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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May202011

Artsy Fartsy

[adjusting bow tie] "Welcome, gentle beings, to the grand opening of SplüüRff.

[faint applause]

"All of our works here tonight have been created by world-renowned artists, and are available for sale for far more than you can possibly afford. So, let's begin.

"Our first piece was painted by Japanese artist Noh Wei using traditional oils. Her inspiration was taken from the ocean, mother earth, and the organic nature of the gore splatters in Bikini Slasher Kill Zone 4: Revenge of the Waxers"

"It sells for $490,000.

"Our next piece comes from Swedish craftsman Joques Onyu. Joques spent three years in isolation to focus on this masterpiece, during which time he subsisted solely on prune juice and Ranch flavored Bugles."

"It sells for $893,000.

"The much lauded Yuki Grohs is known for her daring and unconventional techniques. This piece, for example, was constructed using squeeze mayo while the artist was blindfolded and spinning around on a wheelie office chair."

"It sells for $10 million.

"Another avant-garde darling of the art world, the 'Do' Dude uses his trademark combination of gold leaf and 'personal bodily secretions' to both shock and intrigue viewers."

"This mixed-media masterpiece sells for 11.2 million.

"Please feel free to browse the rest of our gallery, where you'll find even more distinguished masterworks, such as:

'Summer Daisies for Janet'
$7.5 million


'Grilled Cheese Electric Chair'
$27.5 million

'The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez'
$17.5 million

'Texas'
$6.66 million

"And, of course, our most coveted new piece...

'Coffee Cake with Icing'
$6.00

Thanks to wreckporters Christie R., Aimee W., Alyssa H., Holly L., Laura M., Christy S., Liz C., Anita M., & Stephanie F. for the art attacks.

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Reader Comments (139)

Those Lucky Charms = styrofoam packing peanuts.

wv - psinguat: a method of producing, collecting, embellishing, and displaying feces or other excrement, for use in works of art or (rarely) other forms of personal, political, and/or social expression.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaura

Anonymous @ 4:28 (the 2nd A @ 4:28):

You are not alone; I, too saw cicadas on #4. I'm not certain where we are, but I think we are here together.

- MariaTeresa

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think I've been to this gallery. Do they also sell anything by Yoko Ono?

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKinipayla

First thought, "I wear a fez now, fezzes are cool."

Second thought, what ugly cakes!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

@Everyone who said "fezzes are cool:" Stetsons are cooler. :)

@Everyone who is wondering why the heck everyone is saying "fezzes are cool:" Watch this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obnblNruPiU

-zacharyK

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Lost my appetite...Mmmm... Have an idea... I would print this pics and put on my frezzer, so it would prevent me to eat junk food... Thanks!!!

@zacharyk: that is like one of my absolute favorite moments of doctor who (i mean, other than watching rose and captain jack totally destroy a bunch of daleks in the stolen earth) because someone had to do it, and who better than river bahahahaha! (and, yes, i said fezzes are cool as well earlier (but not as cool as bowties... or stetsons... or... from last saturday.... bunkbeds......))

wv: serse: are they serse about this freaking art?!?!?!?!?! coming from an art major, come on, really. sersely? (i think i will say serse from now on instead of serious when i text lol)

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTerrs

The second one looks like a double headed dingdong with sperm swimming around. Jen, you are hilarious.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

To the CW Team:

You are genii! This post is spacey-wacey! Also, HHGTTG and Doctor Who? Can't beat it. Also also I love how there are so many Doctor Who fans in the US! Hailing from Scotland, here =D Silence will fall... yet another paradox - it cannot while you are making the world destroy their keyboards! Wreck on! _l,,l <<*rock hand*

Kind regards,

Pink Peril

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Just have to say it--over 100 posts and no one has pointed out that the "lucky charms" are rabbit shaped marshmallows made just for Easter. Obviously, finding those in June, with or without a Fez, is a feat!

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@SuBee: (who posits:)
"Not everyone can be open minded enough to open their minds in an open way to the true beauty hidden in these works."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I see your point, dear, but it's been a long day, and I am simply too tired to do THAT much OPENING!
If that *beauty* wants to stay hidden, I say, let's jolly well LET it.

And to this:

"...multi-cultural, inter-faith, chocolate-covered, beauty that can be found within each and every one of us."

I put forth my own philosophy of life (no thanks necessary--keep the change):

"Life is, and always will be, a crap shoot; a multi-colored, inter-breeding, pheromone-covered melange that can be found within each and every back alley ...especially when the *heat* is on (or in). HAVE YOUR PETS SPAYED AND NEUTERED!"

=^~.~^= >^0.o^<

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

That first one is actually kind of pretty. In a "naughty tentacle" sort of way, to be sure, but it IS kind of pretty...

WV: denoplag - A meaningless yet important-sounding word used by art critics to describe the works of Joques Enyue.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Fantastic!!! Couldn't stop laughing at the coffee cake. LOVE the subtitles!
~Jess

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

(message from a "family" member):
Heeeyyyyy....wait just a cotton pickin' minute here. Somepin's rotten in SplüüRff.
Somebody gettin a cut the rest of us suckers don't know about?
Look, you're tryin to tell me that
'Grilled Cheese Electric Chair' number is goin off at $27.5 million, right? NOT that he aint worth it dont get me wrong. He'd better be! But the odds sticker itsself says $14.97!!!! Whats up with that, huh? You know sumpin i don't know, and its buggin me. My bookie told me go with the big money entry, and I did. Man...I take a bath on this somebody's gonna wake up with a big hunk of
"Grilled Cheese Electric Chair" in their bed with the frosting all over everything.

=^-,-^=

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

That last cake could be a tribute to the current season of Doctor Who because I fell silent just looking at it. Then I hope never to remember it again.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBree

Does anyone know if I can get "Bikini Slasher Kill Zone 4: Revenge of the Waxers" via Netflix or Hulu?

@SuBee- you win the interwebs for the day!

@ViolaNut- you win the contract for the hyperspace bypass!

@zacharyK- bless you!! I thought I was missing a joke and now I realize it's just that I missed an episode.

@Craig- it's still slacking.

@Ellen- where's our song? The slacking is contagious, apparently.

-Barbara Anne

wv: noillum
penicillin's cousin usually found on deep fried technicolor pastry/cake hybrids left under the sink in the Epcot/EPCOT/Spaceship Earth bunker too long

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sorry guys, but I actually liked "texas"
Well composed.
But an ugly cake.
There has to be a photoshop filter for it.

May 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

HILARIOUS!!! This made my day! A friend and I used to go to a modern art gallery just to laugh at all the craziness passing for "art" - the best ever experience being a "special exhibit" that was up a separate flight of stairs, and when we reached the top, we found the entire room full of identical black canvases... We got several dirty looks from the security people when we felt the need to document the craziness with pictures and a video...

By the way, the "artist" of the Texas one totally fails, because it does actually look like Texas. (I was thinking like airplane view where you can see all the fields...?)

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Summer Daisies for Janet - Pls explain!

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

HUH????

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertiny p. elephant

Oh man I don't think I have laughed so hard in ages. Noh Wei lmao... oh those cakes really are priceless..wrecks beyond all imagination.

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

The captions are particularly brilliant today. And that they can apply to much of what's in more than a few modern art museums and galleries is even better. And the word play with the names-- well, I'm very glad that I learned long, long ago to never ever EVER eat or drink anything while reading your posts. (@Lori, in my case it was having to explain the morning trying-to-hide-the-guffaws. Now the whole team hopes for wrecks every time we order a cake. Sadly, the Costco near us is too competent).

And SuBee-- that was a brilliant post. The commenters are in particularly fine form today!

Texas-- nope, we're not tired of the jokes. Plus it does look like it!

Did Janet follow up those summer daisies with an ax-murderer interactive installation?

Tape worms getting attacked. yup. The squiggles are starting to look like people or something. and I do have to say I rather liked the first cake. It's kind of like some real art pieces of seen, and liked. oy vey, I've gone off the deep end. Or seriously need some sleep…

WV "motthi". I don't know what's the motthi with some of these wreckerators

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

"The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez" would be the absolute greatest idea for a new Doctor Who episode ever (if for no other reason then to see a scene where The Doctor ponders the many mysteries of Lucky Charms while wearing his bowtie, his fez AND a pair of yellow rain boots)

P.S. Speaking of Doctor Who, it looks like that last cake was involved in many extremely brutal fights with The Silence.

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

And my family wonders why I refuse to pay for a store bought cake!

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

I'm I picking up some subtle Doctor Who referencing there? Or is that just my over active imagination??

But really. how Bow ties and fezzes be mentioned in the same post without Doctor Who coming to mind?

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLily Marie :)

These cakes are out of this world. So pricy...

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermscooljane

I finally got "Joques Onyu". Jokes on you! Ha, Im so slow today.

As another Texas, I still thought that one was funny.

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFedora

One word for the first cake: Leviathan.

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMucey

The first 3 look like some sort of intestinal worm to me... :P

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Grilled Cheese Electric Chair...great name for a band, right? And I LOVE the artists' names!!!

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterheather

i....i can't even guess what they were going for on those.

May 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

Bah ha ha... "Texas" Brilliant.

May 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@Anonymous 3:00am

I mentioned your comment to my husband and he got quite enthused about the idea. He thought it would be a perfect intro--you know, where the Doctor is galloping around in a field with yellow galoshes and his fez on, muttering to himself something like "Why, they aren't REALLY lucky charms, they're just cereal!" and then the actual adventure begins, and you never hear what he was doing in that field. Something to tickle the imagination. I think maybe he thinks too much about Doctor Who.

May 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Brilliant post! Your best ever! Brava!

~physicsmom

May 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Did people actually buy these?! That coffee cake once looks awful! Yuki Grohs lol.

May 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWee Tait

I didn't know coffee cake was cake with coffee grinds sprinkled on it.

Huh.

May 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

the green splotch actually reminds me of the frog my hubby ran over in the driveway the other day...

June 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAynfarika

Oh good Lord, why does the second cake look like an STD?

June 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKBoogie

I am quite familiar with the work of Mr. Wei... you might want to check out the stylings of his Second-Cousin-By-Marriage Noh Avail.

August 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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