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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Sep292010

Somewhere in Germany...

"Tyler! Stop hitting your sister. Oh, look, hun! A bakery with an outdoor cafe! Let's stop in and get a treat for the kids. Whaddya say, Madison? Sound good?

"Oooh, wow, it all looks good! So hard to decide. Well, I think I'll get a couple of the chocolate donuts for the kids... Oh! And I'll have some of that cherry cheesecake. Yummy... hm? What's that, hun? Oh, ok. ...And my wife would like a big ol' slice of the dong cake, please!"

"Tyler! Get your face off the glass!"

Ah, Europe! You're so... European.

Thanks to Andrea G. (And yes, the smiley face really did have to be that big.)

Update: Listen! I really can't put the uncensored version up. (I know too many 9 year olds who read the blog.) But if you really want to see it, email me at comments(at)cakewrecks.com and I'll send it to you. Unless you're 9. In which case shame on you for even asking.

Update to the update: I have now sent out well over 300 uncensored dong cakes. I gotta tell you, if someone had asked me five years ago what I'd be doing in five years, I probably wouldn't have said, "Sending out explicit pictures of dong cakes to curious readers of our cake humor blog." I feel dirty. But in a good way.

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Reader Comments (108)

Here I thought it would only ruffle feathers that you were making fun of dead-presidents'-last-name-first-names. If it had been my blog, I would have done nothing different. Wreck on!

By the way, my wv is epusti. I'm just not gonna go there, because this is a family show. ;)

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

just curious - is 'e standin' up or layin' down?

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbarb

I hardly ever comment, but just had to agree with all the posters who say this blog is neither offensive nor off-color. Come on, with all the things they could have said, so many times... Yeah, it's time to lighten up.

Great blog, keep up the good work. I lurk here every day!

wv: ballyfu - I won't even go there, so as not to offend :-)

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hahaha! I can totally see it in the reflection on the glass. LOVE IT!!! It's too funny. Keep makin me laugh, CW!

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Jen and John, you carry right on with the penis cakes. Penis. Penis penis. Those who you lose, you lose.

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEG

GREAT blogging - keep it up! (no pun intended for today's blog) And I was disappointed when I went to yesterday's blog just to find out that "off color" referred to the color of the Polish flag. I was thinking I had missed something risque - not that I wasn't totally bummed for the entire Polish population who had viewed that cake. Cake Wrecks is the best!

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

haha! This is totally typical Germany. I love it! I lived in Germany for 10 years and believe me I have seen worse.

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMejis

Oh yea! I'd like to have THAT in my mouth! The cake, people! Bunch of dirty minded people! LOL!!
I, too, agree about all the off-color posts and stuff. But I say KEEP 'EM COMIN!! (ooooooh, wrong word to use in a comment on a dong cake?)

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh wow, I can't believe some people are butthurt over a CENSORED picture of a cake penis. Get over yourselves! Only roughly HALF of the entire population of Earth has one. It is not offensive. (And I wish it wasn't censored, would have liked to see what was there. Maybe a NSFW link so those that wish to see... can?).

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlanna

After seeing the uncensored photo, I am convinced that the baker is a man. A small man with a large imagination!

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenteraWilson

Good god what kind of occassion calls for that kind of cake

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have always thought this blog appropriately censored mature material very well, while still maintaining the humor that (indeed) some cakes are very adult oriented!
This post is awesome! Keep up the good work!

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

LOL

With all that can be seen on the 'net, I'm surprised ANYone can say they're offended by CW.

As for the person who thinks a 9 year old does NOT know what human genitalia looks like -- get real. Sex education in school begins at 6 years old. Well, ok, maybe that's just in Catholic school where I went! Public school waits longer so the kids can experiment on their own.

If a kid hasn't seen himself naked by then, I'd really wonder about the parents and the child's hygiene.

Melody, get a grip. Or stop visiting. Sure hope you never visit Europe.

wv - sherfai -- viewing 'off color' cakes is a sherfai way to either giggle or gag...

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Listen! I really can't put the uncensored version up. (I know too many 9 year olds who read the blog.)"

Aww! This just confirms my long-held belief: kids really do ruin everything.

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That must be some stiff frosting there to get the happyface slider...
I honestly don't know if that's good or bad in this case.

September 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJan

Hey, how 'bout instead of fussing about someone's comment, we put our time to good use...like deciding how one might CUT this cake!! Serioiusly, I don't want that job!

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

thank you ViiriƤinen for the link to a very distinguished chocolateer! Do they ship internationally?

This blog rocks, rocks, rocks! Don't change a thing. We are all thinking the same thing anyway!

Yo ImagineMel and RazorSharpLady: your NOM is showing.

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

hey, guys (my fellow readers)-- when ImagineMel referred to "off-color posts" yesterday, she wasn't referring to the earlier Wednesday post (two Wed posts this week, Dong and Off Color). She was talking about Tuesday's post (Ba-loony). Specifically probably the third picture down.

To be honest, there are some comments that are little over the top for family entertainment-- but hey, it's Jen & John's blog. And they do try to warn us when that is coming up. And some of the cakes do appear "inappropriate" and definitely lean towards that type of blogging. I can honestly say I don't think I'd change a single word of any thing they've posted.

I find it highly unlikely that anyone who has seriously been reading CW is JUST finding "off-color posts"-- It's part of the site and what most enjoy about it. :D

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLissy

Oh my.. a cake shop that sells naughty cakes however would we live without them?? Lol that is priceless. I would die laughing before I even had a chance to order something. Love the smiley face :)

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Well, the flag was decidedly off-color (in the literal sense), but there are so many much more important things at which to take offense these days that this blog just doesn't make the list.

Besides, the wreckerators produce this stuff! Spaceship Earth (I refuse to utter the E-word) posts can only go so far, thankfully.

Suppose CW was wall-to-wall Sunday Sweets. I'd get Sunday Diabetes before the first week was out.

Anyway, there are other sites displaying perfect cakes sent forth into the world by annoyingly talented people who must have undreamt-of surpluses of time, workspace and equipment. I want to see cakes made by norm-- well, people who produce something similar to what would likely occur if I attempted cake decoration. What site, other than this one, has that?

Do I love each and every post? No. Neither am I being forced to view this blog.

Have a mice day, complainers.

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Oh my god, send me that picture, I am soooo making a dong cake for my boyfriends birthday on Monday! Haha! tear_jerker at hotmail dot comitty com diddly om.

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdarkshines

Thanks for sending me the *undoctored* photo! My, that's a lot of hair... at first glance, I thought it was a baby gerbil. :=)

Keep posting, Jen and John!

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjunewilliams7

Dear Jen and John,
How DARE you write suggestive posts about private parts and posting them willy nilly all over My internets? I, for one, must remain free of any and all suggestions that we, humans, are not asexual and do indeed have funny looking parts that 80% jokes in the world are based on. Please remember the needs of my virginal eyes when you write your blog from now on. I mean, I don't go turning on lights in YOUR bedroom, do I? *blink, blink.. awkward backing away"

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlisa in Taiwan

The only thing offensive here, is the priggish notion that chocolate-glaze, roughly in the shape of a penis, would be offensive (or else 'a bad influence') on a nine-year old. Any nine-year old with an internet connection and enough sense to visit cake-wrecks has seen more and worse and in context that actually *would* be inappropriate for nine-year olds. Ackh...

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWode P. Ghouse

In my opinion there are always going to be things that you don't agree with/find funny/find appropriate. Do I find every post here hilarious? No. But does that stop me from checking back every day to see what's new? No. You are in control of what you see so one can easily click that little 'x' at the top of their screen if what they read isn't to their liking. It's not like you have the picture first thing; you always have some sort of description first that at least hints to the reader what kind of picture they are going to see. From there you can make your own decision whether you want to look or not. We're big kids, we can handle it I thought. I know 3 year olds who can.

Anyway, love the blog and I will be back tomorrow to check out the newest post. I won't say don't worry about those few who don't understand because when you receive criticism it's hard not to think about it. But as you said at Epbot, you probably gained more followers than you lost.

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

I wince (and laugh) when I see groin shots on AFV. How would I react to cutting this cake?

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterL.B.

Thank you for not putting it up. In fact, my 9 year old does read this blog. She usually misses the more adult-type humour and loves the site. I never, ever mind the jokes (I'm Canadian) and think your site is perfect. "Adult" humour and everything!

I do, however, appreciate a well placed smiley face on an obvious cake.

You guys are awesome.

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca F.

In my opinion some people have such horrible and/or boring lives that they try and make people as miserable as they are. The expression "misery loves company" has to come from some where. Like many commenters have said if you dont like the blog dont read it! There are PLENTY of people who obviously love what Jen and John do here, and I am one of them. I honestly believe that if anything were changed than CW would loose a lot more readers than the few who dont like this blog as is. CW is like my coffee in the morning I cant get threw my day without it!

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMamakitty1978

Thank you cake wrecks for bringing the funny and for keeping it family-friendly. My kids love to look over my shoulder when I view cake wrecks, and not once have I seen anything on the site that would make me add it to my "after the kids are in bed" list. Much less anything to bring on an epic cyber-flounce complete with attention seeking announcement of said flouncing.

Now I have said my piece and I am going to go get a cup of coffee! Hmph! I hope you're satisfied.

;-)
captcha: inkew
I do not know what it means, but it seems strangely appropriate somehow.

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKittyKat

Actually I do think that bakeries in big towns like Hamburg are way to sophisticated to display cakes like these.

BUT: there certainly seems to be a special appeal about cakes covering human body parts - for instance a cake covering female cleavage in various stages of nakedness, which is all the rage in the thread below. Beware of the pictures, of course ;)

http://www.chefkoch.de/forum/2,82,418759/Busentorten.html

Oh, and these are not donuts: they are "Nougatringe" - made with layered cookies and a nougat-buttercream. Delicious!

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterUlrike

I love love love your posts. Especially the ones that are REALLY funny--like this one. Your commentary is well written and VERY funny. As someone else said earlier, I am way more offended and embarrassed by the utterly inexcusable illiteracy in cake writing! Please keep the REALLY funny ones coming!

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

Lol, sometimes being German can be cool. Have to admit though, I haven't seen a cake that explicit before. But it's not bad, right? How many times do we call it a wreck because it's not anatomical correct? ^.^

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBettina

My opinion isn't worth more than anyone else's two cents, but I think you're doing a great job posting things that are funny while maintaining a family friendly/safe for work atmosphere. Keep up the great work and good luck with that balancing act you've got going :-)

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

You know, I think I prefer the smiley-face version. I'm not a prude - it's just funnier this way! (Sort of like part of the humor in "The Daily Show" for me comes from the bleeped-out words - I watched it once uncensored at 1 am and it wasn't nearly as funny.)

WV word: pernic. Not making this up, honest.

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShanti

My 5-year-old just said "that is a happy cake." Good thing she was talking about the smiley face!

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLindsay

I'm with the non-offended, please consider an "after the kids are in bed" link for those of us who would find uncensored cakes (it's CAKE people!) amusing. Although, I have noticed that for many cakes, it's John & Jen's comments that's so entertaining, the cake itself is sometimes almost beside the point :)

As for comments about the cake: it is interesting that the woman's clothed. Maybe the baker was a newly-single female who was, um, enjoying men the only way she could right now?

Loved the comments about mouthfuls, how would you cut the cake (Bobbit-style??), 6 foot Pole, etc :)

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

Will you puh-leeeeze post an update letting us know how many people request that email??

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA

I think it is sad that someone can't express their opinion about jokes without having everyone else lambast them for their personal preferences. If ImagineMel doesn't appreciate "off-color" humor, then let her express that and move on. We don't need to make nasty comments about her.
I'm glad the smiley face was there. I'm glad Jen warns us when things aren't safe for kids. The off-color stuff sometimes bothers me and sometimes doesn't (depends on my mood that day). But I don't read and re-read posts that bug me and I keep reading because most everything is hilarious.
Jen, John, - keep up the good work. And commenters, let someone go without comment if they don't like something. It's not the end of the world.

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCurly-T

Uh, thanks for sending me the uncensored Dong Cake picture.

I think I'll just have that turnover instead...

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterveg-o-matic

*vomit*

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

You really can't show the picture? The blog is full of cakes which unintentionally look like willies, why not a cake thatintentionally looks like one?
Tim

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTim Lane

Thanks for the uber fast reply to my email! Good lord that is a giant...cake!

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

You know, I find the smiley face censorship more disturbing than the possibility of seeing cake wang.
Mostly because it reminds me of a certain Queens of the Stone Age music video.
The things your mind creates when there's a smiley face filling up most of the screen and rotating is actually worse than what was really happening behind that face...

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterProcrastinateher

Well, I've given it 24 hours thought, like all major decisions; and I've decided not to "go away", but I have an obsessive fascination with what will happen next. It's called Cake Wrecks for good reason - and I'm hooked. So, do you suppose those really ugly, misspelled cakes shame anyone? They are far more offensive than biological obsessions. Norine

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Anonymous @ 12:14 said:

"Hey, how 'bout instead of fussing about someone's comment, we put our time to good use...like deciding how one might CUT this cake!! Serioiusly, I don't want that job!"

I suggest getting Lorena Bobbit for the job of cutting the "cake".

~Kathy D~

wv: kaxed -- past tense of caxe (only misspelled with a k)

September 30, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thanks for the uncensored version - and I'm glad I didn't get it before bed last night. That "thing" would have given me nightmares!

Rock on, Jen & John.

wv - vicalan: What I'd have to have taken a lot of in order to eat that cake.

October 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

Thanks for e-mailing me the photo, it was totally worth the effort.

October 1, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermystic_eye_cda

Oh mai..... It's been a long time since I've seen a "european one" -- but... um... why does it look upside-down? (Yeah, I managed to beg for the uncensored version).

It's quite amusing, disturbing, and almost makes me slightly jealous..

Of course, I have a problem... I don't find it offensive at all. But I WOULD get concerned when the cake knife gets near it... almost like a bris... :)

October 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSimply Unpredictable

It just goes to show that I live in one of the weirdest cities in America...here in Portland we have a Doughnut shop that sells anatomically correct doughnuts (they call them C*** and Balls...and no surprise they're cream filled). I wasn't one bit shocked :-)

If you're ever in PDX check them out...tasty! http://voodoodoughnut.com/

October 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCorri Anne

After living in Berlin for 2 years I so want to see that cake :)

October 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMOMof3LAWS

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