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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Oct192010

Regular Wrecks

Okay. I'm sure you all get it by now: Chocolate icing, when squeezed out of a pastry bag, looks like poop. Always. Especially when it's filled with air bubbles. And nuts. And sometimes corn.


Which is why sometimes I have to believe these wreckerators are messing with us.

I mean, c'mon, look at this:

I'm pretty sure I saw that topper in Spencer's gag-gift section.

Or how 'bout this guy?

Me thinks Mr. Hanky's been drinking too much Red Bull.


EXPLANATION FOR OLDER GENERATIONS: See, Mr. Hanky is a cartoon character made of [cartoon] poop. No, really. Yes, I know: kids these days. And Red Bull is an "energy" drink that they claim gives you wings, but they're lying, and someone should tell you that before you go and get your hopes up and order your "Super Jen" outfit with matching sparkle cape and steampunk goggles. For example.


Sometimes they try to confuse us by throwing in random flotsam:

Are those...shovels? Axes? Wait. Is this a pun? Chopping a log? Oh, man, that is a new low, Wreckerators. Really. And for the love of lazy lumberjacks, WHY IS THERE A CHERRY ON TOP? This is NOT a "cherry on top" kind of moment!*

You know what really gets me, though? Over in Japan, where for some reason folks are obsessed with poo, bakeries make cakes that are actually *supposed* to look like #2 - but you know what those cakes look like? THIS:

That is seriously some of the cutest...stuff...I've ever seen.
(Although the flies with bunny heads will be visiting my nightmares tonight.)

But come over here to America, where ostensibly our bakeries do *not* make fecal facsimiles, and we get....this:


God bless America.

With a cherry on top.

(Seriously? Seriously?)


Thanks to Jen C., Kimberly W., Liz G., Kseniya T., & Mollie B., who are all Wreckies of excellent moral fiber.

*Update from john: First of all, yes. We know. Secondly, WE HAVE AN EPCOT!!! Under your desks everyone! This is not a drill!

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Reader Comments (143)

I need to keep this page bookmarked for when I feel like snacking. Perfect for losing one's appetite!

:::shudder:::

Pretty sure those are supposed to be yule logs.

I felt icky typing the word "logs" there.

-Anneke

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie Japannie

This has got to be one of the best posts ever. While I always find CakeWrecks to be funny and entertaining, this was a spit-my-coffee-at-the-computer day.

Definitely a cherry on top moment.

Seriously.

Chris

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Howdy ho!

Or

Hidey ho!

(depends on which source you use.)

Great blog. Thanks!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKashmir

I think the ones with the ax & cherry were probably intended for Washington's birthday, though I can't understand why that holiday would be cake or cupcake worthy. *shrug* But I strangely get the whole chopping a 'log' (cherry tree) with an ax. Or am I giving the wreckerator too much credit?

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeAnne

Oh my gosh! Laughing my head off!!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Oh man, part of me wants to try and hunt down one of those poo cakes I've seen in town, complete with paper and flies! It's actually very delicious and incredibly rich, but still, it'd probably have gone well with this post!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKilroy!

I'm not sure what the last cake is supposed to be for, but the first picture with cherries is probably for George Washington's birthday. You know, supposedly he chopped down a cherry tree and then wouldn't lie about it. It still looks like poos with plastic in them, though.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

I really, really want to see Jen with the sparkly cape and steampunk goggles. That would be beyond awesome!

Oh, and that last one? I'm glad I already had breakfast, because that was puke worthy.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

Those cup cakes look like they are commemorating George Washington's birthday? Like cutting down the cherry tree? Props to the wreckerator for knowing their historic myths.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarissa and Aidan

Poo cakes...as long as it isn't too realistic I'll still eat it!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBuzz Humor

My first thought with the log and ax ones was George Washington chopping down the cherry tree, maybe they're for Presidents' Day?

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think those brown blogs with axes were supposed to be branches of a cherry tree as in "Couldn't lie about chopping down a cherry tree". Lame, yes but I think that was it. Poo cakes, how about ewwww cakes :P

If you've never seen the blog SleepTalkinMan, you need to check it out. This guy in England says the weirdest (yes weirder than the wrecks) things and he really loves cake. Today's posting is about cake, check it out :)
http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkimberj

This was just a really crappy post. Not up to your usual nutty level of quality. It won't make me flush with pride to read it, nor is commenting today a pleasing duty.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDanger Boy

I bet those log cupcakes are in honor of George Washington's birthday... you know, because he didn't lie about chopping down a cherry tree. Just my guess:)

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeah S.

It was all great... but I just lost it at "moral fiber."

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

Sure the "logs" aren't for George Washington's chopping down the cherry tree?

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRow's Mom

I'm thinking those "logs" with axes are supposed to be for Washington's birthday. You know, "chopping down the cherry tree" sort of thing. Still unappetizing, though. "Let's have poo cupcakes to celebrate Washington's birthday!!" Ick!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterphantomessj

That poo butterfly is awesome!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne :-)

I think those cupcakes are representing the chopping of the cherry tree, and they are in honor of Washington's birthday...

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercarly

I sent someone today to look at this post and said "Please explain to me why I am not a professional cake decorator" after looking at these. Holy cow.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Guessing the ones with the axes & cherries are to celebrate Washington's birthday?

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLynn

I'm pretty sure the log cupcakes are in honor of George Washington's birthday... the cherry indicates the cherry tree he chopped down. Whether or not the trunk of the tree was made of poop is another story :)

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaeve

I think the poo with the cherry on top must have something to do with George Washington's birthday? I think the poo is suposed to be the tree....??? I wonder where they found the plastic axes?!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think the cherry/log cupcakes were for George Washington's birthday-- the "I cannot tell a lie, I chopped down that cherry tree" story. Not that that makes them any prettier.

I too want to see the sparkly cape and steampunk goggles photo! :-)

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergardengrl

I'd comment,

but I have to go.

*snicker*

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

*snert* I lost it . .. "moral fiber" . . . *snert*
Here's more information about why poo is lucky in Japan:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/japanfan/9069/#tabs

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTXpiespies

I think that perhaps the cherry log things are supposed to be george washington's cherry tree...however that does not make them any more appetizing...
-Kat

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think maybe the poo logs with the axes and the cherries are for Washington's birthday. We've all heard that he chopped down the cherry tree when he was a kid, but now, thanks to the wreckerator, we know that it was actually a cherry-festooned poo log. ^o^

As for the Japanese and poo.... Someone may have mentioned this before but the Japanese word that is equivalent to "poo" (rather than other, harsher words for fecal matter) is "うんこ" (unko) or "うんち” (unchi). The kanji for luck is "運", pronounced "うん” (un). The word for good luck is ”幸運”, pronounced ”こううん” (kou-un - the first "u" signifies that you hold out the "o" sound a little longer). The Japanese are really fond of word play, especially puns, so, at some point in time, a humourous connection was made between poo and good luck.

(WV is "logua" *heh* "LOGua" XP)

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkarasu

I have actually seen cupcakes like the log ones at a bakery for Washington's Birthday! But they didn't look so much like poo. I think they used modeling chocolate.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmi!y

That cake from Japan is traumatizing!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersjp2012

...and while I was typing up my comment, a bunch of other readers commented on the Washington/cherry tree thing.

Shades of "Epcot"... >_<

Gomen nasai! m(_ _)m

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkarasu

Hey, I'm pretty sure those axe cupcakes are celebrating George Washington's Epcot!

Btw.... *puke* not a morning appropriate post for me lol

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenni

Is it possible that the poo-and-cherry cupcakes were actually meant to, um, commemorate George Washington in some bizarre way? If the poo was actually meant to represent a tree trunk, and there's a cherry, a smidge of green foliage, and the plastic axe?

It's the only explanation I could think of.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermadrobins

I don't understand Japan's obsession with poo and combining the look of it with food. Has anyone seen the restaurant in Tokyo that serves chunky cream soups out of large bowls that look like toilets!? Why would you do that!?

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNiki

Just guessing here, but I think the "flies" were meant to be dung beetles. Makes sense, when you think about it.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh! This makes the baby Jesus cry! I'm gagging!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Mr. Hanky & Redbull...I almost blew coffee out my nose. Thank god I didn't that would have hurt.

Hey at least you can wear your super Jen costume with sparkle cape and steampunk goggles for Halloween. And post pictures!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDani

I'm with Annie Japannie.... the cherries don't look like cherries to me, they look like holly bits... very christmasy... but I agree with Jen - who cares what it was supposed to commemorate?! Why is there an ax, a log, and a cherry/holly on a teeny tiny cupcake?!?!?!
Especially the axe.... I feel like that's just wrong...
Tehehe. Great Job today! This post was excellent.... and I agree that the asian poop cake is awesome.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVampires Galore

POOP-COT!!!!!

once again, Jen (and John, the awesome Hubby of Jen), my diet thanks you. :)

of course, after all the poop cakes, i'm feeling a bit reluctant to reach for a bowl of healthy bran cereal. or prunes. or that "regulating" yogurt.

i guess french fries could work for breakfast ;)

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkittymidori

The cupcakes are the WORST.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

In case no one's told you yet, I think the cupcakes with the cherries were supposed to be for George Washington's birthday.

;)

Honestly though, I kinda thought they were supposed to be graves at first... I guess it wasn't as obvious as everyone else thinks!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey

A George Washington Epcot post! Which is what I thought of too.

We are cake wreckers, my friends.
And we'll keep on wrecking to the end.
....But it's been no bed of roses,
just swirls of poo.
I consider it a challenge,
how do you spell that?
I have no clue!

Congratu, gradu, radu lations!

We are cake wreckers, my friends.
And we'll keep on wrecking to the end.....
'cause we are cake wreckers of the world.

Sharon's Edible Art

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

As much of a pain it must be to moderate and read all the epcot-ish comments...these days really made it amusing for the rest of us! And I LOL-ed at "Poop-Cot" above! NICE!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

I'm mortified to be a part of the EPCOT today... Next time I'll wait awhile before commenting.

Besides that, I just got back from walking my dog, and she does better work than that last cake!
Some very nice "chocolate pretzels" from her today.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBin

Please enlighten me, a faithful reader, on the "epcot" joke? :)

WV=comin. I'm not going there...

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I adore you both!

Thanks for the Epcot warning John. Comments like these make my head hurt.

But the post....oh, the post.

Brilliant. I would love to own a Mr. Hanky on Redbull. I'd perch him on my shoulder and wear him proudly.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca.

I guess the consensus is that those cupcakes are a bit of history.

For the record, it is absolutely true that George Washington did not lie about chopping down a maraschino cherry tree.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRoland

Ok, Jen, we want proof of your Super Jen costume! (flying or not) Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that.

OMG my WV is dyessera - too close to today's topic, if you ask me...

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Happy Colonoscopy to you, too!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAuntie Meme

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