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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Apr062011

The Incredible, Non-Edible, Plastic Clown Head

It's time to talk about the most versatile tool in a baker's cake-decorating arsenal:

The plastic clown head.

Devotees of the Wilton brand know this staple of cakey flotsam has a long and colorful history:

A history made even more colorful when the clown-headed pink dog is pooping a giant pink rose.

(So, in his defense, this clown's poop really does smell like roses.)

Over the years, the plastic clown heads have really gotten around:


And around...


And...around:


After all, they were so darn versatile!

I mean, what better way to perk up your flowers?


Or add a lively accent to that jungle theme?

Think of it as Bozo's version of Easter Island.

In fact, this time honored tradition continues today, only with slightly more modern sensibilities:

Death becomes him.

And the sprinkles aren't bad, either.

Yep, you could say today's Wreckerator knows just how to take these classic tools of the trade and use them to their fullest and most meaningful...uh...

I'm sorry, but do these uteri look funny to you?

Hey! Guys! What are you doing here? Your post was last week!

Ovary funny: don't try cramping my style, funny guys. I know a fellow peon's pro creation when I see one, period.

Many thanks to wreckporters Katie C., C.B., Hannah C., Penny H., Roisin O., Erica H., Meaghan W., & Melissa M., who think you should really read that last line out loud. Just...'cuz.

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Reader Comments (99)

We need to find a way to stop the production of plastic clown heads, these are horrifying.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNERO

Has there ever been a good way to use these clown heads? Maybe a Sunday Sweets of clowns is in order.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDiamond

They've really been clowning around for so many years, haven't they? That clown pooping a pink rose is funny! At least, for a change, we learn of someone (or something) who 'made' a delicious, nice smelling, beautiful poop. :-)

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermarikoy

We had a bunch of these in my mom's "cake decorating box" as a kid (full of all the flotsam that had come with our various kiddie birthday cakes over the years). I loved them!
I would bake a cake in a 8.5" x 11" pan (so I only had to ice the top, of course) and cover it in various clown and circus items (we even had a plastic merry-go-round that really moved!). Of course, I was probably 11 years old....and not a professional baker. So, yeah...

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

Ovary funny. HA.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Someone should tell those bakers to quit clowning around. (Also, clowns scare me.)

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I'm pretty sure I'm going to have nightmares from that last one. Those clown-headed, scorpion-esque, poop-colored, demon spawn.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlizzied

Last one - is that uterus poop? Is there such a thing? Ew.

The green cookie cake really reminds me of Roger Hargreaves' Mr. Men books.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

Why confine plastic clown heads to cake? I'm thinking they'd look great on meat loaf, chicken livers, salads, avocadoes, and borscht.

WV: squid. A squid with a clown head, for the win!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I'm still trying to figure out what Illinois has to do with clowns and uteri.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

Thanks for the nightmares. Clowns are...uhhh...ummm...creepy.

Just sayin'...

;)

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTinkDoll

Anyone else have the Psycho theme running through their head while reading this?

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLydia Ruby Atsma

I don't know if it's just wishful thinking on my part, but the writing on the first cake looks like it says "Sloppy Birthday" on it. Which would be awesome and true.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

Okay, so I saw the first cake WAY different..... The rose was the "dog's", um, upper head. And the clown head his lower one. The balloons were the product of his excitement...

WV: chized - The clown dog got so excited he "chized" a bouquet of balloons!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdustin

Poo Scorpion Clowns

It's the next great band.

Trust me.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermimi

Is it just me or does the clown on cake 1 look like his head has blown off and landed on his 'nether regions'?

Going to have stop reading this in work. Too...much...laughing...

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Why don't cannibals like clowns?

Because they taste funny.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEyesmile

my 3 year old told me that last one had clown octopuses on it. They may be short a few legs, but I can see where he got the idea.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

I'm troubled. I thought that eyes with an 'X' in the center was kind of like the international symbol for "this is dead."

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMari

O_o is all I can say.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What the hail IS that last one supposed to be!?? :S

wv: "gessu" better come up with some kind of explanation when the manager comes in

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

I've always thought that Xs or Ts for eyes were the international symbol of DEAD...so are those dead clown heads decorating cakes? Festive!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMrs Marcos

What, no Stephen King "It" references? lol!

Love the last paragraph, btw.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

You are a genius!!! Too funny!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle S

fellow peon. ha. nice.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersarah

I recently saw a picture of myself with my first birthday cake and was finally able to trace my lifelong fear of clowns to these plastic clown heads.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

My grandparents owned a bakery for most of my childhood. They had TONS of these, but never used them, so when they closed up, I got them.

Since I'm a little mean, or was when I was a youngster, I put them all over the cake of a friend who's scared of clowns for her birthday. She was laughing and crying. It was pretty funny, but man, those heads are creepy!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWendy Blackheart

I took a Wilton decorating class where we were REQUIRED to purchase the clown heads. I refused to buy them so I ended up with headless clowns on my cake. I think that made the clowns look better. They were definitely better than the ones on those "professional" cakes.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAunrea

Plastic "King Cake" babies grow up to be clowns. At the right age, they, uh, "harvest" the heads. Hence the X'd-out eyes. In the interest of delicacy, I won't tell you the origin of plastic "King Cake" babies, but if you look at the last cake you can probably figure it out.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn in Superior

you have the most extensive vocabulary of ovarian puns I've ever seen! all women and menstrualy bow before your greatness.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterT

Thanks for the tribute to the greatest of the plastic flotsam. My fourth birthday cake had four clown heads that held candles. It was the most awesome birthday cake ever. Of course this was in 1978 when clown heads were still cool (and before we all started saying awesome so I guess it was actually a "hip" birthday cake.)

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy B.

I think I'm gonna get a bag of clown heads and decorate the little doggy gifts that are now appearing in the neighborhood.
And, wow! I think I exceeded my daily recommended allowance of puns with that last cake -- brilliant!

wv - spher: As in, What's all over a dog?

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

The only good kind of clown is the dead kind of clown.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCoulrophobia

the clown poo was great...just yesterday I threw out almost 40 of the little buggers (they were in my junk drawer)..yeah my moms (I have two mommies :) :)!) decided to surprise me for my 40th with 40 of them all over my freaking lawn at 6 am in the morning...along with a few *shudder* clown statues...fond memories the clown heads oh no the freaking clown heads...love this site...note to self when to talking to client on phone do not read this post!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter~flying gurl~

Ok, on the pink cake, I honestly thought, upon seeing it, "what on earth is that clown head doing on the headless pink thing's crotch?"

I'm not normally afraid of clowns...but this has me scared!

wv: represse - I'm hoping to represse this post...

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

I am certain that my fear of clowns stems from those evil, plastic clown decorations!! :(

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpotsyinaz

"Fellow peon" -- genius!

Thanks for sending in those clowns.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

Poopy uteri? Ewww....No, thanks.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJillian

LOL!

I'm never quite sure if those clowns are drunk or dead. I suppose they're dead since they're "severed" and put on a pike, and then served on cake. Yummy.

wv: scrade: afraid & scared in one word. Be very scrade of those clowns...be very scrade....

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

o.O

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I always thought that clowns poop would smell funny.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSherron

I'm personally kind of curious about "Happy Birthday Monkeys"

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commentereely

That third image is terrifying. Like, horde of Daleks backed up by an army of rampaging zombies and an orchard of Triffids terrifying.

The fourth image, featuring an altar festooned with the heads of dead clowns, is somehow soothing.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterD.B. Echo

The last one is a never before seen image of the rare Clown-Headed Poo Devil. They are native to Tasmania, but, until now, were thought to be extinct.

Andrea

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Scary. These cakes look like John Wayne Gacy...frightening!
mocking

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think #6 there is just in mid-transform... he changes into a clown car with sprinkle cannon. You want sprinkles? Oh you'll get sprinkles.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commentereugeneteam

I have somehow avoided getting coulrophobia to this point (using 'getting' in both senses), but *someone* seems determined to add me to the rolls.

#1 I can't get the perspective on this, much less understand why Katie is being wished a slappy birthday. As for the pink dog holding the bunch of brightly-colored raisins on strings...?

#2 Some seriously demented company makes these heads by the metric ton, that much is obvious. Where is the 'Reduced Bake Shop'? For that matter, what is it -- a bakery that was miniaturized?

#3-5 What is the deal on these heads, anyway? The pig-nose profile, the x-eyes... Why x-eyes? Does that somehow cause them to make sense to whomever created these things?

#6 I don't know what to do with this one. Those aren't 'tropical' trees, so the flora and fauna don't go together. My 1960's-sitcom-shaped subconscious keeps insisting it should read, 'Happy Birthday Monkees', which isn't helping at all.

#7 Ok, add the blue inflatable suit, and the whole thing suddenly snaps into...complete insanity. Bozo the deep-sea diver? Love the algae-green background. Well, maybe 'love' isn't the word.

#8 This takes the concept of 'poo' to a whole new, disgusting level of realism. What else could possibly have been intended? What does the wreckerator have against Illinois? And again with the heads...

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Ovary funny = awesome.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Does poop + uteri = pooteri?

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Those triple pooping heads are too much! But, that high desert easter island cake, really like it!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterValenta

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