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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Nov152012

Er Mah Gourd!

Eek! I forgot to mention yesterday what is possibly the most popular indicator of Fall - you know, the one you see in every coffee shop, restaurant, and bakery across the nation.

Yep, I'm talking about that ubiquitous Fall flavor:

 

...Poop brûlée

 

Kidding, kidding. We all know the actual flavor of Fall is pumpkin:

...with poop on top.

 

Or on the side!

 

Or just washed down the edges.

 

Or whatever is happening here.

 

And when bakers aren't grossing us out with log-a-riffic "stem" action on their pumpkin cakes, they're busy gleefully spitting in the eye of Mother Nature:

I can just imagine them dramatically twirling their mustachios now:

 "Take THAT, nature, with your natural shapes, and your natural colors, and your sickening lack of spikes and crappy silly string. HA. Haha! AHAHAHAHAHAA!!"

 

 "Oh, and I always wanted my pumpkins to have a sphincter, so there."

 

Now, you might be questioning whether that is actually supposed to be a pumpkin.

First of all, NEVER QUESTION THE JEN.

Lest she speak of herself in the third person.

And second of all, of COURSE it's a pumpkin.

Can't you see that it's orange? And green? And brown? 

 WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT, YOU UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE PUMPKIN EATERS?

 

 Ah. 

Well, don't you worry; the turkey cakes are coming.

 

Thanks to Carol W., Rheanne K., Dawn R., Brady, Julie P., Holley R., Jessica S., & Lisa S. for the excuse to type the following: Ermahgourd! Permpkins!

« Let's Talk Turkey | Main | Fall's Fails »

Reader Comments (66)

People pumkin eaters.... oh geez. A lovely start to my day, thanks much! *sincerity*

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJareth

I imagined the "Target Lady" by Kristen Wiig on SNL saying this:

Ermahgourd! Permpkins!

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercc

So, basically you just wanted to do some Calabashing, right?

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

I think that last one is actually a Purkey.

Now, I'm going off into a nice quiet corner and suck my thumb and try not to think about Purkeys.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

Sung to “If You’re Happy and You Know It”

If it’s crappy and it shows it, it’s a wreck
Who would buy a poopy cookie? What the heck?
If there’s excrement atop it
Or beside is where they plopped it
And they really ought to stop it
It’s a wreck

If it’s flowing down the edges, it’s a wreck
If some poo slinkies emerge from piled dreck
If it’s half an orangy polyp
Or a sphincter done with dollops
Or a turkey you would wallop
It’s a wreck.


SERM SERNGS WRERT THERMSERLVERS

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Spaghatta nadles
on gourds: evidence of the
noodle incident.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Singing

Turkey cakes are a-comin', there's dancin' tonight

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJasini

"Oh, and I always wanted my pumpkins to have a sphincter, so there."

Now picture water spewing all over my computer monitor....

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Witch's Kitchen

Completely unrelated to this post: My 2 year old just asked for her daily dose of Cake Wrecks. "Want happy birfday cakes and babies wridin' cawwots." Thank you for making this possible. <3

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKdot

Oh, oh Sharyn.

<I>(Oh, oh oh. Oh Shaaaryn)</I>

/cough. Sorry. That just happens sometimes, I can't stop myself. Anyways.

The post put a smile on my face. Your song, though? I won't say that's the icing on the cake because daaang</I> is that cliche too puntastic for words on this sight, but.

Well.

It's the icing on the cake.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

I cackle-snorted after reading sphincter. Then once again after looking at the picture thinking "ohmigosh that does look like a sphincter." My co-workers already had their doubts about my sanity. Doubts are now gone. :)

Also, sphincter and poop. Of course one can't be mentioned without the other!

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGirlNamedCorrie

These are all perfect candidates for punkin chunkin!!! I wanna see em fly.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

*is running off into the distance yelling at the top of her lungs "The turkeys are coming! The turkeys are coming!"*

*really, really wishes she had a horse*


*and also really wishes that she had thought to devise some clever warning system, like, oh, lanterns or something, just to make this all a little bit easier*

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIkwig

Ooops, that should've been "the turkey CAKES are coming" - much, much more worrisome!

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIkwig

Bwaaahahahahahahaaa...

<looks again>

Bwaahahahahahahaaaaaa...

<wipes eyes>

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

Any post containing the word "sphincter" should be labelled as NSFW--I almost had a seizure trying to hold in laughter that would have be REALLY embarrassing here in the office.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Hip hip hooray!
It's Fecal Cake Day!
We've got the scoop
On all the poop
That bakers send our way!

Poop brulee...a delicious flavor...
One your guest will really savor,
The mouth-feel is quite a hit,
Smooth, yet chunky -- just a bit.

And pumpkins, pumpkins, a la poop...
Do you want another scoop?
Maybe put it "on the side"
Or drizzled down -- watch it slide!

Or maybe "free-form"...,avant-garde
We can do it -- it isn't hard.
Want a sphincter on your cake?
There is nothing we won't bake!

We do it, friends,
It's all for you.
We love to bake
And decorate with poo!
We're not ashamed,
I have to say,
Because we love
Fecal Cake Day!

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

@Sharyn -- two thumbs up for the song today!!! EXCELLENT
@Jen -- you, of course, (as always) are terrific

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Major lolololing here-this site gives me the best giggles of the day XD Sharyn and Haiku joy, how do you do it day after day XD XD XD

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

"the turkey cakes are coming."
YAY!!! I love turkey cake-wrecks!!

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

If I ever have a Punk band, they will be called The Pumpkin Sphincters, and you and John will have lifetime backstage passes.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Excellent post today, had me laughing like I haven't in a while x

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLulu

The sphincter comment made my day. :)

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Please tell me, Sharyn, that the last line was an impression of the Swedish Chef from the Muppets. Because that would make you even more awesome than we already knew you were.

And a much better impression of the Swedish Chef than that turkey cake is of a turkey. It's like they had one of those stick on bunny faces (only a turkey, obviously), and put it in the middle of some random half-finished rainbow cake.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

@Haiku Joy: Are you sure that's not the work of Hamster Huey?

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

It's official, we desperately need to take chocolate frosting away from cake decorators nothing good ever comes from using it.

What I don't understand is why so many bakers have such a big problem making a pumpkin cake I mean all you have to do is bake the cake in two bundt pans then stack cupcakes in the middle for a stem and frost. What is so hard about it?

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Today did not start out well (even after finally watching, last night, the Firefly 10th Anniversary Browncoats Unite special), but coming here has made everything all right again. Thanks, everyone!

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

PS: Oh and that 'turkey' looks more like one of those aliens from Sesame Street then a turkey to me.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

But...those......

<Blink>

Mmmm'kay...I got nothin'.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle C.

the turkey cakes are coming.

More ominous words were never said.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVixy

A happy young toddler named Kate
Anxiously awaited her cake,
This is the first,
But surely not worst,
Safeway pays mom to bake.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

Those cakes are Gourd Awful!
Flush those squash!

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

It's time to bake the poompkin pies!

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@Muria ~ Now I have the Swedish Chef dancing around in my head and I really wanna say "Bork Bork Bork"! However, THAT would be totally inappropriate for work. Thanks for that!
@Sharyn~ Another song in my head that just might get me in trouble at work today :-) Awesome!
@mel~ Thanks for helping me test my gag reflex. :-/
Thanks Jen and John (thoJ) and all the rest for all you do!

We have 6 birthdays in the next 4 weeks. Thanks to CW, I really hope nobody wants chocolate cake this year! But if we end up with a wrecky cake I know where to send the picture!!! :-)

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!
The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!
Their bodies are made of poo they say
Ad they might look a phallic we pray
As they all go marching down into the the bin
The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!
The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!

Dan B

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts! Wait what? Sorry, that's for Groundhog's Day, not pumpkins! My bad. Not as bad as these bakers though!

@Andrea - Yay! 10th Anniversary Special! I finally got to see it last night too, wasn't it fabulous!?

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBubbe

The Sphincter Pumpkin seems to be part violin.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

@Isolder74: Funny you should mention bundt cake when November 15th is National Bundt Cake Day! (I only just found out myself.)

Count me as another one who had to stifle a laugh for sphincter on a pumpkin.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

(apologies to Jacques Prévert)

The fecal leaves circle my cookie
The fecal leaves of red and brown
I see the plops from out the toilet
The things that I norm'lly flush down

Since you baked away, the days seem long
And soon I'll hear, "That is so wrong!"
But I still must serve it all, my baker
When autumn leaves start to fall

Since you baked away, the days seem long
And soon I'll hear, "That is so wrong!"
But I still must serve it all, my baker
When autumn leaves start to fall

But I still must serve it all, my baker...
(spoken) Eh, I'll just take that part off.
(sung)When autumn leaves start to fall...

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

Contestant number 5 is clearly a pile of poo vomitting lettuce. Duh.

Sharyn, I think I love you. Between this post and your song, I may never stop laughing. As hard as I try to discourage my nephew (10) from bathroom humor, I may have to show him this post :)

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHope

Cake #5 looks like someone's half-hearted attempt to camouflage a bathroom stop on a camping trip... "I'll just arrange a few leaves here, there... Perfect. Now no one can tell!'

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHelena

Fifth cake down. Green bacon?

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWill

@kdot... I love how your toddler is already wiser than the wreckerators! Clearly, a very smart kid with great taste in blogs :)

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

Calvin & Hobbes references in the comments= Awesome. :D

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

You had me at sphincter.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterreddpenn

What is possibly even worse about the sphincter cake (other that there's a sphincter on it) is that there is a slit right below it that reminds me of a part of female anatomy. Now you can't unsee it, right?

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKinipayla

"Calvin & Hobbes references in the comments= Awesome. :D"

Not to mention the Ally Brosh reference!! :)

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

@Bubbe: Yes! I just wished it was longer!

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Here I sit, eating a lovely piece of the pumpkin pie I brought home from work, trying not to hurl it back up. One really shouldn't eat when viewing these things (or reading the other comments, for that matter).

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

I am gobsmacked. Yes, that is a word.

November 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

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