Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Aug262010

Great Wrecks In Store

Loyal Henchpersons, it has come to my attention that some of you are now concerned about ordering a cake. You feel there's no hope; that you're doomed to receiving a Wreck no matter what precautions you take. And for some strange reason, I feel a little responsible for this.

Well, good news, cake consumers: I'm here to restore your confidence! That's right: we're going to take a little field trip over to the local grocer's bakery. C'mon.

[pulling into parking lot] Aw, look! That must be the decorator's car! See, now that is an artist who takes his craft seriously.

Don't worry; I'm sure "CACE" is just an acronym.

Or a pun.

Or...something.

Look, the point is, this is a decorator who's not afraid to take "risks" for his art! And if you don't believe me, just look where he parked:

See?

Well, let's head into the store now, shall we?

[heading down main aisle]

Oooh, check it out! There's a sale on...er...wait. What does that say?

Ok, I can see you're getting a little concerned here. And, yes, three of the five words in the product name are misspelled. But, hey, they got "air" and "Febreze" right and those are tough! Besides, I'm sure the bakery employees are much more literate.

In fact, let's get over there; we have a cake to order!

Well, it's nice to know their ingredients may or may not be certifiable. Like I always say, a little mystery adds spice to life! Right? [elbowing ribs] Right?

[arriving at bakery counter] Ah, here we are! Now, let's get that cake ordered!


Hey, where are you going?

Get back over here!

C'mon, I'm sure the cake will be FINE. Don't be such a worry-wart!

Tell you what: I'll tell the nice employee here what we want, and you go grab some candles, ok? Meet you back here in five.

[five minutes later]

Oh, good, you found the candles! So...why don't you look happy?

Ah. Well...on the bright side, I doubt our decorator had anything to do with this! Heheheh - no?

Look, just to prove to you that everything is going to be alright, I got a copy of the order form the baker submitted for us. I'm sure once you look it over, all your concerns will be gone.

Um. We did want to be "Drawed a picture of a Thrown," right?

No?

Well, drat. I guess now we just hope for the best; they said it'd be done in just a few minutes...



A-ha! See? What'd I tell you? Nothing to worry about at ALL.

Oh, quit complaining: a double inscription means double the fun!

And centering is boring.

And teal is kind of like "royal blue." In as much as it's blue. Ish.

And it only looks a little like a shower chair toilet thingy.

And...hey, where are you going? We still have to add the candles! Come back!


Well, Wreckies, I hope this little excursion has helped allay your fears of professional cake ordering. Now go forth, and order cakes!

And maybe bring your cameras. You know, just in case.

Tesha W., Cathy W., Amanda D., Noelle R., Maggie C., Morgan W., & Penske, I guess that order was such a royal pain that it blue right past the wreckerators and had them throne for a loop. So I guess we'll call it a "drawed."

« Perfectly Punctual | Main | A Lesson in EspaƱol »

Reader Comments (89)

So frickin' funny!!

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

When in doubt (and one should always be in doubt), it's best to go with "all right" instead of "alright". Just sayin'.

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChrispy

AWESOME post! A fantastic witty narrative, well-illustrated with hideous examples to make the skin crawl. A field trip tour-de-force!

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

The order form is what hit me the most. What sort of self-respecting employer hires such cretins?!

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLulu

This reminds me of a guy who used to travel the country with his "typo correction kit" and fix spelling and grammar errors whenever he found them. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?cc=fp&sc=fb&storyId=129086941" rel="nofollow">Here's a link.

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

I bought some balloon shaped candles for a cake I'm making Saturday. And yes, all the letters are there!

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBree

Excellent post -- funny and sad all at the same time. I shudder at the misspellings and grammatical errors that are *everywhere* these days! Less/fewer, it's/its, "let Jim and I know" (ugh, ugh, UGH!), and my personal pet peeve, losing/loosing (WHY have people suddenly started spelling "lose" with two "o"s?)

But as awesome as the post was, I have to agree with the others on "alright."
http://americaneditor.wordpress.com/2010/02/18/on-words-alright-and-all-right/

Despite that, you guys are still all right!! ;)

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

When I was working a the Grand Canyon, one of the cafeterias had a large wooden sign (set high enough that most people never noticed it) pointing the way to the various serving stations. Included was a sign directing people to the "Deserts." Interestingly enough, if you went far enough in the direction the arrow pointed, leaving the building, going off the pavement, and making your way down various forest roads, you would in fact find yourself exiting the pine forest and entering the high-altitude desert.

WV: trotes
If these people bake as badly as they decorate, I'd be worried about coming down with a case of the trotes.

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCharles

I am sad that you didn't head over after ordering your cake to get a tattoo where fired wreckarators find employment misspelling words in tattoos. I sent you a link of some doozie tattoos!

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClaire and Jay McBride

OMG. "They want to be Drawed a picture of Thrown" is horrific. And I thought my co-workers were bad. My boss and I were just discussing how weird it is that the manager can spell words like refrigerator, but then spell afraid as afrade. My boss is a big fan of random quotation marks though and it drives me up the wall!

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGaliandy3941

what's with the quotation fingers? Its like I'm only capable of "ironic" parking at my own risk!

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterclan of the cave hair

That car is so funny. And seriously, how lucky for them to have misspelled that. Nobody would have ever appreciated the 40+ hours that probably went into that thing.

http://www.danoah.com" rel="nofollow">Single Dad Laughing

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSingle Dad Laughing

John (the hubby of Jen),
In regards to your comment at 11:54: you're my hero. That is all.

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

Being that I would consider that first picture to be of an art car, that "CACE" is most likely the acronym of the Central Art Car Exhibit http://www.centralartcarexhibit.com/ and was supposed to be that way as an inside joke.

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLori

OMG What a train wreck, seriously, what are they thinking....except that it would be good for a laugh or two ;P

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDesert Rubble

The candles were a "Best Buy." Better get two! This post was great!

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBabs

I fear for the future of the human race! Not sure which is funnier - my favorite rant-subject, the "random" use of quotation "marks" or, Sacre Bleu, "drawed a throwen'. DRAWED ? DRAWED ?? And what, pray tell, is a "throwen"??
These should be punishable offenses, no bail, no time off for good behavior, no release until the cake-con can pass a basic English writing and spelling test. I'm just saying!! (Actually, I'm just "writting!)

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterof sage and sepia

Hey! who leftleft the seat up on my royal 'thrown!'

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterunhurried sciurid

ohhhhkkkaaayy

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

great post! I had to order my first cakes ever last year for a wedding shower and a bachelorette pary. I was SO scared to order it after being a regular on this website. It turned out ok.

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Ordering a cake from a grocery store is not the same as ordering a professional cake. If you want a decent cake then you don't go to the grocery store, it's just common sense.

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrhonda

Geez it looks like an electric chair.

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Rhonda, if you check this site out frequently, you'll find that ordering a cake from a bakery does NOT guarantee ANYthing.

It has nothing to do with common sense at all. Just sayin'.

~~Di

wv - fartne -- can't come up with a sentence, but I just couldn't pass up posting it.

August 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"They want to be drawed a picture of a thrown."

BWUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and what a fail that febreze sign was!!!! Honestly, have they NO editing??

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTova

Hides under bed refusing to ever come out to order a cake from that bakery lol. Not even if I had someone go in with me.. I would stay in the car and make them deal with the inevitable wreck to come. Then eat it merrily seeing as I didn't pay for it lol.

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I work at a grocery store and after the bakery staff leave for the night, it often falls on me to write on cakes for people who, for some reason, need a personalized cake at 11pm.

Because of this site, I always make the customer write what they want on the cake, and then confirm the spelling with them. "Happy birthday Adam?" Write it down. "Congrats, Liz?" Here's a pen. They look at me like I'm incurably thick, but I know better!

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteraterrificfriend

I think a new blog is in order: 'World Wrecks'.

#1 I buy the acronym theory. The car looks like someone was washing it and decided to skip the rinse in order to be 'green'.

#2 To the person who created the sign, the risk is purely hypothetical, thus they can't really be blamed for not caring. "Here's your sign."

#3 An unmitigated disaster. The spelling errors rather overshadow the math problem, so here goes... "Save up to 60 cents", then the ever-popular small print advises, "when you buy..." followed by some number I can't decipher. But the last time I checked, $3.59 - $2.99 = $0.60. So the sign appears to suggest that the 'air freshners' are an effective $2.99 each when the mandated quantity is purchased, but that makes the total saving greater than 60 cents. Worse, if you buy just one freshner short of the quota, you're still paying the 'low price everyday' of $3.59, thus no savings. I mean, 'saving' -- 'savings' is what people used to have in the bank. I think it's time to get the Pentagon on the phone and call in a tactical *headdesk* strike -- the headdesk that is available to civilians just won't do it.

#5 I originally thought the sign said, "Writhing on cakes $200". Perhaps this is the "erotic bakery" spoken of by Scott (of 'Fireman Cake' and Basic Instructions fame).

#7 In 'Sling Blade II -- The Final Reckoning', Karl is released from prison and is hired by a bakery... I don't know if Jeff Foxworthy reads this blog, but I can picture him reading that order form and laughing for an hour.

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

This was an epic post.

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

AHHH!

My brain is melting from the onslaught of error!

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Please tell me these aren't all from the same place.

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

That teal is the closest they're getting to royal blue since they ordered their "thrown" in whipped icing! :P

wv: ookahso
These wreckorators are some definite Ookahsos!

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBryan

everything is going to be "alright"? seriously, if you're making a post about misspellings, you really have to double- and triple-check YOUR grammar and spelling. oops!

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMamaBear

I hit the comment button by mistake, but with a WV like "shuse" I had to share....

Pikachu I shuse you!!!!

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTesha

Jen, you and your crew have OUTDONE yourselves this week. Fabulous commentaries and storylines - I'm in awe of your creativity and writing skills.

Keep up the fabulous work!

WV: Chant - I will chant in my best Wayne's World imitation: "We're not worthy, we're not worthy!".

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

Am I the only one that is more disturbed by the cake order than the cake?

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIsabella

I love your stuff, but I've got to tell you, I don't think I've laughed so hard in a very, very long time!!! One of my cats became very concerned, and came up in my lap, just to check and make sure I was ok! :) Bless you, bless you!!!

Susan

August 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

My God those are cool! Im SO gonna follow you...I wish I had discovered this blog after we made my moms birthday cake! It was "a beautiful mess" full of calories and love...you would have loved it.
BTW
I have a blog too....its kinda like an online journal. its everythingcarly.blogspot.com. sorry, just tryen to get myself out there. :)

August 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarly

Oh dear...it is a sad day when they start manufacturacting happy birthday stuff that is spelt incorrectly. that has to be the lowest of the low!

August 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSylvia

I know this is an old post, but I just saw it for the first time. As usual, I can't stop laughing! My 4 year old said the cake looks like a car going through a tunnel.

November 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>