Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jul272012

8 Cakes For Completely Inappropriate Occasions

I'm a firm believer in celebrating just about everything with cake, and from the submissions you guys send in I'm clearly not the only one.  However, there's celebrating, say, a new vasectomy or Daddy's parole, and then there's the stuff that some people might consider, well, inappropriate cake material.

 Not me, of course. No sir! Heck, I say, you wanna get pregnant? Then SAY IT WITH CAKE:

 

Or you're happy you DIDN'T get pregnant? Say THAT with cake.

 

Let's say your friend Cory suffered a nasty seizure recently. That warrants a cookie cake, right?

(Remember, kids: It's "i before e except after c." Except in the word "seizure.")

 

And remember that time your friend lost a finger to the lawn mower? Just in case he doesn't, let's remind him! With cake!  

I like how this is less a "get well" cake, and more an "IN YOUR FACE! With love from the Lawn Mower" cake.

 

Driving while intoxicated is a serious crime, so be sure to tell your friends you won't stand for such behavior. Also with cake.

I like to imagine the candles are mini breathalyzers. 

(How cool would that invention be? Right? I'll make millions. MILLIONS, I say!)

 

The world is too success-oriented. We should be sending a better message to younger generations. A message that says, "Hey, no matter what, at least you'll get a cake out of this."

 

Dangit. Why don't I know any lady farmers to give this to? WHY?!

 (PS - You misspelled "Awesome." But I'll let it slide, because melons.)

 

 

And finally, my favorite: 

Hang on... we get cake for that? 

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!



Thanks to Anony M., Katelyn, KG, Paul S., Paige S., April B., & Stephanie K. for the inspiration.

« Sunday Sweets: Threadcakes 2012 | Main | Baby Bears All! »

Reader Comments (104)

#1 So there IS a 'polite' way to express incredulity.

#4 Since the 'alien driving a car' has already been noted (ahem)... Theardare finds the torture of a really bad song so much more...exquisite. Not that the song is tortured, though I can think of many that should be. Until they issue an abject apology for being recorded and confess that they were composed by terrorists.

#5 "No more DW1"? DW1 must be something bad, if the end of it deserves a cake with laser candles.

#6 At least the dropout got sprinkles.

#7 It's about time that Farmer Appreciation Day was acknowledged. Or maybe it's Farmer's Daughter Appreciation Day.

#8 This was the prequel to #1. Evidently the recipient is a little slow on the uptake.
Alternate theory: This is the cake equivalent of those oh-so-funny situations that arise when someone forgets to log out of Facebook and his 'friends' decide to 'update' his status.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Caroline B: I hereby declare my never ending love for you!
(Yup, I've watched Silence of the Lambs quite a few times, too)

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHelene

I myself am epileptic and have experienced many grand mal seizures in my life but I must say Cory has discovered something I haven't. None of mine have ever been celebratory occasions--perhaps the difference is cake. I can honestly say I never thought of having a seizure cake. Maybe I'll try that.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

WHAT THE....??? LOL!!!!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKara

Love these cakes. Why not have a cake for every occasion and not always be focused on the good. Congrats on failing the more. Better luck next time could be another time to have cake. I just wonder if anyone ate the part of that last cake that said vagina. At least Mikey will eat it since he eats everything at least he does according to that commercial.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

I'm guessing the final one was for a completed transition?

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNeetza

This is so funny; a much-needed laugh! And Sharyn has the funniest comment of the year! ;D Seriously, that is your best song yet! The Little Mermaid would be...uh...proud...???

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

Last cake, Lady Gaga in one of her bondage outfits, presenting said cake to all the newsies that say she's really a man. Hey, it makes sense. Unlike some of these cakes.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkelticat

Been reading thru your archives and had to comment on this one. I mean, well... there are just no words. Lots of forehead/palm <whispers> why???? Great commentary as well! And Sharyn, I have every word of that movie memorized but will be singing your version from now on. Thanks for that!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Craig - hee, hee! Especially that part about the last cake being a pre-cake-quel to the first... :-)

Sharyn, you're always brilliant, but this time you're really, really, REALLY BRILLANT!! We simply *must* record a CD (ok an MP3 collection) of your parodies! I nominate my daughter to sing them (she has a lovely voice!) or perhaps we can put a band together - you, me, your son, my daughter, Jen, John (thoj), perhaps Craig, Andrea, Haiku Joy, zoomom, Barbara Anne...hmmm think the recording booth might be a little packed? Perhaps if we used the one where they recorded "We Are the World"?

Yep, dated myself. So what?! A Ninja fears *nothing*. (Except maybe when her daughter starts dating...or maybe that's when those would-be boyfriends should fear ME..."have her home by ten, UNtouched, OR ELSE!!!)

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Out of all the years of reading comments and thinking about posting, Sharon has finally motivated to come out of the lurking shadows and speak up. That song was BRILLIANT!! It had to be sung aloud and my coworkers thought it was funny on it's own, but when i had them come look at the photos, they howled.

Jen et al, you guys are great. When I am having a yucky day at work, your daily snippits of humor help me make it through.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVickie

@Julie - reminds me of my nephew when he was about 8 or 9 and his mom asked him what he learned in Sex-Ed that day...his response: "Boys have penises and girls have agendas."

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLindaLu

The best part of the last cake was the look on my 15 year old son's face.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

First time poster here; the lawnmower cake finally got me to react. That Is Hilarious!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndreaV

I so liked the "I got my period" cake. Maybe she should have one every month.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStevenHB

I don't actually have a vagina of my own, but I'm quite happy borrowing my wife's from time to time. I'd gladly buy cake.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTim

My English teacher friends would die about the i-before-e thing. They've stopped teaching the rule because there are too many words in English that don't apply! Hooray for random facts.

... I cannot think of any reason for ever getting a cake to proclaim their genitalia. Thank goodness it wasn't in the shape of one? Erk.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternikki

Wait...are those flowers on that last cake or.....?

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKeith

Boys got the shaft.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarkM

Did anyone else notice the Cake Wrecks-inspired gigantic baby during the Olympics opening ceremony? Matt Lauer definitely used the phrase "I don't know if that's cool or creepy."

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

You only get a cake for your vagina if you only recently got it.

Hmm. I wonder if Chaz Bono got a "I have a penis" cake? I hope he did.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

I saw that last cake as a reminder to a reluctant, but hopefully future, lover. Sort of my current situation, but I know he knows I have one! Maybe I should add "that I want to use!" to my cake. ROFL

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I like to think the last cake was a birthday treat ordered by the Pat character from Saturday Night Live so everyone can finally know the truth. Everyone likes cake, right? I wonder if anyone made a joke about getting the piece with the v-word on it.

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterhereshecomes

Read to the tune of the nursery rhyme "This is the house that Jack built".

This is flowers, hearts, candles petite

This is the white cake, innocent and sweet
That opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite

This is the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite

This is the 4 fingered hand gory
that smiled at the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite

This is the letters initialed
that sighed at the 4 fingered hand gory
that smiled at the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite

This is the congrats not misspelled
that shorthanded the letters initialed
that sighed at the 4 fingered hand gory
that smiled at the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite

This is the awesome green fruit
that envied the congrats not misspelled
that shorthanded the letters initialed
that sighed at the 4 fingered hand gory
that smiled at the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite

This is the cake for women, no dispute
that joined the awesome green fruit
that envied the congrats not misspelled
that shorthanded the letters initialed
that sighed at the 4 fingered hand gory
that smiled at the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterC.W.

I agree with other posters -- the greatest irony is that the cake for the high school dropout actually has the word "Congratulations" spelled correctly. Unbelievable.

However, the rest of the decor on that cake is a complete fail. What a conglomeration of unappetizing colors and . . . . . um. . . . . .attempts at piping? Topped with those sprinkles?

And why you would celebrate the loss of part of your finger with a cake? It's beyond me!

July 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Well I want a vagina cake too dang it. This proves there is a cake for EVERYTHING. Wow I can think of many things to get cake for but this.. this is one that has me laughing and demanding my cake right now.

July 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

What is the cake going to look like when the person gets DW40?

July 28, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergabsmom

Please tell me the vigina cake was not red velvet.

July 28, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterchefgurrl

@Just Me

DWI stands for "Driving While Intoxicated". A DWI charge means an arrest was made for drunk driving.

July 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPrincess_Fiona

Karate Lady, I have to agree on the daughter dating thing. (I don't have a daughter yet -- and I'm sure of that -- but I'm just sayin'.) If the guy steps outside the bounds, I'd have a 'chat' with him, then introduce him to Theardare. Then, depending on what exactly transpired before, my wife, my daughter and I could have a nice, heartwarming discussion about a grounding that would be the stuff of legend. An oblique reference to it would instill competence in the most shambolic wreckorator ever to emerge from a pod. Which is why I hope never to have to have that conversation -- I don't want there to be any interruption in the supply of grist for Jen's mill.

July 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

@Karate Lady I don't know anyone I dislike enough to sing in front of them (Vogon poetry is a poor second in the torture division) but I will happily clap in time and do squeaky, horrible offkey sounds on cue. ;)

July 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I cannot be the only one wondering if the DWI cake was rum cake.

July 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLou

I'm working on body parts with my toddler right now. While we're going for the politer ones right now, eventually we're going to get around to naming the part that allows him to be... a him. And when he masters that one, maybe we'll get a cake :P

@LindaLu - that is hilarious :D

July 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLacey S

What happened to Saturday's post? I miss it. Are you going to merge it with the Sunday Sweets to have Sweets that are similar to Wrecks but a lot nicer? That would be cool.

Barbara Anne -- Don't worry. Squeaky, offkey sounds during a Little Mermaid parody will just sound like a dolphin chorus. (You'll notice I'm not offering to sing AT ALL. I'm a humanitarian -- and my cats wouldn't like it, either.)

KarateLady -- I'd forgotten about "We Are the World" -- which I remember debuting. I think we're dating each other (don't tell my husband.) Of course, the CW parody would be "We are Poo Swirled."

July 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Tor2ga (love the username!): Maybe they should have gone with Georgia O'Keefe style flowers, rather than the more traditional roses!

July 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShanti

Sharyn, haven't posted in a while, but WOW! Sang it all the way through and giggled muchly! Looking forwards to showing it to my 15yr old. Thank you so much for a great start to Monday

July 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermc from NZ

dying of laughter here... esp. the last one. thank you for this post.

August 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermusic nerd

The lawn mower looks like a remote control car with a kid trapped inside. But, if it really cuts grass, i want one!

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEm

ROTFLMAO at that last one, for THREE very good reasons:

1. This is #1 because this is ALL this cake makes me think of: My 3yr-old says, oh, at least three times a day, "Mommy, I have a vagina!" When I saw the cake, all I was thinking was, "Hmm, I outta get that for Sam". Bwahaha!
2. Um, hello??? It says "I Have a Vagina"! Awesomeness.
3. Your response. I just LOVE your response.

Thank you for this one, Jen. :)

August 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie J.

I haven't read through all the comments, so someone may have already said this, BUT the "Congratulations on not getting teen pregnant" is totally a 20th birthday cake. My preferred method of expressing this is "Congratulations for beating teen pregnancy" but it comes down to the same thing: a smartass way to say "Happy 20th birthday, my dear female friend."

August 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Looking back at some wrecks that I missed.
Anyone notice that the "lawn mower" cake says "right hand" but is showing a picture of the left?
Just saying...

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

I can see the last cake being given to a man who made a particularly sissy decision (in his freinds' opinion, anyway) and they decided to get him a cake to call his manhood into question--or just go ahead and negate his manhood altogether.

September 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPancakes

I'm betting the vagina cake was to celebrate a sex change operation. Why else would it be noteworthy to have one? And perhaps the melons cake went with a boob job :-).

September 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJS

Cant stop laughing....omg last one was epic! I am telling my husband TONIGHT that I get a cake for having a vajay Jay!

October 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Yay! I'm not the only one who saw the alien in the lawnmower cake! All this time we've been looking to the skies for aliens...when all along they were hiding in our yard maintenance tools...or posing as cake decorators!

October 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShelly

If I'm going to be in a band, I insist on playing the cowbell.

October 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I think the vagina cake is for a sex change procedure.

October 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLela

@ Beckerby

I saw a T-shirt suitable for your friend. It said "Yes, they're fake, the real ones tried to kill me."

November 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterrocketride

Sometimes, Little Cake,
there are things we don't say in
front of company.

January 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>