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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jul132012

It's Friday, Friday, Friday ...THE THIRTEENTH

Since it's Friday the 13th today, John's requested I post something "creepy."

Now, in my experience with baked goods, you've got two basic categories of creepy: There's intentional creepy:

Mission: accomplished.

 

And there's the far more entertaining unintentional creepy:

"Who's got one and a half thumbs and is gonna eat your soul?!"

 

So, just to go over that again, intentional creepy:


made by CW reader Dana E. 

Don't look it in the eyes!


Aaaand unintentional creepy:

No, seriously. DON'T LOOK IT IN THE EYES!!

 

Of course, then there are the wild cards:

I don't know. So don't ask.

 

 Just imagine a slowed down, off-key music box playing. Now imagine the eyelids sloooowly opening...

(AAAIEEEE!!!)

Now imagine getting the pudgy little arm as your slice. [shudder] (Hey, does that qualify as someone giving you the finger, or just the cold shoulder? [rimshot!])

 

These aren't especially creepy OR wrecky; I just think edible knives are kind of brilliant:

 

Am I right?

Of course, the thought of a cupcake bleeding when you cut it IS kind of creepy, though...

 

And while I'm at it and feeling eclectic, here's a pretty stinkin' awesome homemade Chucky:

And by "awesome" I mean "terrifying." THOSE EYES. Gah.

 

 I feel like I should send you off to your day with something a little less hair-raising, though. So here's a cake self-portrait of me, seeing all of today's cakes for the first time: 

 

Trust me, the resemblance is uncanny.  

 

Thanks to Barbie, Kristen P.,  Dana E., Suzanne H., Ara A., Claire H., Amanda C., Alana M., & Jacki S., who want to know if I always have half-eaten cookies hanging out of my mouth. The answer is no; sometimes it's a half-eaten whoopie pie. 

 

PS - It wouldn't be a Friday the 13th without a screening of Hell's Bakery! Let's see if you can guess which voice(s) I did.

(The narrator is John, of course, and the rest of the voice work - plus all the editing! - is by Number1.)

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Reader Comments (81)

John's got a great voice.

July 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJane

Ok, I'll say this for probably the first and only time ever, but that cupcake cake is magnificent. I've never seen a scarier clown so expertly done on such an inferior "canvas."

BTW, John's cool factor just shot up (again) because his voice has a definite James Earl Jones quality.

July 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarnieB

John could have a great career in the small world of trailer narration. Someone has to take over with the, 'In a world...' man gone. Very impressive work by everyone else involved, too, but John's narration was magnificent. Has he ever worked in broadcasting?.

July 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarkM

By the way...the cake with all the teeth -- it's Italian: al dente....

July 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

More like Up-Chucky,
Tar-Pit-Gums, and Un-Clown-Egg
Registerable.

July 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

The fifth cake is from a failed PSA. It was picture #2 in the 'this is your brain and this is your brain on Cake Wrecks" ads. Fortunately, the Society for Preservation of Respect for Cake Decorating couldn't raise the money to run the campaign- too many lawsuits from ticked off brides.

July 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I love the trailer for 'Hell's Bakery'. So when is it going to be in theatres?

July 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

Why is there a cake of Andrew Hussie in drag?

July 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSparky

The clown CC is brilliant, but I like the baby sarlacc the best (the fifth cake)!

July 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Wow. Never thought anyone could outdo Sharyn's songs. But Mel, you're in the spotlight today. Please take a bow! You said it so well for all of us.

Then Sharyn, take your bow. Again!

I love the clown CCC. Best one ever!

I also love the weird pink teeth one. I was screaming with laughter. I think the almost-deaf neighbor next door heard me! One of my clients is a dentist. I'm going to send this photo to his office manager and suggest they order this cake for his birthday. Then I'll shoot video as he looks at it and wonders what the h**l is going on!

Baby cake: Entirely creepy that someone would actually cut this up and EAT it. Nuf said.

And the trailer: OMG, John and Jen, do your talents never end? Favorite part: Jen's maniacal laugh at the end. You guys ROCK!

July 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I look at a lot of "funny" crap. But I have to say this site makes me laugh aloud more often than any other site in the whole of the intertubes. You guys are full of win and awesome.

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTFMS

Just when I thought I was safe from clown cakes.. turns out I will now be hiding under the bed forever lol. Man.. Stephen King should hire some of these wreckerators. Most of those cakes especially clowny and the weird teeth cake are going to haunt me forever.

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Um... I'm sure that this has already been asked already, but what's with the cut from "Labyrinth" in Hell's Bakery? Since that was by no means a scary movie, I'm going to have to chuck it up to your love of the movie (either that or your trying to see who of us is paying attention).

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKinipayla

At first I thought the "teeth" were vaginas. Either way, that is possibly the most frightening thing I've seen. Going to have nightmares tonight for sure.

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrittany

#1 Nice mash-up of GI Joe and Alfred E. Neuman.

#3 NOW the skill surfaces. On a CCC, yet.

#4 It's just Little Orphan Annie as Cinderella. Nothing creepy about that. Well, not much, anyway.

#5 Just sweater cuffs. With tongues in them. Surrounded by peppermint ice cream. Because teeth aren't all foldy like that, not even in the nightmares I've scheduled for later.

#6 Why is the left hand palm-down? How could that be arranged in real life? Speaking of life, why doesn't the baby have, I don't know...color?

#7 Jen herself says these aren't especially wrecky. Wreck doubters were granted license for a day, and no takers. Oh, the irony. Theardare does not *even* know how to process this.

#8 It's just amazing what kinds of details people can get exactly right, such as the knives and the hollowness of the eyes. This was a *really* short party, wasn't it. There might be a kind of genius in that...

#9 How Theardare looked when he read Jen's comment on #7.

Loved the Hell's Bakery (From Hell) trailer, but I was almost expecting some scenes from the bunker. Trailer narration might be fun. Some of those 5th-wheel units are downright plush.

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Awesome.

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKathy W.

It's more than a little sobering to think that that homemade Chuckie cake would beat A LOT of what we see comes out of bakeries. It wouldn't be out of place in a Halloween Sunday Sweets.

(In fact, are you SURE it's homemade???)

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

Lawzy!! Why do people want to have cakes that look like dead babies????? I will never understand the human psyche. People are just STRANGE!!! No wonder I have nightmares!!

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDarlene

I saw Shari's cake, and I laughed (after the initial recoil, that is,) but I giggled like a loon for several minutes afterward when I read the caption. As for the 5th cake, it looks like something out of a Stephen King novel--a distant relative of the Langoliers, maybe?

The trailer was perfect, and while I don't watch scary movies (didn't see any of those excerpted from) I would so go to that one. Jen, I'm going to guess that you provided the giggle at the beginning.

I love you guys, and I am including the commenters, because this site always leaves me with a smile on my face, and often a sore stomach from laughing. Sharyn, your songs are epic, and mel certainly met the standard with today's post. I know that I missed something somewhere, because I am at a loss as to who or what "Theardare" is, and can only assume it was the result of (or cause of) an EPCOT. Or not.

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelindaB

I think the pink teeth thing is a plant virus featured on MSNBC news recently as a vehicle for delivering cancer treatments:

http://video.msnbc.msn.com/nbc-news/48172430/


See virus at 0:45 in video.

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterT

Cake #3 needs to be a Joker cake.

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSoundSorceress

@MelindaB: Thanks! For a quick Theardare summary, check out the Ballad of Theardare the Cat in the comments for June 13, 2012. http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2012/6/13/when-steampunks-graduate.html#comment18359096

July 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

@MelindaB, First off, I just want to say, 'razzm frizzm friggn fraggn' for missing the Langoliers reference. Or Cakeoliers, as we say around here. Of course that's what it is. The Cakeoliers eat wrecks if DOC (Department Of Corrections) doesn't get there in time.

Obviously, some wreckorator had the questionable fortune to see the Cakeoliers and rendered what s/he saw in cake. That's a level of recursive self-reference that borders on paradox.

How to explain the enigma that is Theardare the machine-gun toting tabby. The most concise explanation I can offer is to type 'theardare' into the search window in the upper right of this page (and click the right arrow next to it) -- the blog will helpfully return all posts that reference him. Knowing the history really helps to make sense of it all, trust me.

July 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Is John as sexy as his voice?

July 15, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteralicealas

Thanks Sharyn--that was the week that I was gone, and while I go back to check out the blog, I don't always take the time to read the comments. And thank you, Craig--I never think of using the search. :-)

July 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelindaB

The last cake is clearly Perry the Platypus...

July 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMargoto

It was funny. I was looking at cake number five and thought wha the hell? Then in your next line you said don't ask. lol

Cake number six looks like it belongs in a coffin.

July 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerrie

Loved the video haha nice job with putting a few labrynith clips in there

July 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMsErin

Okay that's enough Cake Wrecks for one day...I am not going to sleep until I can get that Chucky Cake from my mind :(

Some background....When I was 10 years old my older bro and sis handcuffed me to my bed, turned off the lights and left me in my room with Chucky on tv...

I'm 19 now and I was pretty sure I was over my fear of dolls and Chucky himself...UNTIL Today...I was just looking through Cake Wrecks as usual. I saw the first cake and got chills, I couldn't even work my laptop's mouse to get it off the screen...SOOO I keep scrolling down and there's ANOTHER Chucky cake...So now I'm guessing this is a warning sign to get off the computer lol

Well now, I think I need Therapy along with the Elmo Boy for sure.

It definitely won't make me stop looking at Cake Wrecks but I'll be VERY careful about scrolling down all willy nilly next time.

July 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRoxy

I LOVE the Hell's Bakery trailer! Still cracks me up!

August 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSam <3

*wipes eye* I got a look at the "happy 6th Birthday Shari" and started laughing :-)

September 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJ Mulligan

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