My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

"Morning People" Need Not Apply

Shhhhh! NOT SO LOUD with the breathing and the clicking with the mouse and whatnot, ok? Geez.

Now, if you'll kindly take your extra-strength cups of coffee and scroll quietly this way, I've prepared a little photo montage that I think perfectly captures our collective New Year's morning experience:



Also, I'm sure some of your evenings last night included a bunch of these:

Although whether those are exploding champagne bottles, firecrackers, or phalluses is anyone's guess.


Still, don't worry; we're going to get through this together if you remember one important safety tip: if and when you start to see something like this floating in your peripheral vision: sure to tell someone.


Not me, though; I'm going to be too busy lying on the couch over here with a pillow on my face.

(Confession: I didn't actually drink anything last night. It's just nine o'clock in the morning, and I'm a blogger. Ug. Wake me when it's noon, ok?)


Oh, and this baker would like to wish someone named Mary a happy new year:

So I guess the rest of us are out of luck.



Thanks to Elizabeth, Caitlin C., Tara C., Kate H., Alison C., & Sarah J., for ringing in the new year the best way possible: metaphorically.

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Reader Comments (35)

Sung to the theme from "The Big Bang Theory"

That poor, dead pink elephant does not look great
And I'd spend 40 million bucks or so to avoid vomit cake
Those bloodshot eyes are cool
Looks like your hangover is cruel
And I guess "phallus" as rule
You drank it all (Oh, yes, you clearly did)
Pach-y-derm, ChristMary
Your New Year's Eve is history
You ended the year with big bang. BANG!

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Re: Cake # 4: My evening last night did include a bunch of those. We tried smacking them with a newspaper and wacking them with a broom, but they just wouldn't die. We finally had to sell our house and move into a motel. It was a really busy night.
Happy 2013!

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Oh, the cupcakes have hydra on them!

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBridget

Hey, man, could you stop pouring that coffee so loud... an' stop the cat from stomping around like that...?

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMike Flugennock

Augh I feel like cakes 1-3 and I didn't drink anything at all last night. I however did pick up some stomach flu(don't aske me how) so thank you for brightening my morning Jen.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaria

Hydra- very appropriate for New Years -

According to Wikipedia (which is always right) -Biologists are especially interested in Hydra (as) they appear not to age or to die of old age.

Works for me. Happy 2013 and thanks for a great wrecky year.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

*oh!* those are exploding erlenmeyer flasks and beakers and things. better not let that baker near a chemistry lab...

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterghoti

@ Bridget - You mean hydras (might also be hydrae but could not confirm)). As in the zombie hydras that attacked SuBee's home & forced her to move to a motel. Zombie 'cause hydras are normally green whereas these are a dead brown color. And hydras were recently theorized to be effectively immortal, which sounds pretty zombie-like to me.

I vote that we all party @ SuBee's next year. Sounds like a happening, Cake Wrecky-kinda place... :-)

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Bob? How to say this . . .
You've got cloud on your face,
a bow on your toupee.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

The first pink elephant cake is adorable! The less said about cake #2 the better. I especially love how pink elephant #2 has a sweet, girly little bow in it's hair!

Happy 2013! Now if you'll excuse me, I'll crawl back to my temporary bed on the bathroom floor :S

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRockLobster

The giant frowny face had me giggling like mad... That would SO have been me if anyone had dared wake me before noon (seeing as I got to bed somewhere around 4 am).
Didn't see any pink elephants last night though, so I think I'm good.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I couldn't help reading that first line in the voice of Mr. Director from Animaniacs. Anyone else?

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKim

The passed out elephant has me laughing .. Scared the cat.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpeg

Bravo, Sharyn! Now everytime I watch that show instead of "We built the pyramids" I'll be hearing "Oh, yes, you clearly did".... Last night, for the first time my nine-almost-ten-year-old daughter managed to make it to the ball drop. She was thrilled. She also took the place of my hubby, who was snoring in the next room. Danced better than him, too. But I could've lived without "Austin & Jessie & Ally's New Year". Disney will not be denied!

Happy 2013, everyone!

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Cake #3 is completely and totally how I feel about today.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLiz S

I'm so glad several of you pointed out the pink elephant--my screen is so small and my eyes are so aged that I thought they were partially melted Peeps. I can rest easier knowing no Peeps were harmed to start off the new year.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

It took me a couple of minutes to figure out that cake #1 had a dead pink elephant on it. In my groggy state the feet looked like Peeps with 3 eyes. I still don't know what cake #5 is supposed to be.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJanM

Sharyn and Haiku joy thanks for the 2013 giggles as for those cakes all I can say is :/

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Maria and I seem to have the same issue. Staying in bed eating crackers. Not a drop of alcohol last night, REALLY?! Anyway, does anyone else think cake #3 resembles Mr. Bill?

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

#2 (HA!) Is why I stopped babysitting kids who wore diapers when I was 13- I was smart for my age.

Was asleep before midnight and didn't get woken up this morning until 930am. WOW what a way to start a day off from work. :D I did have rum in my nog last night and I'm not supposed to drink (it was under a tablespoon and I haven't done that in a decade- so back off, will ya?). I think it impacted by Uno playing...

the pink elephant cake is cute until I realized it was Pepto pink. ugh.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

*yawns, looks at the clock* hrm 4 PM ... guess I should get up now. Cake #2 is about how I feel

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Bridget is right - the cupcakes have hydra on them. Must be for a biology department New Years party, or maybe a custom order for the Scripps School of Oceanography.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTXRed

Sooo.... What do pink elephants see when they’re hallucinating?

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSandi

to everyone feeling like this although not drinking alcohol: i'm right there with you! i didn't even want to stay up until midnight, but my sore throat is so bad that i keep waking myself up with the pain i feel each time i swallow. and that is AFTER painkillers. i hate winter.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlcp

Specifically, that last wreck was for MaryX, and the wreckerator wanted to wish her not just a HAPPY New Year, but a MAS Happy New Year.

MaryX must be Hispanic.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBadKarma

@lcp - I feel your pain - I *HATE* a nighttime sore throat more than anything. Chloroseptic, NyQuil, and general pain-killers are your friends. If you're the anti-drug type, try a teaspoon (~5ml) of honey for quick relief. Throat Coat Tea by Traditional Medicinals (with lots of lemon juice & honey) is also helpful, but drugs are the *best*. Vitamin C & vitamin D can help it go away faster, too.

So, do you look more like cake #1 or cake #3? ;-) (Get well soon!)

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Wonders what on earth killed the elephant on that first cake. Either it drank too much or just died from the thought of being wrecked again on cake lol. Welcome to 2013 I can't wait to see what the wreckerators have in store.

January 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Hydras...Erlenmeyer flasks and test tubes....or exploding light bulbs? Whatever they are, it sounds like a pretty awesome science class.

January 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

Two bottles of moscato on NYE and I am FRESH!
So fresh that I went swimsuit shopping and then water-sliding.
Don't know what the rest of you are talking about.
Those cakes were so mesmerisingly awful that I forgot to read the comments that went with them - is the last cake meant to be Santa, but a younger version?

January 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKat

@KarateLady - thank you. about the drugs: i can take ibuprofen but that's about it since i'm nursing my six-week-old baby boy. usually i would take every pill in the book to make the pain go away (i'm a whimp like that), but right now that's not an option. was at the doctors today, strep test was negative which is a relief, but it still hurts. as i'm writing this i'm sucking on a honey spoon :)

oh, and since i don't wear eyeliner and lipstick when i'm sick i'm more like cake one. dead elephant feels about right :)

January 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLcP

I quite like pink elephant #1. It is a painfully bright pink, but that seems appropriate.

January 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

So glad y celebration was quiet. I stayed up late re-watching Grey's Anatomy. I miss George and Izzy :(

Hope everyone has recovered today!

January 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

I received two different Christmas cards this year with a hand-written "Marry" or "Mary" Christmas. Two. I don't think I've ever received one in the past 30+ years of sending and receiving holiday cards, and to get two in the same week blew me away.

January 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDD

the Third cake looks like "Mr. BIll" after "Mr. Hands" has destroyed Spot. Ohhhh nooooo!!!!!

January 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJamie Jo

Last cake: what superlative laziness! Don't know how to spell Christmas or it's just too long to fit? (Obvsly this person can't spell anyway) Just go with the Christian-banned & much loathed "Xmas". I also recv'd a "Marry" Christmas card this yr., from someone who knows better. Maybe a pre-holiday punishment was to make the kids write the cards? And never thought I'd see such a wrecked "Grumpy Cat" cake ;)

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSkitmom

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