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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Aug302012

Like Aversion?

I read that on Tuesday Madonna was booed by the crowd after she showed up two and a half hours late to her own concert.

So to properly honor the pop star, I've decided to post today's wreck two and half hours late, at which point you can all boo it.

 

....

 

Just kidding. What kind of jerk makes makes people wait two and a half hours for the entertainment they paid a lot of money for??

 (By the way, you all owe me a lot of money.)

Oh, and in the original photo, Willem Dafoe-in-drag is staring at his giant nipple. 

I cropped that out. 

You're welcome.

 

Thanks to Christine M. for the material hurl.

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Reader Comments (75)

Sometimes there are no words.... :/

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I think I just threw up in my mouth

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Sung to “Vogue”

Look around. Everywhere you turn is bad cake
It’s everywhere that you go (look around)
If you want an appetizing birthday cake
Gray icing won’t make it so

When all else fails and it’s getting late
And your guests are getting quite hungry
It’s time to serve Madonna anyway
Give them a big slice, and here’s what they’ll say:

“Oh, wow. Gross!”
“Can I trade her lips for a finger?” (Give her the finger)
“That’s so gross!”
“What happened to Willem Defoe?”
“Wow, the bakery blew it!”

C’mom. Gross!! (Gross, gross, gross, gross)

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Looks like Gene Hackman in The Bird Cage.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterspudd

It looks like that awful "Gladys" painting from Friends!

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCustom Caker

Yes, we do all owe you a lot of money for continuing to be so entertaining (though I think you should split it with the wreckerators, 'cause they helped. Kinda)! I shall go out forthwith and buy lots of steampunk craftiness to show my appreciation (well, after I finish cross-stitching the present for my SIL's baby shower.... cause that's due Monday).

I have to ask though: which parts of that cake are 3D? I mean, obviously, the hand and the mike, and the nose, and possibly the eyelashes. And how far down Madonna's torso does this go?

... you know what? Maybe I don't want to know the answer to that last question.

And it would seriously suck to show up an hour early to get through the lines/parking for a concert, and have to sit there for 3 1/2 hours before the show starts. That's almost as bad as airport layovers.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

If you order a 3D Madonna cake that shows her nipples...this is what you deserve to get.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

Sharyn XD XD XD

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

When art and icing collide. Not good.

It really DOES look like that Gladys painting!

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

and here I am, thinking it looks like she (?) is trying to cram that microphone into her nose....

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnna Nimous

Willem Dafoe in drag. Can't unsee that. O_o

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChuck Baudelaire

Oh holy moley....not only are there other photos of this wreck out there on the web (ALL of it - shudder) -- but the baker is actually proud of it!

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnna Nimous

Madonna? I thought it was Liza Minnelli !

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Oh man, now I really want to order a cake of Willem Dafoe staring at his giant nipple and see what I get.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah G

HILARIOUS!!!
- Maureen

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

There is just something about Madonna that irritates me. I don't know which is worse though, this cake or the fact that when she does show up to perform, she bares her 53 year old tukus like she desperately needs the attention.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

Sarah G: "Oh man, now I really want to order a cake of Willem Dafoe staring at his giant nipple and see what I get."

Madonna...? :-)

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDenita TwoDragons

Why's it so hard to make a nice cake? This wreck is truly lamentable. Honestly, who's that girl? She looks llike she has a fever. I stared at this for, like, 4 minutes. I'm so hung up over that mascara. I guess it must be in vogue or something. I love the Spanish eyes, but the hand is so morbid, like its frozen. Maybe this stuff sells in Buenos Aires, but not ... Hey! I get it now--He's a man! He's not looking at his nipple, but at his open heart. Like it or not, that is why this borderline cake decorator is causing a commotion.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

Started to Google the Madonna cake, but thought better of it. It's probably NSFW anyway, and besides that... eeewww. This cake is what my kids would call "fugly".

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKay W

That does not look like a nipple to me. I'm thinking more like something you'd find in some people's nightstand drawer.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKatja

If you want to see willem dafoe in drag
watch boondock saints. He does not make
a pretty woman. Looks a lot like that cake though

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAna

In case you can't resist - google madonna cake designs and look at the images. The full cake is there (and yes, thank you Jen for not including it), but it's not actually the worse Madonna cake out there. Eye bleach for everyone.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

@ Katja ~ I just spit coffee on my desk. :-/
@Sharyn ~ You are one gifted individual!!! Now I'm going to hear "Gross(gross gross gross)" every time I hear that song!
As for that cake? Madonna? Really? I agree, it looks like Willem Dafoe in drag. Not a nice image for my minds eye. Can someone pass the brain bleach please?

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Actually, to me this looks more like Mr. Smith/Elrond in his other big film: "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert"...

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

William Dafoe in drag - roflol
You crack me up!

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTamara

Said my ten year old daughter, "It looks like she's fixing to shove that microphone up her snot hole!"

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

I dunno, I kinda think it looks exactly like her.

I'm not sure why she's sniffing her mic, but how about a link to the full picture?

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTenorspaz

@Sharyn - awesome as always!

@spudd - Gene Hackman in "The Bird Cage", that is brilliant, and a fitting comparison to the image on this cake - but not in a good way...

Jen, thanks for sparing us the visual of the remainder of that cake.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

Maybe that's what she looked like when she showed up late. All puffy and lumpy and drugged. For all we know, this wreckerator may have been very faithful to the original. Especially if she has a bee allergy and got stung on her hand so it swelled up to giant man hand size. Who are we to judge?

Just kidding. We love to judge!

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

You'd think by now that I would know better than to google stuff you so wisely cropped out. Why? Why do I google?

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKSLSRocks

I just discovered that if you google "madonna cake" you get a HUGE impressive collection of Madonna cake wrecks!!!

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJuly

I would actually like to THANK the baker. At least it's eyes are shut. It's not looking at me and if I move veeerrrryyy s-l-o-w-l-y I can scroll down before it notices me and I won't have nightmares of the evil Mafoe sucking my soul out of my body with just the power of it's dead-eyed stare.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Not only is the cake image scary, but why did they ice it with wet cement? Yuck! This cake is unappealing on so many levels!

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

I don't even want to know what it is that she's shoving up her nose.

I don't want to know that I saw this. T_T

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

Oh good lord. Someone's supposed to eat that?

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren S.

Hey! make alittle blood dribble out of her mouth ( or alot) and replace the mic w someones hand and you have Zombie Madonna, which I guess we arent far from anyway... Yummy!

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLori

P.S. Yes, we owe you a lot of money. Thank you Jen and ThoJ for our daily laughs, and for keeping this little community of nerdy humor together. Hopefully, no cakes got left out in the rain this week.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

So of course I had to go to Google Images and Google "Madonna cake". <sigh> Not sure what sort of nipple I thought might be on the uncropped cake, but what's portrayed looked more like the giant, staring, inflamed eye of a huge, rabid white rabbit. Something out of a Tim Burton "Alice in Wonderland" nightmare segment. There is a place here in Portland called "Darcelle's" where you can go to see female impersonators put on a kind of talent review. The person on that cake looks like someone who used to work there but got a little long in the tooth. And inflamed in the...nah, never mind.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChenaya

It's a great cake if they ordered Courtney Love.....

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Man hand!

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteressjaytee

Dafoe-in-drag hahahaha!

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNothing But The Tooth

You don't want to upset Madge. Have you seem those sinewy arms? *twitch*

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRhissanna

Googled "3D Madonna Cake" images... ummm. The first one that popped up has grey icing too, but that was for her skin...

And I agree w/ M.Dale. Who orders this and specifically asks for nipples? Besides, shouldn't it be Janet Jackson instead?

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarahB

Ummm...anyone else think that the microphone looks like something else entirely?

I may just have a warped mind, though.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSierraKat

Perhaps this cake was made to be eaten at a screening of "Body of Evidence."

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

I think this is pretty much a spot-on likeness of Madge. <shudder>

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNo Capes

Part of the hand is concealed, but I'm pretty sure it's giving the "evil eye" sign to the chest.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlaxmom

Eww, although the cake itself sounds yummy. BTW, the baker is Tony "The Pastryarch" Albanese Cakes, website at thepastryarch.com. Source photo is at:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonyalbanesecakes/7436413844/

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjune7

Why did I Google "Madonna nipple cake?" I knew better. I really did.

Off to find a therapist I can put on speed dial...

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

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