Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May202011

Artsy Fartsy

[adjusting bow tie] "Welcome, gentle beings, to the grand opening of SplüüRff.

[faint applause]

"All of our works here tonight have been created by world-renowned artists, and are available for sale for far more than you can possibly afford. So, let's begin.

"Our first piece was painted by Japanese artist Noh Wei using traditional oils. Her inspiration was taken from the ocean, mother earth, and the organic nature of the gore splatters in Bikini Slasher Kill Zone 4: Revenge of the Waxers"

"It sells for $490,000.

"Our next piece comes from Swedish craftsman Joques Onyu. Joques spent three years in isolation to focus on this masterpiece, during which time he subsisted solely on prune juice and Ranch flavored Bugles."

"It sells for $893,000.

"The much lauded Yuki Grohs is known for her daring and unconventional techniques. This piece, for example, was constructed using squeeze mayo while the artist was blindfolded and spinning around on a wheelie office chair."

"It sells for $10 million.

"Another avant-garde darling of the art world, the 'Do' Dude uses his trademark combination of gold leaf and 'personal bodily secretions' to both shock and intrigue viewers."

"This mixed-media masterpiece sells for 11.2 million.

"Please feel free to browse the rest of our gallery, where you'll find even more distinguished masterworks, such as:

'Summer Daisies for Janet'
$7.5 million


'Grilled Cheese Electric Chair'
$27.5 million

'The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez'
$17.5 million

'Texas'
$6.66 million

"And, of course, our most coveted new piece...

'Coffee Cake with Icing'
$6.00

Thanks to wreckporters Christie R., Aimee W., Alyssa H., Holly L., Laura M., Christy S., Liz C., Anita M., & Stephanie F. for the art attacks.

« Sunday Sweets: Jim Henson Tribute | Main | Because Patience and Kindness are Overrated »

Reader Comments (140)

'The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez'... yes. So very yes.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLibby

It may be dangerous saying this...but does the coffee cake look like a black iced king cake to anyone else!?

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine S

This entry was so amazing! It's making me want to change my painting practice and go into cake decorating. Such passion! Such verve! Such...uh...the words escape me.... :)

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusanne Iles

Is it just me, or does it look like they put gold leaf on some Mounds candy bars for that one cake?

Some real modern "artistry" going on there (and yes, I really mean those quotation marks). :)

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

The coffee cake with icing looks like it was created in 1997, left in the cupboard under the sink, and just rediscovered now. A side benefit of this is that the bluish mold might be penicillin, so it'll cure what ails you!

wv: dorts Who were the dorts that created these masterpieces?

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

Whoa! Does the last one just have spent coffee grounds sprinkled on top?

I love the Japanese artist Noh Wei. She was mentored by R.U. Kiddingme.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The "names" of the artists are fantastically clever! Bravo

I kinda like the golden poo bug cake

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersara

Today's cakes just leave me baffled?!?! WTF?! What's even more surprising is someone is actually willing to PAY for one of those 'things'!!

wv: dediv - I would dediv it weren't for my morning coffee to get me going!

LMAO!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

That second one looks like a banana slug dressed up for a birthday party.

Fezes are cool.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessi

I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Good grief, each one got progressively worse and worse! Now I'm sitting here wondering if anyone actually BOUGHT one!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterConnie Moreno

Joques Onyu--simply genius!!!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie P

I'm pretty sure the things on the gold leaf cake are actually pieces of Almond Roca.

. . . Which, yes, are unfortunately shaped, but delicious.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCommon Nonsense

@Katherine S
No, that's just you. The rest of us think it looks like poo.

(Thanks to the rest of us for letting me pretend I speak for you. I will now stop that.)

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDanger Boy

If you put 1000 chimps in a room with 1000 tubes of frosting and 1000 cakes for 1000 hours, one will eventually recreate the works of Shakespeare (or maybe Bronwen Weber.)

The remaining 999 cakes will look like these.

Muria, I have no interest in starting an EPCOT, but since you asked a direct question -- they look like almond roca to me. On a side note, I will never eat almond roca again. Perfect aversion therapy.

WV: mayssd -- they really mayssd up these cakes.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

That first "cake" is labelled a "Message Cookie" - what type of message is it trying to send?!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

"Texas" $6.66 million! Hahahaha!!!

W.T.F.?!?

Seriously. That's the only thing that kept going through my mind. The commentary was awesome though.

And I think "The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez" should be the title of your NEXT Cake Wrecks book.

Those titles were hilarious! I kept laughing as I kept reading. Then I came to "Texas 6.66 million". My boss just looked over at me funny - must stop laughing like a rabid hyena amped up on Mountain Dew/Monster energy cocktails.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKSLSRocks

The "fez" comment made me snort ... and the coffee cake made me gag. All in all, a wonderful post! :)

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan

I am laughing out loud this morning! Thanks so much!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKJ

These cakes truly qualify as abstracts!

I think the "Grilled Cheese Electric Chair" started life as a bouquet of flowers... but I could be wrong.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The second cake could be used as a sex-ed visual for the lesson on STDs. The little squiggles are viruses. Tell me what they are attacking and you pass the quiz.

I think Katherine S is right. That is a king cake, but it had a different color scheme before Mardi Gras. Now they are letting Mother Nature do the decorating. If you're wondering if it's the same toxic mold they found in houses after Hurricane Katrina, yes it is! Good eye!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Oh My!!! That is all... (0:

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJaycee

So, I never post, but, I couldn't pass up the word verification today:

wv worses: I can't figure out which of these cakes is worses!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKris

I'll just bet you always got A's in Creative Writing. :)

I'm usually at work when I visit your site, and it's hard to keep from howling with laughter! Today was especially brilliant. Thank you.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarebabe

I'm sorry, but any legitimate installation has at least one piece entitled "Untitled XII". That said, I'm prepared to enter the bidding war for "Fez"...

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjennl777

Coffee Cake with icing...bahahahaha best art gallery ever! I'll take them all for the low price of possible indigestion and a bottle of tums. :D lol

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBP

I think this is my favorite post! Very well done. =)

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnna Kate

Are those Almond Rochas in No. 4?

I cannot say this enough, but I want a fez. Fezzes are cool.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Howard

Where is "Ceci n'est pas un gâteau"?

Oh, wait, they all are...

And will these keep like Twinkies, so my investment will rise?

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterflying gargoyle

Wow... I actually went to art school, and while there were talented people, there were also a lot of hipsters who created shite EXACTLY LIKE THIS. In fact, I think they may have used the same names for some of their pieces!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRuby

Sadly, I have seen worse pieces of 'art' while wandering through the Tate Modern..(yes Damien Hirst, I mean you!)

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

I hate abstract art O_o

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I want 'The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez'!!!!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter:::b r a n d i:::

Wait, there are ranch flavored bugles?!!!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterManda

Fezzes are cool!

~Blue

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love how knowing that the gold-wrapped things are Almond Roca doesn't make them look any less like poo.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Actually, "Texas" makes sense to me.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKristers

HEY.....FEZZES ARE COOL!!!!

As are Bow-ties..... ;)

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterReceptionist Row

love this!! Thanks for the great laugh this morning!

modern art just isn't what it used to be, eh?

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPilgrim

Grilled Cheese Electric Chair is my new hipster band name. Copyright trademark!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Angry Jackalope

ok, ok I get it-you had a bad experience in Texas. But do you SERIOUSLY have to keep harping on it? The humor is really starting to wear off.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As someone who is supposed to be getting a distinguished degree in the field of art history, I shouldn't be laughing as hard as I am. But this is payback to all of my colleagues in the contemporary fields who told me my field wasn't "art."

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-with-an-e

Anonymous @ 11:20,

It looks like the state of Texas.

Lighten up.

john

Fezes are cool.

hee

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Only true artists could appreciate these cakes for the beauty they posses. Ok...I tried to get that out without laughing but it didn't work.

Couldn't pass up the WV: I think that last cake would give you mursa if you even touched it.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDNA Mom

What? No Doomsday cakes? Or are you saving those for tomorrow?

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

WV: restpu - The gold leaf cake looks like the "artist" took a restpu in the middle of decorating it. SWEET!!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>