October is Positive Attitude Month!
And today is Vodka Day!!
So let's do a little experiment: let's see if vodka makes you more positive about bad cakes.
Fortunately Jen, who has a tolerance only slightly lower than your average Mennonite squirrel, has agreed to be our test subject.
Test Subject response after 2 sips of vodka:
"Ug. It's so... spurty. With the spurty bits on the sides. Spurty. Spuuurty. Spurty's a funny word, don't you think?" [peering into glass] "Can I have more of that raspberry stuff in this?"
Test Subject response after half a shot:
"Looks like a moldy glass of Guiness. GUINNESS GRACIOUS!! Ha! Ha! Ok." [staggering upright]
"Time to dance."
Test Subject after one full shot:
"YOU HAVE ANGERED THE TIKI GODS. Now we must sing.
[singing] "Said you like piña coloNICS!! Fungus cakes in the rain! If you're not into yoGURT!" [crawling towards living room] "I'mma... I'mma go pet the cats."
Test Subject response after 2 shots:
[flat on back, eyes closed] "... so I says to the guy, I says, "I know floral foam when I see it, man! I wrote a friggin' book!"
Test Subject response after 2 shots and five minutes:
[sound of running feet]
[bathroom door slamming]
Conclusion: While we need more data to determine the effect of vodka on positive attitudes, we can definitively conclude that Jen's attitude toward vodka has become slightly more negative. And also that we should probably bring her a moist towelette.
Thanks to Sarah L., Alison D., Rebecca B., Stephanie, and Wesa A. for the unwelcome knowledge that placenta cakes are a thing. URP.