Move Over, Hallmark

Tired of the same ol' "Happy Birthday"s, "Congraderaultions", and "I Want Sprinkles?" Then consider these inspiring sentiments the next time you order a cake.

Perfect for the neighbor kid's party!

Assuming you're moving soon, of course.

Here's a solid, any-occasion choice:

Although it's especially effective when dropped off anonymously in the office break room.

For when the get-well and sympathy cards just seem too namby-pamby.

I'd tell you what Hipster Cake does, but it's a really obscure activity. You've probably never heard of it.

Because you can never be too specific.

I think I speak for Amy & Claudia when I say: that had better be chocolate.

There's this new "budget-friendly" home insurance plan around: It doesn't actually cover any losses, but you do get this nice cookie cake:

If only all bad news were delivered via cake. Can you imagine?

"He's breaking up with me?? Why that lousy, rotten, om nom nom ooh, hey! Raspberry filling!"

Thanks to Anony M., Kris K., Lauren M., Dawn M., Gal N., Amy D., & Melissa K., who might go back to cards after this.