My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Are Anivery

13 years ago today, Jen and I got married. And, because we both forgot we're both above materialistic declarations of love, I've decided to express myself the best way I know how: with pictures of goofed-up cakes.

[Cuing sexy saxophone music]
[Lighting candles]
[Duck face]

Ohhhh, girl...
Girl, in case you didn't know, girl...

Today is our anivery. That's right: the day I gave all of me to all of you...

[Eyebrow waggle]


And I want you to know, girl, that you are my love, girl...

And today is our love day, uunnnnngggggg...


First, I'm gonna cover your pillow in beautiful flowers...


And then, I'm gonna feed you strawberries in the candlelight...

Mmmmmm... Ecstatic!

Because today, like no other day, is the day that is our day, today. Girl.

And when the time is right...

and the lights are low...

I'm gonna get real comfortable...

and read you this poem:

Aw, I'm just kidding, of course, girl.

You're only getting a picture of the cookie.


Thanks to Jan, Madeline S., Jennifer J., Andi F., Mackiesmama, and Stephanie S.

And Jen, for 13 amazing years.

« It's Not Creepy If You're Married | Main | Sunday Sweets: Ode to Dragon*Con »

Reader Comments (130)

Happy Anniversary! My husband and I also celebrate lucky 13 today! Have a fabulous day!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLulu

Happy anivery to two of my favorite e-people.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCharly

Love that you made Anniversary 13 on Wikipedia:

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJerrie

Aww, Happy Anivery you two.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Well, this is certainly cause for celebration! Which absolutely none of those cakes would be appropriate for!

Seriously, of all the feelings evoked by that strawberry monstrosity, "ecstasy" is not on my list. Nausea, definitely. Especially the wilting berry tops. Yech.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

I usually don't read comments, but I had to, just to see if I was the only one that heard the Conchords in that whole post!

Happy Anivery!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Happy 13 John and Jen!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Awww! That is so sweet! Happy Anniversary to both of you!

Happy Anniversary! You got married 8 days after we did - here's to a lifetime of wedded bliss!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkriswithmany

13 years ago today this Jen got married too - to an Eric, not a John - but still..... Happy Anniversary to you and to me too!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJeneric

Happy Anivery!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmber Joy

Hoppy versinary to you two.

got to say that strawberry doesn't look that bad.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDouglas

"Hopy anivery" of your weeded blis, "John & Jen"

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

Is that a naked blushing cow lounging on the 5th cake? If so, why is he wearing glasses?

Happy anivery to both of you. It is a well known fact that 13 is the cake wreck anniversary, so John, you did great. We just had our 19th, which turns out to be plexiglass. Who knew?

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMMCQuarterback

I will never be able to write Happy Anniversary correctly again. Happy Cake Wreck Anivery to you both! We love you!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKP

Happy Anivery, you two! And, John, I'm pretty sure Katie is right. The thirteenth anniversary is TOTALLY big metal chickens! (p.s. @ Katie, that was awesome!)

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStill Giggling

Oh gee! A heaping pile of horse manure with frosting... YUMMMY!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlori

From all of us up he-ah in Maine, we hope you have the happiest of anniversaries! Its surprising that you don't go right from the 12th to the 14th, like in hotel floors!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterYour Wrecksistant

Congradulashuns on your annivorsory.

And if you love her, you'll make her a cake that doesn't resemble any of those monsters. Isn't it odd that so many people out here are so happy about your anniversary? But we are. And may you have many, many more.

My parents were married for 52 years before my father died. My mother still considers herself married, 9 years on. They were happy and incredibly deeply in love from day one. May you have that kind of live, together, more and more in love with each other every day.

And may you find great joy in the cats that I'm even now shipping to your house as an anniversary pressie. I know that you'll just love them. They're adorable. And sweet. And...I'm not actually putting my real address on the return form, so you'll have to just love them forever and ever. :)


August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeesMom

I can't think of a better anniversary tribute for the two of you. Happy anniversary!!! <3

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersariah

Happy Anivery!!!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBubbles Cakery

Sing to the tune of the 1812 Overture........

Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!




Dut, dut, dut, dut dut, da da da
Dut dut, dut, dut dut, da da da

Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

HA..........PP....................Y ANNIVERSARY!


August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercrownring

Happy Anniversary! I love the cakes. The cow cake made me LOL.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

The first cake is so funny!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterclarity enhanced diamonds

Happy Anivery! I hope you have "many"
underneat that
yeers of ahpiness togethur.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDeirdre

Flapjack. Kerfuffle.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJohn

I hope you too have the best anivery ever!! Contragulations! Your the best!

Is that 5th cake a fawn??!!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmberK

Strawberry ecstacy cake indeed. Those strawberries look worn out to me. It's posts like these that make me glad I'm single and don't have to fend off traumatic attempts to rekindle the flame. Note to self: remember to add on dating profile that I refuse to date cake decorators...

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaury

Wow, Jen, you are one lucky chick! I heard it just like he sang (?) it! Have a great day, you crazy kids!!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusanB

If my husband narrated a saxy, romantic cake blog for me, I would be as flushed as the cow's butt (?) shown in the 5th cake. Jen, you are a lucky, lucky woman!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTxmatey

D'aawwwwwwwww! Nappy Annvaaarswarrryyyy! The day you wemember your Mawwige! Congrads Guys!
No, seriously, Congrats!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

Happy Anniversary!!!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAllie

Oh my. That flower picture actually made me recoil.
Happy anniversary!!! (Mine is on Saturday - it's a great time of year!)

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRainyday

Congradulasions on your 13st anivery!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStefanie

Today my husband and I celebrate 17 wonderful years of marriage! I was so happy to see this post, I thought it was just for us at first... wondered how he arranged it :) congrats to you guys, too!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTricia M

Yup, Flight of the Conchords in my head now. Thanks, and Happy anivery merry xmas too.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessica H

Happy Anivery er Anniversary to you two!
My husband and I are celebrating 13 years today as well. Was a good day to get married :)

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle Smith

Great Scott! Happi Anivery John and Jen! Congradulashuns! Enjoy yourselves, and here's to many more happy years in the future!


August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPink Peril

Bawchawbawbaw... Happy lobe day you two!! (Egads! Is that a come-hither sheep atop that cake?? Was I alone in remembering Gene Wilder in "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex"? Sheep in garters... Anyone? Anyone?)

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusana

OK, I did a search for "Minotaur" on both pages of comments. He's a Minotaur, everybody! No Greek Myth nerds out here today? Um, at least, at a closer look, well, maybe he's not...OK, no idea.

Heard Jermaine of Flight of the Conchords thru the whole thing. Much sexier than Barry White, due to the fact that I get sexy when you're makin' me laugh, baby!

Anyway, Happy Anniery. Our 43rd annievry is in 2 days, so we wish you newlyweds all the best!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCloudy

Happy Anniversary! It's mine and DH's 13th also--it was a great day to get married!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercefwilson

And a very happy [unpronounceable squiggle] day to one and all!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMike

Thanks for the info BADKarma. Hmm, 13th anniversary means textiles. You know what that means, right? You need a T-shirt! And what better place to get it than at Dragon Con!

Years afterward, you can have a special spot in your heart for your anniversary T-shirt.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterteabunny

1st C.W. post narrated in my head by Barry White. As thought I don't ALREADY confuse cake with sex.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMamachino

Aww, happy anniversary, you two! Conga Rats and many more years to you both :)

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah D.

Happy Anivery, you two krazy kids!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKati

13 years? That level of comintmit deserves a cookie cake with the above shown declaration, indeed!

My married anivery is 9/27, our 8th! But our "should have been married for all the difference there was" anivery is end of Sept sometime, its our 15th.

I think I shall make a cookie cake with the weird satyr cow thing, some mutant purple flowers, a few lumps-formerly-known-as-strawberries, and that exact sentiment. And then surprise him with, not just a giant metal robot chicken, but a STAR WARS ROBOT CHICKEN. because that is about 190% awesomer.

And I heard Barry White's sexy 70's baritone through that whole post..... *walks off humming never never gonna give you up....*

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlunamoth

As an addendum to my previous comment, when I went back to re-read the post, this time I heard the words sung by Andy Samberg & Justin Timberlake...... Thank goodness there weren't any suspicious "box" cakes....

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlunamoth

Happy Anniversary!!!

Now, does anyone have an explanation for the demon goat suffering from sunburn and diaper rash cake? I just don't get it.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarnieB

@ Cloudy: Someone called it a satyr near the bottom of the first page. It just doesn't have enough features consistent with any one rear or mythical beast. If there's a name for a thing with three horns, two tails, the rump of a baboon, the eyes of a praying mantis, a chicken wing for a right arm, a marshmallow body, and one small black dot on each of its spherical feet, please tell me!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

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