My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Look Out, Germany

I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty much an expert on the German language. Yep. Two point five years of public high school German right heeere, playah! In fact, I would be saying all this "auf Deutsch," but I don't want to dazzle y'all with my

Anyway, I mention this because today's Wreck is so hilariously horrendous that I may have to lapse into German to adequately describe it.


Here goes:


Gross unpassend fliegend Fekalie-Kuchen!

Wo IST die Toiletin? Fahrvergnügen?
Ich bin ein Berliner!
Schnell! Schnell!


Ahem. Well, I think that gets the point across.

It should be noted that the cake was supposed to read, "Germany, HERE we come!" (Ah, those pesky, hilarity-inducing homonyms.)

Whether the cake was supposed to look like a baked poo souffle with a side of #2 nuggets, however, is anyone's guess. (Although I'm guessing "no.")


Hey, Sarah R., keep it down, will ya?


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Reader Comments (63)

One image; Peter Boyle & Madeline Khan.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Ist das nicht ein Schnitzelbank? Ja, das ist ein Schnitzelbank.

Wohin geht Peter?
An den See.

Was tust du?
Ich übe Geige.
Bist du müde?

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Hallo aus Deutschland! Ich folge ihre Site seit Jahren. Sehr lustig wie immer. Anyone understand that? I said, "Hello from Germany. I am following your site for years. Very funny like always."

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBrigham

Ich weiß wenig Deutsch
Der Ring des Nibelungen
nur darum geht es

Germans celebrate Haiku week, too.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

The German dazzles.
Then the inscription spazzles.
The noise us frazzles.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

By die way, ist any one else buried unter zwei meter von ice?

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

German aside, I'm ashamed to admit that I thought the inscription read "Germany hear me come!" which is somehow a lot more disturbing.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBruce

I put it through google translate;!%0ATaschenrechner!!%0AWo%20IST%20die%20Toiletin%3F%20Fahrvergn%C3%BCgen%3F%0AIch%20bin%20ein%20Berliner!%20Schnell!%20Schnell!

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterenchantressbatrider

@SuBee: Ja, ja, die ice ich ge-frozen in Pittsburgh.
Mit schlag. (The only German I know, because it has to do with whipped cream.)
I'm insulted that the spell-check keeps wanting to change my flawless German skilz.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFM


February 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I laughed way harder at this than I probably should have.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Hey, Sarah R., you receiving that "crappy" cake has filled me with Schadenfreude.

(Just wanted to use the best, and almost only, German word I know.)

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKW

Pooh cake, misspelling,
The worst of it has to be:
Is that an anus?

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

When I visit my daughter in Berlin, she's constantly going "shhhhhh". Maybe it's a nod to how noisy we are in comparison to most Germans?

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterfairevergreen

Heilege scheaffer sheiza Fliedermaus Mensch!! (trans) Holy sheep s**t Bat Man!!

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjody

Ist das nicht ein verkorkste Kuchen?
Ja, das is ein verkorkste Kuchen!

Wenn Sie die Animaniacs gefallen:

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

A Sad Story

This was supposed to be Fledermaus’s celebratory cake. He was going to share it with his buddies after seducing the beautiful Pandora. He was after Die Büchse der Pandora. She told him, as did all the single ladies, “If you like it, put Der Ring des Nibelungen on it.” He, alas, sad, “Nein,” to which she then replied, “Die, Fledermaus.” She told her friends that he was too Faust for her.

The End

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNom D'Plume

@Bruce, I also thought it said "Hear me come."

What's making me laugh is that I've planned a trip to German in May for my son and me. We'll be staying with my sister. So I must go now and send this to her.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Ich Einstecken alle diese Kommentare in Google Translate!

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCyberjar88


February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFrankN.Stein

I wish I could remember more of my HS German. The only phrase I use regularly now is "Ich habe keine Idee."

Oh. And calling people a Spargelkopf.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

@Bruce - I thought it said "hear me come" too - celebrating a really great night with someone! Not worrying about thin walls there!

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

@ Bruce it DOES say "me" on the cake, but the cake was supposed to read "we"; ergo it is a cakewreck.
@ Sharyn, nonsense haiku in german, NICE!
@ SuBee, not anymore, we were buried down here, but now the rain washed it all away which is a good thing, the people of the "south" do not do snow very well.
Once again CW makes my day lighter and better than it was before. I love this site Jen and all the commenters as well, only the most twisted minds go here, which is the BEST part. These are MY people!

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPam

Reminds me of my German grandfather. He taught me how to play Rummy when I was little and every time he got a King he would yell "KINK!" His last name was Schmeling. Can you even GET much more German than that?

Two years of high school German here, too, Jen!

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I think because of the design on the plate, the cake has to do with seashells. I believe the design in the middle was mean to represent a bunch of jackknife shells. (
I used to collect seashells, (yes, by the seashore) so I recognized that attempt. However, the border is anyone's guess!

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Ach, du lieber Schreck! Ach du grüne Neune!
Und, Bruce, ich bin auch deiner Meinung....

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

Why are there seashells and a starfish surrounding that Wreck ??

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

The seashell border is reminiscent of Caligula's "Spoils of Ocean" stunt when his troops refused to invade Britain. The decorator has confused Caligula, however, with Augustus, who was Emperor when that little dust-up in the Teutoburger Forest took place.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

@Bruce: DOESN'T it? I thought that was the point. Thus, I can only think of a certain scene in "When Harry Met Sally."

Ich werde was sie hat.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT


(If it's auf Deutsch, and totally applicable to this disgusting wreck, I hope that doesn't violate the "don't swear" comment policy... :)

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMichelleH

Not having had HS German (in my part of the country, Spanish is your obvious pick for foreign language; I even minored in it in college), I had no idea what Jen or anybody else might be saying. I ran her intro through Google Translate (also helpful for swearing in Sanskrit; my kids think I'm psycho) and this is what came out:

"Gross inappropriate flying Fekalie-Cake!
Calculator!! (???) Where is the Toiletin?
Fahrvernügen! Ich bin ein Berliner!
Fast! Fast!"

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I thought it said "hear me come" too but my mental image was less sexual than most people would have. Instead, I imagined someone flying down out of the sky like a superhero, zooming down to Germany and screaming so that everyone in Germany hears them coming.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRainbow

I have to admit - I read "Germany, hear me come!" as well. And saw a visual that went with that caption. Which I think is even worse....

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMel

Ich liebe, liebe, liiiibe deinen Blog!
Und Kuchen, ich liebe auch Kuchen, weil er auch noch dann lecker schmeckt, wenn er hier zu sehen ist.

Und die Kommentare sind heute auch Zucker!!!

Alles Liebe aus dem Rheinland!

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKaja

3 years of high school French here and what good did it do me. I can't understand any of the German comments here. The only German word I know is Gutten Tag and I don't even know if I spelled that right.

@Bruce & TLC - It does say "hear me come". It was supposed to say "here we come" hence the wreckiness. Although it would still be a wreck if the dirty connotation was what was actually requested because they spelt "come" wrong.

And on that note I'm off to find the soap to clean my dirty mind.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoeMama

Alrighty then! Ahem, I know it is typical to have a cigarette after...but I rather like the idea of finishing with cake. As CW has already proven, there is NO subject off limits and NO event out of bounds for celebrating with cake! And if you are lucky enough to have your "shot" heard round the world then, by golly, you should be able to have some cake bragging rights for it! ;)

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

No sprecken zie Deutche.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Hey, ich lebe in Deutschland. Ich liebe diese Seite und der ganze Wortwitz ist fantastisch. Mal sehn ob das hier jemand versteht ;) Liebe Grüße an euch alle.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbianca

I know when I think of seashell collecting, I think of Germany (look at the base of the cake)

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterYellowPinky

I've loved CW for years, but as a German teacher, I have to say today's post and comments just...make my head hurt. Love the enthusiasm and I can appreciate the humor, but it's too much like the mistakes of my students for me to join your party. :)

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie K


Wieder mal ein Volltreffer.

Aber bitte mit Sahne! -Udo Jürgens

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTrudel

Lecker lecke wie vom Zuckerbäcker!
Hier noch ein deutsches Kinderlied für euch zum Mitsingen with best regards from Hennef, Germany.

Backe, backe Kuchen,
Der Bäcker hat gerufen.
Wer will guten Kuchen backen,
der muss haben sieben Sachen,
Eier und Schmalz,
Zucker und Salz,
Milch und Mehl,
Safran macht den Kuchen gehl!
Schieb, schieb in'n Ofen 'nein.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSteffi

Mein Gott. Was kann man sagen?

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermarfie

Viel drollig! Ich will mit meinem Deutschefreunden und -bekannten teilen.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRay

Germany doesn't want to hear you come, cake. It would rather see you leave.

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPocket

@Sharyn: Ach du lieber, do they still use that same textbook? I learned German from it back in the early '70s.

Wo ist Monika?
Im Boot.
Ist die Post offen, Otto?
Nein, die Post ist am Sonntag geschlossen.

...and the most useful of all,

Wo ist die Konditorei?

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBob

You guys are killing me today! I don't speak a lick of German (2 years of HS Spanish for this girl), and I don't have time to Google Translate all your awesome posts. Well, maybe I can take some time this evening to unravel the wonders that are Cake Wrecks comments.

P.S. We are getting dangerously close to an Epcot where the actual inscription vs. what was supposed to be written is concerned :p . Heads up, Craig and Theardare!

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

Germany, hear me come! Awesome!

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStevenHB

Because the first thing I think of when I think of Germany is seashells...????? Also, the other thing

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

Sexy confidence
Orgasm ability
Germans need earplugs!

February 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

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