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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Apr232010

Dolly Wants to Play...

There really is nothing more terrifying than a creepy baby doll. I'm serious. They freaked me out as a kid and still manage to scare the pants off me today, what with their static staring eyes and little outstretched zombie arms and all.

Thankfully, there's a new baking trend that makes these dolls waaaaaay less creepy. (I'm lying; these are terrifying. Proceed with caution.)

Don't... make... eye contact...

 

 

All tucked in, and ready to kill.

 

 


"Ooh! I'll take that corner piece..."

"...and an arm. But that's it. I'm dieting."


Note: This cake is not to scale.

 

 

Usually the pacifier is much larger.

Is it impolite to suck frosting off the baby's legs?

 

 

It is? Poor taste, huh?
...
Ok, what about its head?
...
No? Fine. I'll just collect my watermelon and show myself out.

 

Thanks, Valentina, Liz C., Carrie J., and Dana S.! Ya know, these cakes started out as creepy , but now they're looking kinda DELICIOUS. Mmmm.... babies.... grlslgrsagagagle.....

- Related Wreckage: Come On Barbie, Let's Go Party

 

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Reader Comments (163)

That first one actually made me scream "AHH" aloud. I'm only slightly embarrassed of this fact.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

That first one? The eyes totally follow you wherever you go in the room...

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I fear for my sanity, as my first thought observing the first baby cake was "My goodness, that's far too much icing,that'll make a person sick!"

Clearly, help is needed.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMegan (Best of Fates)

I'm so glad other people are creeped out by dolls too! That and little kids singing slow songs in a minor key!

http://myolderbrothers.blogspot.com/2009/07/guys-and-dolls.html

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor

I recently came across your blog via facebook. I make cakes myself, so one I really enjoy your blog. My 5 year old happened to be sitting next to me when I opened this entry and she said to me..."Uh, Mommy...those cakes are, um, well...scaring me. Those are creeeeepy cake." I told her I couldn't agree more. That first one....Yikes!
Nicole

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Oh my gosh, Fluffy Cow-- you're right!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuzy

I totally want a bed like the third cake!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOsaka_Mary

The first one is definitely creepy, although dolls in general are pretty creepy and putting them on cake is just weird.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPinkPrincessAli

Well the first 2 commenters answered my question. The first picture is so totally screwed up it looks like it was taken thru mud, but apparently it's just me 'cause they can see it.

Anywho; who's the perv who volunteers to lick all that frosting off those things? I would never look at them the same again.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is #2 resting it's little head on a wadded toilet paper? I'll have to put that into my arsenal of cake decorating accessories. Who'd have thought of that?

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn H

That fourth picture? The watermelon?

It’s Epcot.

(Ducks and runs away while screaming, “I had to do it! I had to do it!!”)

^..^

P.S. Or, in honor of the Bard’s birthday today: “Exit, pursued by a bear.”

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

Is it me or do all these look like babies in coffins or sleepy snow white style babies. Yeesh. "yes mam, I'd like to order me one of those zombie baby cakes. Yes the one with the creepy staring eyes. No, it's not for a baby shower my wife wants to get pregnant and I'm trying to scare the hell out of her."

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkimberj

Those are darn creepy. But as a frosting addict, I have to say about the first one, that buttercream work is gorgeous! If I could ignore the baby somehow (blinders of some very specific sort maybe?) I would totally shovel that cake in....

The third one: The scale makes it look as if it's a cake celebrating (? uh really?) the birth of a waaaaaaaay preterm fetus. For some...psychotic reason.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrascalmom

Totally creepy! And some of those look more like coffins than bassinets to me!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSmendrick

Wow...really can't fathom actually CUTTING into these...shivers

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren Borquez

These cakes should come with a "not safe for work" disclaimer. YOU trying explaining to your boss why you just started screaming in terror.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlisa

That first one? It's a witch. The instant the page loaded, I was frozen in place by its gaze. For several minutes, I couldn't look away, not even to read the text above it. I think it sucked out half my life force with its eyes. AUGH!

WHY would anyone put that on a cake? WHY?!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCara

I've been lurking for quite a while, but this has finally motivated me to post. Those are just horrible. Now I have "Creepy Doll" by Jonathan Coulton stuck in my head. I think he must have been looking at a cake like that first one when he wrote that song.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSkurvy

Glad I'm not the only one who finds them scary. You think these dolls are creepy. I had a baby doll with the coloured iris missing in one eye. Now, that one was SCARY!
Even so, they're nothing like "reborns" Take alook at these!
http://www.reborn-baby.com/

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

That last bed looks like a cataflaque --- or however it is you spell it --- the base that a coffin rests on --- so is the baby dead?
They all give me the creeps.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonkaloosa

I'm glad someone else feels the same way. Dolls are creepy.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor

My baby shower is today. I'm wishing I could get the first cake for festivities. Too funny!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

John Dash
That first one looks like it is lying in a coffin.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJohn

What is UP with those icing "blankets"?!? And the pillows?! Really?? You need to put a stuffed pillow on a cake?! These are terrifying.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermamabearstamps

Stepford babies. Eww.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

The last one looks like they have the baby's head straped to the bed with frosting.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKris

Creepy as hell... but surprisingly well done for cake wrecks... especially the detail on the blanket on the first one.

But the eyes... dear lord, the eyes!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

Ivy

I almosted expected to see any one of those dolls to suddenly pop up and give an even scarier look... just like in a horror movie. (I'm thinking of that one scene in Dragonfly where the kid was flatlined and his opened super wide suddenly) *shudders*

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIvy

Sorry. I meant to say his "eyes" opened super wide lol

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIvy

I'm sure that no dolls with eyes that close were used because it would look like a doll funeral, but I still don't see how it's better that your cake celebrates the village of the damned.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Babies? eek! I far prefer Barbie cakes. You feel slightly less perverted licking icing off of Barbie, you know. ;)

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Other than the creepy doll, that first one is actually very well done. For a second I thought maybe it would be better if they just used a doll whose eyes were closed, but then it would look like a creepy doll in a coffin.... the doll thing just doesn't work.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

The last one is a troll baby with its hair hidden under the frosting!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

It is so cool when the Dollar Tree becomes a baker's one stop source for cake accessories. They have it all, and only one dollar!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterReceptionist Row

I was thinking dead babies, until I read the comment about Village of the Damned. Yes, that's it. Old movie but still so creepy. Think brick wall, think brick wall.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

The eyes! The eyes are following me!! And the AAARRRRMMMMMSSSSS!!!!

That last one -- with the icing all over it? Way creepy.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay, so these are creepy, but somewhat less creepy than designs in which you are supposed to *eat* the baby. All I can think of is what you are going to do with a big sticky frosting-covered baby when everybody has eaten the cake. Yuck.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

It's a shame that so much generally excellent decorating was wasted on such terrifying cakes. Upon seeing the first cake, I thought "what a gorgeous cake, maybe this is the good example for all the wrecks to come," right before, "Holy crappin' crap, that baby is going to rip my face off with her fangs!"
Favorite Bard quote: What fresh Hell is this?

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMomcat

I particularly like that the second one looks like it's resting it's head on a pillow of quilted northern bath tissue...on the cake...

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOKBridetoBe

The fisrt one was the creepiest. The rest are actually not bad, especially the one with the blue checkered blanket. I actually like that one!

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCD

I've always been terrified of baby dolls, also. In fact, the only way this post could have been creepier is if you had thrown in some clowns.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpostmommy

@ Cathy:
You're not KIDDING.
You should add a disclaimer to that link, dear--people need to be vigorously warned about what they're getting into.
They do look like real babies...but the ones with closed eyes look real DEAD, especially the pictures with a sepia tone that makes them look like something you'd find in your great grandmother's attic. (The picture, not the "babies.")
One is a baby MONKEY, with a pacifier in its mouth. It makes me queasy to think that there probably are real people who would find "Baby Teeto" just too precious for words...
Horrific.

*waiting for racing heartbeat to calm down and panicked breathing to return to normal*

OTHER THAN THAT!!
Hey--nice DAY out, isn't it?
I need to go pump my brain out --see ya!
=^@.e^=

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Hilarious post, hilarious comments. I laughed so hard milk came out of my nose. (The fact that I wasn't drinking milk at the time is disconcerting. Probably a result of making eye contact with zombie baby #1)

Tigerwolf - Watermelon Epcot FTW.

Like others I'm getting the strong funeral vibe from all these cakes.

Miranda - your comment made me laugh out loud, followed by, "Wait..." and now I'm deer-in-the-headlights for a response. Honestly, I got nothing.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterburton

My husband looked at this with me (uncommon) and said number 3 looks like it's lying in a coffin, while number 4 looks like it's roped down - so cruel!

But that first one is just. plain. creepy!

Side note: my word verification word is petypopo...weird word.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

HA! Can we also add: "Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?" "Cause he puts an addictive chemical in it that makes you crave it fortnightly, smart a**!" "Aha. Cuckoo!" Brilliant! Love love love 'So I married an axe murderer'...will be quoting it all day now.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnners

It's the SECOND one that gives ME the creeps. ugh. Not even mentioning the toilet paper pillow thing. The third one? Looks like a baby on it's deathbed. double ugh. And WTF the last one looks like a baby about to go into some sort of MRI machine or something... like some weird medical baby game it's playing.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSue from Canada

I cannot tell which is creepier: the Damien cake (#1) or the Rosemary's Baby cake (#3 - includes Taro Root!).

Obviously, both were baked at the Addams Family Bakery on Mockingbird Lane.

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterflying gargoyle

Jeez, I think I read too much Stephen King because these just give me the heebie-jeebies. I'm just waiting for them to rise up out of their frosting bonds and start coming for me with their nasty dolly teeth.......

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Dolls don't generally creep me out, but I'm reminded of the episode of Destination Truth where they go to the Island of the Dolls. That doll's eye opened by itself! Now THAT is scary.

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

April 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA Girl In Her Kitchen

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