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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jun302011

My New Favorite Wedding Cake

Roses are red,

Butterflies are blue,

Um...

Pardon me, but are those sperm on your wedding cake?



Poem Option #2:

The cake that keeps giving,
and makes your guests squirm,

'Cause nothing says "marriage,"

like butterflies and sperm!

Poem Option #3:

Roses are red
And cake can be pretty
.
How sad for you,

'Cuz yours looks all...
[eyeing children]
...unpleasant.


(Betting this cake will be pulled by baker request in 3...2...)

Thanks to Kristen G., who wishes more things rhymed with "tadpoles." Or is that just me?

« Big Bangs | Main | The Far Side of the Bakery »

Reader Comments (149)

House of Collinsworth: hugs to you! I lost a child 11 years ago January. He was one of my triplets who were born at 24 weeks. You have my deepest sympathies. The pain never goes away but it does get better. I'm glad you have the cake memory to brings laughter to such a terrible day. My heart goes out to you. Blessings and Peace. Korrie~

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKorrie

Are they miniscule sperm-sized butterflies? Or giant butterfly-sized sperm? Just wondering.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNannaBanana

This cake was made by one of my friends and it is NOT sperm but balloons! It was made in memory of a little baby boy who was born too soon and didn't live.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Lis- you're a much better sport than I would be! I guess they do look like sperm though! Love you!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

I'm so excited for my cake to see!
Decorated with tasteful nature scenes!
Colorful butterflies all around,
Simple balloons shall abound
But alas, it shall not be so,
For my cake was made by a werckorator, you know
It's the kind of cake that would make a grandma squirm,
For you see, my cake was covered in sperm!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarcine1973

Shared passtime with my 10 year old and I, usually. So I start reading today, "Roses are red etc etc Are those spe.. Um, nevermind."

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJJ

i saw the blog today, oh boy.
about a cake festooned with butterflies
and sad balloons that looked like sperm,
it made a mother laugh
and now we know for sure balloons should never be put on a cake
they AL-WAYS mess. it. up.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Roses are red,
Your cake is blue.
We see the swimmers.
How pregnant are you?

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarefootCajun

This is just a new version of the birds and the bees.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLis.

I'm with Misssy. Can someone please spell out what was supposed to rhyme with pretty in poem 3? Titty?

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStill confused.

There once was a little Tadpole,
Who was blessed with a tender little soul,
Though his visit was short,
He lives on in mom's heart,
And will always be her angel to hold.

My deepest sympathy and warmest congratulations. Tell your friend this time try kites instead of balloons, much safer shape.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdo Annie

Balloons and butterflies caught up in a tornado.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMum-me

we just watched "The Switch" and this would have been the perfect cake! too funny

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmyIrenie

Oh my thats funny!!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Ellen

Things that rhyme with tadpoles:
Flagpoles
Steamrolls
Washbowls
Dad's moles
Mad foals
Plaid stoles
Sad voles
Half soles
Chad trolls
Bad rolls

... plus the one I'd rather not write on a family blog ...

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Mom, how amazing to be able to share such a sweet story with all of us. we appreciate that you can understand our goofiness. much love and comfort for your family this coming week. (((hugs)))

-Barbara Anne

off topic: all together evil wrecky henchpersons- flip your calendar around and say goodbye to the "Women In Spaaaaaace" and hello to "Exploding Balls!"

my vote is for another calendar for next year (pleasepleasepleaseplease) and to keep the same format!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Attention everyone with a frosting bag. You cannot make good balloons. It is not possible for a balloon to look like a balloon when it it made from anything besides a balloon. Thank you.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTara

For me, it inspired the following two limericks:

There once was a blue wedding cake,
Where balloons looked suspiciously fake.
Yes, they looked like white sperm,
To the point where you'd squirm,
And ask, "Was this designer half-baked?"

There once was a blue wedding cake,
With tadpoles that swam up to make,
What appeared like a stream,
From some happy wet dream,
Leaving guests asking "Why?" in its wake.

Love the blog as always!

-WM (the great disco newt)

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love that the ad alongside this post is for "Little Swimmers" (swim diapers). :)

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpblair38

Jon - is that cake making fun of butterfly and tadpole loving Canadians? Or Texans?
No need to actually approve this comment. Just wanted to say hi. :)

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersimply heidi

Wow can I have all those poems please lol. The cake the wreckerators can keep though since I have no clue why butterflies and sperms would go together in any way shape or form. Unless they are implying that the bride and groom multiply like a butterfly? Lol.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

The comments today were the BEST! I especially like the re-do of "A Day in the Life" by Anonymous! The butterflies are pretty. To "mom"---so sorry about your loss. Thank you for sharing your story, and congratulations on the birth of your daughter.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

I have an idea.
I think it would sure fix
Your cake. At the top,
All it needs is a cervix!

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those ARE sperm? Whaat?

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPay the Piper

Dear House of Collinsworth:

Thank you for sharing your story, and for your good sense of humor.

My little boy who is no longer with me would have turned six this year. While over time, it has gotten easier to say his name with a smile instead of tears, his birthday is always a hard day. I wish you peace, and love, and lots of snuggles from your "rainbow baby girl" for this week.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKittyKat

@Sally -I LOVE your poem! Made me laugh out loud. Fabulous!

@Mom who lost son, sorry for your loss and congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I am grateful that this cake gave you a laugh that day and me a laugh this day.

-WM (the great disco newt)

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

An anonymous commenter said that this cake was in honor of a boy who died. If that's true, that's sad. However, that doesn't mean this isn't a cake wreck. Wrecks are unintentionally funny, weird or sad cakes which were intended to be something else. And balloons have a long-standing tradition here of being made fun of. The sad story doesn't make the cake any less wrecky; if anything, it makes it more wrecky.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGreenwick

This is the kind of cake you get from a customer who doesn't take advice from the professionals!

The horrible color was probably chosen to coordinate with some horrible decorations or horrible bridesmaid dresses. I wouldn't be surprised if there are actual balloons and butterflies at the wedding, too.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichael Bauser

House of Collinsworth:
Thank you for laughing, sharing
grace, wit, and hearts' ease.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

This is the first time I've commented but I was completely intrigued by the story of this cake. House of Collinsworth: I'm so sorry for your gloss and glad you were comfortable sharing your story hear. I'm glad you were able to have a happy memory from that day and can acknowledge a wreck for what it is! I started reading your blog and found the part linking to your friend (the baker's) blog. I looked at the baker's website and she really does have some amazing cakes! I'm not saying this cake isn't a wreck, because as beautifully done as it is, it will always be a "butterfly and sperm" cake. However, check out her other great work: http://sugarandspicesweets.blogspot.com/

July 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Your penis should go with me. I'm a vagina. Frosting comes out of my blog.

July 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterResume

I can just imagine the bride and groom's faces. To say nothing of their guests.

July 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Micheal Bauser you should have read the above comments before posting...

July 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

It looks like the sperm are CHASING the poor butterflies! The carnage! THE CARNAAAAGE! Oh, the insect-manity! XD Wait, wait, if one of the little guys manages to catch a butterfly, would that be "insect-icide"?

July 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This post makes me so sad. Other than the sperm-balloons, this is a really beautiful cake.

July 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFrees

love the poem option #2 :D I have to tell my new friend Freerange poet about the haikus. he LOVES haiku!

July 4, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjestamused

Maybe it was a mormon wedding? Catholic wedding? Shotgun wedding????

July 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLos Gatos Girl

Two layers of my wedding cake was made of styrofoam, and the top layer was real. No one knew, and it saved money.

July 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJennica

Well, I came back a few weeks later to see if, in fact, the baker had requested the picture be pulled. Guess they haven't seen it.

I loved this picture! A true "spit your coffee all over your keyboard" moment.

July 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterValerie

I would have scattered festively foil wrapped condoms all over the table around the cake for added effect.....

July 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCookinmama76

Something old
Something new
Something borrowed (*cough*)
Something blue

September 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPetro

Homunculi and imagines. It all sounds better in Latin. On a cake of pastel Prussian blue. Nummy.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRhissanna

Gives a whole new meaning to "baby batter"!

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter'Ris

my first post!! thank u for the "eying children" part!!!!!

September 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkid who loves cw

Sperm AND butterflies!

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrian

Reminds me of the song, that I probably have the lyrics wrong to, but this is how I sing it :-)

Cum my lady,
Cum cum my lady,
You're my butterfly,
Sugar baby...

I wonder if that's the song they walked down the aisle to??? hmmm...

September 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDana

* Ring Ring *

Hello, Bakery

Wait, what? Wedding cake? Yes, we just delivered it. Light blue cake with butterflies. Our delivery driver, Lonely Dave, was supposed to drop it off.

What's that? No, nothing but butterflies...

November 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermeh

Why are butterflies swimming with the sperm?

January 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSue M

Just a thought. Might this Christian song, Bullfrogs and Butterflies, be the thought behind the cake? If so, I think I would have gone with a nature theme instead of the solid blue. I'm sure there were plenty of snickers at the wedding reception. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5q-1KMIRAo

January 31, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDonna M.

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