My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Look Out, Germany

I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty much an expert on the German language. Yep. Two point five years of public high school German right heeere, playah! In fact, I would be saying all this "auf Deutsch," but I don't want to dazzle y'all with my

Anyway, I mention this because today's Wreck is so hilariously horrendous that I may have to lapse into German to adequately describe it.


Here goes:

Gross unpassend fliegend Fekalie-Kuchen!
Wo IST die Toiletin? Fahrvergnügen?
Ich bin ein Berliner!
Schnell! Schnell!

Ahem. Well, I think that gets the point across.

It should be noted that the cake was supposed to read, "Germany, HERE we come!" (Ah, those pesky, hilarity-inducing homonyms.)

Whether the cake was supposed to look like a baked poo souffle with a side of #2 nuggets, however, is anyone's guess. (Although I'm guessing "no.")

Hey, Sarah R., keep it down, will ya?

- Related Wreckage: Oh, It Sends a Message, Alright

Note from john: Since I don't sprecht Deutsch, I don't know what half of you are saying. Please, no clever Germanic cussing. There's probably at least one German kid that reads this blog. Dunker Shane.

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Reader Comments (234)

Wow... just wow! Hilarious!!


January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenniffer


Thanks for starting my day so well!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Lovely German. It translates to
"flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!" remind me to memorize that. ;P

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, wow. That could be bad. I hope it wasnt for a school trip... that parents would see...

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Un-stinkin'-believable. There are no words...

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWendyMom

I suspect this cake was not meant as a goodwill gesture; given as a gift, it could even be interpreted as a declaration of war.

I don't speak much German, but after reading that little bit, I suddenly feel like watching Hogan's Heroes. And I promise you, that's never happened before.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Besides the obvious poop, why are there shells? Is Germany known for its amazing beaches? -New to Naples

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

“Ach! Ein dis nacht, der bouncie-bouncie fraulein ist bin maken sum hottische liebenshoutin! Jawohl!”


WV: linscria. "Ach, du bist cleanen der linscria in der dryeren! Schnell!"

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

OK, I put the German comment into Babelfish and got this translation:

Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!

HAHAHAhahaah! That's hysterical! The only German I know are a few swear words my grandma taught me and all the words to "Silent Night." We had to learn that in the fourth grade, I had a massive asthma attack the night of the performance and never got to go, and I STILL know the dang words!

No matter what, your blog is wonderful. I've been telling everyone I know about it, and I enjoy reading and laughing about Cake Wrecks!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa

Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!

Your German teacher would be so proud.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDeDe

The babelfish translation is just as funny:

"Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the toilet? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!"

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor@MyOlderBrothers

OK, I went through two years of German in central Florida schools and I can only remember how to get to the bathroom and maybe to Publix (Supermarkt?).

In fact, I think that's all I learned when I took it. It was kind of an easy A class.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Crap, I posted my comment right before all the others showed up. Now I'm that commentor who said the same thing as everybody else!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor@MyOlderBrothers

No words- just a sound. 'cough'

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

And it still wouldn't be SO bad if I hadn't read "we" as "me"...

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!

I, too, got that for my translation. Haha. Love your blog!!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthe mouse

Hey guys,

Are you sure? What Jen meant to say was:

"My goodness! What a cake that is before my eyes so well and truly unpleasantness! I am without belief! Like a rotten weinerschnitzel. Beer! Beer!"



January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

Microsoft translates it even "better"??
Large improperly fliegend Fekalie cake! Calculator! Where is the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? I bin ein Berliner! Quick! Quick

Love it!


January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpastrytiff


pure. awesome.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Seashells and snowflakes!?

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDaniel and Tiffany Ward

All of Germany is to hear? Wow, that's ambitious. I usually satisfy myself by just scandalizing the neighbors.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

As a German major, I whole-heartedly love your German. AND when I read this cake I read, "Germany, hear me come" which I thought was cute because if you put a shell up to your ear you hear the ocean. But once I read what it was supposed to say, but didn't, I started saying things like 'blöde Kuh' (stupid cow) to my computer.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmslynn

Seeing as how my last name is Germany, I thought you were warning me personally about today's wreck :)!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBabsiegirl

History lesson time: "Ich bin ein Berliner" is a famous line spoken by JFK when he spoke in Berlin. Why is it famous? Because it DOESN'T translate to "I'm a Berliner." It translates to "I am a jelly doughnut." The proper translation for "I'm a Berliner/Citizen of Berlin" is "Ich bin Berliner."

FYI - the other tags are sort of translated as:
"large improper flying Fekalie-Cake" (not sure what Fekalie was)
"Where is the toilet?"
and of course, "Fast, fast!"
(Farhvergnugen is gibberish.)

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCharles

I think it's the shell patterned plate on the the snowflake tablecloth that really make this cake!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Am I the only one who thinks it kiiiinda looks like a sphincter? Or a cat-butt?

I see a missed opportunity. There is a perfect German word for this wreck (and strictly speaking, the blog in general):

I'm just sayin'

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

And yes, Tachenrechner is "calculator."

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCharles

"Germany, hear me come" makes sense if were said by an unrepentant practitioner of noisy sex while on vactation in Europe. I don't know why you would write it on a cake, though.

Just in case there's anyone in the world who hasn't heard this story: "Ich bin ein Berliner" (yes, "I am a citizen of Berlin") was John F. Kennedy's famous applause line when he spoke in West Berlin. Since then, it has become a popular joke, though, because "Ich bin ein Berliner" could also be translated as "I am a jelly-filled pastry."

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

P.S. I like the men in tights reference!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

What is the point of the "beach" decorations? That confuses me more than is "Ich bin eine Berliner translated to I'm a citizen of Berlin or I'm a doughnut?"

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~me

Is it that hard to write the right "here"? (I just had to double check what I wrote about four times to make sure it wasn't incorrect haha)

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

Is this what you were going for with "Fekalie-Kuchen?"

Fäkalienkuchen = Poop-Cake, more or less.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCharles

I, too, read "we" as "me" and therefore saw "Germany, hear me come."

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCount Mockula

My knowledge of German:

Booyah. "Hovercraft." That's right, hovercraft, hear me come.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJeremy

Doof bleibt doof, da helfen keine Pillen.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Right, I went the whole wrong direction with this. I mis-read the cake to say "Germany Hear me Come." Which, then, led to amusement thinking of what Jen's comments to a cake about someone warning a whole country of their sexual activity made me smile a WHOLE lot.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

According to Eddie Izzard (and if you don't know who he is - YouTube him - it's worth it), "Ich bin ein Berliner!" means "I am a jelly doughnut!" which is just as funny, or maybe more so...

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTracy O

That's OK, Jen. The stuff I know how to say in several languages isn't all that useful, but I just can't seem to let it go. Sometimes, this even applies to English.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I just want to know what decorating technique produces the fan-like quality of poopiness on the top of this cake. And I also want Jen to translate poopiness into German.

Great post as always!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterYogaGal in the NW

No no no you guys, "Ich bin ein Berliner" translates as "I am Spaceship Earth!"

Also - Anon at 9:38 - Declaration of war? AWESOME.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterabi

OK, more cultural information for the young:

"Fahrvergnügen was an advertising slogan used by the German automobile manufacturer Volkswagen in a 1989 U.S. ad campaign that included a stick figure driving a Volkswagen car."

Jen just spelled it wrong.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

honest to gosh, the first thing that popped into my lil ol' head:

meg ryan in when harry met sally.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

People of Berlin wouldn't usually call jelly doughnuts "Berliners". It's like if you're in Chicago, and want some "Chicago pizza".. it's just "pizza" there. :)

I LOL'd at "hear me come" though. Fantastic.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKevin R

Ich spreche auch ein bischen Deutsch! Ich glaube dass dieser Scheissekuchen macht die Engeln weinen.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJHill

The excitable comments only confirmed what was said on the cake. and what Miranda said. I laughed my head off...

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStella

Ahahaha. Awesome... and extremely ugly, all at the same time.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

If "used coffee filter" is the effect they were going for, the top of that cake is sheer mastery.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJill of Ark

Actually it's Toilette, Toiletin doesn't exist in German, or more basic Klo (=loo). And Fäkalie is not really in use in spoken German.
And I really enjoy your blog everyday. Here in Germany we don't have such a tradition in decorated cakes :-)

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenternachtgedanken

My 6 months of living in Germany is enough for this to give me the giggles without a faulty translator!

Wo ist de Toiletten, zwar!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSara

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