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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Dec022010

Happy Hanu...Channa...Festival of Lights!

It's Chanukkah, everybody! I can't believe you didn't remember! I mean, I've known for... uh, weeks and... weeks. [poker face] And, naturally, since I knew this day was coming well in advance, I've been saving all the best Hanukah wrecks for this very moment.

Like... um...this one:

Now, Jen's the one with the Jewish roots, but I believe this is called a "men-OR-ah."

What's that, Jen? It's not a Hannnukah cake? But...but... it's blue and white!

Fine.

Everyone knows that Hanuchah is the Festival of Lights. So, um, here's a candle:

As you can see, it's very Jewish.

And here we have the great patriarch Moses, crying over the fact that the oil has run out for the holy Jewish lamps:

(For some reason Jen isn't looking very happy right now. Hm. Well, better just keep going.)

Channikah lasts 8 nights, of course, and each night the Ghost of Chawnucahs Past visits all the good little Jewish children...

(Ow! Stop that, Jen, I'm on a roll!) ...bearing holy Jewish Dream Catchers:


And finally, while Jen is busy nursing that headache, let's end with a traditional Hawnuka cake from the great Jewess herself, Sandra Lee:


Yes, I believe those are plastic pearl beads.

Um, Jen's just gone apoplectic, but through the screeching I think I heard something about showing you the video of Sandra making this culinary delight, so you can judge for yourself. So, here 'tis:


Huh. Well, after watching this, all I can say is: thank goodness marshmallows are kosher.

[Update: That was sarcasm; marshmallows aren't kosher. Unless they are. In which case, they would be kosher. Those, however, aren't kosher. Glad we cleared that up.]

Now to all of our awesome Jewish readers - who have even awesomer senses of humor - have an amazing Hanukkah. Also, Jen says to say that she didn't teach me any of this stuff. (Aw. She's so humble.)

Elizabeth B., Allison P., Shannon B., Annie P., and Alex M., I don't know why but now I totally have Hakuna Matata stuck in my head.

And now you do, too.

It means no wo-rrieees... for the rest of your daaaaaays...

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Reader Comments (226)

Sandra Lee isn't realy is she?!?!?! Oh, great Julia Child's ghost...please tell me no!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

... Except most marshmallows aren't kosher.

Just thought you ought to know.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermimiheart

For some reason this post just screams "You will have a major Epcot situation on your hands by the end of the day."

I'm...just gonna stand over here....

*crawls into a bunker with popcorn*

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

I find it interesting that Sandra spent more time making the inedible decorations than she did on making the ACTUAL cake! Gah! She is so lame!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeah Hollett

Wow. That video. Simply wow.

You know, I'm Catholic and I'm really, really used to God being referred to by all sorts of (good) nouns, like father, mother, lord, protector, etc. But 'cute'? The Star of David--the Shield of David--being referred to as 'cute'???

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, Sandra Lee. Does anyone remember the Cosby Show episode(s) where someone sneaked a piece of cake, then stuffed it with other materials and re-iced to cover up their thivery? I got real nervous when she went for the paper towels.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wait, what are we celebrating again? Is it Chewbacca?

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, Sandra Lee! No one can wreck something like you.
That's not really doing it for me as a Star of David. But maybe I'm not seeing it because I'm not Jewish. Although that means I could eat the marshmallows, methinks.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

I'm trying to remember who referred the Kwanzaa cake from the same episode as "a hate crime on a plate."

You CAN get kosher marshmallows made with fish gelatin, which I currently have in my cupboard for my son allergic to eggs and beef. It doesn't look like she used that brand, but, really, that's the least of her semi-homemade culinary sins!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLibby

Given Hanukkah foods are deep fried (that whole oil bit), I'm relieved wreckerators don't do Hanukkah-decorated doughnuts!! I'm glad wreckerators aren't thinking about my holidays much -- although it does mean fewer wrecks :(

P.S. most marshmallow's actually aren't kosher because regular gelatine isn't. But since it's unlikely anything else in that "the flour and eggs died for this?!" angel food monstrosity are, it probably doesn't matter!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

As someone who cooks AND bakes (different things), Sandra Lee is a personal affront. If her show comes on TV, I change the channel.

That... that... thing? My cat can pull off something better.

*headdesks*

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

I REALLY don't understand the marshmallows! I want to see her cut into that cake and serve it.

And thanks, Sandra Lee, I NEVER would have thought to purchase a cake and some frosting and combine them. Duh!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

"And you can make it any shade of blue you want, to match your decor"

I'm not even Jewish and I'm offended!

And her Star of David was two six-pointed stars put together instead of two triangles put together to make a six-pointed star! Oh my Lord.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is that woman for real?

"Make it any blue color that you want...whatever matches your decor." Yikes.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm getting in the Epcot Shelter with Leslie. "Snort-Sandra --menorah-snort."
" Hey Leslie, pass the popcorn. I brought rice Krispies bars and, of course, cake. 'K?"

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNiteNurse

Sandra Lee: I don't have cable so I've never seen her show. Is it titled, "Anyone Can Have a Cooking Show?"

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBabs

it says linked vi foodnetworks humor section

but I certainly cannot find said humor section

She is supposed to be a legit member of the foodnetwork "team"

but what the fark this is in all ways offensive as humor or as "for real"

not broad enough for humor, like the SNL Julia Child riffs

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterUpupaepops

Had anyone seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding? I thought she was going to stick a plant in the center like they did in the movie. The marshmallows were horrifying enough!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy's Cooking Adventures

Ok,first of all- you could'nt find any more authentic Hanukah wrecks? Come on guys, I am dissapointed! Second, every single kosher grocery store sells kosher marshmallows. Third that cake on the video looks nauseating- it looks like its frosted in silly putty. And lastly, putting wires straight into a cake is not food safe, although none of that cake looks food safe imho.....

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCantStopBaking

I am so tempted to order a dreidel CCC just to see what would happen.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLynn

Am I the only one who gets the "Germany hear we come!" cake popping up in the more, more, more section?

Heh....

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpockyraider

I saw the Kwanzaa cake as well!!! That was one wrecktastic episode wasn't it? I love how "semi-homemade" involves store-bought cake,icing, and marshmallows(???). Apparenly food coloring and horrible, inedible plastic are the homemade part?

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

Cantstopbaking,

We have 13,000 wrecks in our archives and what you see represents all of our Hanukkah cakes. I know. Wreckorators are dropping the ball.

john

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of JEN)

Part of me thinks that Sandra Lee is a marketing ploy, designed to attract viewers who watch only to see what train wreck will happen this time.

That no one producing the show imagines that what Sandra Lee makes is anything but awful, and that this is actually part of the design concept for the show.

And that the skill involved in making the show is to keep each episode just this side of plausible. (Marshmallows inside of an angel food cake, without any explanation, as if it's normal? Genius!)

Despite being somewhat cynical, this possibility gives me hope for the world.

Please tell me it is true.

Please?

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG! I can't believe that lady has her own show on the Food Network! What a joke!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRoseAnn

Okay, this is awesome, and even more proof of why Sandra Lee is Satan. She is, trust me.

However, I am BEGGING you guys. BEGGING!!!! to put the video of Sandra Lee making a Kwanza cake when you try to do a Kwanza post later this month. OMG. It's SOOOO funny

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Anyone fussy enough to try matching icing to their decor is not going to bother with the likes of you, Sandra Lee!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My decor doesn't match anything found in the baking aisle, and the pearl-wire-marshmallow combo WOULD make for an interesting serving conundrum. I would be so p*ssed to get a slab of frosted-grocery-store angel-food-cake-with-marshmallows.

Oh, and marshmallows are totally not Kosher! (I HAD to, sorry!) *giggle*

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I can't get past the blue icing clashing with her red sweater. *sigh* Sometimes I think making a "token" cake is more offensive than just omitting a holiday.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarissa and Aidan

I think we can file Sandra Lee in the "reasons people from other countries believe Americans are idiots" folder. They PAY her? To put a can (*ptoooii*) of frosting on a cake she didn't make and garnish it with inedibles and unkosherables?

I'll bring the soda and antipsychotics to the Epcot shelter!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKae

wv: catio - The comments are getting a little catio. But the wrecks (and Sandra Lee) deserve it!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Um... I know not of this Epcot shelter, but I would like to be invited. I make excellent brownies! We had our traditional fried latkes last night, and they qualified as more of a wreck than that cake (they were made by a 7 year old after all). I should have taken a picture...

Now I am tempted to order a dreidel cake just so I can help give you some material.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterscrapopotamos

OooOh, the marshmallows are to hold up the "decoration" in the center. How "clever" is that?

Really, this woman has a Food Network show? Really?

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Did I ever tell you how much I love you? Well I do. Especially today. Thanks for the laffs!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterS.D.Lantos

Marshmallows and everything else aside... who puts frosting on an angel food cake?! I have never had that, and it sounds just awful.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCount Mockula

THAT WOMAN IS A MESS!! How does she have her own show? Seriously, HOW?

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHollie

*picks up the harmony*

It's our problem-free...

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJohn

Ironically, Greater Kansas City has a fairly large Jewish population. And a remarkable number of truly inspired wreckerators to -ahem- "celebrate" the occasion. We're talking actual, "plastic-dredle-menorah-and-star-of-david", purpose-built WRECKS, rather than the garden-variety "it's blue and white, so it's Chanukkah" sort showcased here. Lucky us.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Thank you for helping me with my pre-holiday diet...I have lost any speck of appetite I had. YUCK.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

I'm SO jumping in the bunker with Leslie and NiteNurse! I'll bring cream puffs! You know, the "semi-homemade" kind that you buy "at the store" and then "eat"...in your "home." BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I LOVE THIS BLOG SO MUCH!!!

WV - purgaggr: the sound one makes while watching Sandra Lee "cook"

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarcy W.

Just chiming in to share my love of you guys. Absolutely love you!

Sandra Lee's "cake"... yeowza.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

Ugh, this Sandra Lee can do better than that! I'm glad it was marked as humor because I didn't see the humor; just weird. I finally saw the reason for the marshmallows as some one pointed out to hold up her "star of David".
Sandra Lee

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSandra

I love how Sandra is so casual about frosting, but "first, I have to put in the marshmallows..." as if that is a perfectly normal thing to do. GROSS! Frosted angel food aside, plastic, inedible pearls aside (nothing says Festival of Lights like a string of plastic pearls from the craft store!), and even if you can ignore the monstrosity of the "star"/pearl/wire thing, who wants to slice into a cake and find blue-frosting-gooped fat marshmallows inside?! Again, GROSS!

Looking forward to Kwanzaa! (squee!)

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSummer S

As if the chemical-vanilla frosting tinted with chemical-blue coloring wasn't enough on the storebought cake, the scene where she's using the spatula to stuff the marshmallows in the hole in the center just before she paves it all over with more grody frosting is just the summation of all the reasons why I despise Sandra Lee and all she tries to feebly stand for.

I'm all for shortcuts when you're busy, but if all you can do is dump some repulsive frosting on a storebought cake, then just buy a cake. Already frosted. Stop the pretense that you even gave a rat's red rump of caring.

WV: gagst. 'nuff said.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OK, so is NO ONE else going to say how loud they laughed at their computer after seeing the ccc {ptuie} "As you can see, it's very Jewish." Am I the only one who thinks that is comedy genious?? OMG. I love it. Hysterical.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDD

Why didn't she just fill the thing with pork chops and clams?

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Holy Jewish Dream Catchers!!!
That's going to be my new expletive! I'll use it every time I visit this site, as in: "Holy Jewish Dream Catchers! What on earth is that?"

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPersephone

That...that last cake is just beyond gross. I cannot believe that woman gets paid to do cooking on TV. I don't even bake that much and I could do a 100% better job. UGH! And I looove frosting but I think she might have just made me disgusted by frosting for the first time in my life. "I'll just draw some lines on this with my knife, for a little decorative touch." Nothing says decorative like, "I can use a butter knife. Watch!"

Seriously, was that a comedy sketch or was she truly in earnest? I will wonder about this all day. If it WAS a comedy sketch, well then...marvelously done. Marvelous.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRascalmom

(singing the Dreidel song)

I have a little cake wreck
That's blue and on a tray
And when it's frosted plenty
The flotsam I will lay!

Oh! Sandra, Sandra, Sandra
Why don't you have a brain?
Sandra, Sandra, Sandra
Please just go away!!!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkittymidori

Did you see how Sandra had to fight down the marshmallows that were attempting to crawl out of the hole? Even they knew they didn't belong there.

Normie

WV: sweatsms "You won't sweatsms making this easy dessert."

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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