My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Well, Crud.

As some of you know, Jen and I spent this past weekend at Dragon*Con in Atlanta, which was awesome. However, part of the "fun" of this particular convention is that you get to share your personal space with 50,000 other geeks, many of whom are sweating disease through their Superman tights or are too burdened with enormous fake weaponry to cover their mouths before coughing in your eyes.

Which is all to say that Jen is currently sick as a dog. (Although I've never seen a dog whine as much as Jen, so I can only assume she must be sicker.) (Actually, I've never seen a sick dog at all. Who comes up with these clichés, anyway?)

So, baby?  Because I love you, I'm writing today's post.  No, no... don't thank me. You just stay right over there and keep folding that laundry; I wouldn't want the wrinkles to set. Oh, and I could use a refill. No rush! Just when you're done crushing the ice.



And SPEAKING of sick dogs...

 Hey, Sweetie, this remind you of anything?


 Sweetie? Where ya goin'? Jen?



 Well, I guess I better wrap this up. So...

Here's to Jen's speedy recovery! And really ugly golf balls.

You're welcome, baby.


(Say, my throat's starting to feel a little scratchy. And now Jen's staring at me with a creepy grin on her face. Should I be worried?)


Thanks to Shelli K., for the...  ah... ACHHOOO!!!  Oh crap...

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Reader Comments (52)

Aww feel good guys, don't forget your vitamin C ;) Those cakes would make anyone sick D:

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Oh, no, the dreaded "Con Crud"! I think, if I ever get up the courage to attend one, a surgical mask and some sort of disinfecting spray bottle will need to be integrated into my costume. Yeesh. Feel better, you guys!!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

Ooooh, con crud. That's never fun. One of my friends always comes down with it after Metrocon, and that plus post-con depression means that everyone is in for a miserable week. Worth it though.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSiddy

Conventions don't exist for the benefit of the people attending them. They are organized by the micro-organisms that wish to meet other hosts, transfer, and reproduce in vast abundance, and then spread back across the country again.

This is also the reason why colleges have fall, winter, and spring break.

And that, my children, is the role of biology in society.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Not sure what a cherry tree, a very tall one at that, and an upside down lollipop have to do with getting well, but at least the sentiment is spelled correctly.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

There's always that fear of Con Crud that you get. Get well soon Jen.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Jen, feel better soon! John, I hope you’re not succumbing (but if you are, feel better soon!)

Sung to “Fever”

Never want to get the Con Crud
It’s a hazard of going there
When Boba Fett sneezes on you
You get a fever right then and there

Jen has a fever
And we’ll miss her
John will have to do the post write
Hey John!
Just a warning
(“Whining” comments might not be bright…)

Sick dog cake in the morning
Putrid golf ball cake when it’s night
Even when his wife has Con Crud
John still finds a way to do the blog right

Jen has a fever
And we miss her
Now John’s starting not to feel right
Hey there!
Tonks and Lily
Call number 1, because she’s writing tonight

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Happy Thanksgiving!

I can't help it. That did bears an uncanny resemblance to the horrifying "turkeys" we see here...

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

Khereva, microbes are quite sneaky ;) Sharyn XDXDXD

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Is Jackson the birthday dog's name or some poor kid that got given that questionable cake? Is it cake? Why does it look not frosted but over-baked...or has it a nasty case of mange, which is also caused by a parasitic bug....
Sorry to hear Jen's sick - I would have thought with that mask on she would have been better protected against the lurgy. Get well soon!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

I got swine flu from Dragon*Con about 3 or 4 years ago or so when it was running rampant. After that, I doubled up on vitamins, took about 4 doses of Airborne a day while I was there, and always kept an ample supply of hand sanitizer with me at all times. Never had a problem since :)

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

I wonder how old Jackson is now, and if he's still in therapy...

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

@Sharyn -- absolutely and completely. Yes.

Now John, the proper way to take care of your wife is to do the following: keep her diet coke and ice water filled. Bring her tissues when necessary (the good kind with the lotion). Give her cough medicine and sore throat medicine as required. Change the sheets daily. Help her to shower daily. Make sure she has lots of soup should she want it. Get her a warm mist machine so that she doesn't have dry throat or nose syndrome. Go out and get her new slippers and a very soft robe. New books, either downloaded or hard copy are good. Cheap magazines are good as well. And most of all, stop looking at her like that! Get your butt into the kitchen and bake her a decent cake!


And remember to take care of yourself too. There are a lot of us who remember too well when John was in the hospital because he didn't take care of himself. Don't do that to us again, ok?

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeesMom

Hey John and Jen!

My hubby is living proof that you don't have to go to a con to get the crud! And over Labor Day weekend, of course!

Gads, John, that dog cake is as terrifying as Stephen King's "Cujo"! But maybe the fact that it already looks gross means it won't frighten the kids as much when it's cut.

Hint from a friend of mine...........never make a red velvet Winnie the Pooh cake and cut it in the presence of children.

And Sharyn, thank you for the awesome belly laughs! (S.W.A.K.)

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercrownring

Oh, Shih Tzu, Jen’s sicker than a dog??? That’s a sad tail. Nothing worse than being Hounded by an illness. Well, just paws for a while and take time to recover! John (thoj), find a comfortable place for her and Setter down and wrap her in an Afghan. Don’t forget the tissues in case she Spitz. If you need food, order take-out – simply tell ‘em to Boxer up to go. And Jen – don’t try to talk, just use a notepad and a Shar Pei, or your Pointer finger. Being sick is not fun, but we know you can Whippet! Wishing you a speedy recovery – fleas, fleas get well soon!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

The Dragon-Con Crud, huh? Are you sure its not a result of yesterday's extended run of bakery porn? (Which was awesome, by the way.) Because then it might just be a simple yeast infection.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

Get better you guys! :/

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAdorablyDead

Oh, the dreaded Con Crud. It spreads itself around the whole city after a while. Hope you had fun, despite the Crud, in our wonderful city. Love your posts. Check them every day.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercakegirl

Happy birthday, Jackson! We all know how much you loved Old Blue and you've been asking why you haven't seen him lately. Well, now since you're a big boy of 8, we though we would tell you we had to put Old Blue out of his misery. See this cake? Yeah, that's pretty much how he looked at the end. We though it would help you to understand that Old Blue is in a better place now.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Just when I think "What can Sharyn possibly come up with for this post?" she continues to amaze me. Well done, Sharyn! You are SO much more effective than antibiotics!

But that dog? Makes Cujo look healthy. And the golf tee lollipop things are so confusing, they are causing mental illness.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

"...sweating disease through their Superman tights" That. Is. Awesomeness wrapped in a rainbow. Love.

And now....a little rip off of Walking in L.A. by Missing Persons

Fall back as I pass out, try to focus my eyes
I will be curled up on a La-Z-Boy, sick
It must have been a Neimoidian Blight Beetle, man
Left me so weak I can hardly stand

Washin' at the Con
Washin' at the Con, nobody washes at the Con
Washin' at the Con
Washin' at the Con, nobody washes at the Con!

I don't know could've been the Jess Rabbit lady
Or just someone dressed like one of the Knights who say Ni
Geeky art pusher or maybe some Wookie
One thing's for sure, I feel like I'm gonna toss my cookies.

'Cause no washin' at the Con
Washin' at the Con, nobody's washin' at the Con
Washin' at the Con
Washin' at the Con, don't nobody wash at the Con*!

*The ideas and/or theories about Con-goers' hygene habits put forth in this song do not reflect the comment-poster's feelings on the matter. This song is put forth purely as "entertainment". All rights resereved. Void where prohibited. No refunds or exchanges. Please read responsibly.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I think the second cake means "Get well, SUCKER!" The first cake means that sometimes dogs feel poopy, too.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

Hey! I'm sick too! I'll consider this post dedicated to me. :-)

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSavannah

now I am afraid to go to comic my daughter and I would get con crud for sure! then we would need dogs that look like poo too!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlori

I think one of the few people to avoid con-crud would be OB-GYN Kenobi. After all, he does wear a surgical mask. Maybe next time Lady Vadore could wear a surgical mask under her normal mask. Or would that be too clautrophobic?

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkelticat

Good old Spot has smoked cigarillos since his teen months. Now he's got a scratchy bark and wheezes worse than a Boston Terrier. Poor old (lung) Spot. Here, pup, have a Fentanyl pop. Make you feel better in one seventh of no time. Sorry the pops are so ugly. Didn't want anyone thinking they were detergent packets and wasting good drugs on a load of underwear.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarkM

Hey Jen! Sorry I tried to get in touch with you before con but Twitter is being a butt about direct messages. Anyway! I saw Felicia Day on Saturday night at the Heroes and Villains Ball. I only had a moment with her but I did have to a chance to mention CW to her right after I gave her cupcakes :D (pro-tip, she likes vanilla on vanilla). She said she's seen the site and thinks it's cute, but that's about all we had time for. The girl is quite popular!

Anyway, I'd be more then happy to pass anything along to her next year (assuming I'm still working the MMO track). Get well soon! Myself and nearly half of my friends list is sick. Ugh!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermorganskye

@Sharyn ~ Great job as usual!
@Mel ~ That was just awesome!!!
@John ~ Thanks for stepping up to the plate!
Feel better Jen! I didn't go to any*Con but got sick over the weekend as well. **cough cough** Makes answering the phone an adventure for sure!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Yikes! We love you! Get well, soon, and take a break if you need it! Looking at nauseating cakes is certainly not the way to cure a fever lol

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

so sorry jen's sick. you never know what's going to happen with a crowd of people. feel better (we put red hot/fresh salsa in vodka with lemon juice and honey in a shot glass and drink it down, does wonders on the throat)

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterallie

I brought the Con Crud home with me too. Glad I didn't have to work today. One of these days I will find you there!!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterev

have to say I went to Dragon*con with a mate and we fine, yay!!!

Just going to get enjoy the cool when I get back to England on Frday, hmmm

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermellonmarshall

Mmm...flayed dog cake. Hope they remembered the strawberry filling!

Seriously, gross. It really does resemble a deep-fried turkey.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercal

@mel -- You've unleashed your wit today! (Your comments are really going to the dogs... I liked the Shar Pei part the best.) Brilliant, as usual -- that's why you're the leader of the pack. One question: Do you have liability insurance? I'm afraid someone's going to read your comments, laugh until they cry, then slip in a poodle.
@Andrea -- Wow!
@Savannah -- get well soon!
@kelticat -- thanks for reminding me of OBI-GYN Kenobi!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I had the same thing last week into this one, and I never went near a con. Feeling better now. This too, shall pass. The bug, that is.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

As the owner of a currently sick dog, I can tell you what "sick as a dog" means to me. It means being awoken/signaled every half hour or so for the last 48 hours so we can go spend 20 minutes outside (which is playing havoc with my work and sleep schedule, lemme tell-ya! ) . And getting dirty looks from the neighbors because there is no way I can possibly rush over and pick up up what we are running outside to do with a little baggy. So after that 20 minutes, I take the dog back in, Head back out with a bucket full of water to try to appease the neighborhood gods, and .. ahme.. wash away the evidence. and then I come back in, and the dog has vomited on the floor.

So Is Jen sick as a (my) dog?

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndieTheHorrible

Sharyn, mel and Andrea make everything better! khereva was brilliant!

I was sick this weekend without attending a con and... so was my dog. they are indeed a pitiful sight and he wouldn't eat so we couldn't sneak his allergy meds in (yes, my dog has allergies just like me). somehow, my cat was never half as pathetic when she was sick.

Be well, you two!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Rats! I got con crud without the con! That is so not fair. Get well soon Jen, I know that since John (thoj) is such an awesome husband hat he is taking good care of you. No matter what he tries to make us believe. I still want to be you when I grow up, but you'll have to keep John, I have my own awesome hubby!!

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAuntmommie

@Barbara Anne -- I hope you and the dog feel better soon. Be careful if you both end up on meds. I once took the cat's antidepressant instead of my amoxicillan. (I was tired -- fortunately not too tired to realize it before I gave the cat MY pill.) No major side effects -- my tail got a bit pouffy, though...

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

That poor dog cake looks like it's melting lol. I hope Jackson wasn't haunted by the cake. I know I would be. It sort of reminds me of Cujo without the rabies..just really creepy.

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

"Actually, I've never seen a sick dog at all."
One time, our dogs got out of the yard and went on an adventure before being caught by the pound. By the time we bailed them out and brought them home, they'd caught kennel cough. Both dogs were miserable for about two weeks. The most pathetic was "Sarge," who was a Corgi mix. Whenever he'd sneeze, he slammed his nose into the floor. It was really pathetic.

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWill

I think that cake might be a real dog covered in icing.


September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

@Sharyn -- you are the paceSetter... again you are too kind...and yes, I do have liability insurance for that kind of incident -- it's part of my Blue Paws policy...I think it's in the Dog and Cat-astrophe section....
@Barbara Anne -- hope your feelin' better soon!
@Jodee in WA: thanks!
@Andrea: you're on a roll!

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

I don't know about sick dogs, but I have a 9-yr old who's been tossing his peas (he doesn't eat cookies [or cake, which would make me question his parentage, but I confirm his delivery]) all night. No fun for anyone. Here's to a healthier day!

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

I too attended Dragon*Con. I too had a fantastic time! I too am suffering from the dreaded "Con-Crud"
Get well soon.

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMNS25

Sharyn, that is fantastic! :) love it!!

Jen, our glorious geek girl leader- get well! John- per usual you're the best and put other guys to shame. :)

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuper Red

I just wanna know why the dog has a cigarette in its mouth....

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBumblesnbees

@Sharyn- my grandfather and my cat were on the same medicine once and they were stored side-by-side in the fridge. His cost $110 and hers was $7. We told my grandfather that if he didn't get better we were gonna take him to the vet!

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

My husband came back from Dragon*Con sick too! He's currently lying next to me snoring. The only time he snores like this is when he's sick....He always takes Airborne before going to D*Con, but I guess this year it didn't work.

September 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Lee

That dog cake looks like the Montauk Monster!

September 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen

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