My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Look Out, Germany

I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty much an expert on the German language. Yep. Two point five years of public high school German right heeere, playah! In fact, I would be saying all this "auf Deutsch," but I don't want to dazzle y'all with my

Anyway, I mention this because today's Wreck is so hilariously horrendous that I may have to lapse into German to adequately describe it.


Here goes:

Gross unpassend fliegend Fekalie-Kuchen!
Wo IST die Toiletin? Fahrvergnügen?
Ich bin ein Berliner!
Schnell! Schnell!

Ahem. Well, I think that gets the point across.

It should be noted that the cake was supposed to read, "Germany, HERE we come!" (Ah, those pesky, hilarity-inducing homonyms.)

Whether the cake was supposed to look like a baked poo souffle with a side of #2 nuggets, however, is anyone's guess. (Although I'm guessing "no.")

Hey, Sarah R., keep it down, will ya?

- Related Wreckage: Oh, It Sends a Message, Alright

Note from john: Since I don't sprecht Deutsch, I don't know what half of you are saying. Please, no clever Germanic cussing. There's probably at least one German kid that reads this blog. Dunker Shane.

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Reader Comments (234)

can i guess that the fekalie is suppose to be fecal? which makes the where is the toilet make more sense. but i'm a little lost as to the pocket computer or calculator... and i swear i've heard fahrvergnugen somewhere before.

absolutely hilarious!!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan O

The first thing I did when I was in Germany last week was consume a berliner. Es war sehr wohlschmeckend, und gut mit Kaffee.

Oh, and, this may be TMI, but were were very quiet...

Thanks for the wreck!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterI. Mazzikin

Fahrvergnugen . . . oh, my! That had me laughing as an image of someone "really" having fun in a Volkswagon!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWriteCards

Well, as a German (from Berlin, yeah!) living in the french-speaking part of SwitzerIand, I know what it's like to struggle with a language ;-)

And I love your blog, Jen, it's a good start into the afternoon ;-)

But this cake is very confusing. We do have nice beaches in Germany, but why the hell do I see a burned peacock in the middle of this cake? (just tilt your head to the left a bit - see?).

And "Germany hear me come" - well... *shakehead*

BTW: Berliner (like a doughnut without the hole) are called "Pfannkuchen" (pancakes) in Berlin. We people from Berlin don't really like eating ourselves, hehe, unlike people from Hamburg, who are called Hamburger ;-).

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

Holy flying Fekalie cakes, Batman!! Too much hilarity for one cake!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Here's another translation from Google:
Gross inappropriate Fekalie fly pie! Calculators! Where IS the Toiletin? Fahrvergnugen? Ich bin ein Berliner! Fast! Fast!

wv - domotio: what will happen to the wrecker when his/her mistake is seen all over the internet

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShelley

I'm doing my master's thesis on the foreign relations of JFK, and Charles's incorrect "history lesson" is making it hard for me to not smash my keyboard right now.

Berliner can be used to refer to citizens of Berlin, but also a type of jelly filled donut. Kennedy obviously meant to say that he was a citizen of Berlin to show solidarity with the city, but someone found it funnier to to imply that Kennedy was saying he was a jelly donut. Just because something is widely believed doesn't mean it's actually true!

Upon request, I will restrain myself from cursing up a German storm!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Actually, It translates to "I am a donut" not "I am a citizen of Berlin". It would be "Ich bin Berliner" to be a citizen of Berlin. Just ask JFK

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ich bin ein Berliner, auch!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCharla

History lesson time: "Ich bin ein Berliner" is a famous line spoken by JFK when he spoke in Berlin. Why is it famous? Because it DOESN'T translate to "I'm a Berliner." It translates to "I am a jelly doughnut." The proper translation for "I'm a Berliner/Citizen of Berlin" is "Ich bin Berliner."

Actually, that's an" rel="nofollow">urban legend. The people of Berlin do call themselves "Berliners". Jelly doughnuts may be called "Berliners" in other parts of Germany, but in Berlin itself, they're called pfannkuchen (pancakes). That's why they burst into cheers instead of laughter; JFK said it correctly.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBlue Jean

Darf ich bitte den WC pass heute? That's what stuck with me from my 2.5 years of German in high school.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

what's with the shells? does Germany even have coastline? and what are the flesh colored "balls"? considering the inscription, it's a little suspicious....."Oh GOD!" (can you year me now?)

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

well, that's assuming they mispelled "hear," too

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Jen, you should have had something "Aussie" today as it is Australia day today!! G'day!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As a German teacher, your post made me laugh and then groan.

"Ich bin ein Berliner" means both "I am a jelly doughnut" and "I am a Berliner". Germans would typically say "Ich bin Berliner" but both are technically correct.

And "Berliner" is used as the word for jelly doughnut, contrary to a previous poster's comment. You can find them in most any bakery in Germany.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusi

"Did she say she's a doughnut?" "Yeah, she's a American, she's a f*kin' doughnut"

Because "Ich bin Berliner" means "I am a citizen of Berlin" but "Ich bin EIN Berliner" means "I am a doughnut"

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEddie Izzard

This makes me laugh, simply because it reminds me of an Eddie Izzard comedy show where he mocks J.F.K for saying "Ich bein ein Berliner!" which is actually saying "I am a donut!" (As, apparently, Berliner is the name of a donut there...don't quote ME though, I've never been, and don't speak a word of it!) Anyway, Izzard is genius, and you should check out that bit. (there's the you tube link, you should edit your post to show that! It's brilliant! )

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterslicescakes

"Ich bin ein Berliner" does *not* mean "I am a donut", or anything of the sort. It's not conventional German grammar to use an article in such a case, but no native German speaker would be confused by the statement.

It's exactly like someone saying, in English, "I am firefighter" instead of "I am a firefighter". It sounds odd to a native speaker, but the meaning is clear.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThanny

My German is a trifle scanty (the closest I came to taking it in school was when my French teacher told me I spoke French like a German), but I think I got the gist of this one.
Years ago I got excited at the Volkswagon ads promising me Fahrvergnügen. Then I found out it wasn't the name of the car and lost interest.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

When i saw the seashells I thought maybe it was a cake commemorating the invasion of Normandy. You know, Germans here we come, to the beach. Ok, maybe not.

Meine hausaufgaben ist in mein schrank!
(My homework is in my locker!)

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterI Love Baby Quilts!

I think it looks like a giant shell, not poo. But the spelling is pretty funny.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElisabeth Marie

Well, this is certainly an occasion for schadenfreude (as cake wreckage generally is!) ;)


January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Guys, guys, you're losing focus here. The most important thing about this whole Berliner-affaire is that Berliners are DELICIOUS and should be enjoyed all over the world.
And as a German, it is my duty to inform you that this is absolutely hilarious. Because some of us do have humor.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh PLEASE tell me the "Ich bin ein Berliner!" was an Eddie Izzard reference. That would just make everything that much more hilarious!! :)

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCyndi

Greetings from Germany.

As everyone knows, Germans are very... well... let's say "proper"... *cough* narrow-minded *cough*, so I just wanted to point out:

""History lesson time: "Ich bin ein Berliner" is a famous line spoken by JFK when he spoke in Berlin. Why is it famous? Because it DOESN'T translate to "I'm a Berliner." It translates to "I am a jelly doughnut." The proper translation for "I'm a Berliner/Citizen of Berlin" is "Ich bin Berliner."""

Yes, well. The Germans who got to hear his speech were overwhelmed nevertheless.

""FYI - the other tags are sort of translated as:
"large improper flying Fekalie-Cake" (not sure what Fekalie was)
"Where is the toilet?"
and of course, "Fast, fast!"
(Farhvergnugen is gibberish.)""

"Fekalie" should be spelled "Fäkalie" - it means "feces".

"Fahrvergnügen" is not gibberish, by the way. It means "joy of driving" - though I'm not sure if it translates well. In English it sounds rather awkward.

*waves frantically while grinning like an idiot*

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenternastyKitten

I quite liked the poopencaken before the penny dropped & I re-read the writing! She's just bragging!

Wow, lots of German lessons today, I have learned something..not sure what,but something..

..and was that really Eddie Izzard leaving a comment? I feel a 'we're not worthy' moment if it was!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Jen, as a German speaker I find your Deutsch to be perfectly, hilariously acceptable. :)

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKailtyn

Is that an Eddie Izzard reference I see?? If so, you just went up 100 points in my awesomeness book!!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

This has NOTHING to do with the post but my oldest saw the page while I was reading and she says "Look, it's carrots and babies!" Then she proceeded to do a little dance while singing over and over "carrots and babies!"

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica M

I'd rather not hear you come

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMella

I like the seashells distributed about the base; I am always reminded of the lush tropical seascape when I think of Germany.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

I heart cakes with bad grammar.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJohn and Sarah Sperry

Having little German myself, I'd kind of hoped "fliegend Fekalie" was, well, what one should take at a rolling berliner.


January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNonie

And hey, given a lot of the other cakes, we should just be glad they could spell "Germany."

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNonie

The seashells are a nice touch, but the snowflakes really make it.

Not to diss the blog or anything, but is anyone else just a wee tad tired of the all brown icing = poop thing? To me the center of the cake looks more like carpet after the Christmas tree has been removed.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well, yes, but no, but . . . I think JFK was presciently channeling Eddie Izzard, because you know, you can't ever have enough Berliners. By the way that means a jelly-filled donut, did you know? And I think maybe me was supposed to be we? Schnell, schnell, out of the toiletin, I must a flying Fekalie cake make!

wv: pocus
At least this Kuchen is better than a pocus in the eye with a sharp Sticken.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWATERBABY CHRISTINE

"Fahrvergnugen"? Like the pleasure (vergnuegen) of driving (fahren) sans umlaut? Ich bin davon verwirrt....

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTamara Marnell

What in the world do the sea shells have to do with Germany?

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Denny Family

Yes, I'm positive that comment was from THE Eddie Izzard-- don't you all recognize his voice and handwriting here? :D

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Lol ^^ I'm one of the German readers too ;) Your German is, um, nearly perfect, I'd say. Only a bit more fine tuning necessary to make you a perfect native speaker :-P

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatharina

All of the above, plus, WHY the seashells??

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

(Warning: Pedantic content ahead.)

OK, folks, "Ich bin ein Berliner" CAN mean, "I am a citizen of Berlin."

But, since most Germans usually omit the article ("ein") in a sentence of this type, it sounded to some people like JFK was saying, "I am a filled pastry" (another meaning of "Berliner"). However, I'm told that in some German dialects it would be usual to say, "Ich bin ein (Berliner, Amerikaner, Hamburger, etc.)." It's not ungrammatical to say "Ich bin ein Berliner," it's just a little unusual, at least in Berlin.

People who were present for Kennedy's speech say that the crowd was not confused about what he meant, and nobody laughed at the time. Probably, they were impressed that a U.S. President would speak German at all, especially since this was only a few years after World War II.

The story is still funny, though.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Miranda: You Rock!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Not to be one of those picky people, but actually they are homoPHONES, because they sound the same; homoNYMS are spelled the same. Painfully funny, nontheless! :) -Christopher

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As an expat now living in Germany and desperately trying to stuff Deutsch into my head, today's entry was really fun because my German is BARELY conversational. And some of the words get twisted in my head (ask me about the time I mixed up "people" and "spoons"...). I couldn't figure out what the relation between the cake and the Taschenrechner was.

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

btw, here is the german reading ;)
great cake!

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSara

I can speak and understand a few words of German, and managed not to be mistaken for a jelly-filled pastry when I visited Berlin, but I've been told that when I sing in German, it comes out sounding like Klingon. Consequently, I try to avoid singing in German (which can be tricky, because I sing opera and I love Mozart).

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjackie31337

Well BUENO! to all who have flexed their German skills.

On another note entirely, I gotta say, if the person saying "Germany hear me come!" is in an English speaking country, whether Britain, the USA, or someplace else, and she's sending this kind of warning, then I'LL HAVE WHATEVER SHE'S HAVING, as the saying goes...sounds raher powerful.
:-D Lily

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ich stehe irgendwie auf dem Schlauch. Mir entgeht der Witz...

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSchlauch

About "ich bin ein Berliner":

The line was written for Kennedy by his interpreter Robert Lochner. Lochner grew up in Berlin, and is EXTREMELY unlikely to have made the mistake of instructing the president to say "I am a Jelly Doughnut". In the speech the crowd cheers at this point, most likely because they were his first and only words in German.

"Berliner" are indeed called "Pfannkuchen" Pan Cakes (deep fried cakes) in Berlin but Berliner outside of Berlin. Just like the infamous contradiction that a Frankfurter is called a Frankfurter in Vienna (Wien) but a Wiener in Frankfurt. Regional food terms are much greater in Europe than they are in the US.

As for the rest of Jen's German I think it's fantastic!
Spelling aside though, you've all missed a few interesting issues.

1) Her flying Fekalie-Kuchen should never have been hyphenated. There's not need for it in German. Fekaliekuchen is how it would be written. And here her 2 1/2 years of German show their shortcomings. :-) The creation of compound words is covered in the first weeks of German.

2) Wo IST die Toiletin? She's either asked us "Where is the toilets?" but I'm willing to offer that she's actually looking for the ladies room. As adding "in" to the end of an occupation or action noun creates the feminine version of it, Toilette -> becomes Toilettin. Not that such a word exists, but she's already created Fekaliekuchen, I'll give her credit for yet another word.

3) Fahrvergnügen? Definitely a word. It was created by Volkswagen for their ad campaign. It now appears in more than one dictionary.

Thanks, Jen. This is one of my favorite cakes. And I'd give you an A for effort on your German. :-)

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSixpack Chopra

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