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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
May052010

The Princess Bridal Cakes

"Mawwiage!

Mawwiage is wot bwings us togevaaah...today."

Plus everyone's favorites: the missed marks!

As always, we start with the inspiration cake:

Oooh, aaahhh.

And follow with what was actually received on The Big Day:

Ewww, awwww...


"Mawwiage: that bwessed awangement...."


"That dweem..."



"Wivin...a... dweem!"

"Stand your ground, men! Stand your ground!"


"So tweasure your wove."


And your airbrush.


Skipping to the end...

The chocolate coating makes it go down easier.
But you shouldn't go swimming after for at least a good hour.

Stephanie M., Anony M., Amanda C., Ann B., & Jennifer, are there Wrecks ahead? If there are, we'll all be fed!

Note from John: Um... just so we're all on the same page, the first cake in the pair is what the customer wanted and the second is what they got. Carry on then, carry on! (mmmm Fruit Newtons)

« Bring a Sponge; It's Getting Pretty Tacky In Here. | Main | May The Fourth Be With You »

Reader Comments (225)

OMG. I don't know what's funnier, the actual post or the commentary today! you guest posters are spot on with your Princess Bride comments today! Bravo!

Let me try:
Baker to MOB as she hears commotion from the bakery kitchen: I'm explaining to you because you look nervous.
Mother-of-the-Bride: I wasn't nervous. Maybe I was a little bit "concerned" but that's not the same thing. (she leaves)

Bakery owner to loose-cannon wreckerator, demanding he turn over the piping bag: For the last time, surrender!
Wreckerator: DEATH FIRST!
----------------------------
OR

Wreckerator: Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?
Wreckerator's friend who's been making wise-ass comments: I just want you to feel you're doing well.
Bakery owner storms in and turns on the wreckerator: And you-- friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed in Greenland! (Baker storms out)

Friend: That Baker, he can *fuss*.
Wreckerator: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
Friend: Probably he means no *harm*.
Baker: He's really very short on *charm*.

not my gift today, folks. But thanks for the warnings anyway, of what "my" wedding cake may look like, if I live to see it before being strangled on my wedding night.

--Princess Buttercream

wv: menate. The menate the cakes no matter what they looked like. But the bride was still upset at the ugliness of the wrecks.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"He said 'to blathe'...it means 'to bluff'"

Love the references to The Princess Bride.

I have to agree that not all of the "wrecks" were really not all that terrible. They definitely did not match the "wanted" pictures, but for the most part they weren't too bad.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

The first cake looks like Ace bandages. Gross!

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKate

They aren't as funny without your commentary.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDamon

To Stephanie M

Good for you for having such a great attitude, and to your photographer and florist for making the cake look as good as it does. Your baker didn't get to keep the whole $1000 quoted for the cake I hope!

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJudy in SATX

ROFLMAOH at the whole "Princess Bride" sequence. Especially since it was so very appropriate!

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

There's is nothing like a Princess Bride!

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteraims

Actually, the much criticized "tarnished silver thing" under the gold airbrushed mess appears to be the same stand as under the inspiration photo for the first draped cake with roses. Guess it goes to show that a poorly-executed cake can even make the stand look bad!

And the plastic ivy wrapped around the last one...good grief!

My condolences to these poor brides on receiving such deceptively promised cakes!

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Love the Princess Bride reference :-).

To be honest, I didn't think the first one was all that bad...other than what appeared to be the leaves on the bottom being half-swallowed by the cake. All in all, not bad, I don't think. The rest of them, though, well...

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJaye

I love these "missed the mark" cakes. Are the decorators really that incompetent that they can't tell the difference between their cakes and the goals? Or, do they just hope everyone else is blind?

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

Geez, I was going to say something funny about the Princess Bride comments but I keep getting that movie mixed up in my mind with Spaceballs! "Hey Abbott"!

How do these bakeries stay in business?? I guess the lesson here is to see ACTUAL samples of cakes a bakery does and not go to a random baker and ask for "this here picture".

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I would be so pissed off if I received the second cake. We'd be heading to People's Court.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

wuv it.

That first wreck cake looks like it has toilet paper wrapped around it! o_O

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCat

Ah! Princess Bride, a classic. Lovin' the quotes...

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you wrecked the cake, prepare to die!"

I know, I know, someone said it already, but I wanted to say it again.

These wrecks are truly "inconceivable!"

WV: "dicsk"
Is it just me or did someone's mind go to the gutter?

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSummer Knightly

That airbrushed cake is scaaaary.
No more rhymes now, I mean it.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSora

The "chocolate coating" line was truly inspired. <3

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAbigail

You totally read my mind- my fiance and I are avidly planning our wedding (coming next year) and keep joking with each other that we should ask our pastor to begin the ceremony just like in the movie. We can't decide if more people will crack up laughing or be seriously confused and if our parents will get the joke or not.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

That second wreck was really a cheese wheel, right? .... right...? .....eep.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hello, Lady.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. B

Oh dear.... oh dear.

Wreckerator, after completing wreck: "Think it's gonna work??"

Co-wreckerator: "Not a chance."

Incompetency abounds!

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLillian'sheart

oh wow...

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessiker

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my wedding cake. Prepare to die! :-)

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca Grace

Inconceivable!

You keep using that word... I do no think it means what you think it means...
and pretty much what everyone else said about the Princess Bride reference.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Woah, the second to the last cake looks like it got attacked by bronzer.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlicia

omg that last inspiration cake is so going to be my wedding cake. Hopefully it won't turn out the same.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

I feel so bad for the brides who were expecting look-alike cakes and got these disasters instead! My heart just goes out to them!

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterotterwoman

I have to confess a very tragic thing: I am the ONE person in. the. entire. WORLD... who has not once ...ever...seen..

*ducks for cover*

...that...movie.

(!!!!!!!)
I just couldn't keep such an agonizing secret inside anymore!!!!

I feel like such a leper. (((SIGH!)))

Is there a Losers Anonymous around here???
I MUST SEE THAT THING!
(But even without the whole story, that clip cracked me up!)
I hope I'm not banned from coming here after this!
Okay, that's it--it's out. Time to crawl back under my rock...
=^u.u^=

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

So, the purple-and-black striped cake just makes me think of Mayor McCheese.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRosemary

I am not left-handed either.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

NO!!! when will people learn you cannot use fondant instead of ribbon! It just don't work! Yech.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

And wove, twu wove, will fowwow you fowevah.

Nice. It's my favorite movie and srsly those cakes are hilarious.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I love these! But that pretty much sums up why I got cupcakes for my wedding.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecca D

Just started reading your blog - at the urging of a friend who thought I would like it. .. .so glad I did! Your humor is awsome - your comments - I bow to the sarcasm queen! I occationally do cakes for extra money and I have been fortunate to not have any "wrecks"(knock on wood)- unless you count my brothers wedding cake colapsing 2 minuted from the location!
Anyway - love your comments, love your blog - it is one of only 2 I follow. Keep it coming!
And HUGE points for the awsomely accurate Princess Bride reference!

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCharlene

They say of the cakes: "Ya think they got a chance of makin' it?"

"It would take a miracle."

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNala

I think a lot of the agony could be avoided if people would just lighten up. Yah~easy for me to say, right?
But, think about it: a wedding is SUPPOSED to be a couple's Happiest Day of their LIVES...yet we see (ESPECIALLY here!) that they can become huge stress-fests, loaded to the gills with details and precision and anxiety and the obligatory blood, sweat, tears, and MONEY. Okay, leave out the blood. But still, if I were ever to do it again (I'd have to get my husband's approval first), I'd wear my green, flower-patterned clown suit (which, btw, was handmade for me). We'd have hot dogs and hamburgers and CUPCAKES, and-and...OH! It would be on the 4th of July so we'd have a built-in parade in our honor, and fireworks!
What could be easier? Huh? Huh?
=^~.~^=

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Question: Who actually wrote the post? John posted it, but did Jen write it? Or did John? Is there an easy way for us to tell who wrote it? Or do we just enjoy the hilarious commentary without worrying about the author?

The last cake was PERFECT-the quote I mean, not the actual cake.

May 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMartha

These are great...but the writing is what always makes me ROTFL!!!! Love it, love it, love it!!!
And if I were the bride receiving these cakes, I would be saying....
MY NAME IS KATIE FRIEND...YOU KILLED MY CAKE! PREPARE TO DIE!!! ;)
Katie, Rawlins WY

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie Friend

Unfortunately, yes, they did get to keep the entire $900 and change. I guess I now know why they expected full payment in advance, eh? What's funny is the fact that it was my husband that insisted on this particular cake, too. I really wanted something a whole lot simpler that didn't need to be made with fondant, as I simply abhor the taste of fondant. So, basically I just blamed him and moved on. :D

Toilet paper, bandages... very apt descriptions in my book!

As for the PB quotes:

1) Wrecker! Polish my cake stand! I want to see my face shining in it by morning.

2) Wrecker: A word, my lady. We are but poor, lost cake decorators. Is there a village nearby?

Buttercup: There is nothing nearby... Not for miles.

Wrecker: Then there will be no one to hear you scream at our questionable taste.

3) Wrecker: I have a piping bag up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to put poo balls on your cake.

Man in Black: That does put a damper on our relationship.

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie M.

These are just awful...the second cake being the absolute worst in my opinion, it's such a stretch and so poorly made. My God. (How does one get black/white/blue, from brown/white/pink?? Who would request such a modification?? It's just bad bad bad.)

BEST. POST. EVER!!! (Looove The Princess Bride, you made my geeky heart sing!)

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarahPants5

I absolutely love your site! Its one of my favorite to read updates from.

-Michelle
http://einsteinonthebeach2.blogspot.com

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Ok, I don't think that second one was such a wreck!! cute, actually!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

All I can say is for that second cake .. if that wreckerator even dared show his/her face at my wedding with that they had best be prepared for a long chase with a fire ax lol. Ugh how terrible. I really hope they got a refund on that mess of a cake.

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

LOL John! I haven't thought of that Fruit Newtons ("Carry on, then, carry on") ad since I was a kid!

Seriously, you made me laugh so hard with that one. Thank you for the ultra-obscure reference!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGCN Justin

Do they really look at the beautiful inspiration cake and think "yeah, I can do that...no problem"??!!

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

really nice :)

Some of these are truly in-con-ceivable...

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLissy

Yup, the first one - not so wrecky. But certainly not so elegant. I think the saddest were the last one (chocolate with awful flowers) and the one that was supposed to look quilted. Of course, purple icing is never a good idea, so it was doomed from the start. (our wedding cake had a blue ribbon because we knew no one would want to eat blue icing!)

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjuliapoet

"Think they'll make it?"

"It'd take a miracle."

Well, these are wedding cakes! :-)

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJess Parsons

I LOVE all the Princess Bride quotes you used throughout this post! I needed that giggle this morning! Thanks!!!

Lbo

May 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter"L-Bo"

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