Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Apr032009

Fear Factor, CW Style

Eons ago when the show Fear Factor first came out, I discovered something about myself: I have an extremely sympathetic gag reflex. Yep. Show me a video of someone eating yak brains, and I want to...well, yak.

Imagine how much better the show would have been, though, if they'd substituted the following cakes for the gross foods challenge. It wouldn't have been that much easier on the contestants, and seeing their expressions when they got a pleasant surprise as opposed to a sticky/wriggly one would have been awesome.

Oh, and in case this intro hasn't been warning enough, guys, here's a tip: PUT THE FOOD DOWN. AND THE COFFEE. AND THAT PRICELESS MING DYNASTY VASE. (Dude, what are you doing carrying that around, anyway?)

First up, here's looking at ewe, kid.

Step right up! No need to be sheepish; this cake is a shear delight!

Eva G., for some reason the phrase "bubblegum tongue" from that John Mayer song keeps coming to mind. (And now every time you hear that song, you will think of this cake. That is my gift to you. [bowing])

Or if you'd prefer to live high on the hog, you can always pig out on this guy:


Looks like someone brought home the bacon. Hey Cattie P., way to ham it up!

Hey, where are you all going? I'm not done yet! Ok, ok, no more puns - promise.

This one looks kinda crunchy:

Stephanie N., I don't care how artistically done this sucker is - I'd still stomp on him in a pinch. (Assuming he was less than an inch long, of course. Otherwise, Jooooohhn!!!)

And lastly, let's finish up with a little seafood. (Although for some of you, this will mean seeing all the food you ate for breakfast.)


[lower lip trembling] Must. Keep. Swallowing.

From the short bursts of eye contact I was able to make with this guy before the dry heaving began, I think I decided it was a catfish. And as for those green things - well, it helps me to keep the bile at bay if I tell myself they're grapes. So we're going with that, ok, Joanna B.? Don't bother telling me they're fish eggs, or catfish brains, or the prepubescent larvae of a water-dwelling grindylow: honestly, I don't want to hear it.

« Gee, Ya Think? | Main | The Nose "No"s »

Reader Comments (164)

Ewwww. The catfish one, I thought those WERE grapes. I wondered why someone would put grapes on a fish cake, then I read your comments and... YUCK!

You know, that big head was shockingly detailed. If they could do that kind of work, why couldn't they make an apple instead of using a strawberry, hmm?

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

The last one actually made my bottom gurgle.

Grapes. Looks like grapes to me. I did not know fish eat grapes. Pretty purple fish, but as a cake? Ewww. No thanks.

And I count over 62 candles surrounding the lobster crunchy cake. Maybe they were going to smoke the cake? or broil it?

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

The goat head looks like it was smothered in paste. Which might appeal to a few six-year-old boys, I guess, but not to me.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

yuck, what are the sticks around the scorpion/ lobster?

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

that sheep.

will haunt me.

while i sleep.

i demand you pay for the psychological damage that has occurred as well as the body guard i will need every night to check under the bed to make sure it's not there.

waiting for me.

being all... no eyeballed and such.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

The catfish one is what nightmares are made of.

Ugh...

Elyse

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElyse Jones

There is nobody else on the face of the earth who can make me laugh this hard this early in the morning.

On with critique.

Holy cow those are ugly. I may never eat seafood again. At least not purple seafood.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDorci Harris

Hey all,

So being from the great state of Maine, I can tell y'all that lobsters don't have large, curving stinger tails.

This, my friends, is a scorpion.

eugh...

john

The sheep could be fun to put in somebody's bed...oh wait that was a horse, wasn't it?
The scorpion I absolutely hate having lived in the southwest my whole life. I really despise those little guys and this big one just makes my skin crawl.
As for the last one, it's funny you mention the grindylow because that's sort of how I pictured them...much like an ugly overgrown catfish.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

Wow, utterly revolting. I am very glad I haven't eaten breakfast yet. I have so many comments struggling to get out, but I cannot find the words. Or maybe that's just the bile surging up from my stomach....

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

What no horse heads in bed sheets. You set is incomplete Jen ;-S



WV: heenstr - a Teamster with a harelip

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

These are technically beautifully done (well, except for the chocolate pig...) cakes...but still.

I'm with you - I am going to choose to believe that the catfish is on a layer of grapes. That's what I choose to believe, and you can't make me change it. (bleh.)

My 10-year-old would give up a major internal organ for the scorpion cake, so I guess I can see that *someone* would order it (and it's gorgeous from an artistic standpoint..but a scorpion?).

I live in a country where they friggin eat calves' heads (tete de veau)...but for heaven's sake, it's all rolled so it looks like a roast, and it doesn't LOOK at you, so I truly cannot even begin to fathom WHY the sheep's head cake.

That's just wrong.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ovine or caprine?
The ruminate cake is still
Peerless and unmatched.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Are you even sure these are cakes??

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

By the way, thanks for making me aware of rickrolling. Had not heard of that before, and my life is much more complete now....

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

What? No Silence of the Lambs reference? Anyone?

"Do you still hear them Clarice?"

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

My 4-year-old is totally gonna love this posting. I'd have to say the fish was the only one that really grossed me out, even though none of them would be my choice for a cake.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFreedomFirst

Ok so I was thinking... "Hey, she has already done the skull thing." I scrolled down... "OMG its a SHEEP!" :O

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSwedenAnna

You're just lucky I hadn't eaten breakfast yet! That fishy one is gross!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

...Wow. That catfish gives a whole new meaning to the word "fishcake"! :D

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdelphinus-1800

The green things by the Catfish Cake are green tea tapioca pearls (:

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTom

I was like...these aren't THAT bad.

...and then...


gulp...the scorpion whatever that. THAT is when my coffee didn't go down so well.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpeewee

"prepubescent larvae of a water-dwelling grindylow"

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! only you could pull something like that off without batting an eyelash! i almost fell on the floor as salty, vibrating mush because i was crying-laughing so hard at that statement! you so totally rock, jen, love this site!!!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbunny

Mary had a little lamb-cake. It's head was white as fondant. hehehe. The first two actually don'tbother me too much. Yes, they are very odd and I wouldn't want to cut into them (cringe), but I mean they are kinda cute - in a way, without the tongue of course - if you leave them be. That scorpion on the other hand is nasty, and the fish. I don't even eat seafood, and get sick just thinking about it, so cake is not going to change my mind. Especially not that realistic.
I second the vote for grapes. I figured they were just green grapes...

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Dotson-Thomson

Okay, I woke up with a stomach flu, and felt icky enough, but that fish cake did me in. But I did laugh on my way to unload my breakfast, so, thanks... I think.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkevin

I LOVE the sheep's head! I actually ate sheep's head when I was in Namibia (the dish was called "smiley"), and it looked kind of like a broiled version of that cake. I may have to get a version of this cake for my next birthday!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

Ewwww!!! No tongues!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

funny story - totally not related to cake. i was visiting a turkish friend in germany and eating *breakfast* with their family. they brought out a few soups and so i thought i'd try them, not wanting to be ingracious. so, when i asked about the meat in one of the soups, i was told "schaf" (sheep). ok, i can deal with that. then, he said, "zunge". tongue. i almost lost it - upon further inspection, it really did look like sheep tongue, which is not AT ALL like your "bublegum" recreation here :)

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterneil

Yikes, why does the tip of the left side of the Catfish's tale look like a chicken's head to me? It's freaking me out!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMer

I'll give them kudos for artistic achievement, but I don't want to eat them.

Well, I could eat the first one. I have a strong stomach. I'm wary of the rest. I think that might be a goat's head instead of a sheep's head. You're not gonna love me for pointing this out --> But goat head is apparently a common dish in Namibia. It's even served in restaurants there.

In response to the comments about the fish and grapes, I'm thinking it's a reproduction of reproduction of a old painting. Something that was sold as an antique-looking painting to decorate your kitchen like this https://www.1st-art-gallery.com/Pierre-Dupuys/Basket-Of-Grapes.html

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Congratulations, Jen! You finally grossed me out with Catfish Cake! I have been witnessing the bizzarre and ugly (and laughing my butt off) every morning for quite some time. Never have I been scared to look at a cake twice. But that fish...blrg. Man...my gag cherry has been popped.

....And yet...I'm still laughing. Have you ever heard someone gag and laugh simultaneously?

Love the site, love your commentary!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Seriously? I NEVER thought a picture of a cake would ever make my stomach turn... The first 3 I was completely able to handle... But that nasty catfish on the bottom? Uhhhhhhh.... I almost had a cleanup on aisle 3! GROOOOSSSS!

DK

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKritterBugg

I used to have tiny catfish in my aquarium that spawned all the time... so I instantly recognized the last cake. =] It's a gross topic for a cake, but it makes me miss the little fish babies I managed to save (before their parents ate them) and raise to adulthood. *sigh*

And I agree with Maria, it might not be all that gross, but that sheep head is CREEPY.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

I was so amused to find a cake made by one of my friends was posted here this morning! I can vouch for Tom by saying the green things surrounding the catfish cake are, indeed, green tea tapioca pearls.
She also made some unsettlingly realistic pig cakes which you can see here:
http://www.theconnoisseurs.com/piggycakes.html

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

I think the scorpion is kind of awesome, but then again I have a thing for arthropodst.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterXallanthia

I kinda like the fishy cake. That is unless it actually SMELLS fishy. That would just be gross.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

The catfish cake is what happens when noodlers have birthdays.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noodling
I can't tell myself those are grapes when I know they're roe!

Can you still hear them, Clarice? Too funny!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterI Love Baby Quilts!

All I have to say is WHY?!?!?!?! LOL.

WV: matchos - what needs to bet put to these cake-os. :P

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I could see the scorpion cake for someone whose zodiac sign is Scorpio (as mine is). In fact, I would kind of like it.

The catfish one though - erk.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

Technically they are all good. It's just the chosen real life counterpart that's not cake compatible

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMella

I dunno. That scorpion is actually kinda rad to me.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSaiyavenger

The catfish was created by the artist Jennifer Lewis. She even molded the inside to resemble innards. Amazing!

http://www.theconnoisseurs.com/catfishcake.html

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDargus

Wow Jen, those were AWESOME! And thank you ever so much for making me think about the sheep head everytime I think of John Mayer, not just Body is a Wonderland.

I love this blog and I consitantly refer to it in everyday life now.

Autumn

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAutumnJade

Yeah. I feel that the scorpion is a beautiful piece of artwork that should never have been made into a cake. It's really amazingly sculpted, but I don't want to EAT it. Eep.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlunamorgan

oh, that catfish is vile!

I think they're all beautifully done, though it would be wierd to cut into them. But, then, I find beauty in unusual places.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarin Huber

The sheep head I can handle.

The fish and the scorpion...Not so much. Thanks.

I find it amusing that no one mentioned the pig's head...

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy C

Piggy was most likely made for a renaissance event.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

it's not often that I actually have to "quickly peek" at the cake before I scroll it madly across my screen and out of view (whilst averting my eyes). Catfish, you win that category.

blech.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterashleyalvina

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>