My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

This Is Why You Always Knock

Remember that time when you were six and you accidentally opened the bathroom door without knocking first and then you saw your grandmother naked and there was lots of screaming and then you whimpered yourself to sleep for the next few weeks?


This is kind of like that.

Now I know what you're thinking: "That looks a little like 'Merry Ghristmas.'"

You're right, and we've trained you well.


There are a few other things worth noting:

Like the empty bottle of XXX booze.

Or the little sack of "toys."

Or Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.

Or Rudolph splayed drunkenly across the bed with a towel covering his twigs and berries. His bells and clapper. His partridge in a pear tree? His one horse open sleigh. His...ok, you get the idea.

Or - in case you missed it - Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.

Or the fact that Rudolph CLEARLY had a cigarette in his mouth that has since been removed.


Now, originally John and I tried to write some dialogue for this scene, but then the word "coitus" came up and I knew we just couldn't do it, so to speak. So I leave it to you, my sweet, snarky wrecktators: Write us your best caption for this scene and we'll send our top three favorites a signed copy of Wreck The Halls for Christmas. Good luck, and do try to keep it "clean." ;)


Thanks to Lisa D., who will never be able to look my grandmother Santa in the eye again.

Update!  After reading through more than 500 comments, I am now thoroughly uncomfortable.  And I think I need a shower.  Here are the winners:


"And that was when Santa realized that he should probably stop taking his work home with him."

"Santa's 2012 presidential hopes dashed as secret 'reindeer games' are uncovered. 'It was all consensual,' claims Santa."

"Um, Santa? I fly everywhere. So I'm thinking this hoof rubbing is more for your enjoyment than mine?"

Congrats to our winners and thanks for playing!

« Santa Auditions | Main | La La Land »

Reader Comments (525)

Good Idea: Strengthening inter-faith relations
Bad Idea: Going to Hanukkah Harry's 24-hour-end-of-Hannukkah rave the night before Christmas eve.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoseph H.

Santa finds out how insecure Rudolph is after installing a set of halogen lights on the sleigh that are advertised as 'Twice as bright a Rudolph's nose.'

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoseph H.

What happens in the North Pole stays in the North Pole.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrookeJ

Santa regrets his bet with Mrs. Claus on which reindeer would pass out first at the post Christmas party.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoseph H.

With no veterinarians that far north, Santa has to resort to traditional methods to treat Rudolph's ingrown hoof problem.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoseph H.

Rudolph with your nose so bright, NOW will you guilde my sleigh tonight?! PLEEEEASE?!!!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJackieS

Fortunately Santa's hoofjam fetish can only be satisfied once a year after the post-Christmas office bash.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoseph H.

You know that some people in power positions like to play "subbie"....

"After the hard ride on December 25th, Santa took a break from being the boss and Rudoph put his leather harness to good work after the all over body massage...."

I'm a sick puppy... tee hee

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Crazy Caker

Ironically, the best way to get yourself onto the nice list is by being naughty.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLori

Maybe the caption should mention Rudolph's rack. Or not. Shouldn't go there.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStaying Anon.

.....and this is the way that Herman Cain made Santa's nice list in 2011.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLori R.

"Ah, Santa, do that to me one more time..."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCalvin Bird

After Santa finally realized that reindeer with antlers still in place in the winter were always female, things for Rudolph took a decidedly darker turn.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterwildmaven

The North Pole's lies finally revealed in shocking picture! Rudolph's song and story are all propaganda machine spin created to hide Rudolph's ongoing drinking problem.

Like any good spin, it has the truth embedded in the lie:
To start we all know the chronic drunk will have a red nose - the cranberry spirits the polar bears brew up in their bathtubs is potent has especially strong reddening effect.
'All the reindeer laughed and called him names'. Classic example of a crowd's reaction to some stupid drunk trying to do everyday things.
'Never let him join in any reindeer games.' Of course not. Who wants to play with a drunk who forgets rules, has a short attention span and a short fuse.
And last, the story where he ran away to the island of misfit toys was really an intervention and a trip to a rehab facility for 'misfits' to get the help they need.
Unfortunately the bad weather for Christmas shattered any hopes for rehab. Santa, realizing the need for that shining nose to cut through the poor weather, sent to have him removed from the clinic and given large quantities of cranberry lightening to fire up his nose. That is how Christmas was saved that year, a sleigh led by a reindeer three sheets to the wind. The late start of Christmas that year led to inquiries, and that's when the propaganda machine kicked in to cover up the uglier details, and everyone was happy.
Except that Rudolph realized he had the upper hoof after becoming a Christmas hero due to the propaganda spin. Santa's problems were compounded by the little known fact that it is just as illegal to drive a sleigh with an intoxicated reindeer as it is to drive while intoxicated. With that, and the truth behind the propaganda, Rudolph soon had Santa under his hoof and bowing to his every whim just to keep Rudolph happy and to protect his and Christmas's image.

And so we find him here doing foot massages after one of Rudolph's binge drinking weekends with the polar bears, fearing the lash of a back hoof if he does anything wrong.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoseph H.

Tonight we find out the truth about why all of the other reindeer used to laugh, call him names and never let him join their reindeer games. But Rudolph knew the key to success and was determined to do whatever and whoever it took to get to the front of the pack. The rise and fall of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer;next on E True Hollywood Stories

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTerri W

Rudolph, I warned you about drinking from my "sack"!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Chris! This place doesn't even have a chimney... HOW DID WE EVEN GET HERE?!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

..."then how the reindeer loved him..."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna Linnane

Fine! Five minutes...but then you are rubbing MY feet!"


"But your hooves don't even TOUCH the ground!"


Santa was helpless to stop the pull of Rudolph's egg-nog addiction. He could offer only comfort.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHippie2MARS

"I wish I knew how to quit you, Santa."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Girl from New York

So, Rudi. . . Have you been a GOOD reindeer this year???

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

..."they never let poor Rudy join in any reindeer games"... So Santa had to come up w/ his own for Rudolph.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

Ho ho how long will it take for those roofies to kick in!?

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJRose

Jingle ALL the way!

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMadelyn Moore

Rudolph, thanks for helping me put the X in Xmas.


Rudolph, you've been a very bad deer this year.


Rudolph, it behooves you to be nice to Santa!

And you thought it was glee, they were shouting with...

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather
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