Another Open Apology To Canada

So last week we had this troll in the comment section who wouldn't go away, forcing me to actually block someone for the first time ever.

(For those who don't know: a "troll" is someone who leaves inflammatory comments just to get a rise out of people. Things like, "Hitler rocked!" or "Grammer is stoopid" or "That poo pile looks scrumptious!")

NOT SCRUMPTIOUS.

So anyway, while I was in the process of blocking the troll, I kinda sorta accidentally blocked most of Canada.

The country.

Bwoops. 

In this context "shool" is Canada. Try to keep up.

Fortunately I noticed my mistake right away... a couple of days later.

But all is fixed now and I feel terrible about it so today's post is for you, Canada. Because we love you. And we love beaver tails. And poutine. And learning that pronouncing "poutine" like "poo-TAN" can get you in a lot of trouble. ("Excuse me, do you know where I can get some fresh poo-tan? Miss? What's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that? And what's the pepper spray foOWWWAAUUUGGHHH!!")

(Really, Canada, whoever named your signature foods had their minds seriously close to the gutter.)

Now, where were we?

Oh, right: apologizing.

HIT IT, NON-EXISTENT BOYS!

[tapping mike]
[queuing up a sultry beat]
[giving thumbs up to well-dressed backup singers]
[clearing luscious Barry White voice]

Ooooohoohoo!
Canada, baaaaby...
I'm sorry, girl...

Well-dressed back up singers: "Heeeeee's reallyreallysorry SHOOP SHOOP!"

I'm sorry for, like, taking away your Cake Wrecks for two full days, baby.

"Neeeearly forty-eight hours SHOOP SHOOP!"

I know I work on a computer all day, girl, but sometimes even an expert can make a mistake.

"Heeeee's an expert in cat .gifs SHOOP SHOOP!"

But I know you put your trust in me, girl, and I know I can't give you all those hours back.

"Yooooouuu pro'ly got lots of work done SHOOP SHOOP!"

But if you give me another chance, Canada, girl, I promise I will wreck your world. Yeah. 'Cuz, Canada, baby?

(You may think it's a lie, but it's not.)

Thanks to Ted S., Allison S., Michelle M., Sara B., Ree P., Anony M., & Whitney B. for backing me up on this one. That synchronized snapping was STELLAR, you guys.

*****

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And from my other blog, Epbot: