My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

This Little Piggy Will Eat Your Soul

I thought most of the world had already seen the demon marzipan piggy that went viral Christmas week, but then again - judging by John's horrified screams of laughter when he spotted it on my screen last night - maybe not.

So, without further ado, lock up the children, grab your security blanket, and prepare to meet your newest nightmare:

Not kosher, man. NOT KOSHER.

Jonas L. made this for two little girls, if you can believe it, and there are multiple disturbing photos of said children gleefully dissecting zombie Wilbur over on his website. I think it goes without saying that hogging this cake may be a real boar, but it will definitely make you squeal.

And while it ill behooves me to butt in with gratuitous pork butt pictures, this one is sooieeet!

And by "sooieeet" I mean I just became a vegetarian.

Thanks, internet.



Q: Why do pigs hate magic?

A: Because Hogwarts make them itchy!




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Reader Comments (210)

To quote from the web site:

"Two corrections, beloved blogosphere & reposters: various reblogs of my pig have incorrectly stated

"(1) that the girls are my daughters. This is very flattering, but alas, they are not my girls, they are daughters of friends and I only get to hang out with them from time to time.

"(2) that the pig weighs 10lbs - that is not the case. The pig weighed a solid 10 kilograms, which equals roundabout 22lbs, for those that are pig-headed enough to still measure things in quarts, stones, oxheads, pounds and other non-metric units of yore."

Disturbing as it is to see two little girls cutting off a pig's face and putting their hands, and a knife, in the pig's private parts, the pig itself is remarkably lifelike-- okay, remarkably deathlike, but my point is, it's quite a work of sculpting.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

In response to those wondering why he chose to sculpt a pig: Here in Holland, we do have a tradition of sculpted marzipan pigs at Sinterklaas (the fest of St. Nicholas, the guy Santa Claus evolved from). I suppose the Scandinavian nations (I noticed a lot of Swedish comments on his blog, so I'm assuming that's where he lives) have a similar tradition at Christmas. You're (obviously) not supposed to eat a whole lot of it, it's cut into slices.

I love the detail in this critter. It's creepy, but I think it's rather funny as well. I'd definitely eat it.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBerber Anna

Limerick time:

What a big pile of marzipan pork!
I’m tempted to stick in a fork.
The way its tongue’s hanging out,
It’s guaranteed not to shout,
So there’s no need to insert a cork.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Why was the little girl gleefully smiling as she stabbed the pig in the anus?!? ... and as she gouged it's eye out? I'm far more disturbed and disgusted by the girls' enjoyment of the pig dismemberment than I am by the cake. I'm sure the parents are saying it's all in fun, but geez..

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTeena

Never before has an anus been so lovingly rendered in marzipan.

(Now: In what other context could one use that sentence?)

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFM

You guys gotta go to his website! I'm laughing and ewwing at the same time! Curious to know why oh why what's the reason behind it all.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I too lived under that blessedly pig-free rock. But now I've been evicted, and I'm shivering and scared. I wanna go back to my rock home, but alas, I've been corrupted by these images. Especially since I clickied the extra link.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

Oh. My. Gosh. "Disturbing" doesn't begin to describe this beast. And I can't decide whether the photos of the porcine demon-beast are worse, or the photos of the girls disemboweling it. They don't appear to be one bit phased by this monstrosity - "Oh, another scary marzipan pig. Thanks, Uncle Jonas!".

Jen, you can count me among the many who hadn't seen this nightmare-in-the-making before this morning, so thank you for sharing with us! BTW - loved all the pork-related puns, you were in especially good form in this post ;) .

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

I think what I find most disturbing are the little girls methodically taking this pig apart. The photo of the little girl with a metal instrument shoved up the pig's rear end is especially upsetting. But great work in sculpting marzipan! A tip of the cap to the artist.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Many years ago a friend decided a suckling pig would be a good thing to feed a group of young people. It was MUCH cuter than this one, a very cute, very dead pig. My brother named it Wilber..... several people became vegetarians that day.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterspel chek

So glad I'm a vegetarian...

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlabgoddess

The thing that disturbs me the most... is the little bit of brown shading near the "thing which must not be named."


January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPrairie

that is so horrifyingly horrible i can't even tell you.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterthe cape on the corner

This. Is. Horrifying. I don't know which is worse, this cake or the baby fetus cake. Both will haunt me forever. *shudder*

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMeagan

This is a very timely post, Jen, as we watched "Babe" during winter break. Can't wait to show the pictures to my 10-year old daughter! To paraphrase James Cromwell's line in the movie: "That'll do, marzipan pig, that'll do..."

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

I could dig some marzipan SPAM.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

FM sez:
"Never before has an anus been so lovingly rendered in marzipan.
(Now: In what other context could one use that sentence?)"

I'd rather not hear about the runners-up in that field.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Note to self: make sure to be done with lunck when reading Cake Wrecks. The piece of cheese I was eating went down with difficulty as I saw that cake. That is the most disgusting looking cake I have ever seen. Which is sad when you stop to think about all the hard work that was put into making it.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGen

(that's all I can say about this.)

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterimproperly forward

The worst thing about it? It's marzipan. Ew.

There are a few pictures on his site that actually make it look a little bit cute. He's a marvelous sculptor!

But why marzipan? Why?!?

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

And this is just one more reason I choose to keep Kosher!

MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It can not be unseen!

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

What happened to funny? This and Santa giving Rudolph a p.c. foot rub are just DISTURBING! What is WRONG with people?????? Not you, Jen. You don't make em.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah R.

The pig is creepy but what really skeeves me out is that one of the first places the girls cut into is the pig's brown-eye. Why is that an object of curiosity?

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStrangerDanger

Someone please pass me the eye bleach. AAAACK!

One question to the "creator" of that thing: Purpose?

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChocoMare

It. Has. A. Butthole.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterguest

I am beyond horrified. That is so disturbing. Really, I think party of this pig has way to much detail! I'm sure you know what I mean.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHorrifed by the pig cake!

It's like the confectionary version of that statue from a few years back of Britney Spears giving birth naked on a bearskin rug...

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKae

I have run out of levels that this cake is wrong on LOL! I swear that is child and pig AND adult abuse all rolled into one sausage. I am just in total disbelief. Honestly, I simply cannot imagine what twisted soul even commissions such a nasty piece of work. I thought the half baby cakes were bad, the glowering Santas, the demonic clowns...but this?? Wow. Just - Wow.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

Holy. Vomit. Batman.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

I think I am going to throw up!

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMAV

I'm worried about those kids. Seriously.
Shoving a knife up the grotesque piggy's butt and poking out eyes is very disturbing.

I am aware that this is a cake covered in marzipan, and it is creepy enough without seeing the pictures
of the damage those little girls did.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLeanne

Just NO!
I can't wait to see what @HaikuJoy does with this one.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLora

All I can say is my son, 13, liked (?) the joke at the end.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergabsmom

Thanks. I'm gonna go bleach my eyeballs now.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBabs

I just puked a little into my mouth. And I bet the visual of what I just said didn't make anyone more grossed out than they were when they saw this pig, and the photos from it's website. My mnd is numb.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

Thanks for the flashback to my college A&P class years ago where I was "happily" dissecting little fetal pigs that were soaked in formaldehyde. Very close resemblance here....yuck!

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAngel2301

They just *had* to make a little piggy hiney hole. Really?

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelissaB

Not sure why everyone is soooo squicked...

The person who requested/purchased the cake had a specific order, right?
As far as realistic - kudos to the person who made this, bang on.. absolutely perfect.

I'm not squeed (see what I did there.. lol) out by it at all. Perhaps because I grew up on a farm???

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTee


(translation) Eeep!

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJim

Does it count as cake if it's entirely composed of marzipan?

Realism gone WAY too far...

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJules

That is just awesome. Disturbing, but awesome.

I would love to know the whole story of how this pig came to be--the creator's webpage didn't give a lot in the way of explanation. Why a pig? Why the detail? Enquiring minds want to know!

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJade

appetite: GONE!

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterginabean

This is disturbing.....

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTamara

For me, watching the girls dismember that marzipan pig was worse than the pig itself. Is the pig some kind of Christmas tradition? The fact that Jonas made such a realistic pig from marzipan shows his talent.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

I didn't eat pork i believe i have given up cake as well.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisa

While I think this is disturbing and I can't believe anyone would make this out of marzipan or cake or anything edible... I have to admit that I'm very impressed with the artistry, that pig looks real! And that's not easy to accomplish in pastry. It's sort of like train wreck syndrome, I'm mortified and repulsed and enthralled all at once.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeccah

I can just see my daughter (17) saying "I will take his puckered no-no hole! Yum!"

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

Thank you, CakeWrecks, for helping me stick to my New Year's diet resolution.... I don't think I'll get my appetite back today... or even tomorrow.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLindaK

Oh sweet mother of...KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I'm just *REALLY* glad that the baker didn't decide to make this cake 100% anatomically correct. The pig-nipples lead me to this this is supposed to be a girl pig and there are things I don't need to see. Then again, I think this entire cake fits that description. Where'd I put that mind-bleach.

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTechyDad

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