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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Sep232011

Less Than Punctilious

Continuing my mini series on the wonders of punctuation, let's take a look at what happens when grammar goofs go horribly, seriously funny.

Drat. They're on to me.

 

Because no matter what your efforts, there will be times when you ask for a symbol and get a whole lotta trouble instead.

When a simple slash turns into a case of indecent exposure.

 

For clarity's sake, you might want to mention when a word should be plural.

Don't.

 

In fact, you should never spell anything out. Period.

Especially the actual period. Period.

 

And you know what they say about bad commas, don't you?

That's right: they always come back to bite you.

"Good night, good luck, must dash!"

- Edward R. Murrow with a full bladder

 

Thanks to Kristin D., Kristin S., Stephanie A., Doreen L., Kate A. for what I'm calling our "literal" period.

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Reader Comments (61)

I really enjoy cake wrecks. But at some point you have to put some blame on people who order these cakes. Go to the store and order them! You'll be able to write down yourself what you want on the cake. Quit calling in the orders.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterf1f2f3f4

Somewhere, Edward R. Murrow weeps...

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

HeeehehehahahAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! heeeeeheeeehehehehe....... (snort). I love it!!!!!!!! And by the way, I'm new here. And I'm only twelve. So. hmmmmm. I LOVE YOU, JEN!!!!!!!!!!! And you to too, John, but not to dwell on that....... ; )

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHannah A

Cool post.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNinamartin2

I just have one question (well, I have lots of them, but only one BURNING question)---what's a "flashadely"?

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I am slow this morning! First time thru I am "If karma is someone's name why is it lower case?" Really, I ask myself that when viewing Cake Wrecks?!
Second time thru, "OH! This is punctuation class! With the 'right' accent comma could become karma!"
Well, I am awake Now.
Poor Joey/Daddy...

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren.Valinda

Poor Joey Flashdaddy. A nickname like that could really stick to a guy.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBB, Miami

I think they were going for Joey/Daddy? I hope?

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKdot

I am mystified by the floating "rosebud" phenomenon (Cake 1). I've seen it a lot....how hard is it to pipe a green line for a stem?

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen B

I agree with the first poster. Knowing how the average person approaches their grammar on social media like Facebook and Twitter. I can not put all the blame on the cake decorators. That being said would common sense correct 90% of these cakes? Probably, but don't you always give the customer what they want? If that includes a misspelling or quotation so be it. Maybe it's an inside joke.

Also I don't see many English majors going into the cake decorating world, but with the job market the way it is maybe we will.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJules ♂

Is "Flashdadely" Joey's last name?

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Is it me or does the first cake, in addition to the indecent exposure, appear to be eggs being fertilized?

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnna B

@ SaraCVT :
It's "FlashDaddy".
Should have said, "Happy Birthday Joey/Daddy".

tee hee heee

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercc

I think whoever ordered the "plural" cake has English as a second language. Either that or the wreckorator does. There's no plural in sight.

@SaraCVT: That's "Flashdaddy." The customer ordered "Joey/Daddy." If not for Jen's hint at the explanation, I'd wonder if it was an unusual last name.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

ordinarily the mistake with balloons is that they look like A sperm... (singular, not plural)
clearly we have an overachieving wreckinator in that second cake as (s)he has managed to make those balloons look like 3 condoms full of them. And that's one of those things you just don't want to see on a cake....

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEvalis

Please don't ever put any nasty ribbon curls on my cake. Sigh. It appears to be a trendy trend. However, I should add that chocolate curls would be OK.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLeslieFSU

At least the "period" wasn't in red.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

On the first one, I thought Flashdaddy was maybe his nickname (didn't occur to me that it was a double wreck - spelling it out, and changing slash to flash). I thought the wreck was the, er, balloons(?). You know, those obscenely huge globs of frosting (my teeth hurt just thinking about biting into that), with what I guess is supposed to be white string, but looks like something else to me.

@Hannah A - Welcome! I think with your apparent sense of humor you'll fit right in. Just hope we don't corrupt you too much.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarahRod

Sorry, that should have said the second cake, not the first. :<

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarahRod

Hmmmm...three eggs apparently being fertilized at once....Happy Birthday Joey Flashdaddy....I'd say they got this one right.....

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

Does anyone else see triple boobs that have serious nipple problems on the second cake? Or is that just me? Maybe we should ask flash/daddy what he thinks.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Bwahahahaha, that last one made me LOLOL where on earth do they find these decorators

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Anyone who buys one cake for two months worth of birthdays deserves to be humiliated.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTJ

@ f1f2f3f4

It doesn't help. Wreckerators find ways to make what you think was good directions in print into hilariously bad wrecks. too! There isn't any way to win no matter how hard you try.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

on the second one I see three alien boobies with tassels - which makes "flashdaddy" all different kinds of weird...

And no matter if you spell it out, put instructions in parenthesis, or be as specific as possible - the wreckorators will get you!

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda M

Where was this St. Period when I needed him??

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

If people write out what they want, saying, "this is what I want on my cake," the paper gets pasted to a sheet cake. Foolproof systems never are.

#1 It was just a matter of time, "Jen".

#2 "Joe-ay! What's the haps, 'Flashdaddy'? I know you said you would kill the next person who called you that, but...aaawk!" The 'silly string' border needs to be banned. Yesterday, if not sooner.

#3 Poor April and May. You would think they would each get a cake, right? April doesn't even get her name capitalized. Condiment squiggles on a hot dog -- ok. On a cake, not so much. (Yes, I know there's a blue line; no, I don't care to imagine what sort of condiment that might be.)

#4 So many ways to parse this. Who is 'David Day' -- Doris's brother?

#5 Speaking of parsing possibilities... I thought this might be a cake for newlyweds, but I couldn't figure out what Edward R. Murrow might have to do with that.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I thouight ST Period was "sexually transmitted period" and I DON'T want to think about how that might come about.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMariaTeresa

You cannot blame it all on people calling it in. I used to work at a bakery and took orders. Do you demand to see everything they've written on the order form? And even if you do, trust me--people are STUPID and the baker/decorator can still get it totally wrong.

Trust me--there is plenty of blame to go around.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

Lactating balloons are not my first choice for birthday decorations, but maybe flashdaddy is into that.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Well Joey Flashdaddy.... what are those blobs on your cake and what is that oozing out ot them... A reproducing sea creature?

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermeanearlene

This really makes me want to go back to cake decorating. I *was* an English major, so I would never make this kind of wreck. Now, some wrecks just happen. (Like when a little boy asks you to freehand in icing a guy in a treestand taking down a 9-point buck with a bow and arrow... and also squeeze in "Happy Birthday Daddy"... on a 1/8 sheet cake.) But I really feel like every bakery in the world just needs to devise a test for any potential decorators that includes taking a phone order, writing the word "Congratulations", and making a "copy" of another cake. Heck, if I can decorate a cake in buttercream to look like a Fritos bag, I must be in the upper echelons of grocery store wreckerators and should consider just opening my own bakery instead.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKiko

I assume that Joey is married (he is a daddy after all) but if not I'd love for him to call me. I think it would be great to be known as Mrs Flashdaddy. Maybe I'll use that the next time I introduce myself...

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaury

You know, for the longest time I thought Boy George was singing "Comma Chameleon." Never could figure what lizards and punctuation had to do with each other. Found out it was "karma chameleon." ok. Still doesn't make sense. I'm back to "comma" chameleon because from yesterday's and today's cakes, that little squiggle can morph meanings in amazing ways.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

I personally think that the decorators should have a spelling test on their interviews. Taking a grammar/punctuation class wouldn't be such a bad idea either. It amazes me how many people misspell simple words and get their punctuation all wrong!

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsboynetskiy

Good Night Karma ... mmmmm ....

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRev W

Flashdaddy--what a feeling, indeed.

Yesterday we were celebrating "NO period," and today we're wishing a happy "ST period" to David Day. Actually, I think the wreckorator forgot the number 1--it's supposed to be "1st period." However, why David would be celebrating such a thing, I hate to speculate...so I won't.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelindaB

Joey Flashdaddy was my uncle's stage name when he worked for Chippendale's.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

This is a pet peeve of mine so it gives me hope to read these comments. There are still people out there who know how to properly punctuate! Thank you for the laughs Jen and thank you to the peanut gallery as well.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJackson

GoDaddy.com original domain name *was* Flashdaddy.com until user comments included rather questionable “up”loads.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

I got my book plates today! Yea!!!! Thanks so much!!!!!

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShelley in Southern Illinois

Know what gets me about the Flashdaddy cake? The bit of border icing right before "Flashdaddy" looks just like a slash. The cake gods themselves were trying to point out the mistake, but all in vain.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterZeke

The cookie wreck might be in honor of the Welsh patron saint's day (St. David). It could be worse - they could also have asked for leeks, daffodils and the crimson dragon of Wales! Or have "Happy St. David Day" over a flag with an orca on it. ("But he said 'the flag of whales' and this is the best I can find!")

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTXRed

I think the yellow, green and blue boobies with tassles attached really go well with the flashdaddy theme. Surely that is what the decorator was going for, right? Right?

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatiKat

totally loving the last one. That's just awesome. Further proof, Jen, of why I won't write on a cake. Seriously, this site makes me get the shakes when I think about it!

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

The cure for all of this: "Let me read back to you what I heard." But wreckerators won't do that, because it would be so embarrassing if they got it wrong. It is much better to commit it to frosting before finding out.

Of course, the problem with phone orders is that reading it back doesn't necessarily solve anything.
Wreckerator: "Ok, I have 'Happy', 'S', 'T', 'period', 'David', 'Day'. Is that right?"
Caller: "That's it!"
Wreckerator: "Who am I speaking with again?"
Caller: "Joey. But you can call me, 'Flashdaddy'."
Wreckerator: "I'd rather not."

Note: St. David's day is celebrated March 1 for the patron saint of Wales. Just in case anyone was wondering. [chirp]

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

o.O Really??? REALLY??? These are even wreckier to me than the ones that are falling apart.

@ Kat “lactating balloons” OMG, I nearly wet myself laughing!! I thought of them as leaking, myself.

there’s a saint for periods? RFLOL

@msysendor I can’t believe you admitted that! :D

(hangs head in shame) I love the look of the silly string borders, myself. They’re so festive- without using balloons.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

TXred: ("But he said 'the flag of whales' and this is the best I can find!")

That took me a second, then I burst out laughing.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Ok, @Barbara Anne, the silly string border as usually wrecked here (broken lines, etc) should be banned. There is 'festive' and there is 'getting carried away with a piping bag'. In addition to which, yellow makes me think 'mustard'; not the sort of thing I want to be thinking when viewing a cake.

I'll agree that anything is better than suggestive 'balloons'.

September 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I keep thinking that last cake says to flash da daddy.. lmao. That or I am imagining things. With these wrecks it is kind of hard not to. Especially if they spell out period on any cake. Just plain evil lol.

September 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

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