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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Apr032009

Fear Factor, CW Style

Eons ago when the show Fear Factor first came out, I discovered something about myself: I have an extremely sympathetic gag reflex. Yep. Show me a video of someone eating yak brains, and I want to...well, yak.

Imagine how much better the show would have been, though, if they'd substituted the following cakes for the gross foods challenge. It wouldn't have been that much easier on the contestants, and seeing their expressions when they got a pleasant surprise as opposed to a sticky/wriggly one would have been awesome.

Oh, and in case this intro hasn't been warning enough, guys, here's a tip: PUT THE FOOD DOWN. AND THE COFFEE. AND THAT PRICELESS MING DYNASTY VASE. (Dude, what are you doing carrying that around, anyway?)

First up, here's looking at ewe, kid.

Step right up! No need to be sheepish; this cake is a shear delight!

Eva G., for some reason the phrase "bubblegum tongue" from that John Mayer song keeps coming to mind. (And now every time you hear that song, you will think of this cake. That is my gift to you. [bowing])

Or if you'd prefer to live high on the hog, you can always pig out on this guy:


Looks like someone brought home the bacon. Hey Cattie P., way to ham it up!

Hey, where are you all going? I'm not done yet! Ok, ok, no more puns - promise.

This one looks kinda crunchy:

Stephanie N., I don't care how artistically done this sucker is - I'd still stomp on him in a pinch. (Assuming he was less than an inch long, of course. Otherwise, Jooooohhn!!!)

And lastly, let's finish up with a little seafood. (Although for some of you, this will mean seeing all the food you ate for breakfast.)


[lower lip trembling] Must. Keep. Swallowing.

From the short bursts of eye contact I was able to make with this guy before the dry heaving began, I think I decided it was a catfish. And as for those green things - well, it helps me to keep the bile at bay if I tell myself they're grapes. So we're going with that, ok, Joanna B.? Don't bother telling me they're fish eggs, or catfish brains, or the prepubescent larvae of a water-dwelling grindylow: honestly, I don't want to hear it.

« Gee, Ya Think? | Main | The Nose "No"s »

Reader Comments (164)

What kind of plate is that under the sheep/goat head?

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Mer, I totally agree! The chicken head was the first thing I noticed on the last one. It took me a minute to see it was a catfish (catchickenfish?)

In a word. Ewwwwwwwwww.

WV: poodeade. I suppose that's better than pooalive.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPaul E

I would totally serve the sheep cake for a Saturnalia celebration. Provided, of course, there was a nice gooey raspberry filling....

wv: quota. I think we've now reached our quota on "cakes that make us want to hurl." Among the list are some of the cheeseburger cakes and shiny intestine cakes featured in the past, and now the nasty catfish cake. The fact that someone mentioned that the artist molded the insides to resemble fish innards, while impressive, just makes it worse....

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMalMal

What does it say about me that I wouldn't mind being served any of these cakes?

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJustin N.

NICOLE! EWWWW!!!
Why on earth did I click on that piggie link???? Why why why!? That not only looked realistic on the outside, but the internal about had be running to the bathroom! Who would EVER want that!?
Kudos on the realism though.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Dotson-Thomson

I totally agree with you on the scorpion! The artist did a fantastic job, but it's still a scorpion!! EEK!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterV. Nicharico

The sheep head...
I want to say at least it's well done, but the nostrils/etc look like they're from a horse, and sheep don't have completely black eyes, so it looks like a little-green-men version of a sheep. I'm pretty sure I recall them having irises and pupils, just like goats.
Not that realistic eyes would make it any more appetizing...

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I checked out the website provided for the catfish, sheep's head, and pig cakes, and although I commend the baker for her creativity and skills I still have to say this:

Why on earth would you try and make the vital organs on the inside as well?

Even with a strong stomach, my head still spun with the thought of cutting into a cake only to have the 'innards' spill out.

If you really want to gross 'em out, just put those photos on here as well... Blech!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersugarapplesweet

Oh gawd! I'm not sure I should be proud of having ate my lunch through the entire post without loosing it. But I'm thankful I finished before visiting the site with the catfish innards.

Grossness to the extreme!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjengersnap

Oh, the catfish is just totally gross. Ugh. No thank you! It looks more like sushi than a cake.

The lamb would be better with out the tongue. I've not seen alot of sheep walking around with their tongues hanging out. Maybe it's a Passover cake?
What do they do with sheep tongue at Passover..(thinking deeply)
~Amy B

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Honestly I thought yesterday's nose cakes were a lot grosser to look at than these. Well....except for the fish (*urp)

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

*screams*

Guh! Thank heavens my stomach is empty!

I'm not really fond of making cakes look gross and nasty. X( Have pretty and appetizing somehow gone out of style? :/

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Seriously, what is wrong with these people? Why would you do that to a cake, for crying out loud?

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thought the pig cake was kind of cute. At least he looks happy. I just can't get past the sheep head's cold dead eyes.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think that these cakes are more of the buyer's fault than the decorators... they're pretty well done, just a disturbing subject.

Blegh.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJess

I don't think the sheeps head could be a passover cake seeing as you can't EAT cake at passover...


no leavened bread...

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Ooohhh... stomach churning. That's no bueno.

I guess on the bright side, if I do hurl, maybe my boss'll let me go home early.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAJ

Stomach flu here too... it WAS getting better...

It takes a lot to gross me out, but like many other readers, that catfish did it for me. What was that you were saying about yakking?

Oh, and I personally LOVE your puns! Don't stop!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTornadoBaby

wow, that last one looks so realistic - i had to do a double take to determine it was cake. my MIL is chinese, so I'm used to seeing whole fish turn up for dinner whenever we visit, so this doesn't really gross me out too much...

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteraus_chick

Wow, those are all really impressive. I don't know why anyone ever request a head for a cake, but you have to admit, the bakers did a good job. Disturbing, yes, but technically successful.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

I think the noses were way grosser. Personal opinion.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIslandPearl

It's official, I'm a freak.

I LOVE these cakes. The piggy looks like it's made out of solid chocolate to me (I couldn't hate ANYTHING that's made out of solid chocolate) The scorpion is beautiful--I wouldn't mind having a little version of him to wear as a necklace. The detail on the catfish is amazing.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRedd

Odd that you should have cake #4 on. Yesterday I just checked a book out of the library called Your Inner Fish by Neil Shubin. So far it hasn't mentioned cake, though.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Yeah, the lobster/scorpion is kind of wild. Well done, though.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

The fish cake is just wrong!
By the way, I think it might actually be a monkfish.
If you go here: http://www.fishingkites.co.nz/newsletters/newsletter96.htm and scroll down to where it says "Strange fish", you'll see a picture of a monkfish. Frighteningly close to this cake...without the grapes.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFurry Kitchen

Hahahaha! What weird and random cakes. You've really got to wonder what the reasoning behind them is.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I actually would eat the scorpion cake...maybe the catfish. See, I have this rule that if there's something exotic on the menu and I haven't tried it and it isn't idiotically expensive or risky to my health...so, yeah. I'd eat those.

But the head cakes? Uh-uh. Brains are not on the list of things I'm willing to eat--not even cakey brains. I mean, how embarrassing to admit "I got Mad Cow disease from eating a cake shaped like a goat's head"...nope. I'll play it safe on those.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

I would have used buttercream on the sheep - aren't sheep meant to be fluffy rather than smooth?

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

so glad you told me to put my food down. disgusting!

there's one way to cut back on calories... ain't no way i'm finishing my turkey sandwich now.

:)

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Oh I like the piggy. He just looks so happy which is weird.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDani

YIKES!!!! I laughed at all of them, until I got to the last one, then I just wanted to puke. Like you, I barely was able to look @ it, but my first thought about the green balls was that they were supposed to be peas... either way, I remain squeamish/unsettled by that photo. If it were a real fish I don't even think it would have bothered me the way it does knowing that it's a CAKE!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVeronica

The scorpion cake is actually very nicely detailed. It would be a great figure in a scorpion museum.

And, to John (Jen's hubby), I very much appreciate your correct use of "y'all" instead of "ya'll". Bravo.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

[gag] WHY wou-[gag]-would anyone make [urp] such a [running off to the bathroom]...

Seriously. Sick. I have a "sympathetic gag reflex" too. For some reason it came up in conversation last night at my friend's birthday party, of all places. NOT because of a nasty catfish cake or scorpion cake...in fact, it had nothing to do with the cake at all.

They all look too real for comfort.

(Oh, and that "bubblegum tongue" line still makes me laugh. Good thing I never really cared for John Mayer to begin with.)

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

Ohhhhh, love the scorpion. And it DOES look crunchy...quite a feat for a cake.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStuffCooksWant

That's beyond disgusting! Those are cakes?! Why, for the love of Pete, would you give someone a cake like that?! The scorpion freaked me out, the sheep/goat was plain disturbing, the pig was in poor taste, but the fish! The fish gave me the heebie jeebies - a cake shaped like fish!

Oh, and is it just me, or does that goat/sheep's head is surrounded by some kind of gelatinous substance? ::shudders::

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwhateverfor

The green things are more likely to be peas. In a pinch, they could be olives.

WV: unchen -- I'm unchen over, ready to lose my lunch.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

If you're going to eat fish, just eat fish! Don't make a cake and pretend. Ick!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGiggles

Yummy. Not only did I eat my lunch while looking at these pictures, but I also went to the links that showed the other cakes that had been created and the insides of them. I have a *really* strong stomach and I'm game to try just about any kind of food once. The only thing that makes me ill is the smell and sound of someone vomiting so I'm glad this website isn't a full-sensory experience, otherwise I'd have been right there alongside the rest of you while you were getting ill.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That fish cake seriously makes me want to hurl all over my printer. The others, although slightly mortifying and reminiscent of Steel Magnolias, are pretty cool. I still probably wouldn't eat them in the fear that I would get a slice of guts though. I hope the cake isn't velvet inside.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZ's Wife

You couldn't stomp on the scorpion, he is surrounded by nails. Which is what I always ask for as trim for my scorpion cake!

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristi L.

This is the best fiction/horror blog. My respects to those people, Stephen King is a poor dumb.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlessandra

Seeing how I am almost 13 weeks pregnant....these cakes have officially gotten rid of any cake cravings I may have been having...even for the Pepperidge Farm cakes....

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Love the grindylow comment! So off the wall... Wonder how many people went out to google what a grindylow is :D

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDragonTears

That last one is absolutely, positively disgusting...and I think I may suffer PTSD symptoms from seeing it.

As for the scorpion one, also gross, but was that by any chance for someone whose sign is Scorpio? If so, I have to say that is pretty clever. Not nice to look at, but clever. And different.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterB^2

Maybe there's a reason the candles around the scorpion cake look like nails. Don't step on the nails and you won't step on Scorpio here.

The catfish cake has now caused me to have the song "Fish Heads" running through my brain. Gee, thanks a lot.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScritzy

Wow, this one is intense!

Strangely enough, I have to admit I am slightly enamored with the scorpion. It's magnificently done! Okay, maybe the - I'm assuming that's what it is - rusty sheet rock it's standing on could've been done better, but I really like that luminescent, golden shell this scorpion has. I would love to eat him. Also because that's about the closest I would ever get to eating bugs. And then I could tell myself I've kinda sorta had bugs at least once in my life and be all cool. LOL

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

EWWWWWWW okay all the heads were kind well yuck, the scorpion, oh heck no, yuck yuck yuck, but the slimy looking fish with eggs, BLECH
How could people eat those???

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Ellen

I also don't find these cakes at all disgusting. I mean, all of these things do get eaten somewhere in the world (maybe not scorpions, but you never know). Human body parts? Eeeuuch. Fish, sheep, pigs? Just funny.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSara

Oh, wow that catfish is Gross.

Word verification: tattede

as in I tattede on my little sister when she made me try to eat one of these cakes.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarolyn

I think you have just demonstrated a need for a whole new cakewreck category - "Cakes That Technically Aren't Wrecks But Make You Wonder Why The H*** Someone Wanted This In The First Place." You know, the CTTAWBMYWWTHSWTITFP category. Or maybe it could just be the "Who The H*** Ordered This?" (WTHOT) group?

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

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