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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Nov242010

Wrecks of Plenty

According to Wikipedia, the cornucopia - or "horn of plenty" - is typically a hollow, horn-shaped wicker basket filled with various kinds of festive fruit and vegetables.

According to Wreckerators, this is a cornucopia:

Where "festive fruit and vegetables" = "neon holographic plastic flotsam bits."

And this:


"Is that a vomiting tornado in your cart, or are you just sorry to see me?"


I refuse to believe this next one is anything other than a pile of tiny Wizard hats:

How many tiny Gandalfs had to die for this cookie cornucopia cake, huh? HOW MANY??

Fortunately, some of you knew better than to order a cornucopia cake. You ordered one of these lovely turkey ice cream cakes, instead:


So at least you have that to look forward to.

Heh. Aheh.

[keep scrolling]


Heh.

Oh, I'm sorry, do you still have an appetite? Here, let me help you with that:

Just think, "Charred and slimey." Thaaat oughta do it.

So in conclusion, tomorrow, remember to:

"Goble Goble,"

and:

But only one. Times are tough these days.

A very special "thank" to Diana T., Pam M., Sarah H., Tracy B., Sarah B., Linda S., & Emily G. (You guys will have to share.)

« Let's Hear It For The Bird | Main | Totally Stuffed »

Reader Comments (74)

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for Cake Wreck(s) ;) You've made many days at work more fun than they could ever be on their own (and it's especially nice when someone points out that my face and ears are red and I have tears streaming down my face ... from the hilarity that is Cake Wreck[s] not because a co-worker forgot to shower ... last month.

Have a safe and happy holiday!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTom Saaristo

I think the wizard hats cake is actually a cake of Louisiana. It has that shape to it.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

These are terrible. I want to make my own cake cornucopia to make myself feel better now.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

What the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks is that first thing? (Reminds me of the Princess Bride: "Dear God, what is that thing?")

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving and may NOTHING on your table resemble your daily posts! :)

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

I frequently get scared when I visit your weekday wrecks. Today was no exception.

Thank goodness for Sunday Sweets.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKashmir

Pile of tiny wizard hats,LOL! Happy Thanksgiving!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnnette

Thanks for the ab workout!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDorci

Must. Not. Drink. Coffee. And Read. Cakewrecks. At. Same. Time!!! I nearly spit coffee onto my lovely new computer and an old book... Those turkey things scared me. As did the strange cornucopia's. Excuse me while I go rock in a corner.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterellemck1

The "wizard hats" cake is a bunch of grapes.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

i love the last one. A special "thank" to you and John and #1 and all your other wrectastic assistants, Jen. You'll have to share too, but you've proven over and again what generous hearts you have with humor and compassion so i'm sure you'll have no trouble. I really appreciate the positive influence you've had in my life and truly thank you for continuing to blog both here & on epbot.

Happy Thanksgiving!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

#1: is that a big poop cloud spewing neon toxic rain full of chunks and leaves?

#2 ooh, that vomiting tornado is nasy. i think the wreckerator got confused about what goes in the cornucopia and the turkey, and put the stuffing in there instead!

I totally see the tiny wizard hats. (i'm guessing they're supposed to be grapes judging by the green and black vines near the top. unless it's a warped eggplant or those are truly wizard hats from a tiny wizard convention trapped in cookie dough and under the power of some wicked black magic.

Give Thank that you didn't eat any of these. And what a brown gnome hat is doing in a garden for Thanksgiving is beyond me.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

George Gobel?

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVal

Ok, the vomiting tornado... it is either spewing rice or is a basket of rotting fruit that has maggots. I was grossed out by that one and thought I had seen the worst..until...

#5- it looks as though there is fuzzy mold around the drumstix where they attach to the body and on one side it got so deep the leg fell off.

These are really, really, bad. Thank you CW! You did not disappoint today!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSandy C also in SoFla

I'm hoping that you have some Thanksgiving Day Sunday Sweets--or maybe Thursday Sweets :)

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlysa

LOVE THE GANDALF COMMENT!!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergaelowyn

I'm with Trevor- it's a blue wizard hat Louisiana. They aren't celebrating Thanksgiving, they are excited about the new HP movie! They're just celebrating it Nawlins style!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

Dear Jen, John, #1 and all other helpers,
Erin (at 10:07) said it beautifully so I "second" her post. Thanks--more than one thank-- for your creativity and the priceless gift of laughter. As many have expressed, that laughter sometimes comes at difficult times in your readers' lives and may just help someone hang in and hang on through another day.
Bless you all and best wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving!

Terrell, aka NiteNurse (which when I first typed it came out NitNurse; so many possibilities!?!)

Oh, and the cornucopia cakes--hideous!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNiteNurse

OMG, I took a shot of the vomiting tornado, too! Was going to send it this afternoon. It was...truly stunning in person.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaya

I'm just thankful to not have to eat something labeled "strawberry surprise". yikes! D:
And I am thankful for all the laughs from Cake Wrecks. And for the wreckoraters....keep on wrecking so I can keep laughing!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterana lisette

I'm at a complete loss about that first one. Are you sure it's supposed to be a cornucopia? I mean, it could also pass for a tree! Or just random cupcakes...

#2 points for it being a recognizable cornucopia. Loss of points for the contents thereof ("vomiting tornado" ). And what on earth is a "gold cake"? Would gold imply wealth which would mean competent decorators?

#3 could this be a stocking, as hung from the mantle Christmas Eve, that matches the wizard's cap? Sounds better than a bunch of hatless mini-wizards running around in a panic...

#4 I never thought it was possible to turn me off ice cream. Apparently, it is.

#5... ok, that actually looks pretty realistic. (I know enough bad cooks). But seriously, parsely and bread cubes does not go with CAKE. And cake is supposed to look yummy and sweet! Then again, if the cake looks as bad as these wrecks, it scares me to think what these wreckerators use for ingredients

#6 I never thought I'd be so relieved to see plastic flotsam

#7 Oh, NOW I see the horn and the contents. Took a few tries...

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

"But only one."

LOL!!!!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterConnie Moreno

Unfortunately, the vomiting tornado was the most realistic of all the cornucopias. This year I will give thanks for my cake decorating skills and a big thank you to myself for paying attention in school when they were teaching us our native language.

I hope your turkey isn't missing limbs or dripping with slime. Have a happy Thank-giving and goble goble! Oh, Lord, please take their pastry bags away from them. Amen.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJB

I'm pretty sure the wizard hat cake is actually supposed to be a grape cluster, sad as that is.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Are cake decorators even ALLOWED to see a real turkey before launching out blindly into the world of Cake Wrecks? Most of the turkeys I see in/on cakes must be female, because the positioning of the legs makes them look like they're ready for their annual "peep show."

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMomcat

Wizard hats! That one almost got my coffee!
Happy Thanksgiving CW crew!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCheri

Is that wild rice coming out of the second one? Just what I want on a cake.

Oh, well. Have a Wreck-Free, Thanksgiving, everyone!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladycrim

The model for the ice cream cake looks just as nasty as the wrecked ones. There needs to be a global (not goble) ban on cakes that attempt to look like meat. Yuck!!!

I believe I shall have a nice plastic flotsam salad and a bunch of wizard grapes for my holiday dinner instead. With plenty of alcohol.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeftWingLock

The cookie cake looks like "gable gable It's turkey tame"

.... Turkey on the roof?

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather D.

Strawberry Surprise?! I don't think that I could take any more surprises...

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie Miller

I used to decorate cakes for my children's birthday parties. I wonder now, if maybe I wouldn't make your blog with some of my struggling efforts.

Best not to test the theory. :)

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

And a special "thank" to Jen & John (you guys are OK with sharing, right?) at this holiday time. You consistently bring the funny!

WV: "sunhi" - what the weather's like when it's not rainhi or cloudhi... or night.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPretzelogic in Philly PA

I'm pretty sure that the wizard hat one is supposed to be a pile of grapes. The vine & leaf (which is actually well done, go leaf tip!) seem to suggest it.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCatsfire

Well, another thank-giving is upon us.

A kudos to @Val for already picking up on this, but I thought it would be nice if wreckerators could manage to misspell 'gobble' as 'gobel'. George, you are missed.

I am thanksful to not have seen a puke tornado cake first hand. So far, at least.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Sorry - Jive Thank on the last one, hard-glazed turkakes and possibly, just possibly, ricey maggots in the yellow (bleh!) greasy cornucopia...
I'm just not feeling...gulp...too...swallow..well.
May I please leave the table and pass on Thanksgiving supper?

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpinnywearer

pic #1~ the brown looks like pubic hair!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPatty

I like the Gigli cake. "It's turkey time - gobble gobble."

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthosemccombs

When my four year-old saw wreck number two he said, "Hey! I love it!" I may be an amateur baker but I think he's a wreckerator in training. :-/ Aubrey

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Why can't people just let food be? Let turkeys be turkeys and cake be cake. Why must the cake look like a turkey. I want dessert for goodness sake, not more turkey. I have enough leftovers to last a month as it is!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCrystal

I think I just have to be the LOTR geek here and point out that no tiny Gandalf died for the wizard hat cake. Gandalf was a grey wizard (and later a white wizard) and wouldn't have had a blue hat. Therefore the poor oppressed tiny wizards who had to die for this cookie-cake-thing were actually lesser wizards, and the wreckerator was obviously taking advantage of the fact that blue wizards are not yet as powerful as other wizards... Those poor blue wizards probably had so much potential. :(

WV - mervin - Merlin's cousin, Mervin was the one of the many wizards to be stripped of his tiny blue hat.

- Hannah

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The "Goble, goble - It's turkey time!" regrettably conjures up memories of 'Gigli' and its most infamous line.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpadraic

I don't...how....but that's not...wha...I just...

Happy "Goble Goble" Day, y'all.

Andrea

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thanks for the laugh!! #2 made me laugh out loud...attracting the attention of my 10 year old who had to know what was so funny....I'm thankful the the daily laugh I get from this site...thanks!!!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJanel Ogden

I want to know what "strawberry surprise" is. Or maybe that's what my Thank will be for...not knowing?

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHekate

What IS this fixation on Thanksgiving cakes, anyway? Cake is for every other holiday... pie is for Thanksgiving! At least it is at our house, says the cook who baked six pies (for seven people) last night. And I still have to finish the Boston Creme Pie, which, just to confound the situation, is actually made of cake. I had to get the son-in-law whose favorite "pie" is Boston Creme! Bless his heart.

But at least we won't be staring down a cakey turkey or a really ugly cornucopia. And that's worth being thankful!

And, like the rest of your fans, I, too, am thankful for the Cake Wrecks crew - thank you for the smiles, the giggles, the gagging sounds....

Merry at Annie's Book Stop

WV: harmax. C'mon, try this cake-ish turkey, what's the harmax?

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Can anyone tell me what "FlavorFull Strawberry Surprise" is supposed to taste like? I'm kind of worried, what with all of these puking turkeys and wizard hats going around...

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlex T. Valencic

Those turkeys are sickly glistening with sweet basting. I wouldn't touch those shiny cakes with a ten foot drumstick. Talk about PALTRY wreckerating!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBreast or Thigh?

Cake #4 comes from a nationwide ice cream franchise where I worked at the Corporate Headquarters. I recall witnessing this cake in it's design phase and protesting it heavily. Not for any reason but pure heinousness.
Glad to see it's getting the attention it deserves.

WV nativ : I was a nativ witness to this turkey's demise

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What a shock it was to me to realize the CCC is the only one of the bunch that didn't make me gag when I thought about eating it. How bad it is it, when the best is a CCC??

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbabyblue1217

That bottom cake was supposed to read, "Live Tank" which explains the chocolate whale covered in colored coral.

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNice Horn

All good artists sign their masterpieces. Does that explain why no cake designer featured here is prepared to claim responsibility?

It's a clear case of 'visual assault and bakery' and the the perpetrator must be identified and charged!

November 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCake Cop

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