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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Dec152010

Pastry Gags

If you've read this blog for any length of time, then you may be under the impression that only cakes can be royally wrecked. Well, in honor of National Pastry Day (which was last Thursday [so obviously it's not that honor-full]) I've decided to disabuse you of that unfairly cakist notion. Right after I go see if "cakist" is a word.

[Googling]

No, no it isn't. But "googling" is. Go fig.

[shrug] Ok, on to the pastry!

Remember those gingerbread "men" horrors I featured last week? Well, it could be worse. Meet the regular bread man:

"Yes, I know the muffin man. That dude is CRAZY."

1 out of 4 Spider-Mans agree: these chocolate cupcakes are "da bomb!"

The purple flower is what really sells it.

I can't say I understand what's going on with these cream horns:

Um...

...but I'm not sure putting smiley faces on them would help:

Um... Ew.

Speaking of which, nothing says, "Yum!" like a gummie worm crawling out of a ball of chocolate poo:

Am I right?


And a few personal favorites:

Yes, I know they're croquembouches. What I *don't* know is how to pronounce it. Or why Sister Mary Leia there and her fellow patron saints of sports are armed with swords. [head tilt] Huh.

Packed with pistachio, these chocolate dipped knuckle sandwiches really satisfy!

And speaking of chocolate, here's a tip:


When it comes to "Bon Bon's," aim high.

And lean to the right.

Still, nothing gets a rise out of a paying customer quite like a...a...

Peep with a goatee? Maybe?

April K., Danielle B., Malisa I., Margie J., Amy N., Amanda W., Yunn C., Eva M., Malin R., no matter how you slice it, something here definitely went a rye. When you knead your Peeps toasty, that's gonna cost a lotta dough!

---------------------------------

CCC Day #3:


Love146 has one simple, compelling, gut-wrenching goal: "The abolition of child sex slavery and exploitation. Nothing less."

Click here to donate a dollar via FirstGiving.

« The 12 Wrecks Of Christmas | Main | Point of Reference »

Reader Comments (98)

OMG!!! I spit my coffee everywhere with the chocolate "bon-bons"!! Wow!! Thanks for the never-ending chuckles - I look forward to the day's "Cake Wrecks"
Thanks!!! Donna

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

The bread man reminds me of the thing the fawn told Ophelia put under bed in Pan's Labyrinth!eeeeeew!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

Just a tiny bone to pick... It's "bon bons," NOT "bon bon's." Still luv ya!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

The chocolate bomb cupcakes look like the houses that the Smurfs used to live in....in chocolate land. You can't tell me you don't see giant mushroom houses. :)

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

Are we supposed to say prayers to Sister Mary Leia? Is she Jesus's real mother?

BTW, a really great organization for children and amazing people that help others, these people are INCREDIBLE:
http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/HandofHope/default.htm

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPilgrim

The bread man looks like a bread Ood.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

That actually made me ridiculously hungry!

-Jessica

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Love146 is an amazing charity doing awesome work! Thanks for featuring them!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClaire

Haha! The bread man in the first photo is called a grittibaenz. it's a swiss tradition for the children to make them on december 6th. I learned all about them when I had to make 100 of them (plus 4 2 1/2') at work a few weeks ago.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarisa

The Swedish tradition of St Lucia, St Lucia's day being 12/13, and she's holding a candle, I think.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlisonH

What I don't understand about the croquembouches is what sport the front one is a patron saint of. The back two are clearly a soccer ball and football but the front one looks like a pair of ballerina slippers. Or maybe an animated Disney mouse. How this goes with the other two is beyond me. I'm confused. I nearly lost it on the Gummi worm one. Especially since those look like bagels. I love your site, Jen. Keep up the good work.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoe

"Or why Sister Mary Leia there and her fellow patron saints of sports are armed with swords." Fantastic line :D

Although, I'd guess those are light sabers and not swords (not that makes any more sense of what's going on there...)

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBree

Thanks so much for bringing attention to Love146! You folks ROCK! ABOLITION!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEd

Grammar Police here: "Chocolate Bomb" should be "Chocolate Bombe". "Bon Bon's" should be "Bon Bons".

The knuckle thingies, is that raisin on the top suppose to make it into a candle? Really?

And just how do you take a photo of the "Bon Bon's" without breaking out in hysterical laughter while doing so.

However, my biggest laugh today was at Dawn's comment about the Timbits wedding cake. For those south of the northern US, think a pile of doughnut holes drizzled in spun sugar. Priceless.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

If they had made the sprinkles blue on the smiley face cream horns they would have looked like Marge Simpson!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Thank you for supporting and promoting Love 146!!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrandi

Do you mean to tell me that Cake Wrecks is not celebrating December 15th properly, as National Cupcake Day!?
What is WRONG with the world...

Also, Regular Bread Man must live by the nuclear plant at the end of Drury Lane, because that does not look normal.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

They have Tim Horton's in New York also. Don't know if they have the same things though. That blog was hilarious! I choked on my gum and had my daughter worried for a bit, but it was worth it. No more gum chewing while reading your blog. lol-Brook

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm thinking the pistachio filled knuckle sandwiches are actually piles of dog poo that have just been lit on fire. Now all the baker needs are some paper bags and some front porches and they will be in business!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercheryl

croakumbush. that's how you say it. And the bonbons are just wrong.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCakelady72

The first image reminded me of Thai artist Kittiwat Unarrom who makes bread that deliberately looks like mangled body part and are completely edible! They're awesome in their grossness. You can see some of his work here: http://www.coolhunting.com/culture/kittiwat-unarro.php

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Jane Stoddard

crow-com-boo-shhhh

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChonte'

By the way, to day is National Cupcake Day so I would expect something posted next week to honor it. (And please don't ask how I know it's Cupcake Day.)

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

Regarding "croquet 'em, Bushes" (maybe it's a political game???)

Although through the word "pronounce" you thoughtfully provided a hot link to a prior post from last year, in a different text color and bold font, making it ridiculously simple to click and re-read, it appears that many still do not have the time. So for their convenience, I'm pasting a vital excerpt here. John, the hubby of Jen stated:

Update: I think it's important to ask yourself a couple of questions before commenting here on Cake Wrecks:
Question: Did John and Jen really intend to give us the pronunciation of a word?
Answer: No.
Question: Are John and Jen complete and total idiots?
Answer: No.
Question: Do they...
Answer: No.
Question: Would they...
Answer: No.
Question: What about...
Answer: No.
That is all.

Merci!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjillb-ilslp

Thank you for including LOVE146 in CCC again. I remember when you posted it last year - I was home by myself, reading their website and I was sobbing, I was so sad and moved by it.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

Reading comprehension fail: To the Grammar Police, Karen and Tricia L, Jen isn't the one who spelled anything wrong, so don't try to correct her. The bakeries are the ones who did that. That's why she used those fancy " " marks around the misspellings. So, in addition to being pastry wrecks, they are also grammar wrecks. Double the fun!
Now, you don't win friends by being a grammar queen, so relax.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Who would pay $2.19 for those bon bons?

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Sister Mary Leia" LOL!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPurplewalls

We have Tim Horton's (and Timbits!)in Toledo, OH too.

Today's post were some of the most disgusting I've seen. I couldn't look at them long. I scrolled through fast!

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnnette

There are Tim Hortons in the States now but unfortunately, you'll only find them on the east coast. I make sure to stop in at one when I visit family in Ohio.

And to the person from New York, yes, it is the same food chain.

December 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yes, the pièces montées are Communion cakes. The figurines are one girl and two boys dressed in white for their first communion. And I think they are holding some very long candles in their hands.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay, Bread Man was just plain disturbing. The cupcakes were atrocious and I can't even begin to describe the rest.

FYI: Croquembouche is pronounced 'Croa-kem-boo-shh' as I heard it on a special about wedding cakes. The food mag 'Fine Cooking' has a STUNNING picture of these tasty cream puffs on their Dec/Jan issue dripped and drizzled in a sea salt caramel coating. I have GOT to make these!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have to stop reading this late at night. I am sure by now my neighbors think they live next to a hysterically crazy woman lol. Love that weird shaped bread thing..looks like it has an S on it. S for super wreck probably.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

FYI: croquembouche is actually pronounced 'croak-ahm-boosh' - it means [literally] 'crunch in the mouth'....this concludes today's French lesson.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClare

You are so funny!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLetmeshowyou

Can't...comprehend ...what they were thinking :(

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow. The regular bread man. I don't have words.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterI should be sleeping

The Peep! Oh! Sides hurting! Coffee spit on computer screen! Totally worth it!
Jenn

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennie Callahan

I love the "Sister Mary Leia" line...but maybe they are supposed to be St. Lucia, for St. Lucia's Day, Dec. 10th - Swedish Christmas celebration...

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Oh that's a SOCCER ball on the croquembouche one.... it looked like a Turtle shell to me

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKusanivy

Add another $200 to your count - we donated in honor of extended family members this year in lieu of gifts, but didn't donate using the FirstGiving website. We wouldn't have known about this organization without CW. Thanks for introducing us to it!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Regarding the pronunciation of Croquenbouche... The word is French and spelled in French "Croquenbouche". People may pronounce it "Crockumbush" or "Croakembush" but that ain't correct...

The French(I am bilingual), who invented the thing (and should know how to pronounce and spell) spell it spell it Croquenbouche and pronounce it "Crock ehn boosh" (I mistyped it previously as booch). (you roll the r in crock and the "en" is sort of a nasally "on" sound with the n being silent). I'm not sure why some people spell it Croquembouche.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnneke (Mudhooks)

Hi Jen

We see them a lot over here in the UK. They're traditionally wedding cakes (in France) but now it's just a show off dessert ... usually decorated with lots of spun sugar.

One of our TV chefs, James Martin, shows how to make a great one .... can't find the film, but this piccie and recipe is good.

http://uktv.co.uk/food/recipe/aid/596516

...by the way ... it's pronounced CROC--EM--BOOSH

Leah xx

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's pronounced "Ep-cot".

Goodness, how can you take it, lol???

And I spit my drink out at "here's a tip". Good one!

December 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

Thank you so much for supporting this charity again...you brought them to my attention last year and they've become my favorite charity to support!

December 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Crock-em-boosh.

That's how you say it!

December 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJLo

I know it's been said already but "Sister Mary Leia" = awesome. There are so many things we non-Catholics don't know; thanks for the education! ;)

January 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

That last one? Definitly a blobfish. Do not google this while eating.

August 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWandgryffin

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