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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
May112010

The Bakers Wrecked 'Em

Note to the squeamish: some of today's cakes are medically gross. I've seen much worse, but still...put the coffee down.

As the child of a former RN, I couldn't let National Nurses Week go by without showing the nurses of the world some love.

And by "love," I mean this:

Uh...
I don't really know what's going on here ("I'm an escalator, not a doctor!"), but it looks serious.

Nurses have to have pretty strong stomachs to do what they do, not to mention a healthy dose of humor. This combination, however, makes for some...shall we say..."interesting" cakes.

Oooh, gutsy.
(At first I typed "gusty." Bwahahahah!)

Now, while Canadian nurses apparently celebrate their degrees with stuff like this:

A giant...water bottle? And a decapitated bear. And bar codes. And...uh...what the heck, Canada?

American nurses prefer their cakes a bit more bottom heavy.

As a Trekker, I really must object to this. Once I finish sniggering.

And yes, it gets worse.

This was was found over on Emily's blog:

It's a thermometer, not a straw.

Oh, and sorry for putting "straw" in your head if it wasn't there already.

Yeah, hindsight being 20/20, that was a bum crack to make. A real wipe-out. A party-pooping crapshoot*. Sorry.


*or crap chute, if you want to get technical.

Seriously, though, nurses, what's with the butts?

FUNNY-BUT-TRUE-STORY: My hubby John is a 250-pound tough guy who faints at needles. Once in college he had to get a shot in the cheek. The southern cheek. Well, the moment he bent over the table was the moment he first discovered that - you guessed it - he faints from needles.

He regained consciousness on the floor, in the lap of the lovely lady nurse who had caught him, with his pants down.


He now tells this story to every nurse we meet.


Next time, maybe we should bring cupcakes to help smooth things over:

"You take the pink pill, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the bloody band aid, and dude, you are nuts."

Audrey A., Shannon S., Matthias, Emily A., Jenny C., Sila Y., & Corey F., that's one way to call dibs on the vanilla cupcakes.

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Reader Comments (154)

As a high-risk obstetrical nurse I LOVE that first cake. I see other nurses got the fetal monitors, the amni-hook, the packets of lube, but I think someone missed the long line of an epidural coming out the back. Good stuff. I must order that for our next department party!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNoa

That bit of *chocolate* below the *straw/thermometer* was too much.

If they wanted to make a cake unappetizing, they win the blue ribbon.

Ditto what brenkachicka said. Need mouthwash now.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

Honestly the most disgusting thing in my opinion is the cupcakes with the bloody bandaids. Did someone actually think people would eat these?

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJamesterCK

fainting across the nurse's lap w/pants down? Guess you may be luck if she only only uses the thermometer instead of the paddles to revive you.

Pink pills please. Lots of pink pills.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

I was looking at these with my 4 year old son...he said about the first cake "I hate that cake...that makes my tummy not feel so good." Simply put, but well said.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterames

OMG I laughed so hard!!!

I swear I was just thinking "why is there a straw,there???"...and the I read your comment!
Thanks for a good laugh after a crappy rainy day!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermeve

This was truly the most disgusting post I've ever seen. I would lose my appetite at any of those parties. YUK! Certainly shock and awe cakes.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

I think someone sat on a porcupine!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My mother used to work in an ER and sell custom cakes on the side, but I don't think she ever made any like this. I think it'd be fun to make the squiggly small intestines on the G.I. cake, though.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

This should be called the no-fail diet website.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Pregnant cake...toco(blue) for contractions US(pink) for fetal heart rate.that's one low kiddo btw. the black looking line at the bottom is a fetal scalp electrode.(good catch) there is also a pair of exam gloves on the side of the cake near the amni hook.there is also more ky than you can shake a stick at. the ekg electrode are kind of woogie in their placement. hmm. wish our nurse manager would get our unit a cake like this for nurses week.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthe cautionary tale

I'm amazed I only saw one comment saying this but...my very first thought when I looked at the intestine cake was "Wow, that is actually very anatomically accurate!"

I have no connection to the medical profession, but was glad to see someone in the field also said that. I feel validated that at least I was right :)

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCat

There are bar codes placed on things like blood bags, used to identify where they came from. Of course, I really can't tell if that's actually what that cake is representing.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMilo

OMG! You usually make me laugh, no doubt...but as a nurse, this made me feel in danger of a little stress incontinence! Lol...your commentary is 80% of the reason. Keep up the most excellent work :)

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

These cakes are a riot!!!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

I must say, the cupcakes were very well made in spite of the uh, unappetizing theme.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterchefmlkim

Okay as another mom of boy/girl twins...there is not way that is a belly with twins! I don't care how many monitors there are (and someone did correctly point out there would be one more), the belly needs to be a lot bigger! (And thankfully I don't have that many stretch marks!)

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Great post!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjess

Wow... just... gross. ...*is queasy*

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterYuurei Sakka

"Congratulations..." on getting a thermometer stuck where the sun doesn't shine??

I know it's supposed to congratulate two newly-minted nurses, but eeeeek. I guess if I were a nurse I'd find it hysterically funny! =)

I have nothing but respect for nurses. I had gallbladder surgery a few years back and my nurses were all fantastic. I blabbed on and on, higher than a kite before the surgery, and they just smiled and nodded!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladyrazorsharp

Actually, I think the GI cake--in addition to being really accurate--is also really well-made! Somebody needs to find that decorator some better applications for his/her skillset!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCeci

Those are hilarious! and freaky...and gross. The first one--what realistic stretch marks! Jen, she's in labor most likely and those are all the monitors that strap to her to monitor her and the baby (heartrate, etc.)

The hairy butt with the straw would have made me choke! Thank goodness I wasn't having lunch. Your commentary is hilarious as usual, btw! Poor Charlotte and Anna. Their names and congratulations are written in the same poo brown and blood red as the stuff oozing out from the straw, er, thermometer.

The butt "where no man has gone before" with the candles in the anus i hilarious. it looks like it's "blowing" a party favor.

bloody bandaids? seriously? blech! that would work for daycare teachers or school nurses, too.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjo

Cakes 4 and 5 look like something weird that came into the ER.....

Those nurses EARN their pay.

LOL @ Taylor. precisely!

I wonder if Charlotte and Anna are lesbians? or if the recipient of cake #4 is? or maybe she is a virgin....

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Maybe the Canadian cake is an old-timey soap suds enema with all the junk they found.

(Just the perspective of an old Canadian nurse.)

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDecadent Housewife

I'm so glad that I just finished eating before moving onto Cake Wrecks in my reader. Funny though!! I would have a hard time stomaching (no pun intended) eating those cakes and cupcakes with old bandaids. ew!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

I hate to say it, but me and my roommate were both thoroughly convinced for several minutes that the "boldly go" bum cake was an ejaculating penis.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Guess I shouldn't have looked at this right before lunch...

I can't believe how well-made that intestines cake is. However, I just recently watched George Romero's Day of the Dead, and can't help thinking that it would have been appropriate at a wrap party for that movie (albeit with a lot of translucent red icing on it...)

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBoy George

Having just had my third child about 4 weeks ago, I had to laugh at the fetal monitor cake. I'm quite sure my chest wasn't covered by anything quite as cute as that bra during labor.
Carol

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Maybe I'm perverted, but the lower part of that intestine looks like a limp--
Oh, never mind!
Anyway, so...the cakemakers had to have had a crazy-fun time making these! Bet they laughed their asses off.

=^0.0^=

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Anonymous said...
"I hate to say it, but me and my roommate were both thoroughly convinced for several minutes that the "boldly go" bum cake was an ejaculating penis."
******
Belonging to WHAT, a porcupine?

=^@.@^=

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Mmkay, fun and games aside, it's actually kind of not cool for bakers or anyone to make fake pills and put them on display like candy. It's bad enough that so many pills look like candy and vice versa. It's hard enough to teach our little kids the difference without people confusing it on purpose.

Plus, ew.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

Okay, the butt cakes are disgusting. As was the stomach one. I think I'm just going to boycott cake for a while. Ugh.

-Holly

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ugh. I can't stop twitching at the band-aid cupcakes. They wouldn't be so bad if they weren't DIRTY.

And that first cake is disturbing, mostly for the stretch marks. I like the fetal monitors, though.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Holyoak

Are you sure the one was not a colonoscopy? It would make sense too. No matter what, they are all kinda sick.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJocelyn

Wow. So glad I wasn't eating. But that second butt picture... is that red coming out from under the thermometer?! I think the nurse was waaaay too rough on that one.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShayna

I ask my self often on this site, especially though today. Who in the world could actually eat those. Yuck.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

an alien is going to burst out of that first one

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Methinks some of our esteemed British politicians might pay good money to be thus prone over nursey's lap.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Not to be gross, but I'm wondering if the "straw" is a rectal tube and not a thermometer. It would explain the.....leakage?

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"To boldly go where no man has gone before"

I hope those aren't pinworms. /wince

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Nurses deserve better! Lol...

p.s. it think you meant "Trekkie" not "Trekker". Just saying.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Susan said...
"...Who in the world could actually eat those."
------
They (nurses) see blood, crap, puke, and who-knows-what-else every day.
If they can deal with the real thing, then eating these (w)re(ck)-creations should be a piece of cake. And so it is. ;)
(I've got to stop looking at the limp-whatsis-intestine cake; it's making me crave kielbasa.)
=^u.u^=

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Anon @ 5:05,

For SHAME! Trekkie is a derogatory term for someone who enjoys, nay, LOVES Star Trek. The real term is Trekker.

Thank you and live long and Wreck On!

john

Other commenters have already said everything I was going to say (all the accoutrements on the first cake have been correctly identified now, and I do have to make sure the nurses on L&D have seen this!), but I do have to say that those are the best stretch marks I have ever seen on a cake.

Also the best small and large intestine I have ever seen on a cake.

We'll gloss over the fact that these are the ONLY intestines and stretch marks I've seen on cakes (I think: unless I'm repressing the memory of prior Cake Wrecks). But they really are quite good, for their kind!

wv: logratim. I believe those were creatures of Mordor.

Cathy-Cate

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCathy-Cate

Haha! Love the band-aid/bloody cupcakes. At least there were no CCCs of bums or chesty bits.

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthechubbygrl

As an RN who had a terrible night at work in the ER last night, I have to say "Thank's!" for the excellent laughs! Made me feel much better...and I'm so doing those bloody bandaid cupcakes for work next year!

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterConnie

I actually think the cupcakes witht he pills on them are kinda neat... yeah, I know, I'm weird.
I never understood why people would want to eat anyting that looks like an ass. Is the though of eating something full of fecal matter so appealing?

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterandrea

I'm sure your husband appreciates you telling all of us that story too! (The used bandages on the cupcakes are so nasty!)

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

Love the cupcakes-they are too funny. The intestine cake was detailed. And the sick part is that I would still eat them

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wreck #6- The nurse's foot fell of... >.<

May 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

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