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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jan292010

As We Fumble Along

After extensive research of all the baffling, exclamation point-riddled status updates I've been seeing on FB and Twitter, I've concluded that something either is happening, has happened, or will happen in the world of sports.

After a few wild guesses and a Magic 8-Ball consult, I've concluded that these happenings are "most likely" football-related.

Is this a football? "Ask Again Later."

This has me at a distinct disadvantage, since frankly I know about as much about football as I do that mysteriously emptied Reese's Chocolate Clusters bag on the kitchen counter. Which is to say absolutely nothing.

(Ok, that's not entirely true. I think I saw the cat sniffing the bag of chocolates earlier. So I'd definitely question her, John. Yeah.)

Still, I can guess that this frankenpoo butterfly with fuzzy monster wings is supposed to be a football:


And that this next one is probably a "football field" in some Wreckerator's wildest dream:

(I'm talking a What Dreams May Come kinda wildest dream here, not a Field of Dreams kind of dream. But you probably got that already, right?)

Besides, you don't have to know the game to realize that fecal footballs are really never a good idea:


Especially when placed next to perfectly decent-looking football picks.
Bakers, ever hear the expression, "Don't park your ass next to a thoroughbred?" Just curious.

Could be worse, though. It could have fecal footballs with urine-yellow icing and a big ol' dual-meaning inscription like "Go Team" on it. Not that anyone would ever do something that...

Oh, no.

Really?

Really.

[sigh]

Well, there it is.

Although now that I look at it, I'm actually kind of disappointed there isn't a "We're #1!" on it somewhere, or "Go long" or something with the word "pass" in it. Hehehe. Wow, I never realized there were so many potty puns in sports! That almost makes them slightly more interesting. (The puns - not the sports.)

Finally, here's one more design someone clearly didn't think all the way through:

Ok, let's be generous and assume the Wreckerator meant "Touchdown," but for some reason couldn't remember how to spell "down."

Even then, you know there are FB pics out there of a bunch of drunken guys posing with this cookie cake held in very, shall we say, strategic locations. Not good, bakers, not good.

Could Diana A., Marisa H., Sue B., Meryl, Julie M., & Jessica L. be the best Wreckporters ever? Signs point to yes.

- Related Wreckage: Score!

NOTE: For the one person out there wondering: yes, today's title is inspired by The Drowsy Chaperone. For the rest of you: that's a musical with two punny gangsters in it posing as pastry chefs. Need I say more?

NOTE from john: We are currently unable to publish your comments. You can still write them but we won't be able to put them up for a little bit. Our "Epcot" advisory is at Orange.

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Reader Comments (96)

interesting that CW3 is labeled "Old Fashioned Chocolate Picnic." Ah, yes, I recall the Chocolate Picnics of yore. Good times.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

Apparently there are three or four people who know the musical. :) Yay us!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNind-Mumbing

it must be stated for the record that my son peered over my shoulder and giggled all thew ay through this post.

he's still trying to collect himself.

what is it with 11 yr old boys and poo?

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercath c

Jen! You referenced "The Drowsy Chaperone?" I love you even more! From one cake/musical theatre lover to another, with love... and frosting.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

The first wreck made me wonder, "What does football have to do with the island of Puerto Rico?"

The last wreck is officially the first time I can say I've ever been propositioned by a cake LOL

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCulinarychiq

Epcot. *giggling*

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Drowsy Chaperone for the WIN!

Half the reason I read this is for random musical references. :)

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterK.

lol@ LeftWingLock--

Sorry he wants a t-shirt, but send in a picture with him wearing it, just the same. :P

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Somehow, these cakes remind me of mean older kids and legends of the things they'd try to do younger kids in the neighborhood. Just because there's poop lying around, it doesn't mean you need to DO anything with it. I was afraid of older kids for my entire early childhood over stuff that would've looked like these cakes... *shudders*

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Frankenpoo...LMAO good one!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

It MUST be SUPER BOWL TIME!!

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGlen Coco

OK, The Drowsy Chaperone, I get it. I'd ask what you have for Cabaret, but I'm afraid you'd answer that. ;)

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I sort of like the first one, what with its shapeless form and jaunty ladder-to-nowhere embellishment. Very much like the art of an early civilization, in cake.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Following this site has made me forever disappointed when I walk into a costco or other expectedly low quality grocery store bakery and see only decently decorated cakes. My heart just sinks every time.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDorian Tara

I'm going to have "Show Off" in my head the rest of the night. "I don't wanna show off no more..."

<3 Sutton Foster

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKendall

The ones in 4 and 5 remind me more of trilobytes than poo.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKari

Hey, who left the little naked mohawk babies off the footballs in cake #5? Tsk tsk.

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNoni Mausa

"Where were you?"

"I was having an old fashioned chocolate picnic. You might want to stay away from the bathroom for a while."

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeredith

"Babies riding carrots -- that's silly. Don't ride, babies. Don't ride your carrots."

Count Mockula, little kids are my favorite thing ever. Now I want a version of the Carrot Jockeys T-shirt with this written on it.

Regarding the last one, maybe the Wreckerator should be praised for an ingenious bit of marketing. After all, every one of those frat guys posting pics on FB bought the cookie, didn't they?

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEve

YAY! Drowsy reference! My dad's friend wrote it, and I love seeing Drowsy related stuff. (Maybe being a drama student has something to do with that too... :P)

January 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

I don't often laugh until I cry, and I almost never leave comments, but oh, Lord. I just stumbled upon your site, and I came alarmingly close to wetting my pants tonight. You made my week.

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Ask again later"--I love it!!

I also love the frankenpoo.

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

You know, someone needs to come out with cupcake pans that make cupcakes in more art-friendly shapes. Course, you'd need different little paper cups for them too....
I wonder what shapes would work???

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkimc

As soon as I saw the cookie cake, images of men using it to describe their own personal footballs flooded my mind. Glad I'm not the only one!

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBree

horrible!!! beyond words!

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPaloma

Ha! Those pesky cats-- mine must have eaten the last half of that box of Girl Scout Thin Mints yesterday. No, really... :D

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Dude, my parents took me to the first preview of The Drowsy Chaperone for my surprise birthday present. It still is the highlight of my life. Good choice!

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKayla

I keep returning to "Frankenpoo" just for the out loud laugh! I'm fairly new to Cake Wrecks but have dutifully done my homework reading the whole blog from the beginning and passing it on to all my friends. Huge hit!

Barb C.

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBarb

These are so terrible! where do you find them? The touch down one is the best, such a funny arrow! brilliant. x

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLilly Higgins

I totally thought that said "Torah."

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKari

Asking the Magic 8-Ball later....Is that a football? Answer: Highly doubtful..............

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I don't think the cat would have eaten your counter candy. Interestingly they are unable to taste sweet. Mine loves to eat counter butter that the kids leave uncovered.

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I so need cake now! :-)

January 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

My son saw the first cake on my screen and asked, "what is that?" I told him it was an ugly football cake. He said, "if I have a football cake, I don't want one like that if it's going to be all smushed like that!" He's five ... and brilliant!

January 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica G.

The second-to-last one had me thinking, "Those are really close to looking like little hot cross buns," so I guess you could cover the lettering with yellow chickies and use it for Easter . . . Only after that did I wonder, "Why so very many footballs?" I don't know much, but I know they tend to play with one at a time. "And now, a halftime salute to -- the equipment room!"

January 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

The more I read this blog, the happier I am that I make my own cakes. At least if they're wrecks it's my own fault and I only spent about $10 instead of bakery prices...

wv: evyin -- I think evyin should skip the cake for superbowl Sunday and just serve brownies and ice cream!

February 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLori

Oh, that's SO wrong on SO many levels!!!!

February 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterScarlett

Jen, I love you. You referenced a musical.

February 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMadelyn

The "touchdown" cookie thing nearly got a litteral *headdesk from me, but the "Our 'Epcot' advisory is at Orange" made my coworkers wonder what was so funny..... once I caught my breath, I turned them on to your site! I love you guys! :)

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

"Touch."

"Don't touch it!"

February 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJames

I think the last cake belongs on a t-shirt!

February 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter*Amanda*

Finally. A website that merges two of my hobbies: food and poorly-thought-out signs. I laughed so hard I cried.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren Burke

THE DROWSY CHAPERONE! I LOVE YOU!

*coughcough* Um....sorry, got carried away ^__^ But still! Your nerdy references always make me so very happy. Someone else out there knows about these things, and the comments are written with such panache. After being a long-time watcher, you've finally gotten me to comment. :D

February 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJocelyn

I am absolutely in love with you for posting a Drowsy Chaperone reference! As if you weren't awesome enough already....

February 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPuck

Oh my goodness, I love the Drowsy Chaperone! And this blog. It makes me laugh so hard the other people in my house complain I'm being too loud. :D

July 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDorothy

Touch down or feel up? Choice is yours! - haha Like that one xx

October 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

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