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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jun302011

My New Favorite Wedding Cake

Roses are red,

Butterflies are blue,

Um...

Pardon me, but are those sperm on your wedding cake?



Poem Option #2:

The cake that keeps giving,
and makes your guests squirm,

'Cause nothing says "marriage,"

like butterflies and sperm!

Poem Option #3:

Roses are red
And cake can be pretty
.
How sad for you,

'Cuz yours looks all...
[eyeing children]
...unpleasant.


(Betting this cake will be pulled by baker request in 3...2...)

Thanks to Kristen G., who wishes more things rhymed with "tadpoles." Or is that just me?

« Big Bangs | Main | The Far Side of the Bakery »

Reader Comments (149)

There is no way anyway could think those are balloons. Therefore, I'm assuming the wreck here is that someone ruined a perfectly good sperm cake by junking it up with butterflies.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I feel like birds and bees would be more appropriate than butterflies here.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBriony

You have GOT to put a like button on your site. I need a new keyboard now because mine is covered in coffee. Way too funny today.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeachGirl

I *think* those were supposed to be balloons, but I'm not really seeing it...

Also, GRAY icing??? Really? *shudders*

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

@Heather J....I saw that episode too and thought the same thing! I actually asked my husband if it was sperm! LOL

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLovin&Laughin

If the butterfiles are 3D then why aren't the balloonsperms also 3D? Whouldn't it have been easier to make 3D balloonsperms instead of flat ones? Just sperm for thought, I mean food for thought.

--cupcakes4breakfast

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

@unknown 10:59:

re: "Sir Elton" cake

I love that!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mind if I take a whack at it?


The cake is glum,
With many a slipped-up stroke...
That leads us to What the Hell,
What the Why...
But I'm strong;
Strong enough to not throw up...
It ain't heavy; it's just ugly...

(apologies to Rufus Wainwright)

=^>.<^=

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I'm worried about John. Is he wimpering in the closet in the bunker?

This is a complete abberation of his favourite wedding cake (I remember cos that cake is my all time favourite)

That decorator needs to apologise to our John

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercape town jill

Alright, this doesn't have tadpole rhymes, but what the heck:

A missed opportunity looms,
Of decorating a cake for grooms,
Lose the cute butterflies
Then it's just right for guys,
Dreaming only of tonight's va-va-vooms

AAUUuggghhh! Stop me before write more!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdo Annie

Best post for comments. Ever. I, too, want to hear the story surrounding this cake. Maybe in some roundabout way, someone involved will see the post? We can only hope.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

I thought tadpoles turned into frogs, not butterflies. I think someone got comfused.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Somebody REALLY likes wedding cake!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The cake's design was hard to follow
Leaving the groom feeling just a bit hollow
Said the bride, wed in June
As she ate a balloon,
"But you know it's OK, hon - I swallow!"

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDharmamama

Also, LOL @ Chad (10:09) & mel (11:13)

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDharmamama

What happens when the sperm reach the top? Does it morph into one of those creepy cake babies?

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChrista

I'm not seeing balloons. But the butterflies are gorgeous!

...

Butterflies in the sky,
Sperm can fly twice as high!
Wreckerators can make,
a terrible cake,
but this one's just tasteless.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLorien

A quick Google search shows a Canadian baby-products site called Tadpoles & Butterflies -- if this was for them, the cake might be completely appropriate, even a trifle boring in its lack of color.

I think I prefer the sperm theory.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Nancy

I was thinking it was a baby shower cake and it's a boy!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

I really want to be in the room when a bride and groom request this cake and are describing what they want, besides butterflies.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKristers

Why??? Just...why? Are they really supposed to be balloons? Really? All white balloons, swimmi-, floating in unison? I don't buy it.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDarla

i also posted these to fb....

a limerick......

roses are red
this cake's got sperm
so let's all hope bridesmaids don't get preggers
while the bride gets a perm

and a haiku....

sperm swims slowly up
this strange semblance of a cake
bridezilla goes nutters

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTerrrs-uh

The baker told me
that my grey wedding cake
Was completed and looked very good.
I said "Add butterflies
and we'll come FOR the cake"
But I think that he misunderstood.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCalamitybird

the shape was clean
the color sedate
but one little thing
i could almost hate

the flutterbyes delicate
the sperm all spermy
the cake almost perfect
for me and my Hermy

one thing is missing
the topper crusader
..the littlest pony
and the Lordly Darth Vader

how he would perfect
this craft-and-bake
with his light saber erect
on the top of the cake!

-Sally

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

One of my favorite posts of all time. Still laughing!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

Maybe this is for a shotgun wedding, a combo wedding/baby shower for a baby boy cake, killing two butterflies with one stone.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

I hope the groom watched the bride eat a piece of this cake. You know that was the last time he would ever get to see that balloon umm..."shape" anywhere near her mouth....

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

We pray that you marriage will be long and fruitful,
The bride today looked especially beautiful,
And we know you'll soon be blessed with kids,
'Cause the groom already covered the cake with his... fizz?

hee hee hee

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTory Davis

@Calamitybird--WINNER!! Best poem of the bunch today!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

No rainbows, no unicorns, no sprinkles, please.
A simple greyish cake for me and my main squeeze.
Add something flying, up up and away!
That wedding cake would sure make my day.

You're done? Terrific! Hey, butterflies and...WHOA!
Excuse me, chef, but is that *cough* spermatozoa?
That is one unique cake. Ain't it just my luck...
My precious wedding cake makes me want to upchuck.

(and my word verification is "Updrat" which seems especially fitting.)

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIrismama

Our wedding cake was supposed to say

Our love soars through the skies

Like bouncy balloons and butterflies

But our guests' minds went another way

And congratulated us on our wedding night

Instead of our wedding day

Alison Carter

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlison Carter

Maybe it's supposed to be symbolic. The bride had butterflies in her stomach, and the groom was...fully stocked for the honeymoon?

There should be a rule that balloons on cakes must come in batches of 3 or more. That way you know FOR SURE that they're balloons!

WV: phisw - The sound of sperm balloons slowly deflating.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Reluctant Diva

These are the cakes that make me sad, because you can see the baker actually does have some skill: the buttercream is pretty smooth (bonus points for even attempting to do all buttercream), the butterflies are pretty, the tiers are well shaped and well proportioned... it's just a really, really unfortunate attempt at balloons or whatever they are supposed to be.

If this was mine, I would laugh along with you, but who knows...

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Sally (the poster who wrote about Darth Vader), you just put me in tears!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ha Ha Ha! My word verification is Preti. How inappropriate!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterreneek

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the wreckerator intended to depict butterflies emerging from their cocoons (notice some of the lower "spermies" seem to have something emerging from them--horrors at the thought, like "Alien" sperm!). The butterflies are well done, but the cocoons, well, they aren't really cocoon-y, are they?

I haven't written a poem since high school, but I really feel we all have a duty to at least try, given this great fodder. Here goes:

There once was a bride named Mariah
and butterflies were the symbol of her style-a.
Her intended was young,
as if still unsprung,
so their cake was covered in pupae!

WV ralli: A meeting or conclave of the word-witty, especially convened to sarcastically comment on the missteps of those engaged in the flour arts.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLinda in Louisville

Tadpole kinda rhymes with eyehole... Just sayin'. Also, I just watched Silence of the Lambs again last night. I never knew it could be used as inspiration for a wedding cake... All it needs is some fava beans...

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

It was designed for the film's premiere party. "Nemo and Friends Experience the Butterfly Effect". Blue water, Nemo and friends, Butterflies, people get you mind out of the gutter. lol

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Pink Drink Ladies

This cake was for a boys first birthday memorial, and not a wedding. Funny enough, the mother of the boy got pregnant the same month of this cake, so it is jokingly her "fertility" cake

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The REAL STORY....my friend made this cake for me last year. It wasn't a wedding cake. It DID end up being comic relief at a memorial service for my son. He passed away (in utero) when I was 31 weeks along and we had a memorial service on what would have been his 1st birthday. We were having a balloon release and butterflies always reminded me of him, so I asked for her to combine the two...and asked for the cake to be that color blue. Little did we know that the balloons would end up looking like sperm! For a day with a lot of emotions, this was HILARIOUS! We all referred to it as the "fertility cake". That very month I found out I was pregnant with my daughter (who was just born in March). The balloons looked a little funny, but it was DELICIOUS!!!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm normally a lurker, but my wedding theme was also blue & butterflies and my dear hubby's uncle claimed to have won awards at the OK sugar & cake thingie that is featured in Food Network every now and again. So, he gave us our wedding cake. We could have anything we wanted. I found pictures of a simple white on white square tiered cake from Martha Stewart with little butterflies. I cried and cried when I saw the finished cake. I just pointed out to my hubby of 8 years, "Look, honey! It could have been worse!"

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yay! I get to see this cake before it's pulled!

What the...? Really? Those little squiggles by the butterflies HAVE to be sperms, right? I mean, what else can they be? And...umm...I'm pretty sure the bride wouldn't ask for spermies on her cake. Right?

I think Poem #2 was my favorite. Just sayin'.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

It reminds me of that scene in a cartoon where some poor sap pulls out his wallet and moths fly out, only in this case the moths brought friends.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

I kind of see where they were going with a sort of Wedgewood inspired colour scheme, but somehow... nyet. I agree with those who suggested those are probably supposed to be balloons, which a lot of people consider festive, and not so hackneyed as the usual flowers you se on wedding cakes. But they really do register initially as sperm.

Actually, if they'd just gone with the butterflies, I think this would have been really pretty.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

In regards to the real story...

So glad that the cake was able to give you some laughs at the memorial. Thanks for having a great sense of humor. All the best!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I had the same color for my wedding cake! Except we actually did want it that color. And it had beautiful white swirly things on the sides that did not look like sperm.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Are those supposed to be balloons? Either way, not what I would imagine for a wedding cake AT ALL!

On a different note, I wonder how many professional bakers browse/follow Cake Wrecks to make sure their cakes don't show up on here... would be interesting to know!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKahla

To the mother-I'm so sorry for your loss. That story completely took the fun out mocking the cake. But I'm glad that you were able to see the humor in it as well and that it gave you a laugh on what must have been a very sad day for you.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

They are obviously albino tadpoles, right? You know, like cave dweller tadpoles? Right?....

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

Thank you, Jenny. I really don't mind people mocking the cake. My friend (who made the cake) and I get a good laugh out of it often. It's a good memory on a bad day..especially with his 2nd birthday coming up on July 7th. My friend is actually an amazing cake artist...it was definitely not her fault it turned out so, um...strange. It was my bad idea. haha.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHouse of Collinsworth

It might make me a terribly geeky biologist but I kind of love that cake. Still, I'd be very upset if it were for my wedding!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAllisyn

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