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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jan032011

The Cake Wrecks Hangover Cure

[lowering lights]

[tiptoeing closer]

[whispering] Good morning, sunshine! Happy New Year. How's your head?

Oooh, that bad, huh? Well, I know you partied pretty hard this weekend, so we're gonna take today's post nice and slow and easy. Like a peaceful, breezy feeling. A sweet, cool, stomach-calming....


Oh.

Sheesh, what'd they frost that thing with, marshmallows and warm head cheese?

Hm?

OH, right! Sorry, sorry!

Aw, you're looking a little pale. You know what would help? More cake.
[nodding knowingly]


How convenient! The Oreos come pre-chewed!

Whoa, there, pal. You sure are sweating a lot.

Quick, take a look at this:


I'd say the fly died after seeing the moldy strawberry. What do you think?

Wow. I've never actually seen someone turn that shade of green before. Fascinating.

Well, listen. Maybe you shouldn't scroll down any further.

No, really, I mean it.

You really shouldn't be scrolling down here in your condition.

Or any condition, for that matter.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, this last cake is really, really gross.

Like, life-time-trauma level disgusting.

You're still scrolling.

What are you, some kind of sadomasochist?

I'm telling you, this thing is NASTY.

Well...

Ok.

But don't say I didn't warn you.

Last chance to scroll back!

Aaaand...

Prepare to squirm:



[yelling] The bathroom's the first door on your left! Happy New Year!

Anony M., Carissa S., Jessica, & Anony M., thanks for kick-starting my New Year's diet plan.

« Resolution Time | Main | Sunday Sweets: Baby Cakes »

Reader Comments (128)

Jen, you are evil.

pure.

evil.

(and yet I keep reading :)

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin J

Hey, at least the Oreo cake comes with Pepto-bismal frosting!

(Not even TOUCHING the worm-cake...in any sense of the word.)

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShanti

As soon as I saw the "squirms" reference in that last one...I knew there would be worms..I was prepared...almost. lol

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMary

Still waiting to find an explination to the last one in the comments... nope not there... HOW one earth did they do that????

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather D.

Actually, I think the first cake was the grossest of the bunch, but I have to say I'd probably hesitate before tasting that last one. I'm pretty sure those are gummy worms, but still... o_O

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Well, I see Ralph & Earl's bakery is in full production.

That first one looks like a shrink-wrapped stack of pancakes with the traditional topping of mini-marshmallows.

The second one (note how I declined to use #2) should work for those who need Pepto about now.

If the Kwanzaa kake is an "edible hate crime," (sure about the 'edible' part, Gordon?) the third one is a crime of another sort.

I don't want to give the game away on #4, but I note that no worms were harmed in the slicing of that cake. Said slicing appears to have been done by -- what do they call someone who makes photographed food look much better than reality? -- oh yes, 'a politician'. The filling appears to be gelatin parfait, which is an 'interesting' concept all by itself.

When people ask me why I don't drink, I can now offer them four more reasons.

Later & greater!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

That last cake is going to haunt my nightmares tonight!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnoia

Thought I was golden 'cause it's hours after breakfast. I was *wrong*, oh so very wrong. D:

Urp,
leorising

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

How? What? WHHHHHHYYYYYYY??????????????

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy's Cooking Adventures

Really, you need to explain that last one...is that for real? Like, really real? I know you gave a warning...but it was not sufficient. Wow, that's nasty.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen Worms

I definitely have to agree with Treeling. That last cake has to be a celebration treat of some sort for some sweet and deserving zoo animal. Right? RIGHT?

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoAnna

The strawberry cake is *not* from the United States. You can tell by the price tag above it.

America uses a *period* to separate the dollars and cents, not a *comma*. The price tag in the picture clearly shows a comma separating the dollars and cents.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

HAHAHA!!! That is TERRIBLE!!!
Oh, and _The Monster at the End of This Book_ would be a great follow-up read. Not NEARLY that nasty, but same entertaining approach! :)

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ.J.

Thanks for helping with my New Year's Diet. Blech.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter~B~

@techydad... I once got a particular brand of chocolate bar I used to absolutely LOVE, and it had maggots in it. Haven't been able to eat that brand of chocolate bar since.

In other news... OMG, the dead fly. DEAD FLY. The wormy cake didn't get me as much as that did. *shudder*

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPhotoGrace

Techydad & Margaret - I can't go watch that video. No lie: about 25 years ago, I was a tweenager and bought some Reese's peanut butter cups from a Target in Ventura County. Ate one and accidentally broke the second in half. Dozens of maggots were squirming around in the peanut butter. I was literally traumatized for life - I vomited, screamed, and, to this day, can never eat anything without breaking it in pieces & inspecting it. I wish there had been digital cameras & lawyers on every corner back then because I could use some money for food therapy. My mother wouldn't even let me take it back in for a refund. I hate Target and I hate Hersheys.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Brilliantly disgusting! ewwwww... why do I keep thinking about those cakes?

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelch

I was okay with the last cake (it does have the slightly off look of a very good photoshop job) but the mouldy strawberry did get my stomach reeling a bit. Why would they still have this displayed!!!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

HAHA! Those are so nasty. LOVE it! "love" as in "those are really really disgusting and would harf my brains out if they were physically near me but I like to laugh at them"...that kind of love. THANKS FOR THE GIGGLES!!

No, no.. please, say it isn't so..

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM. Guziewicz

Mmmm. Protein.

Maybe it was a break-up cake. You know, the opposite of the will-you-marry-me, hide-the-ring-in-the-dessert thing?

"I had this cake made just for you, to show you how I feel. Now close your eyes; open wide...."

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSoupAddict Karen

At least a couple of those cakes were Pepto-bismol pink. o.O

The one with the fly/moldy strawberry could happen if there were no more bakers....

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

None of these are as disgusting as the ashtray cake from last (?) year. Nope, not even the one with the worms.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Check this site out...it has the same pic as the last one. My vote...it's fake.

http://www.weirdthings.org.uk/top-8-weird-and-bizarre-food-dishes-in-the-world-would-you-eat-it/

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok, either something is wrong with me or I have an iron constitution. I just thought these cakes were funny! And I have a really loosy-goosy gag reflex, too. But seriously, that last cake looks like the best April Fool's Day cake EVER!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca U.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms...

Um... didn't mean it. *gulp*

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermimiheart

$12,99 is a lot for a mouldy strawberry!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As my Dad would say, "I wouldn't touch any of these with a shovel." And I'm with Treeling on the zoo animal birthday thing, though I can't for the life of me figure out why they'd put it on the good china...

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

It was a full 15 seconds before realization set in that those were indeed real worms. I really should have read the warnings you posted that I blithely passed by - thinking yeah yeah it can't be that bad. Uh-huh.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnn C.

Welcome to FEAR FACTOR... Cake Wrecks-style!!!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMags

Yeesh... Last cake, real worms and... is that raw meat as filling? I really should dare one of my friends to eat that cake. Yup.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTeaK

I work at a bakery, so naturally the boss and I were talking about cake. He told me a horror story about biting into a Ho-Ho and finding it was full of maggots. Well, wouldn't you know it, someone gave us a box of Ho-Ho's, and I told my husband of my boss's gross story. So we pulled the ho-ho apart, just to be on the safe side, and it was FULL OF MAGGOTS! Quite possibly the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. I will never buy prepackaged snack cakes again, which makes me sad because I used to love them.

And, these wrecks are fantastic!! Sickening, and fantastic!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh...my, that last cake. wrong, just soooo wrong. ick.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersarah

(bluasargjhdkghdgkhdghdkg) why didn't I listen, WHY?

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlisha Rene'

Please tell me that that last cake was a "mud cake" that a four-year-old made, to add some spice to mud pies.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Haha! I love it! Go to www.micalah17.blogspot.com!
That last one is pretty gross! I wonder how they did that!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMicalah

Oh my God! So gross! I feel like I'm gonna puke...

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMB

Oh please someone tell me that last one is a manip! Please, before I hurl.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLena

Using a reverse image search engine called Tineye, I found several non-doctored versions of the worm cake. One of them is here: http://bookit.com/travel_guide-m0g0c-Mexico-Restaurants-Pie_in_the_Sky-937.html

I was unable to figure out WHY someone made it into the worm cake.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBex

The worms in the last one were definitely Photoshopped. They're only slightly pixelated in relation to the rest of the cake, but you can just tell.

More to the point, what's with the pink 'icing'--looks like ground-up ham!

Also, that white smear on the bottom... ech.

WV: Ingesin: (v) the act of eating a [wormy?] cake.

"There's no way I'm ingesin that cake, Marge! It's got bugs in it!"

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ. R. W.

There's nothing wrong with that! Just a little protein.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

saaaayyyy....that looks an awful lot like my worm composter..... hmmm...I say let the worms eat cake!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKim

that is the first time since reading this blog i've gagged for reals. ugh, blech, eww, gross, yuk and sick don't even begin to encompass on how repugnant that is. NO word exists in the english language that makes me shudder with horror and disgust..no, wait.....Javier, my ex b/f. We should name that cake Javier.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDebra Weite

Gag, blech, gross, yuech, bleach, ick, ewwww and sick connot even befin the repugnance of that last cake. In fact I don't think a word strong enough exists in the english launguage that can make me shudder in disgust like the that wormy meatcake...wait..Javier, my ex b/f. You shou;d name that cake Javier

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDebra Weite

Please, please tell me what the last cake is or is supposed to be... I am...I'm flummoxed. Help! Jen? Help!

On a totally semi-unrelated note:), I got the Cake Wrecks book for Christmas and DEVOURED it (hee, hee, hee). No worms there...just pure deliciousness!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRascalmom

The worm cake is FAKE, guys! It's a very good photoshopped image from the art site Worth1000.com, entitled "Gateau Avec Worms":
http://www.worth1000.com/entries/147196/gateau-avec-worms

The original cake photograph is here:
http://i56.tinypic.com/1zxxnqp.jpg

Sorry y'all got fooled, Jen & Co. Next time, check out suspicious photos using TinEye.org. Like so:
http://bit.ly/eLyWcu

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteroctoped

Okay, that is gross. If those worns in the last one are fake, the bakers did a freaking good job making them look real.

And to WoodElves... she did warn you.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

No. Just... no.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Luxuries

That was actually kind of cruel, even with the BLATANT EXPLICIT warning. I still feel sort of blindsided.

Sort of... violated.

Thanks. Thanks a lot, Jenn.

Going to go toss my OWN oreos now...

If you look closely at the last cake (none of these really bothered me because I don't eat cake!) it has been photoshopped! There are no cut worms and the entries and exits of the existing worms are not blended enough to make it appear that the worms are going or coming, they are just there. I've worked with enough photos to know the difference and it was VERY FAKE!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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