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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Mar192012

Another Open Apology to Canada

So last week we had this troll in the comment section who wouldn't go away, forcing me to actually block someone for the first time ever.

(For those who don't know: a "troll" is someone who leaves inflammatory comments just to get a rise out of people. Things like, "Hitler rocked!" or "Grammer is stoopid" or "That poo pile looks scrumptious!")

NOT SCRUMPTIOUS.

So anyway, while I was in the process of blocking the troll, I kinda sorta accidentally blocked most of Canada.

The country.

Bwoops. 

In this context "shool" is Canada. Try to keep up.

Fortunately I noticed my mistake right away... a couple of days later.

 

But all is fixed now and I feel terrible about it so today's post is for you, Canada. Because we love you. And we love beaver tails. And poutine. And learning that pronouncing "poutine" like "poo-TAN" can get you in a lot of trouble. ("Excuse me, do you know where I can get some fresh poo-tan? Miss? What's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that? And what's the pepper spray foOWWWAAUUUGGHHH!!")

(Really, Canada, whoever named your signature foods had their minds seriously close to the gutter.)

Now, where were we?

Oh, right: apologizing.

HIT IT, NON-EXISTENT BOYS!

[tapping mike]
[queuing up a sultry beat]
[giving thumbs up to well-dressed backup singers]
[clearing luscious Barry White voice]

 

Ooooohoohoo!
Canada, baaaaby...
I'm sorry, girl...

Well-dressed back up singers: "Heeeeee's reallyreallysorry SHOOP SHOOP!"

 

I'm sorry for, like, taking away your Cake Wrecks for two full days, baby.

"Neeeearly forty-eight hours SHOOP SHOOP!"

 

I know I work on a computer all day, girl, but sometimes even an expert can make a mistake.

"Heeeee's an expert in cat .gifs SHOOP SHOOP!"

 

But I know you put your trust in me, girl, and I know I can't give you all those hours back.

"Yooooouuu pro'ly got lots of work done SHOOP SHOOP!"

 

But if you give me another chance, Canada, girl, I promise I will wreck your world. Yeah. 'Cuz, Canada, baby?

(You may think it's a lie, but it's not.)

 

Thanks to Ted S., Allison S., Michelle M., Sara B., Ree P., Anony M., & Whitney B. for backing me up on this one. That synchronized snapping was STELLAR, you guys.

« Spring Has Sprung | Main | Sunday Sweets: Play With Your Food! »

Reader Comments (81)

Bleck.
Canada bashing is getting preeeetty old....
We get it, you are not a Canada fan.
It was funny the first twelve times....now, not so much.

[Editor's note- Hi Melissa, I can only assume you didn't read the post. I didn't bash Canada once in this post. I actually accidentally blocked much of Canada last week and I felt really bad about it. Between our stops in Ottawa and Montreal, we're pretty sure that we would love to move to Canada. That said, the fact that the word for an awesome Canadian food closely resembles the word for hooker is just funny. I never say this but maybe you need to lighten up. -john]

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Fortunately we are an easygoing bunch and don't really like to be mad at anyone. (Epcot would NEVER have happened in Canada, eh!). So we accept your hilarious apology, agree that we have some pretty suggestive food names (gotta have some fun during the cold winter months), and hope you never have to deal with another of those hideous trolls again. Such hosers!

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNewb

I forgive you, Cakewrecks! Troll-blocking is a noble and worthy cause that I wholeheartedly support.

The "sorry!" and "Never let your computer know..." cakes are actually kind of cute. I thought of the song about "Eating Humble Pie" from Anne of Green Gables.

Thanks for the apology in cake, and I look forward to many shared laughs.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCalum

I don't care what people say (even Canadians.)
"It's not" never, ever gets old.
Aging maybe, but not old!
Shoop, shoop...

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I'm ashamed (assuming) that the "Troll" was a Canadian. We're nice people..really...we are. Well, most of us anyways :-D

On behalf of our few exception to the rule, I appologize.

Oh, and thank you for this site. It's a daily ritual to visit and then it gives me cake ideas!

Mmmmmmm CAKE!!! *licks lips*........MMmmmmmmmmmmmmm

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChantal

I got distracted by the cool Barry White music playing in my head and forgot what I came here to say:

Hitler's grammer was scrumptious!

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

we forgive you, but poutine is better than, well you know, so that is why is sounds so close to it.

Everything I Know About Canada I Learned From Cake Wrecks:

1. Canada is peopled by trolls. (Or is that trolled by trolls?)
2. Geographically, it consists of several blocks.
3. Their favorite dish is poutan, which translates "Pooh on a Cloud." (See above photo.) Oddly, neither the cloud nor the pooh is tan.
4. Their symbol is a stylized, red, angular duck foot, called a shool.
5. The trolls are green.
6. They end all sentences with the phrase "shoop, shoop," which I think means "eh".
7. "Sry" is the most common boy's name.
8. Their Rs are in a hurry, but the computers must not know.
9. Their cakes are of below average intelligence.
10. A frugal people, once they cut off the duck's feet to decorate their flags, they stick the bills on their cakes, so as not to be wasteful. The cakes are too stupid to object.

So, there you have it. I apologize if any of these facts are inaccurate. I did fact check them all on the Internet.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The "Shool's out" baker may not be able to spell, but that's a pretty darn good maple leaf. Gotta give 'em credit for that 'cause our flag's not easy to draw (just ask any Canadian shool kid :)

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKrista

Wow!! I actually gagged at that first cake!

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterwroena

As someone said the other day on the "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me" radio show, Canada has a “stable democratic government, vast natural resources, reliable currency, low crime rate, national health insurance and … wait, why do we make fun of Canada again?”

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I have a sudden unexplained hankering to visit Canada eat some poutine (with meat please!) :)
LOVE the song and I would SO eat that "stupid" cake, that is hilarious!

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergrneyes6

Gary: hear hear! And John, we forgive you. Thanks for letting us back into the sandbox to play!

(p.s. You think *we've* got funny food names? I nominate Great Britain, with their bubble and squeak, spotted dick, toad in the hole, and jam butty, for that honour.) :)

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStriderGirl

SHOOL'S OUT... For Summer!!!! SHOOL'S OUT.... FOREVER!!!!! (explosion sound)

Just sayin'.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

I love apple butter. I make apple butter. I sell apple butter. Yet, I do not understand why swirling apple butter on the top of a frosted cake would give anybody, no matter how bad a wreckarator, the impression they just decorated a cake. Or, that anyone would find that to be appetizing in appearance, and therefore willing to actually buy it.

For the second cake - the more common spelling is shul. I wasn't aware, however, that the national religion of Canada is Judaism, nor that people celebrate being released from temple. That would be akin to Christians celebrating the end of the church service . . . oh, wait, now that I think about it, we do, often with a fellowship luncheon (while secretly bemoaning the fact Chick-FilA is closed on Sundays).

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTheOneOnTheRight

Poor Canada, always getting picked on :( the cakes are hilarious

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Actually, no Canadian will pepper spray you for pronouncing poutine wrong because pepper spray is illegal in Canada. I know; I tried to cross the border with it once...

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea

Here in the UK's Frozen North we have clootie dumplings, neeps, champit tatties, stovies and cullen skink.

Spotted dick and toad in the hole still sound weirder, though.

Hi Canada, welcome back!

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

As a Canuck, I accept your apology, though I didn't have any problems accessing your website at all, maybe it was just the comments portion?

I'm one of the apparant minority in Canada that doesn't like Poutine - I just don't understand the appeal of it.

As for anyone wondering why "Shool's Out" would be written on a well made flag cake - Canada Day is July 1, which is right around when school lets out for the summer - someone probably bought the cake for a party and just attempted to add to it to suit the occasion.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermistiqueallie

Yes, I would pick you,
You green little muculent
cutie pie. Of snot.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Once again, John(thoJ), you have made my husband's life that much harder. How can I ever accept a simple "I'm sorry" after that hilarious and sexy (even funny, wrecked up lyrics, imaginary Barry White is sexy) apology.

Wow, this is what I miss when I skip the comments for the weekend! Canada Troll Epcot 2012!

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I don't live in Canada but my family comes from there, and on behalf of us Canadians that don't live there....Thank You for blocking the Troll

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Hilarious as always!

But of course, I have to bee a pain and point out a few facts:

1- Poutine is Quebec's national dish, not Canada's.
2- Poutine is pronounce "Poo-teen", and not "Pou-TAN" (which sounds very much like Putain and no wonder people turn away if that is what you ask for).

By the way, I am a proud Québécoise (French) and I HATE poutine. I don't like cheese curds or that brown gravy. I make my own at home from grated 2yrs+ cheddar and 5 pepppers sauce. Gourmet! Or you could try Ricardo's desert vertion made of downut type fried stick, marshmellows and caramel sauce. Mmmmmm.....

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGen

Could "Shool" be a MegaMind reference?

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Ok, now I'm horribly curious as to which post was trolled... Oh, well, I was entertained, as always, and I suppose I can quiet the intense curiosity. :)

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKnightmareshade

@Sharyn: Would you mind if my GS troop uses your fact sheet. They need to prepare a display on Canada for a big GS event and your facts are way better than the others they've found (Justin Beiber is from Canada. Thats all ye know on earth and all ye need to know.)

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

In total agreement with StriderGirl...and Gary. hehe

Of course we forgive you, Cakewrecks - too many times you have helped brighten my day (even if the repair bills for cleaning the coffee out of my laptop are getting a bit steep!)

-.-
...
or does that mean I should switch to drinking tea?

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelleP

that explain why i couldn't see the posts!

You are forgetting that Poutine is french, and there is not "gutter mind" in that word in french. Pronounce it poo-tin. (like, a tin can) Should help you alot! I had a bus of americans some years ago coming to the restaurant where i work, (and we have like 9-10 differents kinds of poutine) and hearing them pronouncing it was quite funny.

Anyways, that must be the most realistic maple leaf i've seen on a wreck for a long,long time.
And i'm terribly tempted to add a "shoop shoop" at every sentence i'll end today.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVinie

Haha! Funny though, I live in Canada and I never noticed any block. Guess I was one of the lucky ones?

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEllen Lloyd

It's a good thing I'm not planning on going anywhere today. I think I'll stand on my porch out in the rain and sing Shoop, Shoop. Just because I can. And eat cake when I come back in.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

We're sorry you blocked us. D:

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBea

If you want the troll back so everyone who missed the trollathon can find out what went on, it is waiting, cake-deprived, over at Regretsy.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

The post was great. However, it was Sharyn's comments that almost made me drown myself (I was drinking water and trying not to spit it on the screen--just a little went into my lungs).

Bravo, Sharyn! ;)

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

Oh, and though I had to look up what poutine was, I believe it is a misuse of french fries which I could fully support. It reminds me of a local "delicacy", the horseshoe: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseshoe_sandwich

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

We forgive you, Cakewrecks! P.S. Poutine rocks! Especially after leavin the bars at 3 am.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSueM

Yes, Sharyn, you're absolutely right, except you forgot that we all live in igloos, eh? But maybe that hasn't been on Cake Wrecks. That list was hilarious! And I apologize for the rest of the country for Justin Bieber :-(

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSueM

How could Canada NOT forgive you and embrace you after a serenade apology like THAT?? BTW, that "Sorry I'm Stupid" cake is made if WIN!!!

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMrsNiz

Did anyone else notice that "computer" cake is DANGEROUSLY close to the edge of the table.. looks like that computer is about to crash!

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenoa

When in Quebec eons ago, I was told to pronounce "poutine" in the French way - peu-tin [saw it on a menu and asked what it was]. Was told repeatedly the correct way to pronounce it by our "if you didn't follow my directions, out of the place you go - NOW!" waitress. I repeated the word a few times aloud after she left. The woman at the table next to us turned and told me, "She's jerking your chain. No one pronounces it like that, it's pronounced 'poo-tine'." Someone else piped in with, "No, poo-tan" and other chimed in too. [No, I never had "gravy fries" while there - but I still remember that flow of conversation!]

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterD

I forgive you, your post is too funny not to be forgiven, and we have some suggestive town names to!!!!!

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterflam1ng0

We didn't notice here in America's Hat because we're two days behinoffice to the 20 hour clock. It was decided on right around the same time we legalized dogs as house pets :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seYUbVa7L7w&feature=youtube_gdata_player

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarahhhhhh

1. Hear, hear Stridergirl - "bubbleandsqueak" and "spotted dick" are not only odd names, they dangerously misrepresent the kind of culinary experience you are in for.

2. In the general spirit of forgiveness and leniency, as a Jew, the Canadian "Shool's out" cake could have referred to relief brought on by the end of especially long services at a Jewish temple in Canada - shool is probably an acceptable transliteration vs. the 'shul' we use down South.

3. However, no one should be forgiven for that first cake. I have to go take a Tums.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKatydid

Yes, we Canadians have some very suggestive names for some very yummy, addicting, and incredibly bad for you foods :) It's how we get your attention... you hear the name... giggle-snort, than just HAVE to try it ;)

At least you unblocked us and gave us an apology.. so.. we'll forgive you ;)

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSkye

Canda loves Cake Wrecks!!! All is forgiven :)

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline

So THAT's what happened to the site!! Fortunately I was able to get my wreck fix through fb, otherwise there's no telling what kind of condition I might have been in by now :P

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKim

Now that line from "Super Troopers" makes sense! Never understood what they were going to Canada for, but it sounds yummy!
Sharyn - best set of facts about a country EVER :-)
TheOneOnTheRight - you are so right about Chik-fil-a

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbmbagain803

Speaking of suggestive foods, the Beavertail company was started by a family named Hooker. Really. My sister knows them and everything.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWorrierPrincess

Having moved from Canada to the US (Hubby got a job. What can I say?), I missed poutine. So did the hubster. But I was at a little pizza place and noticed their fries were the nice, big, crispy ones. And I knew they had gravy, because you could have gravy on fries or cheese on fries (the yellow cheese sauce kind. Blech). So I asked them to layer the fries with mozza and gravy and voila! Fake (but very delish) poutine. One time I did that, and the people at the next table saw my "poutine" and wanted to the same thing. And the guys in the back tried it and THEY liked it. The rest is history. We Canucks are taking over the US one bowl of fake poutine at a time. BTW, similarity between Putin and Poutine? Putin has to Kurds. Poutine also has curds. Bwahaha. OK. Too much blather and not enough humor in this comment, so over and out. :)

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterallegria

Ummm... I didn't notice that there were no new cakewrecks for 2 days... I'm sorry...

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterScarrlett

thank goodness for facebook. i was beginning to think that wrecks had gone the way of the dodo. sp very happy hasn't. and as a canadian i must apologize to you for the unfortunately troll whether it be canadian or other. i'm canadian, so i must apologize for everything. it's part of our dna. if we don't say it at least 13.5 times a day they take away our passports.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersmothermother

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