feed you missed out on some ripe hilarity of the "Jen's-too-naive-to-know-what-this-naughty-word-means" yesterday. Check it out, if you dare....

UPDATE: Hey, commenters! If you're referencing my Twitter debacle, please don't use the "naughty" word, ok? A lot of kids read this site, and we don't need them Googling it. Thanks!

« Shirking my Shirtly Duties | Main | They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha Haa! »

Reader Comments (124)

Carrie6583 at gmail.com if you wanna tell me what it is - I have a very vague thought but as gross as you're saying it is - well I don't still don't get it.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

I see nothing wrong with Jen censoring whatever parts she wishes to censor. Every day, I read posts that say, ...my six-year-old thought it was a..." etc. This blog isn't a democracy; it's an expression of Jen's world "cake" view. It's also one of the best blogs, ever!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentereilbeback

Having given birth to two children, I can state that neither time was anything like those two cakes.

What the heck is wrong with cute little flowers or a baby carriage on a cake?

Why are people expected to eat babies or women in the process of giving birth?

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHollasa

I think this is probably meant to represent a caesarian, but I could be horribly wrong. It is pretty horrid-looking.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwrittenwyrdd

Eeeeew! Those should be shown in sex education classes.It could bring down the rate of teen pregnancy.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRegina

I'm also stumped on the claddagh - will someone please fill me in? The curiosity is killing me!! bekahrotert@gmail.com

Thanks!!!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBekah

Good god, you anonymous attackers are annoying. First off it's not your blog it's Jen's blog and I think that means she can run it as she sees fit. Secondly she chose to keep it as clean as possible because there's a fair number of kids that look at CW every day.
I could frankly give a flying flip if I see icing nipples but it's her executive decision to keep Cakewrecks as friendly as it can be for all ages. If you don't like it you don't have to look at it and you certainly don't have to comment on it with your scathing but misguided rhetoric.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie again

Add me to the mind like driven snow club as well. I have no idea what the crap is wrong with it.
If you wanna e-mail me, I would love it! I hate being dumb!
Meichelle_w@hotmail.com

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeichelle

I guess the legs of rubber is why we needed to see the second one again? It really is just identical to Olivia's lovely entry (or exti as the case may be). As for the first... I just HOPE that's her belly button and it's just some abstract representation.... cuz otherwise I might have to hurl.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMalMal

I wouldn't be shoving it back, I'd be calling Sigourney Weaver.

It does remind me of what I thought for a while as a kid. I knew where babies grew before they were born, but I didn't know how they got out. I figured that the mother must have a little door on her back that opened up and the baby fell out, kind of like the battery compartment on the back of some talking doll I had.

When I tell this to women who have had kids, they usually say something like, "if only!"

And you guys, it took me a while to figure out what the Twitter was about, but then I realized what it was people thought that looked like. It is a photograph that's been circulating on the net for years. It's kind of like the sheila-na-gig someone else linked, which is more or less my initial reaction to that cake (the sheila-na-gig is borderline NSFW, but you may get away with it because it's traditional art). See also Georgia O'Keefe's orchid paintings and what people have thought those look like.
But the thing Twittered about is worse and definitely, definitely, extremely NSFW. I really mean that. I hate saying this because I know it will only make people want to see it even more, but I promise, seeing will not really make it better, just worse in a different way. It's true, it cannot be unseen.

If you must, go find the entry "List of Internet Phenomena" on Wikipedia - it's included in that list. But don't do it at work. Really.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Never mind. Got it. Wow. That is dirty. Way dirty.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeichelle

You know, I was just reminded of another thing... a friend of mine was "graduating" from an OB rotation and found... honestly... vagina-shaped cupcake molds for her party. I never saw the resulting cup cakes, and I'm pretty happy about that....

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMalMal2

After being a longtime reader, I am pretty sure your plan to not have children stems from the fear of cake wrecky good(bad?)ness that would be delivered to your house :)

Anyhow, I would be mortified by either of these two cakes. Scary. Wrong.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMallory

Lurked the Twitter, saw the cake and immediately thought of the evil it resembles :x Some things you really can't un-see.

and @ the anti-Puritan anonymous... when have you ever seen violence on Cake Wrecks? Your argument fails.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteram-tryg

Wait. Babies *don't* come out of belly buttons? Oh...

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkara

It's not just "make me want to never have kids," it's also "make me want to never eat cake again."

Ugh.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSKH

Ack, those are awful. The woman looks like a frog!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

I was still confused about the Claddagh when I started to post this comment...

And then something clicked.

The interesting thing is that if you've seen Stephen Colbert on the Today Show with Meredith or Whoopi with Leno talking about twitter, you'll realize how much I'm starting to associate the networking site with... things.

Pass me the bleach for my own eyes, Jen. Or someone teach me how to unsee.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterennie s.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! That's all I could think of when this monstrosity popped up on my screen. Hadn't even read anything yet. It's the bug-eyed baby from hell! It's demon possessed, I tell you!!! I mean, srsly! I am sooooo creeped out right now. Good thing I'm not planning on having kids for another couple of years. Might have to stay away from this site when we do decide to go for it!

For yet another round of naked fondant women giving birth. . .there are no words. Well, except owwww, when I look at those legs.

WV: barump - Fondant woman needs to cover her barump.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

I don't get the Claddagh cake. I'm not sure if I see something or not - everyone seems to be implying that it's obvious. Since it's not obvious to me, I guess I dont' see it.

What's with Cake #2's boobs being at neck level? I hate bridal/baby showers anyway. If anybody dared give me a cake like either of these...well, nobody better dare, that's all I gotta say on it.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

hummm it is bad enough that at Baby showers the experienced moms feel the need to share their most horrible birthing stories ever, now we have cakes chasing off future mothers too! sigh

perhaps it's a way to control the population. LOL!

My baby shower cake had a cute picture of Peter Rabbit (my baby's room theme) on it.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

Reminds me of a joke. A woman was at the hospital preparing to deliver and the nurse came in to check on her. As the nurse lifted the drape, out popped the baby! The baby looked at her and said "are you my daddy?" The nurse was shocked and went to get the doctor! The doctor lifted the drape, and out popped the baby! The baby looked at him and said "are you my daddy?" The doctor was amazed! He ran to get the father, saying "your baby is a genius!! He can talk already and he's asking for you!" So the father sat down at the foot of the bed and lifted the drape. Out popped the baby! The father's eyes moistened with tears of pride as the baby said "are you my daddy?" "Yes! I am your daddy!" The baby leaned over and began to hit his father repeatedly on the forehead, saying "well, this is what it's been like for the past 9 months. Now can I get some sleep?"

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNorkio

Holy Inappropriateness!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercottoncolors

That push baby push one...is that really a standard that is out there in cake world? I've seen it more than once...scary :S

Funny!! Thanks for the laughs! LOL!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSouthern Lady's Vintage

I'll have a McKay please, but not in chocolate as I don't like that - how about vanilla fudge? Mmmm... though I'm not sure I could actually eat him!!

As for the cakes - yeah, I'm with you on this. Totally freaking me out and making me very glad husband and I decided against having kids. *shudder*!!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeesa Perrie

Cakes are so disgusting....comments so hilarious...keep it up.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKathy

I think you're all over reacting.
I think the cakes are fun and funny. What better reason to have a funky cake than when you're about to crap out a baby?

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentervalary

mmmmm...Sheppard or McKay would be nice, but I probably would frame it i nstead of eating it.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea

Good...gosh. I've had three kids and I would be so disturbed receiving any of these. The sad thing about the second one is that it was so pretty underneath the naked chic. Plus, the boobs look so obviously like what a man would want his wife's boobs to look like, this cake was probably made by a man!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJohn and Sarah Sperry

I keep forgetting that not only do you have an awesome cake blog/sense of humor, but you're a not-so-closeted sci-fi fan! You'll appreciate this - my fiancee and I have semi-seriously talked about having two cakes at our reception, a 'normal' wedding cake and a cake of a stargate. And honestly, one of the things that keeps it from being a more serious topic is that after seeing what some of the cakes here look like, I shudder to think about what someone could do while trying to do a design as 'simple' as a large blue-swirled ring.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAleda

I think that baby on that first one is actually coming out of the belly button. Which, really, doesn't make it a whole lot better.

Either way, they're all just wrong!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRoxie

Okay, am I the only one thinking, "Aaaawww...sweet Renesmee!" to cake #1?

And cake #2, there's nothing sweet about that. Plech!!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Rubber legs on cake #2: You are in another dimension of pain at that point in childbirth, your legs could be in that wiggly place in the space/time continuum.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjanet2buns

I always said I would consider having a child if kids came out of the womb potty-trained, ambulatory and literate.

But I sure as heck wouldn't want one coming out with a passy in its mouth.

Holy crap!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScritzy

@Karen

ROFL spot on!!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Wow. The only thing that could top this level of weirdness is a C-section themed cake. With a lot of women now planning the birth of their child by opting for C-sections..we might want to keep that amongst ourselves so some crazed cake decorator doesn't run with it.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShannan

Oh yeah, thanks for speaking up for the "women who have no children but who must throw baby showers" contingent out there. I just threw one that banned games, alcohol flowed freely, and no cake decorations were allowed. Cheers!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJanelle

Hilarious!

Um, yeah and you're totally not alone... I have no idea why that cake is supposedly obscene, nor do I have any clue what the word is...?

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBec

Hmmm, a C section cake vs natural childbirth. Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry eeen-teresting.

*shakes head sadly*

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBarb

GAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! A CALL FOR ATLANTIS WRECKS!!!!

*bows down and worships the great Jen*

I am quivering in anticipation of the Star Trek/Stargate Wrecks.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFoxTrottinKate

I think the first one is a vagina. eww

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBridgette

mmmm, Ronan Dex on a cake. Yum!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hi,

The first one is quite funny, namely for the somewhat realistic textures and its composition.

Kind regards,

José

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJosé

I should know better than to eat while reading this blog.

*retch*


Oh, and to top it off, the Word Berification thingy I'm asked to type below says "whenis". Nice.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterchefgrace

@karen
haha! right on!

and i dont get the claddagh cake can anyone explain?

sevenmarie yahoo.com

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersevenmarie

o.0

That second cake is so similar to the earlier censored cake, could it possibly be a copy just for fun?

Because I could see one person thinking something that squicky was a good idea, but not two... <.<

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKate

can i just say...after a long day with home school kids...that coming here...and laughing just makes it all better.

thank you for your wit.

lauren

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarcel

Shannan said...
"...With a lot of women now planning the birth of their child by opting for C-sections..."
************************
WHAT? Are you really not kidding???
As in, serious???
WHAT? When did this happen? I had all three of mine by C-section, but it certainly wasn't something I "opted" for --they were all medical emergencies!
WHAT?- kind of doctor would agree to such a thing? (I'm picturing the AFLAK DUCK here!!)
And mainly--WHY?

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Since I've managed to recover somewhat from my teeny little snit over elective Caesarians, I will now proffer my humble opinion on these grand tributes to Motherhood.
Here it is:
I wouldn't have used little censoring rectangles to black out the realities of the miracle of childbirth on the "here it IS" cake. UH-uh.
I would have blacked out the whole nauseating cake--and I don't mean the photo. The real cake. Damn, it better taste good as a cake, because it sure is a *tasteless* display of grossosity.
Whatever happened to CLASS??
HUH? HUH??
HUH?????? =^??^=

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>