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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jan032011

The Cake Wrecks Hangover Cure

[lowering lights]

[tiptoeing closer]

[whispering] Good morning, sunshine! Happy New Year. How's your head?

Oooh, that bad, huh? Well, I know you partied pretty hard this weekend, so we're gonna take today's post nice and slow and easy. Like a peaceful, breezy feeling. A sweet, cool, stomach-calming....


Oh.

Sheesh, what'd they frost that thing with, marshmallows and warm head cheese?

Hm?

OH, right! Sorry, sorry!

Aw, you're looking a little pale. You know what would help? More cake.
[nodding knowingly]


How convenient! The Oreos come pre-chewed!

Whoa, there, pal. You sure are sweating a lot.

Quick, take a look at this:


I'd say the fly died after seeing the moldy strawberry. What do you think?

Wow. I've never actually seen someone turn that shade of green before. Fascinating.

Well, listen. Maybe you shouldn't scroll down any further.

No, really, I mean it.

You really shouldn't be scrolling down here in your condition.

Or any condition, for that matter.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, this last cake is really, really gross.

Like, life-time-trauma level disgusting.

You're still scrolling.

What are you, some kind of sadomasochist?

I'm telling you, this thing is NASTY.

Well...

Ok.

But don't say I didn't warn you.

Last chance to scroll back!

Aaaand...

Prepare to squirm:



[yelling] The bathroom's the first door on your left! Happy New Year!

Anony M., Carissa S., Jessica, & Anony M., thanks for kick-starting my New Year's diet plan.

« Resolution Time | Main | Sunday Sweets: Baby Cakes »

Reader Comments (128)

I was going to say something like "Well, we got those nasty cakes out of the way for this year, so every thing else is going to be peachy nice" but then thought that Jen might consider that a challenge to out gross these.

Naw, she's too nice to do that to us, her loyal fans.

She is, right?

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJeffrey

Well, it does appear that someone was having Jenn and John on, by swiping a photoshop entry:

http://www.worth1000.com/entries/147196/gateau-avec-worms

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermewsrissicat

Wow! The nastiest cakes you've ever posted! Like everyone else, I'm wondering what the story is on the last one.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarrietastic

Blechhh, O_o that about covers it

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

AUGHGHGHGHHGHG!!!!!!!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie Miller

At first I was all, "OMFG THAT LAST CAKE OMG WORMS EW." And then I read all the comments about it being fake, and was relieved.

However - I mean I read ALLLLLL the comments, so you guys now have me terrified I'm going to find maggots EVERYWHERE. I didn't watch the chocolate video, I couldn't bring myself to. Maggots are one of the few things that make me insta-vomit.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrittani (with an "i")

Oh those nearly made me swear of cake of any kind forever..but not quite. Lol what on earth are worms doing in that last cake? Did the wreckerator figure they would be someone's "tasty" surprise instead of a nice pudding filling? Ugh I would so sue them lol.

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

The worm slice is photoshopped. Others have posted the link to the photoshoppped version - here's the source image: http://diyhades.wordpress.com/2010/06/05/and-so-the-internet-was-surfed-a-bloody-ancient-post-from-two-months-ago/

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thank you: I was already sick with the flu when I read this and couldn't stomach any food - after this I know I'm not allone anymore - so thank you for the comfort. ;)

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think we're missing the point here. Regardless of whether the final cake was photoshopped or not, there's a freakin' mouldy strawberry and a dead fly one cake up! Now that was the one to make me gag.

WV: ooftespi - the noise I made on the way to the bathroom to hurl.

Thanks Jen! Now I can catch some friends out and watch their faces >:)

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAllicat

'shopped or not, that last one is heinous. (Just 'cos it isn't "real" doesn't mean you can't post it as a wreck... or gross us out with it.)

Love you guys!! Happy New Year!

wv - diffest: I think I'll go to the bathroom and let my stomach diffest itself of breakfast.

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

First: KittyKat, congratulations on the new addition!

OK, I have to agree with "Brittani with an i" that now I am slightly paranoid about finding maggots in pre-packaged food. No WAY am I checking out the video...and Anonymous, I can't believe that your mom wouldn't let you go back with that nasty candy bar. The store should have known about it and pulled the rest off of the shelves. (OK, so chocolate and HoHos are now ruined for me...until, at least, I forget about these stories. Which could be about the 12th of Never. I suppose that my diet should thank you all.)

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

Firstly, have had worm and chocolate chip cookies before and it tasted like a peanut butter- chocolate chip mix; HOWEVER, the worms were WELL "processed" (cleaned, finely chopped, ground, mixed, whatever you wanna call it). It's not bad IF YOU CAN'T TELL. Secondly, what IS that... "icing"?! A LITTLE CONTEXT, PLS DX

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

UnBELIEVEable!!

Have you humans never seen a piece of gagh cake? It is traditionally served with Klingon blood wine.

Worf

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm about 99.9999999% certain that last photo is courtesy of our old friend PhotoShop.

It's still good for an "ewwwww" moment, however.

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Maggot Choxie upstaged cakes by landslide.

It actually did my heart good, though. Having been diagnosed as having a soy allergy meant I could no longer have prepackaged chocolates as nearly all of them contain "soy lecithin". I already have lactose intolerance so I was avoiding most chocolate in the first.

But it does make me happy that having such annoying afflictions can keep me away from maggots.

WV: catacc!-an exclamation of having gagged and possibly thrown up a little due to gross cakes. Ex. When I looked at the cakes posted on cakewrecks this afternoon I catacced.

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGreen

I have seen realistic gummy worms, but.....
Did you say the bathroom was the first door one the left, Jen? Thanks!* runs*

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAvengersWasp

Interesting that the last one was photoshopped... I just thought the worms had hidden as the knife went through, then had fun exploring once there was daylight and were blocked by that sludgy icing. Kinda like the ones in my garden do when I'm digging in the flowerbeds...

And to those readers who complained about not being warned-- um, didn't you read Jen's witty comments?!

about the comments about maggots in prepared sweets. I have no idea what a HoHo is, so clearly am safe from that but... in chocolate?! "Your Honour, it was justifiable homicide" (against the manager of the manufacturer's plant). I guess that justifies sticking with the good quality stuff...

Mouldy strawberry-- the price sticker implies this is a French-speaking province or country. I'm *really* hoping it's not Quebec, or else I'm never eating across that border again! I know federal standards would never permit that cake to remain on sale...

And KittyKat-- congrats!

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

OK, I'll admit it, I kept scrolling down, and yes I too have now been put off chocolate cake. Nancy G.

January 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Now that's just mean.

January 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi D

I'm with Brittani. None of the cakes phased me in the least but all the comments about maggots almost made me want to hurl in real life. I hate maggots. BLECH. *shudder*

January 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmandaB

My stomach was already a bit uneasy when I read this, and these cakes did not help. But I actually think the last one bothers me the least. The first one is the one that I had to look away from.

WV: neslyz - I sure could go for a neslyz Crunch.

January 5, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercoeurdechoeur

the last cake is obviously Photoshopped. you can tell on the bottom, right-most worm. it is way to perfect, and has such perfect edges. not to mention how 2Dthey all look. i dont know about the meat frosting. that could be real; but if they pulled off the worms so nicely, im sure they could do it with the frosting.

January 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBree

That last one... are those real?

PLEASE tell me they're gummi worms!

Even if they are, EWWWWWW!!!!! Unless this is for Halloween, this is WRONG!

January 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Now, I have a very weak stomach normally. However, I was able to make it through the cake pictures (taking care to spend no more than 3 seconds on the last one).
The stories about people finding... stuff in food?? Now I'm queasy, and terrified.

Well, at least I won't be gaining any weight before my wedding in a month :-P

January 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFiammetta

I love the Worth1000 contests; so glad to find one entry so far afield!

I agree with the one other poster who found the moldy strawberry and dead fly to be MUCH grosser than the obviously fake worm cake. Real gross is always grosser than fake gross.

January 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusie

The last piece looks like a photomanip of this perfectly fine looking slice.

http://diyhades.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/chocolate-and-coffee-cake-with-cream.jpg?w=300&h=225

found on tin-eye. Honestly I was disappointed. Was looking forward to an interesting cuisine story.

January 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

the last cake looks like the filling is some sorta home insulator for heating. the womrs i have nothing to say to that

January 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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