An Open Letter to the Internet from the Residents of Southern Pennsylvania
What did we ever do to you?
We are a region of good, decent, hard-working Americans and prized rutabaga growers* who always try to do right by our fellow man.
And how do you repay us? By staging protests! By telling the government to shelve us! By blocking our favorite cute cat picture websites with big "STOP SOPA" signs!
It's enough to make us think you don't like the area with the world's most colorful collection of soap shavings.*
Motto*: "It's good clean fun!"
Did you know your underwear was probably made with cotton from OUR* cotton fields?
And that our bacon* is #2 in the nation?
And did you know that our official* tri-county* flower*, the Dryerious Lintitude*, has been hailed* by the scientific community* as a "marvel of nature?"*
That's right: a MARVEL OF NATURE*. Just try and stop THAT, internet.
Look, we SOPA residents are reasonable people. We don't want to hold a grudge over some obvious misunderstanding - and already you've given us a hip new acronym for next year's tourism brochures!
So what do you say we start fresh? We'll forget this whole "down with SOPA" business, and YOU can come visit the birthplace of Hannah Montana*!
It's a win-win!
*Sorry, Wikipedia was down yesterday.
Thanks to Michael S., Justin D., Sasha M., Anna D., & Karyn D. for helping me drag out a joke for five whole wrecks. Next I'll be writing** a letter on behalf of People In Pennsylvania - stay tuned!
**Just kidding. I'll make John do it.