My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Fall's Fails

Fall is officially upon us here in Florida, as evidenced by the fact that it's a blustery 78 degrees outside tonight. (Don't worry; I've already broken out the scarves, sweaters, furry boots, and electric blanket, just to be safe.)

The other way you can tell it's Fall, though - besides all the Floridians in snowsuits - is the fall-tastical offerings in our nation's bakeries:



I think.


Theoretically I KNOW this isn't a Can-Can dancer lifting her skirts, but darned if I can see anything else.


Because nothing says, "MMAAAUUUURGGHHH!!!" like a Hay Beast with peek-a-boo breasticles.



 Well, except maybe the Bell-Bottomed Scare Bear of Perpetual Perplexity:


He's Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Stayin' Alive.


Oooh, and if your birthday happens to fall during Fall, then you also have these fun options:


Thanks to this cake and John's alarmingly comprehensive knowledge of slang words, I now know that "nut" is also a verb.

I don't recommend looking it up.


With all due respect to yesterday's cake, this is a way better fire department theme:

My deer, you are on FIRE tonight!

Also, I think I'd have that lump checked out. Just sayin'.


And finally, this bakery helpfully reminds us that Fall is "Harevet Time"

  So get those bunnies in for their yearly check-ups ASAP, hear?


Thanks to Kiki, Nancy M., Addie H., Sarah T., Bevin, Tanya S., & Shelley for the nice trips.

« Er Mah Gourd! | Main | I'm Sensing a Theme Here... »

Reader Comments (79)

I think that first one is a pound of bacon.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenn T.

Thank you - was having a crap morning and the peek-a-boo breasticles made me laugh out loud!

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLori T.

That Harevet Time cake appears to be from a different baker than the 'bakery that shall not be named'! Perhaps the safe way to go would be for the unnamed bakery to get in touch with the Harevet Time baker about where they get their no logo labels.

Also, I snorted and almost chocked on my gum about the happy birthday cake. I'm so glad you are so innocent and John isn't. Your learning new slang words makes my 5-year-old maturity giggle uncontrollably. <3

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGirlNamedCorrie

Does the label on the last one say "1.5 layer"? What did they do with the other .5 layer? Or, did the cake just not rise enough to be a full layer? Maybe they ran out of batter?

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPatti

I'm going with tomatoes and white asparagus for cake #2.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Sung to “Call Me Maybe”

We’ll say it fell from a tree
Can-can girl’s all I can see
Hay monster’s staring at me
Watch the breasticles sway

Scare Bear’s fashion’s in a rut
You made me go look up “nut”
It’s time for roasted deer butt
Bugs gets a shot today

Hey, I’m just guessing
I could be crazy
But looking at these
Fall’s here, maybe?

It’s hard to look straight
At them, baby
But if you asked me
Fall’s here, maybe.

I’m going to HAVE to use the phrase “Peek-a-boo breasticles” at least once today in conversation. MMAAAUUUURGGHHH!

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I'm going with corn stalk sheaves for the second one, and pumpkins...but it honestly looks more like yellow asparagus tied in a bundle and tomatoes....which could be tasty but I doubt it rises to the level of a CAKE to honor it.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

On the Harevet cake, I'm just wondering how you get 1.5 layers of cake?

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy S

Love you every day ! Not in a scary way. . . really.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

I believe the first one is a Leaf On The Wind. Watch it soar!

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

Oui, c'est une danseuse.
Qu'est-ce un peu bonbon elle est.
Comment délicieux!

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I am with Jenn T. That first one looks like bacon. Moldy bacon actually with all that green around it.

And that Can-Can Dancer: Are those little green sperms crawling towards her?

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMiA

W...T..F.. O_o

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I for one salute John's knowledge!

So, I'm guessing one should be careful how one spells a Wreck made for Hallowe'en.

Right: "Boo Cake"
Wrong: "Buk334T#@@QRNO CARRIER

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

I think the Can Can Dancer is a corn stalk in a pumpkin patch.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLJ

For anyone who doesn't want to bother wandering over to, I did it for you: "nut" is apparently synonymous with "ejaculate."

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

1. Steak au tartare covered with cheese and served on a bed of lettuce
2. Hands in a field of tomatoes praying for a nuclear mushroom cloud
3. Jabba the Hut's country brother Bubba the Hay
4. Birthday cake for someone who you want to have nightmares until their next birthday
5. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww
6. Happy birthday Robert - here's to a year of deer in creepy bacon fields
7. Herpes time?

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterthalwen

That bump in the sky on the "deer on fire" cake... that's no moon, that's a space station!

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAJ

oh lord, I am crying laughing ... what were these decorators thinking? no, sorry, they weren't thinking at all.

ScaperMama, love that movie!

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

The second one is obviously hands raised in prayer over the bounty the Good Lord has provided us. :) (That's what I saw, didn't see the can can dancer...sorry)

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDonna M

Asparagus in bondage straddling pumpkins. Or perhaps tomatoes.
Tied up white asparagus with really red.... somethings, uh, squashed in.... ug
Where did I leave the eye bleach??

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

I originally read the "Nut over you" cake as "Not over you" and thought "OMG CREEPY STALKER CAKE!"

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

Today's post reminded me why it's dangerous to read Cake Wrecks while eating. I lost count of the times I nearly choked on my tuna salad while reading this. Thanks for the laughs, Jen, as always. :)

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Why are those large, white worms swarming through the Apocalyptic Dawn reflected in the waters of that algae infested puddle?

The scariest thing about these cakes is that they had the audacity to put a price tag on them. For $11.99 I'd demand a scarecrow, a fence...and that pesky other .5 layer they are apparently charging for, but not including. I'd also want the green "Harevet Time" removed as my mind immediately conjures up a gangrenous (is that a word) bunny rabbit. Ugh!

Just sayin'.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle C.

I think the Can-can dancer is a muzzle-end view of a cornucopia that isn't as full as it should be, with a bunch of tomatoes spilling out around a bundle of wax beans.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

The list of 'Things You Can't Unsee' lengthens.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

I'm sure it is white asparagus rising out of tomatoes on that second cake. But WHY?

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaitlyn

My daughter and I just took our daily CakeWrecks time out.

Anyway we were laughing our way through till we reached the Bell Bottomed Scare Bear when we both let out a scream and could't go on for a good minute of laughter.

Thank you for bringing my family closer together.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

That third one is Cousin It's sister, Itta. She lives in the country.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

The first one looks like a stegasaurus on fire, or covered in bacon.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCara

1. Wrig'ling death spasms
Without air, there is no life
Balloon Animals

2. Green inch worms engaging in synchronized pooping.

3. Peek-a-boo breasticles! Heehee!

4. Wait, what? Is that trying to be something? I mean, is there an actual Hippie Disco Bear out there that this CCC (patooie!) is trying to resemble?

5. @Wendy: Thanks for that. I was sort of afraid to know what that meant. Also, I don't think that wreckerator has ever seen nuts.

6. I literally lol-ed with that one. Just, no. "Wasn't your hump on the other side?" Heehee.

7. Oooooh, I wish my vet sent me cake reminders for appointments!

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

#2 looks like Dumb Donald in camo for a turkey hunt with Fat Albert and the gang.

Adding a brief but sincere prayer to our Lady of Perpetual Perplexity for safe and happy HoleDays.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

Oops I meant #3.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

"Theoretically I KNOW this isn't a Can-Can dancer lifting her skirts, but darned if I can see anything else." Line Of The Day!!!!! I nearly choked on my bread when I read it!!!

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Anyone else see the 2nd cake as white asparagus in a field of tomatoes? No? Must just be me.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDelphine

I thought the first one was a skunk with custom striping.

If the second one wasn't supposed to be a corn stalk and pumpkins, maybe it's supposed to be a shock of wheat with pumpkins. Or else that is some seriously overgrown white asparagus.

But "breasticles" . . . Oh my . . . . Can't wait to use that one! There's palace for that term in an online dating profile!

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Okay, after I had my laugh about the "Happy Birthday" cake (and cleaned the lunch nachos off my computer screen), I had to wonder...
Were they actually asking for a nut to be placed over the letter "u"? There is no letter "u" in Happy Birthday... Was it supposed to say "Not Over You"??? Yeah, I'd accept a birthday cake from a stalker ex...

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCybrczch

I think that the "Can-Can dancer" one looks like french fries and tomatoes. Harvest time for fast food, maybe?

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRainbow

I'm sorry, I must disagree about the last one.

It CLEARLY reads, "Harevet Lime."

It all becomes clear now, doesn't it?

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNaomizf

It is now my goal to see "breasticles" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Pure awesome.

I am sooo looking forward to the "turkey" "cakes" this year!

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Haiku Joy, I'm so impressed with the french poetry!

And yes, I too see gargantuan white asparagus with pumpkin minions surrounding it, the produce department is doomed!

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen from MD

So what is the Can Can girl actually supposed to be? And is it just me, or does the weird fringe thing around Scare Bear's face make him look sort of Ewok-ish?

@ScaperMama- thanks for making me cry. *sniff*

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelonie

The 4th one almost looks like Sweetums. Disco Sweetums?

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commentershereettu

I see a deer in a tall field of crispy bason for cake #6. Kind of makes me hungry for venison.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMS from Philly

I'm wondering if the happy birthday Robert cake is a Bambi take-off. The forest is on fire and thereby we know that "man is in the forest."

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Those designs really do take the cake.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermark

Jen, you should know that as soon as you say "I don't recommend looking it up," I have no choice but to do it.

Oh, my innocence...

ha ha. just kidding. i never had that.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmberK

Bubba the Hay for the win! And I think the second cake was made by Georgia O'keefe's stepsister Keefy O'George, who was going for something vaguely sexy and ended up with some kind of gruesome veggie-porn.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaxmom

All I can think of, every time I look at the second cake, is "Urotsukidoji". Is that wrong? (blinkblink)...

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Patti, I think there's a stair-step look to that 1.5 layer cake. They cut half the top layer off.

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTweetybirdus

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