My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Are Anivery

13 years ago today, Jen and I got married. And, because we both forgot we're both above materialistic declarations of love, I've decided to express myself the best way I know how: with pictures of goofed-up cakes.

[Cuing sexy saxophone music]
[Lighting candles]
[Duck face]

Ohhhh, girl...
Girl, in case you didn't know, girl...

Today is our anivery. That's right: the day I gave all of me to all of you...

[Eyebrow waggle]


And I want you to know, girl, that you are my love, girl...

And today is our love day, uunnnnngggggg...


First, I'm gonna cover your pillow in beautiful flowers...


And then, I'm gonna feed you strawberries in the candlelight...

Mmmmmm... Ecstatic!

Because today, like no other day, is the day that is our day, today. Girl.

And when the time is right...

and the lights are low...

I'm gonna get real comfortable...

and read you this poem:

Aw, I'm just kidding, of course, girl.

You're only getting a picture of the cookie.


Thanks to Jan, Madeline S., Jennifer J., Andi F., Mackiesmama, and Stephanie S.

And Jen, for 13 amazing years.

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Reader Comments (130)

@ Susana
Sheep, garters, gene wilder, chocolate factory. Oh, yeah, ddn't wanna make that connection.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

I read that first cookie as Hoppy Lovo Day, but have a Happy Anivery Day!!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa P.

God Lordy! And here I thught the worst ines came in aniversery cards. However, I can certainly use that 'roses are red' line some day, I'll just edit a little, because I'm a naughty boy. And whatever that second cake is supposed to say, I' not sure, but it is certainly something that wuld make me wonder if my partner cared that much any more.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commentershikiblade

Well done, John. Conga-rats & Happy Anivery, y'all.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLet Them Eat Cake

Aw, only two more years to the Giant Metal Chicken anniversary!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenrose

Aww, Happy Anniversary you two!

Here's to many more anivery's and wreaks alike!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

I read that in the voice of Lou Rawls but Barry White’s a good alternative…or Patrick Stewart…Nathan Fillion…Hugh Jackman…James Earl Jones (if you don’t think of Darth Vader)……(snaps back to reality, wipes drool from chin) Of course, *ahem* I ASSUME Jen read that in John’s voice as, naturally, a wife is wont to do.

Really, did I miss it?? Did no one else LOL and say (all together now): Mawiage, mawaiage is what brings us togever today. Mawiage, that bwessed event, that dweam within a dweam.

Hapy 13rd Anivery to the two coolest geeks I don’t personally know.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Hoppy Analvarsity! I'm not sure what an albino cow sitting on a green frisbee has to do with the day one gets married, but I liked it.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

Hope you 2 have your cake and eat it, too! My hubby and I are going strong at 27 years and my ringtone when he calls is FotC "Business Time." Awww yeeah!

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJillie B

I thought the sign on the "strawberry ecstasy" cake said "strawberry ecstasy cuke" (as in cucumbers). That sounds disgusting.

I thought the reclining thing on the pink cake was a pink poodle. *goes back to look again*

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Happy Anivery!!

You guys are awesome. I aspire to be you guys when I grow up and fall in love with a crazy man.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJabby

I think the thing with the lilies is a lamb. A porn-star lamb, but a lamb nonetheless. I'm afraid that's an Easter cake.

The purple flower seems to be covered with mouse droppings, which is unfortunate.

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

Me finding this incredibly sweet may be a tribute to how much my life has been influenced and dedicated to cakewrecks. But seriously. <3

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLeilani

Hapy 13rd Anivery "John" and "'Jen'"? (put some striped poo on it for her...with sprinkles and a smiley heart)

August 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNE

Oh my gosh. That first cake and the strawberry poo piles would be grounds for someone running to the florist shop lol. That and a ton of diamonds might make up for these scary anivery cakes. Sheesh

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Oh crap, this reminds me that my hubby and I just forgot our anniversary again too. And we have two of them, one for the legal wedding here in the US and one for the family ceremony 6 months later in Australia. You'd think we'd manage to remember at least one anniversary per year...nope...

But this post is the awesomest anniversary love letter EVAR.

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

Happy Anivery!

Also, despite the misspelling, I like the Cookie Poem. And hey, they used the correct version of "you're!" And to be fair, I have trouble remembering how to spell "pleasant" myself. I only know I spelled it correctly there because of spell check.

(Also, are you sure that one up there says "Happy Love Day"? It really looks like "Happy [scribble] Day" to me.)

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTsunoba

Happy Falker Satherversary!! You two bring so much joy to those around you(and those who aren't around you, but are lucky enough to read what you write). Thank you! And do something fun. *eyebrow waggle*

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuper Red

"Hapy" Anivery! Your the "best"! Conshagulations! That "get real comfortable" is too funny!

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharon D

"Happy" Anivery, John and Jen!
Underneat that
"Smiley face" :)

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

My girlfriend and I agree that the "strawberry ecstasy" cake looks like someone barfed on their poop.

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJill

Congradulashuns! :D

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterS

Awww. happy annivery Jon and Jen. May you have many, many more to come. And underneat that.

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentershaz

A belated Happy Anivery, John (thoJ) and Jen! May all of your wrecks only be on cake.

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelindaB

Happy Anniversary to you both!! My husband and I share the exact same wedding date with you! 8/29/98 was a great day for cake!!

August 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

Haha, I totally got Flight of the Conchords from this too. Awesome.

Happy anniversary! Thanks for making us laugh!

August 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Happy (belated) anniversary, Jen and John!

August 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNYCGirl

Congradurations!* I love creative gift-giving!
(I'm actually even more excited that I understand the giant metal chicken comments!)
Hope your day was blissful!

*actually appeared on my little brother's 6th grad. cake

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjane

Are some of those...that is to say...I mean...seriously, is that frosting or mold?

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

I think I would have to remove a testicle if I ever got some of those. lol

October 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKris

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