Hi, my name is john, and I'm a caffeine-oholic. It's been 4 months since my last 2-liter of Diet Mountain Dew, and today I feel so much bett...zzzZZZZzzz.
Huh? What? Where am I? Oh.
Well, um, aside from sleeping most of the time, I feel like a million bucks. Plus the jitters and facial tics are almost gone!
So today, I'd like to encourage some of you bakers out there to also give up the sauce, since it's obviously affecting your work:
Now, I know what you're thinking: "How am I [twitch] going to [twitch] finish all these %&;$#! cakes if I don't have my morning cocktail of Red Bull and Turkish coffee with a NoDoz chaser?! [twitchtwitchtwitch]"
Well, I'm not gonna lie: it'll be hard at first. You may find yourself nodding off every now and then. Or every five seconds.
But with time you'll find you can stand still again without registering a 4.8 on the Richter scale:
And you'll soon feel clear-headed enough to yell intelligible curses at the customers who ask for a Hunger Games cake with fewer spills on it:
And then - THEN - you can finally get back to misspelling things legibly again.
Thanks to Anony M., Gabrielle S., Joe V., Kerri E., Katherine L., Amy S., Jr M., and Joy S. for the buzz kills.