My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Some Bunnies Watching Me

John and I are visiting my parents this week, and each night after they go to bed we work online for a while downstairs. There are only two problems with this:

1) My dad collects old clocks, so we are surrounded by multiple sources of nonstop tic. tic. ticking. Which can be soothing, but when you're facing down a cruel bout of writer's block, it's surprisingly unhelpful. All I hear is, "Aren't. You. Done. Yet. Aren't. You. Done. Yet."

2) One of my parents' two dogs - an old, fat, yippy little thing named Princess - not only appears to be demon possessed, she also sounds and acts it. Meaning at 1:30 in the morning she'll shuffle over to the doorway of the living room where we're working, sit, and stare at us. And because she's mildly asthmatic, she'll be making the most ungodly snuffling gurgly wheezy noises while she's staring at us. Then two or three clocks will all start ominously chiming the hour, and Princess will be staring and wheezing at us there in the shadows, and I'm gamely doing my best to ignore it all and not run screaming for the car when I open the latest batch of submissions and see this:

She's watching you. Aaaalwaaaays waaaaatching.


And this:

I never imagined an egghead with a Tom Selleck 'stache could be so terrifying.


And then this:

"Ooh, I hated the Colonel, with his wee beany eyes!"

[+10 geek points if you can ID that quote.]


Hey, you know what this collection of scary bunny cakes needs?

Scary bunny clowns.

Excellent. Now my nightmares can be extra colorful.


I figured it couldn't get much worse, but just now Princess started gurgle-growling in her sleep (I don't dare look to see if her eyes are open), and I see the Easter Bunny's tiny snaggle-toothed minions have arrived to torment me:

Great. And just when I thought I'd successfully blocked out that scene from Young Sherlock Holmes, too.

"Can't sleep. Cupcakes will force-feed themselves to me."


Tina N., C. H., Katrina S., Kay S., & Amanda A., as a special thanks for today's nightmare fuel, I'd like to share a message from Princess, who just twitched and growled herself awake:

Sweet dreams.

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Reader Comments (98)

#1 Happy Easter from your 'friends' at Acme Dental and Diabetes Clinic.

#2 "Mr. Bates, for the eleventh time, you do NOT make black frosting with iron filings! And why are you wearing a dress and a wig?"

#3 They're only jelly beans, not soul-sucking portals into a dimension of cake and mind; of things and ideas.

#4 Dr. Moreau had just stepped back to survey his latest creations -- part vampire bat, part rabbit -- when they leaped into the air and flew at him.

#5 Yes, somewhere in all that frosting are two cookies. Acme. For all your dental and blood sugar needs.

#6 Awww. Look at how kyoot. "You want to pet me. Don't you. That's right, turn away from the computer. The cakes can wait -- you've got all night to think about those. Listen to the soothing ticking... Come over here and pet me now."

Soundtrack credits: "Someone to Watch Over Me" (Gershwin / Gershwin), "Somebody's Watching Me" (Rockwell), "Syncopated Clock" (Leroy Anderson)

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

That quote (and no, I did not read prior comments) is from "So I Married an Ax Murderer." Stuart MacKenzie says it.

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTiff

Jen, you stole my heart and my cake.

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTexhattan

Yay, "So I Married an Axe Murderer!"

"Dad, how can you hate *The Colonel?"

"Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smart a___!"

Oh, do I love that movie! (Made all the better because it followed a quote from Roz in Monsters Inc!)

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

Have not commented in a while even though I don't miss a day reading this most wonderful, funny blog. Anyway if one looks real close the last bunnies are not cupcakes but cookie sandwiches with the most horendous amount of frosting to cookie ratio that gives me a double whammy of the shakes. I can picture the sweet inocent child covered in frosting from head to foot after eating one of those.

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBCpam

Unfortunately, Princess totally fails to look in any way creepy. Totally adorbz.

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterViiriainen

Is SIMAAM on Netflix? I must watch it again. His finest work, IMO. And I also want some KFC. But, strangly enough, not cake. ;-)

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

"Ooh, I hated the Colonel, with his wee beany eyes!"

-So I Married An Axe Murderer

(+10 Geeeeky Points for meh!!)

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRobyn

The whole thing is very bunny. lol

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerrie

I'm loving all the Axe Murderer lines, but - for real - that dog will haunt my dreams...

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermichelej

Awwwwwwwwwwww! La petit papillon! (by the way, that is french for "the little butterfly"; the cute little demon dog is part of a breed known as the papillon; and, obviously, I can speak english.) adieu!

o_O *meep*

Incidentally, I'm surprised the tick-tock doesn't have you checking constantly for clockwork robots.

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Yes! Today’s post is a sneak-peek at some of the characters from the long-rumored all-bunny cake remake of “The Night of the Living Dead,” which, ironically, is being filmed in…Albany….

@Sharyn – aw-shucks…you humble me…thank you for your kind comment yesterday…
@Haiku Joy and Barbara Anne – thank you, too…

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

"Beautiful...bemusEd............baricose butcher"

That soundtrack was so underrated.

I so did not notice they were sandwich cookies until BCpam pointed them out, but I think I just got diabetes from looking at that picture.

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterelecblueis

Rather than give the movie, I'll give another of my favorite quotes from it: "Head! Pants! Now!"

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSeriousCakes

Love the Young Sherlock quote! When I was little, that scene totally terrified me, but now I find it a very hilarious, but seldom used reference!

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Mike Myers' best movie!

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWeaselgraphics

Is it bad that I immediately thought of frank the 'bunny' from donnie darko?

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

If you back way up, it looks like a possum shoved in a plastic cake container.

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbra

Oh! Those are teeth! I couldn't figure out why the bunny cookies had boobs!

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlurkitty

I love the Monsters Inc Roz reference! I totally heard her voice in my head when I read aaaaalwaaayyys waaaatchiiiing!!! Lmbo

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie R

"How can you hate...a-The Colonel?" I could pee myself laughing right now if I let myself play all the best lines in my head. Not gonna do that.


(Night's still young.) HED! "He'll be cryin' himself to sleep tonight, on 'is huge pilla!"


April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSpacegeek Nat

that pup IS scary!!!!!!!!!!

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I LOVE "So I Married An Axe Murderer"!!

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

I have a new definition of “to the pain!” It’s maniacal bunnies (I thought of the one thing from my childhood that could never hurt us), Ax Murderer quotes, freaky scary dogs, and then throw in Hannibal Lechter!! I laughed so hard I have pulled a muscle in my side- no eggageration, peeps!

So cool this many of us remember “Young Sherlock Holmes.”

Oh, BCpam is right- those are cookies with an inordinate amount of frosting. Now, I love them. Before- nope.

In defense of Princess, she’s probably wishing you interlopers would just go to bed already!! (try to have a little relaxation in your vacation!)

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

You know the Colonel puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly.

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternatalie

Wow...I already loved CakeWrecks before...but your reference to 'So I Married An Axe Murderer' just made my whole day! You are HILARIOUS! "He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow!"

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPam

Thank you (NOT) for introducing me to that movie scene. I will never sleep again...!

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

When it comes to the clocks, you definitely have my sympathies! My uncle collected clocks. Staying at their house for any holiday was a nightmare. It took for-EV-er to get to sleep. And then the horror of being jolted out of sleep by 52 dinging, tocking, boinging, dancing, cuckooing devices. Still gives me the creeps!

April 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Dude that dog was the scariest part of this post, I think I will have nightmares tonight...

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlaughtercastle

Wow I think I am the only one that thinks that the bunny with the jelly bean face is kinda cute. Please don't send any rabbit clowns or I just may have to find an IT cake lol and chase them away. Great just thinking about that probably will give me nightmares now..maybe Princess can come over and wheeze them away?

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Those are SCARY wrecks.
Our dvd of SIMAAM just came; we ordered it on recommendation from comments here.
We had to break from reading today's comments so we could watch the movie.
You were all right, it was great.

ps -my sister now wants to trip our brother the bagpiper so she can yell "We have a piper down!"

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjeliecam

I find Princess sort of cute, oddly, but that's probably because I don't have to live with her. Is she part papillion?

Andrea, now that you point it out, the mustache bunny DOES look like it's eating a fluffy brown guinea pig. Poor guinea pig.

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather


April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Princess is CUTE! Wait... No! Princess NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! *Ripping flesh* *Bark bark!* *Clash, bang*

Sweet Dreams, >:)

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSilverbug12

Those bunnies rank right up there with Weeping Angels: Blink and you're dead.

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuzieQ

I personally think Princess is adorable! She is a Phalene Papillon... and Papillons are one of my special breeds. She can't help it she snuffles... My old girl Cricket does too, she has congestive heart failure and it goes along with the condition. I will miss that suffling, grunting someday. :-(

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnna B

I'm going to give the quote you didn't ask for:
She's watching you. Aaaalwaaaays waaaaatching.
That sounds like Monsters Inc to me!

I love you guys. I can just hear that dog and the clocks. LOL

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Young Sherlock Holmes. I so loved that movie. Must have watched it about a thousand times in my teens. Can't remember a bleedin' word of it now, mind...

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

Personally, I think Princess is pretty stinkin' cute. I'd take her in any day. Who's a wittle cutey-wutey? You should give her a kiss on the head for me, Jen~!

So glad none of my colleagues read this. They'd lose all respect for me.

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLovino Vargas

So I Married An Axe Murderer!!! I love that movie... now I need to go watch it again....

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Anya was right about the bunnies...

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrittney

Nice call on the Phalene reference, Mindy! I too was sure Princess was some form of Papillon. I had a Papillon mix and no one could stare like that dog!

April 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

Oh Jen, I'm so excited that you quoted "So I Married An Axe Murderer"! It's one of my faves, and I haven't met many people who love it like I do. The line I always quote is: "Eeeeevil. Like the fru-its of the deviiiil. Eeeevil."

April 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKT

Princess looks cute! Without side effects.... and if you aren't looking her in the eyes...

April 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNobody

Do I get extra points for having read a LaPaglia interview where he said Myers went off-script and his (LaPaglia) laughter is entirely genuine?

April 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

Jen, that's a cute little dog! It isn't her fault poor little thing can't breathe right. Give her a biscuit and I'm sure she'll snuggle right up to you.

April 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Okay, when you were describing the dog's staring and breathing, I could not FOR ANYTHING actually picture a dog. All I could picture was Brainy from Hey Arnold!

October 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKay S.

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