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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Mar202009

First Impressions

My issues with baby shower cakes are well-documented. And while I don't plan to have kids myself, I know that the whole if/when/how many thing on the kid-front is a huge, life-changing decision.

So on behalf of myself and childless women everywhere, I'd just like to say the following.

Attention Baby Shower Cake Creators:
You're SO Not Helping.

Seriously, would YOU want to give birth after seeing this cake?


Helen S., I can't tell if that's mom's front or backside, but either way I think I'd be shoving the sucker back in.

Not that showing the (anatomically) correct egress is any better, though:


Egads! I've heard of childbirth making your legs feel all rubbery, Greg C., but this is just ridiculous. Plus, I thought that the First Censored Cake Wreck would dissuade this kind of thing. Well hellooo, backfire!

I mean it, ladies: stop with the fondant genitalia on shower cakes already! Yeesh, it's bad enough seeing it in all of your "Check Out this Hi-LAR-ious Wreck from Master Bakers!" e-mails. [shudder] Nightmares, folks: I have them*.

Now, if you really want to give me a little pick-me-up (IF ya know whadda mean) why not send over some Trekkie goodness of the Vulcan variety? Or heck, I'll even take McCoy - or Sheppard or McKay, while we're on the geek streak. Just make sure they're tastefully done. So, you know, in lots of chocolate. [eyebrow waggle]

*Speaking of which, if you're not subscribed to my Twitter feed you missed out on some ripe hilarity of the "Jen's-too-naive-to-know-what-this-naughty-word-means" yesterday. Check it out, if you dare....

UPDATE: Hey, commenters! If you're referencing my Twitter debacle, please don't use the "naughty" word, ok? A lot of kids read this site, and we don't need them Googling it. Thanks!

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Reader Comments (122)

My 7 year old just asked if that first one was E.T.
Then she said, "Oh is this Cake Wrecks?"
LOL

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterApril

I didn't think I was living a sheltered life but apparently I am. What the hell is Sheil-na-gig supposed to be? Bronze age porn star perhaps?


wv..trini...as in Trini Lopez? I dunno I'm just stunned by the possibility of Sheil does County Cork on the adult dvd horizon.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

I think the designer should ditch the pacifier and have the baby biting through the umbilical cord...

March 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdeniselv

I would cry if that cake (or anything close to it) shows up at my baby shower!

March 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Wadman's

Where can I see the picture of the scond one? without the censoring? (ZOMG pastry breasts!!! Fear!!! Fear!!!!!!!11ONE!!!)

March 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertadpole

oh wow, gross. also--just a thought-- don't think of it as childless... think of it instead as child-free. :P

March 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAutumn

AUGH!!!! That first one.. just... AUGH!!!

wv: foofe.

These cakes aren't foofe like some, they're just frightening!

March 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJo Asakura

Man, those cakes are weird. Childbirth is a beautiful thing, but not on a cake...

And I figured out the twitter. Took me a while, though. At first I thought it was just because I have an innocent mind, but now I think it's because I repressed the original memory of when I saw the "thing" in question by accident a few years ago.

March 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterebidebby

I AM NEVER GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN NOW. Thank you so much for sharing.
EW!!!
People EAT these cakes?

March 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMe =

Jentry

The first cake reminded me of a German book that I have seen for children to explain to them the "birds and the bees". It is a touch graphic, so, you should look at it before you show your kids. But I do have to say that I was rolling on the floor laughing when I saw this. Even in you don't know German it is really funny!

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/babies/index.htm

March 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJentry M.

I actually think that the Connie cake is really funny :D

March 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Seriously, I was drinking when I saw that first cake and ALMOST spit my water out.

March 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

WOWWW!!! i gotta say the giving birth cake is the best cake i ever seen.

March 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The Claddagh cake is disturbing because the hands look real and it does look like a Sheela-na-gig. While I think they're very interesting, it's not something I want on a cake. The Claddagh rings are cool, because it's all a single color and the hands are a bit stylized.

The Alien baby- ewww. The nekkid woman one- ewww. Not that I dislike nekkid women, but that's just a little too... something. Birth and food ought not really mix.

I'd want a pretty cake, maybe a flower or some confetti, and a little inscription about expectant mom or something.

March 28, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkerry

deeply, deeply, deeply disturbing. i was happily eating an apple while scrolling through the posts and now i have just put my apple down!!

March 31, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlyndsay

Goatse?

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeniiro

GRAH.
Okay, you have now inspired me to drag myself out of my lurking.
I am going to say this not just because of the Sheppard and McKay yars, although that inspired it fully, but also for several other reasons (which I am too tired and/or lazy to post now): I LOVE YOU.
-hyperventilates-
Okay.
Okay.
By the way, although I haven't managed to get to a convention yet, I have a penchant for kilts and am in the process of making my own Goa'uld ribbon device, so I seem to be on the vague track heading towards the area of following in thy geeky footsteps. Unfortunately, because I am lazy, I only know two words of Klingon and they are both very rude indeed. But I'm working on it.
And now that I have sufficiently scared the Staazula out of you, I am going away now. Farewell.

July 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterE.

I feel sorry for the poor sap that had to eat the nude woman on the second one.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuwako

2nd one is kind of nice in it's own way I don't know why people censor this stuff, but I wouldn't want that presented to me as food for the same reason I think cakes that look like real babies are really messed up.

The first one is just disturbing & should've been the one to receive a totally black out censor. I mean LOOK at that thing! I am going to have nightmares now.

August 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

lol unbelieveable...thats funny, gross..and everything else in between. xx

October 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

HEY! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

WAIT A GOSH DARN MINUTE.

What do you mean "You'll even take McCoy" !?!?!

WHAT IN THE BLAZES!?

Yes, this absolutely calls for excessive capslocking! McCoy's the BEST ONE! BY FAR.

Yes, I'm talking about the original one. Didya think I was some darn pre-schooler who only started Trekkin' cuz of the new movie and it's pretty boys? No, I'm talkin' 'bout the glory of De Kelley here! (Although Urban did a good job, too. I'll give him that)

POINT IS: TEAM MCCOY! YEAH!(cue music)

(This message was approved by James T. Kirk)

February 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah K.

ahhhhhhhhh, my baby is ripping my way out of my stomach..... and now he's hit a pane of glass. seriously, why's he flat?

February 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterme

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