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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
May112010

The Bakers Wrecked 'Em

Note to the squeamish: some of today's cakes are medically gross. I've seen much worse, but still...put the coffee down.

As the child of a former RN, I couldn't let National Nurses Week go by without showing the nurses of the world some love.

And by "love," I mean this:

Uh...
I don't really know what's going on here ("I'm an escalator, not a doctor!"), but it looks serious.

Nurses have to have pretty strong stomachs to do what they do, not to mention a healthy dose of humor. This combination, however, makes for some...shall we say..."interesting" cakes.

Oooh, gutsy.
(At first I typed "gusty." Bwahahahah!)

Now, while Canadian nurses apparently celebrate their degrees with stuff like this:

A giant...water bottle? And a decapitated bear. And bar codes. And...uh...what the heck, Canada?

American nurses prefer their cakes a bit more bottom heavy.

As a Trekker, I really must object to this. Once I finish sniggering.

And yes, it gets worse.

This was was found over on Emily's blog:

It's a thermometer, not a straw.

Oh, and sorry for putting "straw" in your head if it wasn't there already.

Yeah, hindsight being 20/20, that was a bum crack to make. A real wipe-out. A party-pooping crapshoot*. Sorry.


*or crap chute, if you want to get technical.

Seriously, though, nurses, what's with the butts?

FUNNY-BUT-TRUE-STORY: My hubby John is a 250-pound tough guy who faints at needles. Once in college he had to get a shot in the cheek. The southern cheek. Well, the moment he bent over the table was the moment he first discovered that - you guessed it - he faints from needles.

He regained consciousness on the floor, in the lap of the lovely lady nurse who had caught him, with his pants down.


He now tells this story to every nurse we meet.


Next time, maybe we should bring cupcakes to help smooth things over:

"You take the pink pill, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the bloody band aid, and dude, you are nuts."

Audrey A., Shannon S., Matthias, Emily A., Jenny C., Sila Y., & Corey F., that's one way to call dibs on the vanilla cupcakes.

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Reader Comments (153)

I hope Charlotte and Anna are nurses. If not, they have a weird hobby.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor

The first one is a pregnant lady with fetal monitors on her belly (along with stretch marks galore).

That was a real stomach turner there today. Thanks for the help with my diet! No appetite now.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

OH!!! Lord have mercy!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

All of those hard-working nurses out there deserve much better than these!

Today's wv: stsylea, that queasy feeling you get from looking at medically questionable cake wrecks

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Does Charlotte and Anna's cake have "hair" on its "butt" or did someone try to frost it before it was completely cooled?
I am also disturbed by the amount of bum cakes there were. I didn't know nurses had such a fetish for heinies.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

@Taylor - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I was thinking the same thing.

Seriously - I want to know what's wrong with that one patient that he needs 20 thermometers? Butt Accupuncture? the world's record for most lollipops in one's bum? It's like the wreckerator is thinking...."just one more...no, it really needs another one...hmmmm, what if we put all the thermometers he's ever going to need in there? Perfect! What? We have more lollipop sticks left over? O.K., just a few more."

And I thought belly cakes were bad (even the well-dressed ones), but medically accurate belly cakes? {shudder} - the only thing missing was a previous c-section scar.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFerralyn

I live in Malaysia and so your blog is a bedtime read for me. Nothing like a good laugh to end the day, right? But hey, well, I'm afraid to think what my dreams will be like tonight!!!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfedfan

This is bad of me, but I first read John's story as that he farts from needles, and I was confused until I read it again and realized it said faints.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

Please, I beg you, find the story behind the Canadian cake. What is that!? I'm also a little concerned about the blood (and, er, stuff) leaking out of the thermometer straw cake.

What happened to the nurse's leg in the nurse lap cake? And how far has Davey sunk now that Goliath is out of the picture? So sad!

wv: mopin - Davey was really mopin when Goliath ran away.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Oh, my. These are just gross.

As the mom of a truly needle-phobic kid, John's story is not that encouraging. I was hoping my son would outgrow it!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWriteCards

The cake just under the Canadian one looks more like a pair of men's hanging things than butt checks. OOORRR, if you squint a bit, the cake could pass for an old woman's breasts. Either way, WoW and No thank-you! And who puts that many sticks up there anyway? Or is it like a cartoon where you SEE what you can't SMELL? Just wondering...

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterReceptionist Row

i concur, the first is a pregnant lady (most likely in labor and delivery) with fetal monitors on her belly (one for her heart, one for baby's) - and the red streaks are stretch marks. the EKG pads on the collarbone are a little much. also the frilly bra as most of us remove that for delivery, but i suppose it did have to be safe for work.

i'm VERY impressed with the accuracy of the GI cake. as a medical professional, the turns and bends (not to mention surface details) are surprisingly anatomically correct. kudos!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMamaBear

An amnihook and packets of lube scattered around a cake ... what the fourchette??

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarliO

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
It will be a long time before I eat cake again.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbrenkachicka

WHen I saw the bum with "multiple straws" calke the first thing I though was that the person had sat on (that is the censured version the immage was not pretty) a cactus and the nuses had to rempve the spikes...

And the single thermometer guy: that thermometer dos not go in at that angle let alone that position of the bum...

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

as a labor and delivery nurse, i recognized the first cake all too well! the scattered lubricant packets around the cake are a nice touch, let's all be glad there wasn't a cervix cake wreck displayed!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjenna

The first one, I think, is the belly (complete with seersucker stretch marks) of a mom pregnant with TWINS, a boy and a girl.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPenny

I don't know what's worse. Bloody band-aids or stretch marks. Why, people? Why do we do this to cake?

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That is the most delicious looking large intestine I have ever seen.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterD.B. Echo

Just got home from night shift in the Birth Center of a major metro hospital and I'm feelin' the LOVE. ;-D

Thanks to those who explained what's up w/ cake #1--I particularly liked the electronic lead patches on the shoulders. Often in the excitement of the actual birth they get overlooked when the monitors are unhooked.Then you get called in hours later by a frantic first-timer: "there's SOMETHING stuck on me!!!!'"

Thanks for recognizing NNDay. Being a nurse is a later-in --life 5th career----and it's by far the best, HARDEST, most challenging and satisfying way I could spend my life.

Oh, and as for the butt obsession--no clue. In my world, it's Girl-y bits.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNiteNurse

As a nursing student who is married to a freshly-graduated RN - I LOVED today's cakes. :) Some, bizarre though they may be, are actually quite well done. Don't think I could eat the band-aid cupcakes, though. Ew.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

As a mom of boy/girl twins, I am absolutely positive that the first cake is a belly with fetal monitors for twins.

The lubricant packets are a really "nice" touch - really adds to the make-you-squirm factor!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergenevra

You know, that preggo cake is the first one to really get the "pregnant" part right...stretch marks and all!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

What, no hemorrhoid cakes?

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJelliDonut

Um, I'm quite a lot disturbed by the brown stuff under the thermometer on the "Charlotte and Anna" cake. Which is saying a lot as there is such a lot to be disturbed by in this post...
Happy Nurses Week!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershaz

I think that first one is the thing they use to break a woman's water to start labor. What it's doing next to that disgusting cake, I haven't a clue.

Also, those butts look like, uh, the front part of a man's anatomy, the, uh, "berries" if you will. Why on earth would you want a cake shaped like that??

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoMama

Genevra - I also have boy/girl twins, but that fetal monitor is for a single baby. There'd be a third monitor strapped on for twins, as the top monitor is for mom.

Lovely how they included stretch marks on the boobs too, no one ever warns you about those, just the belly ones.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCherylPangolin

Ok, here's the deal wih the swabs in the bums- the only place to swab a patient to check for the anitbiotic resistant germs like VRA and ORSA is, you guessed it, the bum!

I am an ex-ICU nurse, and each and every admission had to have this done, as well as once a week for existing patients. It's how they track the spread and incidence of these infections. Not the nicest thing I ever did as a nurse, but not the worst by far either!

All that said, I laughed so hard I snorted at this post. Nurses have to keep a very good sense of humor about these things, or you would be unable to get through your day.

vw: emyela: What your patient does when you stick a swab in their butt- "I'm yell-a"

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWendyMom

I'm picking up some epcot vibes from the preggo belly cake...

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thanks for the coffee warning.

First of all - ewwwww!

Secondly - "gusty"?!!!?! Bwahaha!! Thanks for telling us about your awesome typo!

I think it's so cool that you are funny even when you aren't trying to be. It must truly be a gift.

I humbly bow to your amazingness! *I am not worthy!*

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

Yikes!

I always thought I liked nurses, but now I'm not so sure.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

LOVED the Matrix reference at the end. Hilarious.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

These cakes are the best!!! I LMAO at the pregnant belly one!!!

Vicki in NY

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm thinking the "to boldly go" cake was rather ballsy myself.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter1Kathleen

To me, the "Boldly Go" cake looks like a horror story from my ER nurse pal. It doesn't look like a thermometer, but some people will put ANYTHING up their butts. Lots of anythings, in some cases. Then they have an unpleasant visit with my pal in the Emergency ward, and I get an entertaining story.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTeratoMarty

My best guess as to what is on the Canadian nurses cake - an old fashioned pink enema bag and a zebra striped band-aid. They have all kinds of band-aids now, you can view some on this website: http://fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=2331&cat=311

Bacon? weird.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm a trekker and that cake is HILARIOUS! A wreck, but hilarious. The bandaid cuppies=eewwwwww!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I'm fairly certain that the Canadian cake is a shirt and massive tie. I am not sure what all the doohickies on it are.

Thanks Jen.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Lordy that was bad. Plus, the pregnant cake? Shouldn't she have an 'outty' button by now?

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStella

I think the object on top of the Canadian cake is a huge tie, not a water bottle. The thing is, whatever it is, why is it so darn huge compared to everything else? Awesome cakes though. Makes me want to make a cake and take it to the local hospital this week.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterReD

The "nurse" second-to-last one looks a little slutty with her blouse open like that! Inappropriate on so many levels!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlex Getts

Did you notice the one where the nurse has the person bent over her lap...her leg is "broken" as in the bottom portion of the fondant foot fell off. Ooops!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaurms15

Mmmm....bloody band-aids. I know what I'm making for my nursing school graduation!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercyn

The bandaid is DISGUSTING!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEG

I guess no one else has noticed the OTHER monitor on the pregnant belly cake. Follow the black line around and down.........yeah down there. It gets screwed into the baby's head.

You're welcome! ;)

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay, a part of me loves the way too true to life pregnancy cake--but I could never eat it! And to clear up the monitor confusion. The straps are BOTH for ONE baby. Not twins and not one for baby and one for mom. One of them monitors the baby's heartbeat and the other one monitors the contractions.

And there are WAY too many butt cakes!! I agree there's something disturbing coming out from under the "straw" thermometer and please tell me what the heck is going on with the one with a million sticks/thermometers/candles?! At first I saw it as a part of the male anatomy...wreckerators really need to include legs on these things!!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Er ... In addition to black icing and fondant (sorry, fondant fans), could we please add intestines and anuses (ani?) to the list of things that should never be on a cake?
Oh, and dirty Band-Aids.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Eurgh. I'm not sure the blood spatter was necessary on the intestine cake.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan

Speaking of Trek, I found this yesterday:

http://picardeatstroi.ytmnd.com/

Much better with sound, although it will probably drive anyone insane after a while.

Apologies to those who have already experienced this.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGoueznou

That is way too much lube to be near a cake in the first pic...

And I'll have a pill cupcake, please.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

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