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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Feb172010

Cakes Only A Mother Could Love

 

I think the following cakes are really special. Like seeing a beautiful newborn for the first time, these baby shower cakes leave me… well, speechless.

 

What a coincidence! E.T. was on my TV today, too!

 

Ethan... phone home...
(and tell your parents Jersey Shore called. They want their tan back.)


"Hi, bakery? I have a baby shower coming up. Do you make cupcakes?"

 

 

"Baby shower CUP cakes? Yeah. We can 'handle' that."

 

 

If you squint your eyes, it’s actually not a baby at all, but a bronzed, muscular man in a wife-beater popping out of the cup. See it? See it? Let’s call him Joe. He must be posing for his mug-shot. Just look at those eyes! He really knows how to espresso himself, doesn't he?


Thanks to Dawn M. for finding these little bundles of joy. It's been a latte fun!

 

- Related wreckage: The Creepiness Continues

« Wacked Out Wrecks | Main | Sports Sense »

Reader Comments (103)

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSimplySweeter

Wow. I'm not a professional and I tried to make a booby cake for my son's 18th birthday. I messed up the food colouring for the skintone and it was far too orange-y. We decided that the boobies belonged to someone with a spray-on tan.

But they didn't look diseased and bronzed. Those were extra-creepy.

(word verification: "react") haha!

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPatty O'Chair

@Gary--

That "abstinance education" idea is also working on me, but mostly for giving up cake. But I guess Lent is starting, so now I know what I can give up. I'll just refer back to this post for support.

It's Ash Wednesday, so maybe that's why these babies look so grimy?

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Puts me off wanting to have babies. Heck, it puts me off wanting to MAKE babies!
The so-called cakes are bad enough, but then people were expected to EAT those monstrosities? {{{shudder}}}
How could they execute the tv and the cup so nicely (well, ya know what I mean), and then screw up so badly on the babies? And I use the term "babies" loosely.
Veeeery loosely!

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTatersmama

What is truly scary is how anyone could consider those cakes good-looking enough to buy or sell! Eek!

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

I guess Oompa-loompa's & Tetley Tea Folk (see youtube if you really want to) have baby showers too.

So creepy. Go to one of these showers & get an eye, nose or baby fingers, ewww! I wonder if the cake inside is red velvet?

WV misurea: I get misurea just looking at these freaky baby cakes.

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCan't See Sheep

Oh gosh.. I've read ever single day you've posted and I've laughed a few times. But you were on a freaking roll the last two days!!!

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha

Having dabbled in cake decorating i can tell you its not easy!

That said I have no hesitation in calling these the UGLIEST CAKES i have ever seen.

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCRipes

Suzanne Dargie said...
Yikes! I can tell they used the Wilton 3D Teddy Bear pan for these........but what a mess!
_____________
I was just going to post this....

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCRipes

I like how both decorators remembered to put bonnets on for the babies

The first decorator could have nixed the baby and kept the tv, it was so well done

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCRipes

Are you SURE those cakes are supposed to be babies?????? They don't look anything like babies.... maybe baby Oompa-loompas (sp??) --the orange things from the Willy Wonka movie (the old one from a long time ago before cakes were made in such frightening shapes and colors)

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSméagolina

Oh dear. That first cake is just really ... unfortunate.

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMe!

I gagged upon seeing "Joe." I am not exaggerating.

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNYCGirl

They really look like newborn babies!

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

o_o

I mean, there are just no words. Really. I'd cut into them just to make it completely impossible to figure out what it was! "Cake! Let's have cake! NOW!"

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

Were those cakes baked or spawned?

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Shitty Astrologer

.......O.o

I demand compensation from those wreckators for emotional distress and mental trauma *rocks back and forth*

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those are just terrible! Shouldn't a person who wants to make baby-cakes understand what a human looks like in the first place?

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

You really had fun with this one didn't you?

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDelaney Linnea

Quite frankly, these "cakes" need to be cut - into teeny-tiny, unrecognizable pieces!

Oh, what the heck! Just chuck them into a woodchipper and be done with it!!

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermorriganscrow

I can't stop laughing!!!!!

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Those cakes are creepy as all get out. I'm actually traumatized.

Can you please do me a favor? Can you remind all those bakers out there that upside-down heart cakes don't look like anything other than asses? And they make me wonder how old the cakes are in the first place...

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

O.o

*runs away screaming*

OMG, those are horrible! Gremlin, anyone? And why are they so.. tan??

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAdy

Those are baby shower cakes???!!?..yikes!

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

These babies look a lot more like frogs than the frog-wrecks featured a little while back.

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Hmmmmmm...
Both of those monstrosities almost appear to be sitting on a floor; see what looks like a baseboard in the background in the first picture?
ALTHOUGH...it looks like a fire extinguisher case in the wall in the first photo--right behind the whateveritis (which is sitting there looking all whatevery and being referred to as an "Ethan"). And one wouldn't normally find a fire extinguisher placed that low to the floor. I for one wouldn't think to look down there. Especially in an emergency when I'd be all panicky and looking for a door or window. Or something to throw up into.
So, anyway, the Ethan makes "7" (!!)
But... 7 WHATS??
Look, anytime someone wants to chime in with a theory, I'm all ears.
I'd like to put this whole sordid affair behind me.

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

O GOD. Why would anyone want a harlequin baby cake? D:

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJellycar

they don't even look like babies!

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLucia

happy baby shower heres a skinless alien baby and a dude in a beater...
i hope these were not paid for

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjodi

Jen, you are a prize. I save my lurking for the nights I can't get to sleep. You're turning me into an insomniac! Stop being so darn funny, because tonight I'm afraid my laughing-out-loud will wake up the whole household.

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBaBaBaran

Actually, I think those are not babies, but wreck-y attempts to recreate the "Glo Worm and Friends" series. (Or rather, their opposite, namely Tan Worm and Friends...)

Seriously, look at Ethan; he looks just like the Glo Spider I had as a kid. Here's http://www.liketotally80s.com/80s-toys.html#gloworm" rel="nofollow">proof.

February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrown Suga'

These are supposed to be babies? What are they, mole-man babies?

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSexy Sadie

Talk about disaster cakes... eesh!

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLalis

Well that has turned me off of ever having a baby shower.. and quite possibly ever having sex again.. lol

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

My God... they look like Harlequin babies... o.o

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErica

I'm guessing Mandrake Root. Get your protective earmuffs.

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi D

Both of them kinda remind me of the scary Satan-baby in "Eraserhead". Note: This is really not a good thing...

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

OH. MY. G-D.

wahhhhhhh!

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNoodles

I thought that first one had "Satan" written on the front....

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFrankie D.

Aliens are coming ...

ATTENTION

ALIIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

YOU WILL BE SAFE, I'M JUST E-MAILING TO SAY GOODBYE.

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Your blog makes me laugh on a daily basis. I think it's wonderfully entertaining. But these cakes are so crazy, I can't believe people pay for them.
Thank you for the laughs!

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAunt+Uncle B

that is horrifying.

February 18, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbabybinko

yeah. i was going to point out the eraserhead baby resemblance as well. now i just want to recommend nobody google the term 'eraserhead baby'. turns out the film itself is significantly less disturbing than the message boards.

February 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel Leastlikely

Wow, creepy doesn't even cover it. The first one is very E.T.

February 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJM

Mum: he's staring weirdly at me, Muuuuuummm!

February 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermaxon

@sendingtheclowns. I was also thinking the same thing. I realized that they were trying to make a pun with "John and Kate Plus Eight." That's why the baby is on a TV. But it is all the wreckier because in no way whatsoever do I believe "Ethan" and "seven" rhyme. Not even slant rhyme.

Cathy

February 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You know, until I looked closer, the first one called to mind a microwave oven and its horrible results on a baby. So dark, but really!?!?!?

February 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermallthus

The coffee is GREEN?!

February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifah

As interpreted/ analyzed by my 3-year old daughter:

Cake #1 ; "That baby is a crab."

Cake #2: "Hmmm, poo poo."

February 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMama Martinez

I am PIMPL so hard right now! SERIOUSLY....stop it! Ok, breathe....

March 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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