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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Dec022010

Happy Hanu...Channa...Festival of Lights!

It's Chanukkah, everybody! I can't believe you didn't remember! I mean, I've known for... uh, weeks and... weeks. [poker face] And, naturally, since I knew this day was coming well in advance, I've been saving all the best Hanukah wrecks for this very moment.

Like... um...this one:

Now, Jen's the one with the Jewish roots, but I believe this is called a "men-OR-ah."

What's that, Jen? It's not a Hannnukah cake? But...but... it's blue and white!

Fine.

Everyone knows that Hanuchah is the Festival of Lights. So, um, here's a candle:

As you can see, it's very Jewish.

And here we have the great patriarch Moses, crying over the fact that the oil has run out for the holy Jewish lamps:

(For some reason Jen isn't looking very happy right now. Hm. Well, better just keep going.)

Channikah lasts 8 nights, of course, and each night the Ghost of Chawnucahs Past visits all the good little Jewish children...

(Ow! Stop that, Jen, I'm on a roll!) ...bearing holy Jewish Dream Catchers:


And finally, while Jen is busy nursing that headache, let's end with a traditional Hawnuka cake from the great Jewess herself, Sandra Lee:


Yes, I believe those are plastic pearl beads.

Um, Jen's just gone apoplectic, but through the screeching I think I heard something about showing you the video of Sandra making this culinary delight, so you can judge for yourself. So, here 'tis:


Huh. Well, after watching this, all I can say is: thank goodness marshmallows are kosher.

[Update: That was sarcasm; marshmallows aren't kosher. Unless they are. In which case, they would be kosher. Those, however, aren't kosher. Glad we cleared that up.]

Now to all of our awesome Jewish readers - who have even awesomer senses of humor - have an amazing Hanukkah. Also, Jen says to say that she didn't teach me any of this stuff. (Aw. She's so humble.)

Elizabeth B., Allison P., Shannon B., Annie P., and Alex M., I don't know why but now I totally have Hakuna Matata stuck in my head.

And now you do, too.

It means no wo-rrieees... for the rest of your daaaaaays...

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Reader Comments (226)

wow. that was just. um. wow.

i mean i LOVE angel food cake (store bought or fresh made doesn't matter), but that just made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

the whole, just throw the marshmallows in there and mash them in with a gloppy covered spackle knife, and the "just use icing to make a decorative touch," was... embarrasing in the least and i won't mention on a family site what it was the most of...

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergoodgrub

"And of course Hanukah will be blue . . . "

And

"to match your decor"!

WTF? What's next?

"Of course, for decoration we use poils, so JEWISH . . . "

Besides, you just don't get more goyische than angel food cake. I'm reporting Sandra to the Anti-Defamation League, Cooking Division.

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I was doing fine until you mentioned Hajuna Matata. Bad John, bad, bad, bad... :P

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Picture perfect? Good God, what a mess.

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

I just laughed so hard I fell out of my desk chair! Oh for the love of Pete and all that is holy!

Thanks John...and Jen...

I need to go bake a real Hanukkah cake and listen to the Lion King Soundtrack...

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPerfectVixen

So original, canned frosting on a store bought cake. Sure says Chanukah to me! Does she know anything at all about Chanukah? And she gets PAID to do that?????!!!!

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Is it wrong that I think the cake was kinda cute before the stars were added? The pastel-blue and fake pearls made me think post-war era and I was intrigued.

December 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

Awesome post! I couldn't stop laughing!
Incidently, I'm a jew who on Thursday said "oh crap, its Hannukah!" And ran around like mad around walmart searching for 8 presents for my kid. Let's just say two of them are a toothbrush, and a blue baby bottle pop I found in the checkout isle.....

December 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSelky

For some reason this post just screams "You will have a major Epcot situation on your hands by the end of the day."

I'm...just gonna stand over here....

*crawls into a bunker with popcorn*

www.filmdiziizletr.com

December 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermaniaq_boy

Why didn't she use a cake that didn't have a hole in the middle so she wouldn't have to stuff (non-kosher) marshmallows in the middle? Oh, wait, angel food cake is a "light" dessert. Well, all the blue goop and the marshmallows would override that...how many calories are in a pearl?

December 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

My last piece of faith in humanity was destroyed by me looking up "Sandra Lee" on YouTube.

*cries*

December 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What I want to know is, when did cupcake cakes become so popular? Arranging a bunch of cupcakes and spreading frosting over them, challenging the forces of frosting and gravity, is supposed to be a good idea?

December 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfurpurrson

Is that video SUPPOSED to be a joke?

December 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaija

something tells me that john makes jen made alot.

... and songs get stuck in his head frequently ...

... I'm not even going to get started on That Woman who should not have a show at all on any network, let alone the Food Network.

December 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGavans_Mama

Quite possibly the best post ever! And the comments had me laughing even harder than John's narrative. I think that other post-er is right about Sandra being the bitter jealous sister of Sara -- ROFLMAO!! Here's a couple of links to a blog by another Sandra Lee non-fan:

http://www.cookingbytheseatofmypants.com/blog-events/thursday-thirteen-11-thirteen-things-about-sandra-lee/

http://www.cookingbytheseatofmypants.com/blog-events/thirteen-more-things-i-hate-about-sandra-lee/

December 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

nice http://www.adsnatin.com.ph" rel="nofollow">cakes though

December 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteradsnatin

There are kosher marshmallows.

December 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sandra Lee does realize that icing does not go with angel food cake right? I mean I guess that is what she was going for an inedible nasty cake with an ugly "star of david" in the center.
Good golly this show is a joke.

December 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVeronica

Kosher marshmallows do exist, the taste has improved over time, and They are gooood melted and drippy. My question is, what about that cake has anything to do with Chanukah? (Please; if you can't pronounce it, don't try.)

December 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRND

What's sad is she thinks she's the greatest cook ever LOL. Years ago I saw her make 'truffles' with canned frosting. I had to switch channels before I threw up.

December 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGianna

"Decorations" aside, the fact that Sandra Lee seems to think that Angel Food cake needs or should have frosting just makes my head hurt. This seems to be her favorite go to "dessert" as I've seen here smear canned frosting over another helpless Angel Food cake and fill the hole with canned apple pie filling. I guess if you've had two or seven of her cocktails, you won't care what the food tastes like...

December 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJanine

Okay, for the record; that second cake? DEFINITELY not Kosher or Jewish in any way! How can I tell? I asked a moyel.

Sandra Lee... you DISGUST ME. I could make something WAY BETTER than what you call this atrocity, yet somehow YOU have a TV show?! Talk about injustice!

December 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

wow! wow. wow. i want a tv show! Since anyone can have one.... and i think i will feature things I know nothing about...lmao- it is warm in california? that explains the marshmallows somehow? She really doesn't care. lol- and she thinks that looks GOOD! Thanks for sharing.

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

No. More. Cocktails, Sandra!!!!

December 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdewgiesgirl

Oh dear! I had to Google the Kwanzaa video after seeing Trevor's post & also found the story behind the "recipe" for both of these hot messes! Oh my!

I've never seen her show and also have no clue how she ever got one. I have nothing against "cheater" recipes but at least make them GOOD.

December 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGymmie

I knew that Sandra Lee was the queen of making baked goods look tacky, but this is WAY worse!

February 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOrange Zeppelin

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