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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jan262010

Look Out, Germany

I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty much an expert on the German language. Yep. Two point five years of public high school German right heeere, playah! In fact, I would be saying all this "auf Deutsch," but I don't want to dazzle y'all with my linguistic...um...awesomeness.

Anyway, I mention this because today's Wreck is so hilariously horrendous that I may have to lapse into German to adequately describe it.

Ready?

Here goes:

Gross unpassend fliegend Fekalie-Kuchen!
Taschenrechner!!
Wo IST die Toiletin? Fahrvergnügen?
Ich bin ein Berliner!
Schnell! Schnell!

Ahem. Well, I think that gets the point across.

It should be noted that the cake was supposed to read, "Germany, HERE we come!" (Ah, those pesky, hilarity-inducing homonyms.)

Whether the cake was supposed to look like a baked poo souffle with a side of #2 nuggets, however, is anyone's guess. (Although I'm guessing "no.")

Hey, Sarah R., keep it down, will ya?

- Related Wreckage: Oh, It Sends a Message, Alright

Note from john: Since I don't sprecht Deutsch, I don't know what half of you are saying. Please, no clever Germanic cussing. There's probably at least one German kid that reads this blog. Dunker Shane.

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Reader Comments (234)

Oh yes, yesssss! That's what she said..

Wonder how you say "I'll have what she had " in German?

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Bakes poo souffle...ha ha ha ha....

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

What a coincidence! I just posted 22 awesome German insults on my blog today. Unfortunately, cake wrecker is not among them, though I may have to add it. Hamster-freer and Garden-gnome-putter-upper are on there though :]

www.tashamazing.blogspot.com

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTasha

It's funny how many people think they actually know German even if they don't. Well, JFK's "Ich bin ein Berliner" can mean both definitions. BUT the real meaning gets clear by the context AND the intonation. And to those of you who claim only one way of expressing citizenship, let me tell you that there are MANY MANY dialects in German (you can hear a difference within only a couple of miles). So putting an "ein" into your sentence is totally fine where I am from. Maybe not where you are from. But that is fine and I would never say it is wrong to call a jelly-dougnut a "Pfannkuchen" or "Krapfen" even if this is not how I would call it. So PLEASE, stop talking about doughnuts and JFK in one sentence. I know I sound way too German here (I don't intend to be one of those stiff, cold Germans) but ever since I started studying languages I get annoyed by this kind of comments...

January 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Gross inappropriate Fekalie fly pie!
Calculators!
Where IS the Toiletin? Fun to drive?
Ich bin ein Berliner! Fast! Fast!

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterla_aser

They actually did do the Lumberjack Song in German.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gY4PI5MIALY
It's a little bit different from the good translation here, in order to fit the tune more properly.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAaron

Actually there were two different versions. This one is with Eric Idle and was the one I'm more familiar with.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiVOG199X2c

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAaron

I was told by one instructor, herself a Berliner (oder, Berlinerin?), that the folks listening to JFK laughed because he inserted the "ein" when he didn't need to, that what truly endeared him to them was that he was TRYING to speak German and to express solidarity of a "citizen of the world" sort, but the slight grammatical error combined with a delight at the effort on his part were what produced the laughter.

And. Ew. If I saw that cake, I'd run away schnell.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNa

*points at himself*
Another reader from germany. :-)
This "german" was hilarious.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! I especially love the translations! Go Jen!! :D

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPetrina

Horribly enough, that is 100% correct cursive. Most of us alter out cursive to look better. Look hard and you can see the W. Most letters start with the writing instrument on the bottom line and returns there between characters.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~* Aria *~

hey there listen up, a german reader speaking! :D
(well actually Austrian, but you never get the difference...)

"Fahrvergnugen" is not gibberish (read that somewhere in the first 100 comments, didnt go through the rest - yet! haha!)
"Fahrvergnugen" would directly translate to "driving pleasure" ;)
there you have it
now it all makes sense

and yes, JFK was a donut for saying that. so? still made for the coolest character in CloneHigh :D

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterYinas

It looks like, Hear ME come! That's what I thought it said at first!

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrishaHughes

My heartfelt thanks to Dan Bradbury for translating "The Lumberjack Song" to German for us.

And here's a suggestion for ~Alyssa: Get the stick out of your butt, honey-bubbles. It was sarcasm.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

My heartelf thanks to Dan Bradbury for translating "The Lumberjack Song" to German for us.

And here's a suggestion for ~Alyssa: Get the stick out of your ass, honey-bubble. It was sarcasm.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

I never think of Germany as a tropical vacation spot...but the seashells have me reconsidering!

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather Allen

Jen, I got so excited when I saw the post title and cake- I thought perhaps you were doing a second "World Tour" (for the paperback edition?) and you were announcing your first stop would be Germany! You really should think about coming to visit your Deutschland fans soon ;)

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDebra

Pfui Teufel....

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnke

Well, i'm german and I guess you meant Fekalien-Kuchen and Wo ist die Toilette.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatschuka

is anyone else seeing a used coffee filter on the top?

Cortney-

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Jen I laughed until I cried!!! This is one hysterical cake!!

Someday I'll even remember my google password.. Terri

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

And "Berliner" is used as the word for jelly doughnut, contrary to a previous poster's comment. You can find them in most any bakery in Germany.

I didn't say "Berliner" isn't a word for" jelly doughnut"; I said "Jelly doughnuts might be called "berlinners" in other parts of Germany, but they're called "pfankuchen" in Berlin."

Reading is fundamental.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBlue Jean

If anybody hasn't read Mark Twain's essay on "The Awful German Language," get to the library and read it now.

My favorite line from it: "In German, a turnip has a sex, but a young lady has none."

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

okay so i am from germany
" big inappropriate flying excrement cake. calculator. where is the toilet? driving pleasure? I am a citizen of Berlin. fast. fast"
still not making too much sense plus a lot of things are spellt wrong.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

serves them right for invading Poland

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Ich bin Berliner" means "I am from Berlin." "Ich bin EIN Berliner" means "I am a donut."

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Calculator!

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Funny how you've sparked such controversy with your witty remarks. It's too bad that the whole Berliner thing overshadowed the wreckiness of this cake and your clever wit. I get you Jen. This post was one of the best... comments aside.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Babel fish lied!!!

So really its: "flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where are the toilets? Fahrvergnugen? I am a jelly donut! Fast! Fast!"

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

AWESOME wreck Jen! My hovercraft is full of eels and my nipples explode with delight! hee hee (yeah I know that's supposed to be Hungarian but I still think it fits;)

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCulinarychiq

HA! I'm that German kid!
and btw a "Berliner" is a jelly doughnut not a citizen of Berlin. LOL!!!!

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Another German here.
One thing though, there are no sea shells, that's a plate with a sea shell pattern/motiv. Just saying, you know us German's have to have alles in Ordnung.
I enjoy your blog, it's really funny and your comments are hilarious, even the discombobulated German one.
Anyone not finding it funny, doesn't get your refined sense of humour, shame on them.
Caroline

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

ya im a jelly doughnut 2!!!!

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Honestly I think it says "hear me come." Aber das macht nicht. :)

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ich haette gern so ein Kuchen beim Abfahrt nach Deutschland als Studentin.

Wahrsheinlich haben die Nachbarn mich auch ab und zu gehoert. ;-)

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEine alte Dame

Hey, another German here! Yes, indeed, I am from Bavaria! And very grateful by the way, that Bier and Oktoberfest was not in your comment:)

But what I really don't get: why would anyone write either of the 2 versions on a cake? ;D

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterroxfoxpatox

... It looks like a rectum.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrepetitious

I also read it as "Germany hear me come", but I saw the visual as ummm a feminine form ala Georgia O'Keefe

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Fekalie was improperly spelled.... I believe it was supposed to say "Huge Ugly Flying Fecal (matter) Cake!"

And yes Jen, you are a jelly doughnut....our very favorite jelly doughnut.

And John, if you're looking to keep it German kid-friendly, I suggest removing the post from Tigerwolf at 9:41 am :)

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hey, has anyone mentioned that a Berliner is also a doughnut?
.
.
.
Oh.

Why do so many cakes have to look like poo? Is it a subconcious 'eat this to the detriment of your colon and pancreas' message?

WV Prograys. Professional pensioners

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh man, this brings back memories (of my 4 years of high school German! Booyah! I mean, um, Ich sprache Deutsche besser. Or something like that.)

And every time I see "Ich bin ein Berliner" I think of my teacher telling us that it really meant "I'm a jelly doughnut." Which is actually rather appropriate for this blog!

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Das kuchen ist sehr toll! Wo ist der WC?

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica N.

As a public school German teacher, I am so proud!

I am trying to find a way to share this post with my students, but your site is blocked by my school's internet filter!

Now of course, "Ich bin ein Berliner" means "I am a jelly donut". JFK should have said "Ich bin Berliner" to say he was a citizen of Berlin. But I am sure as a public school German alumna you already knew that! ; )

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterslkparsons

Sehr lustig, Jen! I'm not fluent in German by any stretch of the imagination but I must tell you (Entschuldigen Sie, bitte, for correcting) that the WC in Deutschland is spelled Toilette (plural: Toiletten).
Aber.... I enjoy your blog tremendously and recommend it to all my Freunde! Please visit mine at www.lisbetheng.com. It's called "World War II...with a German accent." Not NEARLY as much fun as yours, as you might guess from the title!
Tschuss!
Lisbeth

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisbeth Eng

Oh dear. Were are my earplugs?

About the shells: We do have some nice beaches in the north of Germany! Let global warming do the rest.

January 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJellycar

Actually, depending on context, "Ich bin ein Berliner" can either mean "I am one with/a citizen of Berlin" or "I am a jelly doughnut."

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenternike_victory

Never thought anything German could be that funny. Laughing so hard my stomach hurts.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna Keizer

Largely mismatching flying Fekalie cakes! Pocket calculator!! Where is the Toiletin? Driving pleasure? I am a citizen of Berlin! Fast! Fast!

...What the heck? I was being naughty and reading your posts in my chemistry class, and seriously started busting a gut at this. Nice.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Ich bin ein Berliner" means "I am a jelly donut". JFK should have said "Ich bin Berliner" to say he was a citizen of Berlin"

I don't agree. As a German speaker I can tell you that you can say "Ich bin ein Münchener, ich bin ein Wiener, ich bin ein Berliner"...

The confusion with the jelly doughnut is always there, since Jelly Donut is also "ein Berliner".

So true, his words could be misunderstood, but he made no mistake. It's just an unfortunate coincidence that jelly donuts are called Berliner.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWienerin

It actually says "I am a donut" as a berliner is a type of donut not a citizen of Berlin. It's quite the joke in Germany.

January 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

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